This is exactly how it should be
by Nr.Six
Summary: Gillian is in trouble... Rated T for some mild violence.. Cal get's in trouble too and they have to race against the clock... Will they be in time before awful things will happen? This happens after the episode FOLD EQUITY! Has romance in it too!
1. Chapter 1

'So here you are.' A strong male voice said next to her.

Gillian looked up and saw Ben. She was too tired to smile so she nodded slightly at him. Her lips trembled for the slightest second before she masked it.

She had left as fast as her legs could carry her after Cal had put gambled with the one million of their money. On her way out of the casino she had run into a confused Ben who had come to look for her. She opened her mouth to explain, to talk but then found that no word could leave her lips, she was too confused, too panicked. Emotions were running through her like a whirlwind, thoughts were crushing her head and giving her a headache, anger was clenching her stomach in a tight grip. All she could do was look back at the casino table Cal was still standing behind and that told Ben enough. She saw something dawn on him.

'Sorry.' Had been her muffled reply to him as she touched his chest. 'I'm sorry, I can't… Can't go out tonight.' She managed to say with much trouble. _She just wanted to disappear_. _Instantly. She needed to be alone, right now, to calm down._

She left the moment he nodded and she saw understanding in his dark eyes. She walked away and didn't even know where she was heading, she just wanted to be as far away as possible. She felt hurt, betrayed, angry, sad… It took her breath away, fogged up her mind. And she didn't know how to handle this right now. And that's why she had to be alone.

And now she was here. In the hotel bar. Staring at a glass of brandy. It warmed her belly, it made her numb. That's just what she needed this evening. Numbness, not thinking of anything, not feeling anything except for the misery she felt that wouldn't leave her no matter how much she drank.

'Give me what the lady's having.' She heard Ben ask the waiter as he climbed on the bar stool next to her.

'So, I saw Lightman.' Ben began slowly. He studied her. He didn't know Gillian that long, or very well, but he had never seen her like this. So numb and tired, she almost looked beaten. Her eyes looked foggy and watery. The usual energy and radiance she had around her was gone. He sighed inwardly. He didn't like seeing her like this.

'Then that makes two of us.' Gillian said as she raised her glass and clinked it with his. 'What shall we toast on? The downfall of our company?' She suggested sarcastically.

_Sarcasm didn't become her_, he thought. He shook his head sadly. 'I think he won.' Ben said as he watched Gillian take a few large gulps of the heavy alcohol.

'That's nice for him.' She said not sounding interested in the least.

Ben stared at his glass as he turned it around and around. 'I can understand that you're angry. One million is a lot… To gamble with.'

Gillian gave him a look and he noticed how a stray lock of her hair left her ear and covered her face. She looked ragged. He could have never imagined that Gillian could look ragged.

_She seemed so strong otherwise, she was a smart woman who knew how to handle things. But somewhere he felt that Cal really had the power to make her like this. He got to her like others couldn't. And he sometimes hated Cal for that. He hated Cal for that right now. The man that was partying right now 'embracing Vegas' while she was here, obviously hurting by something he had done again. _

'Well what can I say? Maybe I'm just too neat, too serious and boring? Maybe I don't know how to have a good time. Maybe I should embrace Vegas just like you said.' She put down her glass and turned towards him on her bar stool. 'What do you think Ben?' She asked as she eyed him with a glint of anger. 'Should I have embraced Vegas this time?' She challenged.

He shook his head softly. _No, not like this_. 'That's not what I meant with embracing Vegas.' Ben said softly.

'That's what **I** meant with embracing Vegas. Don't you think I've embraced Vegas before Ben? Do you really think I am that naïve? I tried to keep Cal away from all this..' She gestured around her. 'For a reason. Not just to smother or mother him like he so fondly accuses me off.' She snapped.

He saw something else in Gillian he'd never seen before, it was bitterness. Ben sighed.

'I'm sorry.' _He felt for her, he really did. She obviously had a long history with Cal. She probably knew what she was talking about very well, even though she had drunk probably a lot already._ He eyed her glass shortly.

She laughed shortly. 'For what? You have nothing to do with this. But somehow, I always find myself in the middle of something like this. And I feel things I don't want to feel.' She looked up at him again. _O yes she had been fighting many feelings for a long time. Always when she was around Cal. That's what he did to her. Or as the psychiatrist she was: that was what she did to herself. And it weren't just good feelings she had to fight. No, it were the ugly ones, the painful ones that tore at her. That made her feel insecure, that made her doubt herself. _

'I just want to feel steady for a change. I don't want to be thrown from emotion to emotion anymore. I am sick of it. I really am.' She snapped angrily. 'I am not going to wallow here about it.' She slowly came off the bar stool as she fumbled with a jacket. 'This is between Cal and me. I don't want to bother you with it.' _This wasn't his problem. And talking about Cal and her problems behind his back didn't feel right. He didn't deserve that, not even now. No, she would tell him her opinion very soon, he could count on that. He had pushed it over the limit this time. Way too far._

'Gillian, let me take you to your room.' Ben offered worried.

'I'm fine Ben.' Gillian said as she managed to smile. 'I'm a big girl.' She assured him as she put on her coat over her dress.

He raised an eyebrow. 'You sure? Cuz you're putting on my jacket.'

'Ow.' Gillian said as she looked down and recognised Ben's blazer. She had forgotten that she hadn't worn a jacket.

'At least I'm not undressing myself.' She said as she smiled slightly and took off his blazer. She had heard many stories of people who were drunk and began to undress themselves.

'No, thank god.' She heard Ben say relieved.

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows and surprise in her eyes.

'O, I don't mean that you're not- I mean you are attractive, but I meant that well, if you would go undressing yourself… I… Well, it-'

She put her hand on his arm. 'It's okay Ben. Sleep well.' She said with a warm smile.

_She had this power to make him feel clumsy and stupid at the same time, a__nd she probably didn't even know it_. He thought as he noticed that the smile didn't reach her eyes. He nodded sadly. 'You too Gillian. You too.' He said as he watched her leave. She was walking slowly and she seemed very tired and not too well on her feet, but she wasn't that far off that he had to worry about her not finding her room again. He sighed as he rubbed his forehead. _That damn Lightman!_

Gillian got herself in the elevator and looked in her purse for her keys.

'Did you lose something?' A male voice asked.

Gillian looked up in surprise. She had drank a little too much and hadn't even been aware of another presence in the elevator. 'O, no.' She mumbled. The elevator was spinning a bit. She would be glad if she would be able to drop herself on her bed and then sleep right through the night. She fumbled through her bag. _What was in there? She didn't even remember putting half of it in there. Why did these bags have to be so small and still if you had to find something they looked so immensely large? _

'Can I help you?' The man asked.

Gillian looked up from her purse again. 'No, thanks, I have it right here.' She said as she showed him the key that she finally found. He smiled at her and she felt something in the pit of her stomach. It didn't feel right. She was too tired and tipsy to think further about this.

'No, I think I'd better help you mam, you don't look all too well.' The man insisted as he stepped towards her.

'I'm fine.' She assured him in slight surprise. _Hadn't he just heard her?_

He studied her eyes shortly. 'Yes you do seem fine.' He looked her up and down. 'Let's change that shall we?'

Before she could register the double meaning in his voice, the tones that registered in her brains before alarm bells could start ringing in the back of her mind something hard collided with her nose. She felt how her head slammed into the elevator wall as she began to register that he had just hit her. At the same time her knees buckled as she slid down the wall towards the ground. Pain began to ran through her head as her hand went to her nose to register the red colour of blood on her hands. Wetness under her nose, she could feel it on her skin. It felt so weird. She looked up with big eyes at the man. _Why? How? He just hit me…_ Everything went so slow in her mind, it was like she wasn't here herself.

'It's okay mam. I'll help you.' The man said friendly as he pulled her up with no effort what so ever and threw her into the other wall. Her face collided with the hard metal again and she managed to stay on her feet and turn around to receive another blow to her face. She groaned in pain this time as she fell to the ground. Pain shot through her knees when her bare skin collided with the hard floor.

'You really should take better care of yourself. Didn't anyone ever tell you that? Here, here.' The friendly voice said as she got a white cloth in her face, it pushed against her wounded face. She wanted to breath but the moment she registered the foul and intense smell that was put on there she knew she shouldn't but it was too late. She wanted to struggle but her eyes began to close.

'Is she okay?' A worried woman asked when the elevator doors opened.

The man nodded and smiled friendly. 'Yes, she just had a little bit too much to drink. You know how it goes…' He said as he took her by her waist and put her arm around his shoulders and dragged her with him. His other hand still held the handkerchief in her face.

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Well I hope you liked it! It's totally different from my 'warmth' stories but I like other genres too! Please let me know what you think and if I should continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm glad you like the story. Here's the second chapter...

**The Airplane**

Cal stared out of the window from the airplane into nothingness it seemed. He had woken up with a severe headache from last night and he had packed his things while feeling like a zombie as he tried not to think of facing Gillian. When he met Reynolds in the lobby it seemed that there was no need to think about Gillian because she had taken an early flight and had left without them. Cal had just stared with open mouth at Reynolds when he showed him the note she had left him last night. Maybe he had pushed it too far this time. _Why would she go on her own?_ He had been sure that she had come to talk about things. A talk he was dreading, also because he hated talks like that. He hated facing her after an arguement, seeing all these emotions in her eyes, in her face, in her posture. But he knew that he had to face her, sooner or later. She was his business partner after all. And even if she weren't, and she just was his friend it still wouldn't feel good to avoid her. His lip twitched as he had looked away from Reynolds. He stared at the white wall in the hotel lobby. _What did this mean really? Gillian wouldn't just leave would she? This wasn't like her? _He tried to imagine the state she was in last night. He tried to find an answer for her behaviour. It wasn't like her to run away. Not like this, not from a confrontation. They had had many already. _What made this one so different? _

_He wanted to know why. Why just leave like that? _He stared at Reynolds shortly, maybe he knew. But when he looked in the dark eyes of the man opposite him, he decided to say nothing, to play stoic. He'd talk to her when they were home. He'd say his mind then.

She had made her choice, she had chosen to create space and now she had it. If this felt good for her, then that was her thing. He felt anger rising up inside himself as he took his suitcase and headed with big paces towards the cab without giving Reynolds one more look. He was angry that she made such a big point of all of this. That she couldn't even share a plane with him. That she had sent some stupid note to Reynolds, not even to him.

Cal looked up from the window as Reynolds came towards him.

'She isn't taking up her mobile.' Reynolds said as he dropped into the chair in front of Cal.

Cal looked at Reynolds with a tired look. 'I know, I already tried five times.' He narrowed his eyes. He knew Gillian was sensitive, sometimes a bit too sensitive for his liking. Not that he'd mind but he just didn't want her to get hurt, if she was a little less sensitive sometimes that might help. But on the other hand, that was who she was. That made Gillian Gillian. And he liked Gillian. Sensitivity and all the quirky things she had, did and were her. He didn't like the smothering but in the end he understood. That's just what she did when she worried. She worried for him. The woman was just too caring and sweet sometimes, even when it wasn't needed. Not by him anyway.

Reynolds shook his head. 'This isn't like Gillian is it?' He asked worried. He just couldn't believe that she had left already and had left nothing more then a short note.

Cal looked out the window again.

'She was very angry last evening.' Reynolds said as he eyed Cal angrily.

'So?' Cal said as he looked back at Reynolds with a daring glint in his eyes.

'So?' Reynolds parroted annoyed. 'It was because of you.' He shot at Cal in the most calm tone he could muster. _There had to be a reason that his other boss took the plain in the middle of the night just to not travel together with them. He had seen how affected she had been by Cal's actions yesterday._

'That's between me and her.' Cal snapped as he shrugged.

Reynolds shook his head. 'Yeah that's easy right?'

'Why would that be easy?' Cal asked with venom in his voice.

'Because she is just so soft on you. You know she is too sweet to be really angry with you. She let's you waltz over her over and over again.' Reynolds shook his head. 'God knows why, cause I really wonder about that!'

Cal slumped back in his chair nonchalantly and studied Reynolds like he was one of his cases. He showed no emotion what so ever. 'Worried about Foster are you?'

'Yeah I sure as hell am. You have a knack of treatin' her as shit. She doesn't deserve that. I haven't met many woman like her that are so sweet, warm and forgiving. Why can't you just see that?'

'Are you done now?' Cal snapped.

'She deserves better.' Ben said as he stood up and shook his head annoyed. 'Now I'm done.' He said as he walked to the other side of the plain to go and sit there and stare out the window.

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Well, that was a bit short but I felt this was the ending of a chapter so... Hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think?


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your reviews! They make me so happy and really help me too!

**Chapter 3**

Gillian opened her eyes and coughed wildly instantly. The stench was unbearable. It penetrated her nose and made her want to throw up. Her face hurt, and so did her ribs and arms. She straightened herself slowly but fell backwords when she slipped off something she couldn't see. It was too dark to see anything clearly. She looked around her. _Calm down, calm down, everything will be all right_. She told herself_. All would be well and IEWWW! What was that??!!!! _She felt something beneath her and next to her. It was slippery and it moved and ran over her arm. She touched it with her hand and screamed in shock when she noticed it was something that moved. She tried to get to the wall as something cut through her flesh. She screamed again as she cradled her arm to her chest, she could feel blood oozing from the wound now.

**Lightman Group**

Cal inhaled deeply as he walked through the lobby towards Gillian's office. She would be sitting there, in her chair, leaning over documents, or staring at her computer. When he would walk in she would look up, her face would show slight surprise at his irritated expression and she would tilt her head to study him shortly. There would probably be anger on her face too.

Cal opened the glass door and froze in his steps. _Nothing. No one._

Her office was empty. The chair where she had to sit at right now was empty, the computer was turned off, there were no documents, no nothing.

He walked over to her desk. Everything seemed like it hadn't been touched for days. He looked around him. _Where was she?_ He turned around and marched out of the office angrily. Cal still felt sore from the plain flight this morning so his patience was wearing thin. _He didn't know Gillian like this, what was she doing?! This wasn't like her. Even if she was pushed too far, she would have let something know, wouldn't she? Or maybe she was at home still sleeping. _

'Where is doctor Foster?' Cal asked Heidi.

Heidi just looked at him with a quizzical look on her face. 'I..' She frowned her brows in confusion. 'I thought she was with you doctor Lightman.'

Cal licked his lips as he turned around and rubbed his forehead. 'She hasn't been in at all?' Cal asked just to be sure as he turned around towards Heidi again.

Heidi shook her head. 'No, I am sorry.'

_Great. This is just great_. Cal thought angrily. _If this was all because of what had happened, it wasn't right. She should be here. She belonged here. He didn't like missing her. Maybe she wanted to give up her partnership. She couldn't. She belonged here. This was her place. _

'Where's Foster?' Cal snapped as he left her office and ran into Loker.

'Hello to you too.' Loker said as he eyed Cal and noticed dark lines around his eyes.

'Foster! Where is she?!' Cal snapped out of patience. He pushed all the thoughts in his mind away because they wouldn't bring him any further right now. But he just wanted answers right now.

**Somewhere....**

Gillian slipped and fell from the dumpster onto the hard ground. Pain shot through her knees when her soft skin connected with the hard and cold concrete. She pushed herself up on her hands and had to lean against the dumpster for a moment to stop the dizziness that threatened to take her over. She touched her lip and nose and looked at the blood on her fingers.

_What had happened?_ Someone had put her in a dumpster. She felt awful. And she probably looked horrible, not only was she bleeding and wounded, she was covered in dirt and she probably smelled like the dumpster too. She looked around her and recognised the alley instantly. It was the one next to the hotel they were in. _Where were Cal and Ben?_ She looked at her feet. Her shoes were gone. The elevator. She remembered the man that had hit her. _Why? What had he done to her?_ A feeling of dread spread through her instantly. _Keep it together Gillian, there's no use for panic now. First get yourself somewhere safe. _

Her finger felt her lip again and she twitched instantly. It felt swollen and bruised.

**Hotel, Vegas**

'Mam, can I help you?' The receptionist asked with big eyes as she saw Gillian walking in. She looked Gillian up and down with disapproval written over her features.

'Yes, I need my keys please.' Gillian asked as she leaned heavily on the desk. She tried to ignore the looks she was getting from everyone. _Her dress was torn and it didn't cover very much anymore, and for the rest, she looked like a homeless person or maybe even, -God forbid-, like a hooker who had taken a beating. No, let's stay with homeless person. No, let's stay with robbed person because I am. _She convinced herself.

The receptionist eyed her. 'Are you all right mam?' She asked as she looked at the bruises and wounds on Gillian's arms and in her face.

'No, I'm not.' Gillian shook her head. _The words I'm fine, the ones she usually used when she wasn't fine at all didn't even come up in her mind. Because now, she really WASN'T fine. _

'I just need to change into something else before I can think clearly.' Gillian explained.

The receptionist nodded as she gave Gillian a paranoid look. 'You're name please?' She asked in a formal tone

'Gillian Foster.'

'I am sorry, doctor Foster checked out last night.' The receptionist said confused as she studied Gillian with a frown on her face.

Gillian narrowed her eyes. _The woman doesn't believe that I am Gillian Foster. Great. She had never had to convince someone that she was infact herself._ She sighed. 'What about Cal Lightman or Ben Reynolds?' _Stay calm, stay calm. Being calm will get you anywhere, being panicked will get me nowhere. _

The receptionist typed something in and narrowed her eyes. 'They left this morning.'

'What?!' Gillian spat out in shock, forgetting all about her being calm and needing to stay calm. There was no calm left in her anymore. _They left?! They just left? Without her? What was going on?!_ Gillian stared at the woman in front of her with shock in her eyes.

'Can I do something for you mam?'

She opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't for a moment. 'I… I need a phone. No, wait..' _She needed her things_. 'My room, my things. I was in room 216.'

'I am sorry but there are other people in that room now.'

'But… But all my things.' Gillian said surprised as shock was written all over her face. _This got more and more confusing by the second. _

'The cleaners found nothing this morning.' The receptionist said with a straight face. Her tone sounded bored.

'I am really going to need that phone now. Can I take another room please?'

'Certainly mam. Do you have any ID on you.'

'ID?' Gillian asked with slight anger in her voice. She gestured towards her torn dress. 'I have nothing on me obviously. Make it over to Doctor Lightman's check.'

'I am sorry mam, I can't just do that.'

Gillian put up her hands. 'Let me talk to Mr Ellis please.' She said, he had hired them for the last case. Surely he would know who she was.

'Mam, I think you should go and see a doctor. I am really sorry mam but we get people like you all the time at this desk. I need some verification. I can't just let everybody in. This is a very high established hotel and…'

'Let me talk to Mr Ellis.' Gillian ordered as her nostrils flared. _She could understand that there was a lot of scum the receptionist probably had to deal with but she wasn't one of them!_

'Doctor Foster.' Ellis said shocked as he walked towards the desk. 'What happened?' He asked with big eyes.

Gillian gave the receptionist a short look. She saw the shame on the woman's face but gave her no further notice. She had enough on her mind already.

Gillian shook her head. 'I am not entirely sure. But I think I got robbed. I have nothing left and I just heard that Doctor Lightman and agent Reynolds already left this morning.'

Ellis narrowed his eyes. 'Come, I'll call a doctor to look at you while you can get other clothes.'

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Ahh poor Gillian, she really is in trouble and so is Cal! Hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think? That really makes me happy!!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi! Thanks so much for all the reviews, they really make me happy!!! So happy that I already posted the next chapter.

**Chapter 4**

'I'm so confused.' Gillian said as she placed her hand on her stomach as she followed Ellis towards his private office where he would have a doctor for her.

She looked up at him. 'My room is empty, your receptionist said that all my things are gone. I don't understand.' She shook her head_. She had to call Cal. There were so many things she had to do first._

'I have to call Cal first.' Gillian said.

'Maybe you should first let the doctor look at you.' Ellis proposed as he looked at the handkerchief he had borrowed her that was covered in blood now by the gash on her arm.

'No, I have to call him. I don't understand where he is, why he… I can't rest until I spoke to him.' She insisted.

Ellis studied her and then nodded.

**Gillian's House**

'Foster open up!' Cal barked at the door. He knocked again, hard this time. He was loosing his temper very fast now. He also felt slight panic which was building up fast now. And he wasn't one to panic quickly at all.

His phone rang.

'Lightman.' He barked into the phone as he went to a window and tried to peer through it. _Where was she?! He was worried sick. _

'Cal, it's me.'

His breathing hitched. 'Foster?!' He stood frozen to the ground. ' Where the bloody hell are you!' Cal snapped angrily.

'I am still in Vegas, somewhere I thought you would be too.' She ended the sentence with slight venom in her tone. 'And where are you?!' She asked surprised at his outburst.

_Vegas?!_ He swallowed in shock. _She was in Vegas?! It dawned on him that that meant that she never got on a plain at all. _

'I'm in front of your home.' Cal explained. He shook his head confused. 'What are you doing in Vegas?' He asked flabbergasted.

'My home?!' She asked hurt. 'And you didn't notice I wasn't around earlier?' She asked somewhat in a raw emotion he almost never heard from her.

Cal sighed inwardly. _Of course he noticed!_ _He always noticed when she wasn't around.._

'Cal! What happened? How could you… How could you just leave without **me**?' She asked in a high pitched voice.

'You sent us a note that you'd already left.' He explained as his brain started doing overwork about everything that had happened, had been said. _That note. Where did that come from? Reynolds. Where did he get it from? _

'A note?' She asked with disbelief in her voice. She was silent for a moment.

He could hit himself on the head.

'I thought you knew me better then that Cal.' She said in an accusing tone that sounded weak and tired.

Cal cleared his throat. 'You were angry.' He defended himself with a dry throat as he thought at the glare and hurt look she had given him at the gamble table in Vegas.

'Cal!' Gillian said angrily. 'You know me. I wouldn't do that.' She sighed to let go of tension she was feeling. 'I wouldn't just leave like that.' She explained again. 'I'm too tired now to talk about this any further.' _And too fed up with it,_ she thought chagrined. _And angry! She noticed that she was angry. And she was too tired to reign that anger and irritation in_.

'I don't like waking up in a dumpster covered in trash and RATS not because I slept, no because someone drugged me and beat me up, to find that ALL of my stuff is gone from MY room because DOCTOR FOSTER already checked out, while **I **am doctor Foster, not someone else, and on top of all that YOU and BEN are gone too. And where are you?! You're HOME, WITHOUT ME.' Gillian shouted.

_He'd never heard her this angry before. It made him feel sick. He almost had to throw up. And everything she said was right, he should have been there, Reynolds should have been there. _

_He wanted to say sorry but he just couldn't get it over his lips._

'You were robbed?' He asked instead. _Who had dared to rob her? Hurt her?!_ He tried to put a reign on the anger he was feeling.

He heard her sigh. He was deflecting and she knew it.

'Gillian, I'll make this up to you I promise.' He offered as softly and caring as he could.

'If in any way you ARE interested in where I am now.' She began sarcastic, she regretted it instantly, sarcasm didn't become her. 'I'm with Ellis.' Her tone was somewhat softer now. 'He helped me because I've got…, well.. Nothing,' She said in a small panicked tone. 'All my things are gone. Even my clothes.' She ended in a weak, high voice.

Cal narrowed his eyes. He _didn't understand what was going on._ His lip twitched. _This wasn't right. And he would get to the bottom of this as soon as possible. _

'Listen luv, we'll get to the bottom of this.' Cal promised.

'Yes.' Gillian said as she nodded. 'I need to clean up now. I'll take the next flight out of Vegas.' Her tone sounded abrupt.

'You do that and we'll talk about this okay? We'll figure out what happened 'kay?' He said trying to assure her.

'Yes.' Gillian agreed again as she nodded weakly. But it was more to convince him then herself, because right now, she couldn't think or rationalize anymore. She just felt bruised, broken and battered.

'You sure you're all right to fly back home?' Cal asked worried in a soft, low tone.

'Yes, I'll be fine.' Gillian assured him again.

Cal hung up and wanted to slam his phone into the wall. _Who had robbed Gillian!? Who dared to do something like that?! And who took all her things? Even from her hotel room? And who sent that note to Reynolds?_ He stalked off towards his car.

**Vegas**

'You've got three bruised ribs, I cleaned the cuts and this one really needed stitches. You'll be feeling sore for the coming days. They got you good.' The doctor said as she studied the swelling on Gillian's face.

After a while Ellis walked back in followed by two men.

'Thank you so much for your help.' Gillian said as she looked up at Ellis.

Ellis nodded. 'My pleasure. I'm sorry that this happened to you.'

Gillian nodded as she looked down at the doctor who was stitching the cut in her arm.

'Do you mind telling me what happened?' Ellis asked.

'Please look at the light.' The doctor said as she shone a small light in her eyes.

'Yes, I went to the elevator and this man, he just attacked me.'

Ellis sighed in anger. 'Jake.' Ellis commanded. The man that had been standing by the door walked towards him. 'Yes sir?'

'Pull the camera tape from last nights elevator, find the moment Doctor Foster went in there.'

Jake nodded.

'Do you remember anything after that?' Ellis asked.

Gillian shook her head.

'That looks fine.' The doctor said as she lowered the lamp.

'No, I think he drugged me, he put something against my nose and I lost consciousness. And before I know it I woke up in the dumpster next to your hotel.'

'We'll find out who did this, you can be sure of that.' Ellis promised her.

'Thank you.'

**Lightman Group**

'Ellis just found the video feed of the alley where Gillian woke up this morning. He already sent it through. And also the one from the elevator where she was attacked.' Loker said the moment Cal barged into the hallway.

Cal nodded as he made his way to the lab.

He was already staring at the large screen as Reynolds and Torres followed in behind him.

'Where were you?' Cal snapped at Reynolds.

Reynolds eyed him with slight anger. He didn't like to be treated that way by Cal. 'I checked the air schedules for when Gillian landed, but that obviously has no use now anymore.'

Cal had called them the moment he had spoken to Gillian and had told them everything. He didn't want to lose one second in this case. Case? He was surprised at his words. Yeah, case. It was a case now. And the people who were behind this had chosen the wrong woman to mess with. He'd almost never been this angry and on edge.

Cal turned away from him and stared at the large screen in front of him.

'Run it.' Cal ordered as his lips pulled up in frustration. He went to stand closer in front of the screen and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he placed his feet far from each other.

'He knows where the camera is.' Cal said as he only saw Gillian standing in the elevator, fumbling in her bag.

'That was right after she left the bar.' Reynolds explained.

Cal studied Gillian as she was probably looking for her key: knowing her._ She could be quite chaotic from time too time._ He narrowed his eyes when the man, who they could only see the back of his head from asked her if she needed help. And then suddenly, out of nothing his fist collided with her face sending her head against the elevator wall. The moment he hit her Cal's veins turned ice cold. He watched how astonishment, fear, hurt, shock and pain washed over Gillian's face all in seconds. She sank to the ground as blood oozed from her nose instantly. The way she looked up at her attacker the moment she seemed to realize he had given her a nose bleed almost broke Cal's heart. How her big blue eyes looked up at him with seemingly just one question: _why?_

'O my God.' Torres said behind him in shock.

Reynolds looked away from the screen the moment the man grabbed Gillian and slammed her into the other wall. Loker had to look away too but Cal kept his gaze on the screen as he clenched the fist the others couldn't see.

_That bloody man__ was using her as a punching bag. _Cal thought angrily.

Torres breathing hitched when Gillian's attacker put a white handkerchief in Gillian's face.

'Seems like he drugged her.' Cal mentioned as he tilted his head to one side. His voice sounded like he was talking about a case, very distant, observant and rational.

'I want that woman interviewed.' Cal said as he pointed at the woman who asked if Gillian was all right when the man dragged her out of the elevator. Reynolds nodded instantly.

'This might have been planned.' Reynolds said.

'You mean he waited for her to enter the elevator?' Ria asked.

Reynolds shook his head. 'I don't know, I mean that he was planning to get to someone cause he's standing away from the camera. Don't know if it was to be Gillian.'

'But they took her stuff from her room. They must have known who she was.' Loker said.

'They might have found that out later from her purse.' Reynolds said.

'Just play the rest.' Cal said as he pointed at the screen.

'This is from this morning where she woke up in an alley.'

Cal clenched his teeth and stared back at the screen.

Reynolds shook his head in defeat. _Man, what did they do to her?!_

They all looked at the screen that showed a long alley that was narrow with a grey concrete floor. The grey dumpster looked filthy and after a few short moments the roof of the dumpster moved. It took a while before the dumpster opened and he could clearly see Gillian's upper body.

Cal studied her frame instantly, noticing the blood on her face with big shock and fear.

She coughed wildly and it took her three times to heave herself up on the roof of the other half of the dumpster. Her arms couldn't support her anymore and she fell on her shoulder. After a few seconds she lifted herself up slowly. Cal narrowed his eyes and the anger grew and grew. Her hand touched her face and she stared at the blood momentarily. Then she touched her face with one finger, very softly. She looked down and moved to let herself down but her foot slipped away and she fell on the hard ground next to the dumpster.

Ria closed her eyes shortly in shock.

Gillian's arm fell to the side and she kept lying there for what seemed like a long time.

Cal rubbed his chin nervously with his hand.

Ria saw the growing anger on Cal's face now. 'Maybe you should stop the..' She began as she touched Loker's arm who nodded. _He had seen it too._

She received an angry glare from Cal. 'No! Don't touch that tape!' He spat. Cal watched how Gillian tried to get up and her knees buckled over again. Something broke inside of him. Seeing her not even being able to hold her own weight, needing to lean on the filthy dumpster, with bare feet and in her black glittery dress that had once been beautiful but was now littered in trash, cuts and blood. She fell to the side again. _She'd never been on a plane. She never left Vegas. She never got out of that dress. How stupid could he have been?! _He thought again_._

Ben leaned on a table with his hands to have some support as he shook his head.

Loker saw guilt on Cal's face. Then disgust. And an anger he had never seen before in him. He straightened his back just when Cal turned around and walked off.

Ria looked worried at Ben and Loker.

'He didn't look too good.' Loker warned as he too stood up.

Ben followed quickly to see Cal walking in the storage room Emily had cleaned up so nicely months ago. Cal shut the door and after a moment they heard loud crashing noises. They all looked at each other.

'Lightman!' Ben yelled as he walked towards the door but found it locked. 'Lightman! Open up.' The crashing kept on going.

Ria looked at Loker. It was obvious that Cal was throwing around things and breaking them. They heard glass shatter. After a few minutes things went silent and the door opened hard. Ben looked at him.

Cal stood there, panting, staring up at Reynolds with still a wild look in his eyes. He looked like an animal.

'Are you finished?' Reynolds asked.

'Not quite.' Cal snapped as he pushed Reynolds aside hard and stalked towards his office.

'Should we go after him?' Loker asked Ria. _He really didn't want to get Cal's rage over him._

'Maybe we should but…' Ria began insecurely, she didn't want to have Cal's rage over her too.

'Let me.' Reynolds said as he held up his hands towards them and walked towards the office just when a chair came flying through the glass and landed against the wall.

Ria gasped. Ben's eyes grew big. Cal had thrown his chair through the glass. It shattered hard on the ground.

Reynolds shook his head as he walked towards the office now. _Cal really lost it this time._

'I'm fine.' Cal said as he stood there, panting heavily, his legs wide, his arms hanging loosely next to him.

'Lightman, this isn't going to help none and you know it.' Reynolds said as he put his hands up in a soothing way.

'Ya think?' Cal barked as he turned around and with one swift move he threw everything off his desk including his computer.

'Cause it's really helping me right now!' Cal shouted. Blood trickled from a wound on his lower arm.

'Stop it!' Reynolds barked as he walked towards him.

'You think you can order me around?' Cal challenged dangerously.

Reynolds heaved his chin. 'You hired me for safety, so if I have to keep you from ruining stuff here and ruining yourself, yeah that's exactly my job.'

Cal gave him a disgusted look. 'Come on, stop me then,' Cal said as he pointed at his chest. 'You were the one that was already angry cause of what I did. Hurting her, that's what you called it, ain't it?' Cal snapped.

_He was looking for a fight now. _

'Yes that's right.' Reynolds said. He knew Cal was looking for a fight but he wasn't going to not speak the truth.

'Well come on, hit me then!' Cal said as he pushed Reynolds backswords hard against his chest.

'No I won't. This ain't gonna help Gillian. You have to get it together. This wasn't your fault.'

Cal turned around and toppled his heavy desk over. _Of course it was his fault. He should have found out where she was, he shouldn't have just walked in that plane. He should have followed his gut feeling. He should have never gambled their money. He was a fucking bastard. He did so many things he shouldn't have done. He hated himself for that right now. It had seemed like fun at that time, he felt very alive at that moment, the adrenaline rushing through him. They bloody hell used her as a punching bag! And he wasn't angry because he felt guilty or because he hated himself right now. He was angry cause she was hurt. And someone did that to her, on purpose. And then had dumped her in a dumpster like she was a piece of trash. It made his blood boil._

'Get out.' Cal barked as he turned towards Reynolds again.

Reynolds put his arms over his chest.

'I said, GET OUT.'

'I heard you. I just ain't listening.' Reynolds said.

Cal showed his teeth and then sighed angrily.

'Get yourself together Lightman.' Ben shouted after him when Cal passed him and walked towards the hallway where all the personnel was standing now. He didn't look up at anyone, like there was no one there and he just left.

All of his Personnel was watching in shock at the scene. Everyone stood frozen to the ground. They all had micro expressions of shock or fear. But there was one person who showed other micro expressions than the rest did.

Those were micro expressions of contempt and happiness.

_This is exactly how it should be_, that person thought happily.

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And and and? What did you think? Please let me know, and if you have tips or advice or anything, it's very welcome!!!


	5. Chapter 5

Ow you guys thanks so much for your reviews! I'm sick at the moment so they really brighten my day!!! I really like to know your opinions and what you think. Hope this chapter is not too fluffy but I guess after all that Gillian went through...

**Chapter 5**

**Airport**

Gillian sighed as she passed the baggage line. This was the first time in her whole life that she didn't have to wait for her baggage. _Travelling light does have it's advantages_, she quipped to herself. She tried to lighten her mood. She was glad she was going home again. She never really liked Vegas. Never really felt at ease there. She sighed slightly. She felt a bit more energetic then before, having slept on the airplane. She had been so tired. But the sleep had done nothing to ease her insides. She felt cold from the inside and chilly on the outside. She knew that that was because she was frightened. What was it with her and getting beaten up this year? She remembered when the Copycat had attacked her. If she thought that had been bad at the time, she felt ten times worse now. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She needed to cry. She needed to crawl away somewhere, alone where she could cry all of her tears out. But not now. Not here. She wanted her home. It would comfort her. She wanted to be within the walls that made her feel safe. Although she had to admit, that her new home didn't quite do that for her yet. It only reminded her of how alone she was. Well, it just had to do. At least she would have her own stuff, things and clothes again.

When she walked out of the airport she stopped when she saw Cal standing a few meters further. He was hanging nonchalantly against his car. He straightened himself when he saw her and put his hands in his pockets.

'Cal.' She said when she reached him.

She registered a micro expression of shock when he saw her face before he shielded it.

'Hi, I'm your cab home.' He said as he looked her up and down.

She nodded and walked to the other side of the car to get in.

Cal sat in the car too and swallowed as he stared in front of him. He felt her blue gaze on him for a moment. He looked at her.

'We'll talk when we're at your home yeah?' He asked.

She nodded as she slumped backwords and rested her head against the chair. This way she could try to get some more rest and because they agreed to talk at home there wouldn't be any awkward feelings. For all that had happened between them these last days, she still felt a feeling of peace wash over her by having him next to her.

'So I bought you some things.' Cal said as he pointed at the bag that was lying next to Gillian's feet.

Gillian raised an eyebrow in surprise. He nodded at her as he drove the car away and she bended forward to open it.

'Chocolate cake.' She said as she took the first item out and placed it on her lap. 'Chocolate cookies.' The second item. She smiled and then winced because it hurt her to smile. 'Chocolate-' Her voice stopped and he suddenly felt a warm hand on his arm.

'What happened?' She asked worried.

He looked down at her hand that was next to the gash that was stitched up now. 'Nothing.' He evaded. _That was so Gillian. Worrying about others, about him while she herself was covered in wounds and gashes. He wanted nothing of that right now. And she didn't need to know that he had trashed his office and a part of the hallway. He hoped the glass would be fixed the moment she would step in the building again. _

She looked up at him. He could feel her gaze on him.

'Look, it doesn't matter okay. There's more in the bag..' He said.

Gillian noticed the look of anger he couldn't push away.

He kept feeling her warm, blue gaze on him.

'Damn it!' He drove the car to the side and stepped out with a few swift moves. The wind hit his cheeks but he felt nothing of that. He went through his hair with his hands.

Gillian got out too and leaned against the car as she looked at him. _I guess we aren't going to talk at home, _she thought as she studied him shortly.

'If I'd known you were still there- You know, in Vegas.' Cal said as he gestured towards her. He rubbed his mouth. He looked away shortly.

She walked around the car towards the drivers seat and leaned with her lower body against the motor hood as she looked at him patiently.

'It seemed so real. I really figured you were here. And-' He gestured at her as he looked her up and down. He shook his head. 'They hurt you. They bloody hell used you as a punching bag.' He snapped as he showed his teeth and walked towards her.

He put up his hands and made fists of them and then unclenched them again. 'I am so sorry luv.'

He took her by her arms and she flinched instantly. Cal studied her surprised and then lifted her sweater up to reveal the dark angry bruises and deep gashes on her arms. She had cut herself on a big shard of glass in the dumpster, she had found out later.

He looked up at her. 'You should rip my head off that's what you should do.'

Gillian shook her head at that.

'You've got every right too!' Cal said. He shook his head. 'Bloody hell.' He said as he let go of her arms and walked towards the drivers seat and leaned his head against the cold metal. 'Bloody hell bloody hell bloody hell.' He repeated.

'Cal.' Gillian said softly as she walked towards him.

'Don't you Cal me.' He said as he held up his hand towards her without looking at her. 'This shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't.' He looked away in shame.

'This wasn't your fault Cal.' Gillian said.

He looked up at her. 'Yes it was, it bloody was.' He countered angrily. _How could she say that? He had been a stupid ass. And that as thanks for all the times she had been there for him? She had pulled him out of the gutter, had helped him after his marriage with Zoe, all those times.._

Gillian sighed as she looked away and put her hand on the top of the car too to steady herself. 'I know I might have been a bit harsh on the phone, but that was because I was tired and a little panicked… Or a lot panicked to be honoust and-'

_He couldn't believe what she was saying in that soft and sweet voice, she was so caring, how could she keep that up? He didn't deserve that._ Cal shook his head and interrupted her. 'You had every right too and you weren't harsh at all. Reynolds was right, you're too sweet for me.' Cal said as he looked in her face.

She frowned her brows in confusion, she didn't understand the last remark. _What had Reynolds said? _

He stepped towards her and put his hand on her cheek. 'I'm so sorry luv. I don't know how to make it better.' Cal said as his thumb stroked her skin. 'What can I do for you? What can I do to….' _Make this all disappear…_

Gillian took his hand and caressed it.

'The chocolate helps a little.' She offered with a slight smile and a mischievous sparkle in her eyes after a short moment.

He smiled slightly as he stroked her other cheek and sighed deep._ Her skin felt so soft, at least: the skin that wasn't bruised or swollen. _'Look at you.' He said as he studied her swollen lip and bruised nose. 'It tears me up seeing you like this.' He said honestly. His finger softly touched her swollen lip.

She took the hand that was touching her face in her hand and held it to her chest. She then kissed it lightly. 'Thank you. You're helping me now.' She said softly. _He really did, seeing him so worried and seeing he really meant it warmed her heart._

He gazed at her and read that she really meant it and then nodded. 'So are you going to get me home now cab driver? Because I'm really tired.' Gillian said as she walked back to her seat.

He nodded as he stepped in the car also.

'So what else do we have here.' Gillian said as she looked in the bag. 'O no, really? I can't believe it.' Gillian fished an item out of the bag. 'Is this really a romance novel?!' She turned towards him. 'Cal Lightman bought me a romance novel?!' She teased. She was glad to be able to tease him, it made her feel a bit lighter just for a moment.

'It's Pride and Prejudice. Don't all woman love that?' _That's what the woman in the shop had told him. _

'You even read the title?!' She asked as she put a hand over her heart.

He shook his head as he started the car again.

She studied the book for a moment and then held it to her chest like it was some sort of treasure.

Cal was glad that she liked it.

'O there's something else. Another chocolate bar.' Gillian said as she saw the last item from the bag. She wanted to tease again but she suddenly felt a sadness wash over her as she realised something. She looked at Cal.

'Why all the presents Cal?' She asked.

He shrugged. 'You don't like them?'

'That's not what I asked.' _He was deflecting a lot,_ she thought.

'I have a lot to make up for, that's why.' Cal explained shortly.

Gillian shook her head. 'Please Cal, don't. You know that's not necessary.'

'I know.' He said as he looked at her. 'I just want to. And I like seeing the giddy look you get on your face when you see chocolate.' He said. 'Not to mention the look you get when you see one of those trashy novels.' He quipped and for the first time since she had seen him this afternoon he smiled.

Gillian also smiled for as far as she managed too with the swelling above and on her lip as she looked out the window.

'So what did the doctor say?' Cal asked as he eyed her from top to toe a few times.

'Just a few bruised ribs, and the rest are cuts, swellings and things like that.' Gillian said as

she began to study one of the chocolate bars now.

'And uh…' He said as he gestured towards her stomach.

Gillian turned towards him with a question mark on her face.

'Did that doctor look at everything?'

She frowned in confusion.

'Because you were gone for the night you know.' Cal explained softly. _He dreaded her answer. _

'O.' Gillian said,_ she knew what he meant now. If she had been sexually assaulted, that would have broken her._ _Thank God she wasn't._ 'No nothing sexual happened Thank God.' She said.

He nodded relieved.

He saw that she sighed, she was tired. He stopped the car in front of her house and waited for her to walk towards him.

'I saw the tape from the alley this morning and the elevator.' Cal said as they walked towards her house. 'Ellis sent it immediately.'

Gillian nodded. 'I'm glad he helped me instantly.' She said as they reached the doors. She put her hand in front of her mouth in shock. 'I have no keys.' She said, _she hadn't thought about that but even her keys were gone. _

Cal took his keys and held them in front of her. 'I have your spare key remember?'

She nodded relieved, and he noticed the sadness in her eyes again.

Cal waited until they stepped into the house.

'Gillian.' He said and she turned around to face him.

He looked at her and then took her in a hug. He never wanted to let go. He had to be careful because he almost felt the need to crush her to his chest, just to know that she was still alive. But he remembered her bruises.

Gillian smiled as Cal let go of her. He put the bag on her kitchen island.

'Emily really wanted to see you. Will you come and stay with us? She has big breakfast plans.' He asked.

'O, I..' Gillian began. She had arranged for herself to curl herself up under the warm shower while crying alone. But it did sound nice.

'No, I think I'd better stay here.' Gillian finally said. She needed some time alone. To let everything that had happened delve in.

Cal studied her and then nodded. 'If that's what you want.' He said as he turned around.

Gillian nodded and put the chocolate in the fridge. She thought it over. _She needed time alone, but if Cal would be gone it would be so silent again. Before he was here, she had felt afraid. Restless and cold. Maybe she should. No, she should really stay here. Or maybe if she did go it would make her feel better. But on the other hand-_

The doorbell rang.

'Who would that be?' Cal asked in a mischievous tone as he looked giddily at Gillian.

Gillian rose her eyebrows in surprise as she walked towards the door. _She didn't expect anyone. _

'Gillian!' A young voice blurted from the door, then two shocked eyes that grew even wider then they already were studied her.

'I'm so glad you're back.' Emily said as she took Gillian in a hug. Gillian looked over Emily's head at Cal with a questioning stare.

Cal just shrugged innocently.

'Dad told me he was going by your place. I said I'd meet him here. Did you know Rick lives nearby? So are you coming?' Emily asked as she loosened herself from Gillian and looked with a questioning stare around her, searching for Gillian's luggage no doubt.

Gillian eyed Cal to find out if he had planned this.

'What?' He asked as he shrugged again with an innocent look pasted on his face.

'Where's your bag?' Emily asked.

'Ehh… I…I didn't pack anything yet.' Gillian said.

'O, it doesn't take long does it? Just be patient dad.' Emily said as she gave Cal a stern look.

'I'll help you!' Emily said as she took Gillian's hand and almost dragged her upstairs.

**Cal's Guestroom**

Cal was hanging against the doorway looking at Gillian who was sleeping in the bed. He could stare at her forever.

'Will she be fine soon?' Emily asked softly behind him. She put her arms around his waist and leaned in to be able to see Gillian too. She could feel her dad sigh.

'Sure. You know Gillian. She's a tough cookie.'

Emily looked up at him with big eyes because she heard something in his tone.

Cal just shrugged and sighed again. 'It'll take time you know. She's a sensitive one. But on the inside she is tough.'

Emily nodded. 'And it'll give her rest if you find out what happened.'

Cal nodded. 'Yeah. It will.' But still he felt regret that something like this had ever happened to her.

'I'm glad she's here. At least we can see if she's sad or not. I can't think of her being all alone, feeling like that.' Emily admitted.

Cal nodded. _When Emily said things like that, it reminded him over and over again how much he loved his daughter._ He hugged her tightly.

'That's why I sent you in ey luv.' He smiled. He had already anticipated that Gillian would hesitate or probably say no to his offer. He knew that she was the one that always comforted others, but when she herself needed comfort and an arm around her, she hid her grief and sadness for some reason. Not always, he had to admit. He remembered that she'd told him about Sophie that night they stood looking out over the city. But otherwise, her divorce, her moving out of the house, she had all done that rather secretly. Trying not to show anything about how it hit her. He hated the idea that she would be alone somewhere, crying, hurting. She deserved to have someone holding her, soothing her, telling her to stop beating herself up when she was telling herself that things were her own fault.

'We're just going to keep a close eye on her.' Cal said. _That was what she always did for him, now it was time again to do it the other way around. _

Emily nodded against his side. She loosened herself from Cal and tiptoed over to Gillian. She bended forward softly and kissed Gillian on her cheek. She then brushed a hair out of her face. Then she walked back.

'I really like her dad. I don't want her to be in pain.' Emily said as she looked up with big eyes at her dad.

Cal looked in those eyes and sighed. He nodded. _Neither did he. Neither did he_. He swallowed as he looked away.

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Well, if you think the trouble is over for them you're wrong, poor them, because it only just begun!!! So I'd say buckle up for the next two chapters!!

I hope it wasn't too much out of character, sometimes it's really hard to write Cal for example in character!

And what did you think again??


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks very much for your reviews!!!! Hope you like the chapter!

**Chapter 6**

**Breakfast**

'So, look at what I made.' Emily said as she placed warm bread in front of Gillian.

Gillian had to laugh when she recognised a face on the bread. 'That's so nice.' She said. _It had really done her good to stay here. She was glad Cal had asked her and well, Emily had practically forced her. She had woken up to a warm house, filled with cheerful voices. Sadly enough, the moment she had looked in the mirror in the bathroom this morning, the cold reality had hit her again. Actually, it did the moment she stepped out of the warm bed. She felt very… What word could she give it? Off.. She felt very weird. She was always very in contact with her own body but now, it felt weird. It probably was because of what had happened. Maybe some sort of after shock. She had taken a painkiller she had gotten from the doctor in the hope that it would help her feel a bit better and that she at least could survive this day._

'She never makes things like that for me.' Cal mentioned disappointed as he sat down.

'I do too!' Emily said insulted.

'O really? Just name one time.' Cal challenged as he looked sternly at her.

'Just a few weeks ago.' Emily stated. 'Don't mind him Gillian. It goes really well with chocolate paste.' Emily said as she offered it to Gillian.

'Yeah that's a good one, just offer her the chocolate. You'll never see any of it again.' Cal stated groggily.

Gillian smiled widely at that. Suddenly she felt a bit dizzy. She closed her eyes shortly and then took the glass of milk in front of her. She breathed in and focused on her breath. The dizziness would pass soon. She was sure of it.

**Lightman Group**

'Gillian.' Reynolds said the moment she walked in. Cal already headed for his office.

'Ben.' She said.

He looked her over and shook his head with regret on his face. 'I'm so sorry. I got this note from you, saying you were leaving alone, and the receptionist said that you checked out and left. I believed it.' He blurted out. She could see on his tone and his expression that this had weighed heavily on him the last hours.

Gillian sighed and shook her head as she walked towards her office.

'Come in Ben.' She said as she held the door open.

'I'd like to see that note. And you should know, for the future, that I would never do such a thing.' She said as she put her bag on her desk. She noticed how glad she was to be in her office again. She hoped that soon everything could turn back to normal again.

Reynolds put his hands in his pockets. He looked at the ground. 'I usually wouldn't but..' He looked away.

'But what?' She asked surprised as she turned towards him and tried to reach his eyes.

'You looked pretty bad at that bar.' He admitted as he finally looked at her.

'Ow, that.' She sighed as she looked away and sat down on her big chair. 'Come and sit.' She said friendly as she patted the big chair next to her.

**Hallway**

Cal leaned against the wall of Gillian's office with one hand. He needed support. He could feel his heart beating so loud in his chest. He opened the first button of his shirt. It was like he couldn't breathe anymore. He had to step in her office soon now but he felt that he couldn't. His legs seemed to be filled with lead. His feet seemed glued to the floor. He couldn't. He couldn't do this, he couldn't hurt her again. He swallowed as he tried to convince himself to get in there.

**Gillian's office**

Reynolds gladly sat down in the comfortable chair.

Gillian shook her head. 'I still wouldn't do anything like that, however I felt pushed by Cal, or however much I drank.'

'You were a bit tipsy.' Ben said.

She shook her head. 'No, no. Well, tipsy maybe, but I always take care that I know exactly what I'm doing and that I don't become drunk.' She told him. _She had seen what alcohol could do to you one to many times in her father. She hated that. And she hated losing control. She would never lose control like that, at least not in an environment that she didn't fully trust. She wouldn't choose to get drunk. That was too close to home, to close to her miserable childhood. She didn't want to be like her father. _

Ben opened his mouth to reply when Cal walked in without saying a word. He stopped in front of Gillian and Reynolds and just stared at Gillian. She looked up at him with first an expectant gaze and then surprise in her eyes.

She studied his face and noticed how pale he had become. His eyes stood blurry. _What had happened in the short period of time that she had just seen him and now? _

'Cal?' She asked worried as she reached for him.

Cal licked his lips as he looked from Gillian to Reynolds. 'We got a problem. A big one.' He said.

Reynolds frowned his brows. He never heard Cal sounding so shocked then now.

'Cal, what is it?' Gillian asked in a soft, caring voice as she stood up and took his upper arm.

He rubbed his chin.

'You both need to come with me in the conference room.'

Gillian looked at Reynolds with a surprised look and then they both followed him.

'Ahh, doctor Foster.' A voice said from the large screen.

Reynolds was still thinking about the conversation he had just had with Gillian, and which wasn't finished yet when she suddenly stopped and he bumped into her, he almost had a handful of her hair in his mouth. He opened his mouth to react when he noticed that Ria and Loker had ashen pale faces too, just like Cal and that Gillian in fact had stopped in shock as she looked up to the screen and kept looking.

Reynolds looked at the screen too. There was a man on it but his image was so scrambled that he couldn't be recognised. His voice sounded scrambled too.

'Did you like to sleep with the rats Doctor Foster? I'm sure they did.' He laughed out loud.

Reynolds took a step forward, almost to stand in front of Gillian to protect her.

Cal was standing a few meters to the left from Gillian, he kept staring at the ground.

Gillian looked at Ria for answers but she just swallowed and looked away too. _What was going on here?! It was obvious that Cal, Ria and Loker had been talking to this man before she and Reynolds came in, and they had reached some kind of understanding. At least the understanding of that had Cal in his power. Why wasn't Cal facing her and why was his facial expression filled with sheer horror? Worry spread through her whole body now. Something really bad had to be going on for Cal to show an emotion like that. _

It was like a cold hand gripped at her heart instantly, icing all her veins over. Gillian swallowed visibly as she looked at Cal, Ria and Loker again and then back at the screen.

Ben was standing right in front of her, blocking her path to the screen. She put her hand on his shoulder to move him a bit to be able to pass him as she walked towards the screen.

'I have you to thank for that?' She asked in a steady tone as possible. She needed to find out who she was dealing with, what kind of person this was without showing any emotions of her own. 'Why?' She asked. _She had asked herself this since the moment she woke up in that dumpster over and over again. She just wanted to know why._

'Who are you?' Reynolds spat impatiently at the screen.

'O this is fun. He's the bad ass cop right? Why don't you tell him Gilly who I am?'

Cal clenched his teeth at the mention of her name like that.

Gillian turned towards Reynolds who was still standing behind her. 'This is the man that attacked me, the man from the elevator.' She said in a very professional voice. Cal looked up at her and it only reminded him why she was so extremely talented in her job. Even now she managed to stay professional. _But that would probably turn for the worst in a few more moments, _he thought with dread in his heart.

'You look well Gillian…' He said as he eyed her up and down. 'Actually, too well. Maybe I was too soft on you.' He pondered out loud.

Cal's nostrils flared as he looked at the ground.

Gillian tried to push the trembling sensation that she felt coming up away and focused on Cal. He still wasn't facing her. She tried to read him but she couldn't. She hadn't seen him off like this before. _What was he doing?_

'I didn't want to beat her that hard, but It's just so hard to get her to shut up! She just didn't stop moaning, complaining and whining. I mean, how annoying is that?!' He said as he looked at Cal. 'How do you handle that Lightman, having a woman like that around ALL the time, I would explode I think!'

'You shut your mouth!' Cal suddenly barked at the man as he looked up at the screen.

'Don't take that tone with me Lightman. Or I'll just finish this call right now.' He stated.

Reynolds raised an eyebrow in surprise and Gillian gave Cal a confused look too when they found that Cal didn't react to that. Gillian frowned in worry again.

'Anyway, you can call me Frank for the time being. I always like the name Frank.'

'Why did you do this?' Gillian asked.

Frank smiled. 'Doctor Gillian Foster.' He said as he smiled at her. 'Because I can and because I liked it.'

_This man certainly liked to misuse power,_ Gillian concluded.

Reynolds noticed a muscle in Cal's jaw working hard.

'But… I don't understand. What do you want from me?' Gillian asked as she shook her head in disbelief. 'I don't even know you.' She said this all in a very professional tone. She hoped that she could read some things from her attacker. Even though the screen was scrambled, and so was his voice, she could still pick up on some tones. _Maybe she could lure him into one of her manipulating traps so she could get him to reveal things about himself._

'What I want from you? Nothing. I never had anything against you.' Frank simply said.

This surprised her. 'Then why?' She asked.

'Well, that's the whole thing. That's why I let Cal here call you in. Because he's going to tell you.' He smirked widely.

Gillian shook her head in confusion and then looked at Cal who wouldn't meet her eyes.

'Cal?'

'Tell her Cal.' Franks satisfied voice came.

'Frank here..' Cal began as he tried to reign his emotions. He looked at the ground_. He was just so angry!_

'Come on Cal! You can do it. I love this.' Frank pushed.

Ria gave him the vilest look she could muster.

_This would break her_, Cal thought hurt. 'He's blackmailing us.' He blurted out.

'With what?' Reynolds barked in his heavy voice.

'With what Cal? Tell her.' Frank urged while all the while not hiding his excitement.

Cal put his hands in his pockets as he looked at his shoe.

'He wants fifteen million dollars.' Cal deflected. _He never wanted to tell her what Frank was blackmailing him with. Never. But he knew he had too, pretty soon now. And Frank was enjoying every second of his misery._

'Fifteen million dollars?!' Gillian barked astonished. 'We don't have that kind of money.' She uttered shocked as she looked at Frank.

'I know sweety. But that's not all.' Frank said as his eyes widened.

'He wants me to get it in different casino's.' Cal explained in a low voice.

'What? No!' Gillian said as she shook her head. 'You are not going to a casino to-' Gillian began.

'-There she starts the whining again. Does she ever shut up?' Frank said annoyed interrupting her.

'Leave her alone!' Cal barked at the screen.

'Now, now doctor Lightman, you know I can't do that! And as for you Gillian, don't you want to know why Cal will go and gamble?'

Gillian looked at Cal.

'Tell her Cal. And hurry up, I don't have all day.' Frank said annoyed.

'Otherwise, you'll die.' Cal said in a monotome voice. _He braced himself for what was to come now, for the look that would certainly be on her face and that would almost break him. _

Reynolds mouth fell open.

Gillian shook her head as she narrowed her eyes angrily. 'I won't die.' She looked at Frank. 'You won't get at me. It's as simple as that. That's your threat?' _What was that creep thinking even?!_ _That she would just stand by and do nothing?!_ She took a step towards the screen. 'Do you really think you can treat **me… **Or **us** this way? Then you're sorely mistaken. You-'

'Cal if I were you I'd shut her up right now before I get fed up with this.' Frank threatened.

_That did it. She wasn't going to let him just run over her._ 'If I were you, I'd stop talking towards Cal if you want something from me, what is that?' She stepped even closer to the screen although she knew she couldn't study the scrambled image. 'You're afraid to talk to woman directly? Can't take it when they voice their opinion? It's all right to beat them up and drug them so they are defenceless, but when it comes down to it I bet that you are just a weak-'

'Gillian stop it.' Cal ordered.

Gillian stopped and looked with angry surprise at Cal. _How dare he? She wouldn't let someone who did something like that speak that way to her. Why was Cal so passive?! It annoyed her to great lengths. She was just getting on track here. She could provoke Frank and maybe get something from him.._

'Gillian.' Cal said as he was suddenly standing in front of her now and took her arm. He looked up at her. 'I'm sorry luv. So sorry.' He said as he shook his head.

'O please, stop the smuttiness. It's making me want to vomit. You have time to say goodbye to her pretty soon.'

Gillian looked up at Frank at that. _What? She wasn't going anywhere. What was he talking about? She wasn't saying goodbye to Cal._

What happened next was like time stood still for a moment. She could see Cal's lips move, he was saying something. She could feel all the colour drain from her face instantly. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wanted to ask if she had heard him right, but she knew Cal had spoken those three words very clearly. 'You have time to say goodbye to her pretty soon.' Those words rang in the back of her mind as she swallowed because her throat was so dry. It felt like Cal's words had given her a punch in her stomach. Her legs couldn't move but she felt as if she was falling backwards, as if she couldn't control her body any longer. Her mouth opened in shock as her brain refused to register what Cal had just said. _It couldn't be. It couldn't be. This was all a nightmare and she would wake up from it pretty soon. Please, let me wake up! She begged in her head. But somewhere she knew pretty well that this was as real as it could get. The only thing she could do now was stare at Cal, even her breathing had stopped. _

'**He poisoned you.'** The words rang through her head. Harder and harder.

**He poisoned you, he poisoned you, he poisoned you. **

It all downed on her now:** she was going to say goodbye to Cal pretty soon, because she…**

**She was going to die.**

0000000000000000000

Ahh poor Gillian! I would just want to hug her! And and and? What did you think??


	7. Chapter 7

Hi everyone! Happy New Year!! May all your wishes come true!

Many thanks to the reviewers!!!!

**Chapter ****7 DAY 1**

Gillian felt how she almost fell backwards but Cal held his hands on her lower arms to steady her. She breathed in deeply. She remembered vividly how dizzy she had been this morning, how her body felt different, that explained a lot, the poison was already doing something to her. She looked up at the screen with wide eyes.

Yes, Frank's image on the screen was blurry but she could make out the wide smile on his face anyway. He enjoyed this. Pain struck her and she felt the grip around her arms tighten alarmingly. She looked back at Cal. She couldn't read anything from his face. His mouth opened to say something, or maybe he was already talking but his words somehow couldn't reach her momentarily.

'…..Six days….' Is all she heard from Cal before everything became blurry again.

She wanted to go away, this all seemed to be a nightmare.

Reynolds clenched his fists next to his sides in anger as he stared from Gillian at the screen again.

'Time is ticking Cal, I would hurry if I were you, you have to make two to three million a day and you'll check in with me every morning to tell me how much you've got. I want the money you made every day transferred to my account immediately.' Frank said.

Reynolds jaw muscles were working overtime. He was coming up with plan after plan in his head but he couldn't come up with anything that wouldn't endanger Gillian further. That man had planned everything very well. Too well.. Reynolds saw how Cal let go of Gillian and walked towards the screen as Gillian took a few unsure paces back and steadied herself against the desk. Reynolds could clearly see that she was still processing the news she had just gotten. And it didn't seem to sink in very fast, he thought with pain in his heart. He felt for her.

'Check in every morning? How can I do that when I'm in some casino far away from here.'

Reynolds heard Cal ask in an angry tone.

'Well Lightman, I guess that means that you ain't going to get a lot of sleep these coming days.'

Reynolds nostrils flared as he breathed out air and put his hands in his sides. His mouth twitched up in disgust as he shook his head slowly. He looked up as he heard Gillian's voice. He was surprised at the tone of her voice, he didn't know a lot about voices or communication the way they did, but even he could hear how clear her voice sounded.

'How can I be sure that you really have an antidote? That it will really help me?' She asked in a calm tone as if she wasn't talking about herself but just about some case that involved someone else.

Frank shrugged. 'I guess you can't. You'd just have to take me up on my word.' Frank said as he smiled brightly. 'Please do visit the hospital, they'll only tell you what I already told you. They'll never find the antidote in time. I'll tell you what your symptoms will be. Are you feeling dizzy already Gillian?'

_Yes she had._

'The first symptoms are mild dizziness, they will become less milder of course and you'll become very sweaty soon, like you're experiencing a fever. You'll have pain in every possible spot on your body and you'll get very big headaches. Your breathing will become laboured. If you won't be treated your organs will stop one by one. It only depends which one stops first, if your heart or lungs or the ones, well you can do the math yourself. Or maybe just your back muscle will stop with working first. Then you're lucky. You will get bleedings in and out, incontinence, you'll loose conscience and will spit up blood and then you can't go back. Then the antidote won't help no more. But that's only when Cal is too late with the money. Then nothing can help you anymore, not even an antidote. Of course, all the things I mentioned above are just symptoms, you might get some of them, or all of them, I guess we just have to wait and find out won't we?'

Gillian almost felt sick at the arrogant, amused undertone she heard in Frank's scrambled voice.

'O and if I find out that you're doing anything other then being in the casino getting my money…. You can watch her die. The same goes for all of you. Poke your nose in business it doesn't belong, she dies. Caprice?' He said as he looked at everyone.

'Yes, we understand.' Reynolds said in a low angry voice when Cal nor Gillian answered.

Gillian felt how her mouth was hanging open, but she just felt so stunned and frozen that it seemed like she couldn't move momentarily. That she couldn't mask her feelings right now.

'Don't you love this Cal? In a few hours from now your partner will turn from a beautiful woman into a quivering mass of pain. Yet another person who came in contact with you will suffer the consequences. It seems that you ruin everyone who comes too close to you doctor Lightman. And it's all your own fault.'

The screen blacked out.

'Why is he doing this?' Reynolds asked the moment the screen was off. _If he only had some sort of motivation he could go and find out a lot about this guy._

'I'm heading for the casino right now.' Cal said as he took his coat without giving Gillian one look.

'Cal..' Gillian began as she wanted to reach for him but she was already too late, he was too far away from her.

'I'll have my phone on, I don't want to lose one minute.' Cal barked as he looked at Loker and Torres when he passed them.

Gillian swallowed, she would have liked to have Cal near her, for just a moment longer but obviously he didn't have the same plan or need as she did. It hurt her but she pushed it away quickly and nodded as Cal left.

A second later Reynolds got called by Cal and he put the call on speaker as he placed his phone on the table.

'So this is all planned out.' Loker began deep in thought. 'Frank somehow knows that Lightman can win anything in the casino and can come up with that kind of money. He waits for Gillian in the elevator, takes her out and poisons her, dumps her, and there you have a blackmail option.' Loker finished as if it was the most simplest thing in the world.

'So you mean it can just be any random guy who saw Lightman in the casino?' Ria asked.

'Nah.' Reynolds said as he shook his head. 'You heard what he said to Lightman at the end of the call about everyone who comes close to him gets ruined, he knows Lightman somehow.'

'It's almost like he wants you to feel responsible for all of this.' Ria said in thought as she now remembered Frank's last words.

'O this really makes me feel sick.' Gillian said as she leaned with her lower body against the table. 'I don't want you to go to every casino in this state Cal.' She stated as she looked at the phone, she could see Cal driving his car with his earplug in in her minds eye. _The moment these words had left her mouth she regretted them, she shouldn't have said them out loud. She knew the effect it had on Cal when she was worried about him in a situation that had anything to do with a casino. But it was what she felt inside. So maybe it was good that she had said it, then it was out._

'What else do you propose?! You want me to rob a bank? Steal from some rich man?' Cal's gruff reply came. 'Cuz I can do all these things, they'll just take me longer and I think you're smart enough to put two and two together yeah?' He snapped in a cold and irritated voice.

Ria looked with big eyes at Gillian. She could just see the short intake of breath her boss was taking.

Gillian masked the hurt expression on her face instantly at his tone towards her. She looked away and shook her head. _She knew he was right in a way._

'Look we'll come up with a plan, we just don't have time right now. That's why it's good of Lightman to already go get some money at the casino.' Reynolds said in a stern voice. 'We can't afford to lose one minute here.'

Everyone nodded.

'Lightman, do you think you can get fifteen million in six days?' Reynolds asked.

'I'm good at poker. That's my thing. But I'll probably get kicked out of the casino when I'm at one million. It'll be tough.'

'It's not very realistic that you can make that amount of money in that short time.' Reynolds spoke.

'Hence the whole 'we need a plan' conversation.' Loker mentioned.

'Okay, we have to think clearly here.' Gillian said as she put up her hands to calm everyone.

'Yeah and the first thing you're going to do is go to the hospital.' Cal's voice spoke through the speaker, interrupting what she was going to say.

Gillian's hands froze in the air as she looked annoyed at Reynold's phone.

'You think they can come up with an antidote anyway?' Ria asked with hope in her voice.

'Don't think so, Frank's probably covered all bases. But we have to be sure, and they could give her advise, maybe there's something that can make the poison work less fast.' Cal suggested.

'Reynolds, you go with her to the hospital.' Cal ordered.

Gillian's hands finally fell to her sides as she looked with big astonished eyes at the speaker on the table now and shook her head. She looked at Ria, Loker and finally at Ben and shook her head.

'I don't agree. I can go alone, we need Reynolds here.'

'Reynolds you're going with her.' Cal ordered in a dominant tone as he ignored Gillian.

'He is not going with me.' Gillian countered as she turned towards the speaker with her hands in her sides as if Cal was standing right there. 'We can't afford to lose a valuable member right now. I am big enough to go alone.'

Cal clenched his teeth.

'Foster, I'm telling you-' Cal began annoyed.

'-No, I am telling you that I-' Gillian began in an even annoyed tone as she took a step towards the table and lifted her finger at the imaginary Cal.

'-Did that stuff already do something with your brain?! Cuz-'

'-Hey, stop the fighting okay? Reynolds is standing right here.' Reynolds said as he pointed at himself. 'And I agree with Gillian, she doesn't need a babysitter.'

'Foster I know you're too pigheaded stubborn to take advise from the doctors that's why I want someone with you.' Cal said in an unfriendly tone.

'It's my life on the line here.' Gillian said in clinical and calm voice._ But on the inside she was angry with Cal._

'It's my life too!' Cal suddenly snapped back.

Gillian narrowed her eyes in confusion as she shook her head angrily. 'What?!' She uttered.

'They touch you, they touch me, that's how it is.' Cal stated as if that was the simplest thing in the world.

Reynolds put up his hands again. 'Look, I just said, we're not going to fight or argue here. So let's stay as calm as possible.'

Gillian nodded. 'Reynolds is right, we can't let ourselves be guided by our feelings.' _I can't let myself be guided by my feelings. She couldn't bear the thought of something in her body right now already set out to ruin her cells, to destroy her, to hurt her. So she just had to ignore it. Act as if she was all right otherwise she would make herself crazy._ She straightened her back.

'We have six days. We have to think clearly here. A lot can be done in those days. We will find Frank. We will find that antidote.' Gillian said in a strong tone.

'What?' Gillian asked as she saw Ria shake her head slightly. Two big dark eyes looked up at her and she saw how Ria swallowed. 'What is it Torres?' Gillian asked as she took a step towards the younger woman.

'I was just wondering how you can stay so calm with that stuff in you._' Since yesterday evening, who knows what it's ruining already in her body. _

'Because it's my profession to stay calm Torres, I'm a trained psychologist and because if I don't, I will explode right here and that's really not what you want and that's not going to help any of us. I have to be professional. And that is exactly how you all are going to be. No one is going to explode.' She looked at everyone. 'Is that clear?' She asked.

Everyone had wide eyes at her stern tone. Ria and Loker nodded. Reynolds finally nodded too. He had a look of pained regret on his face.

'Cal?' She asked in a stern voice at the speaker.

'Humpf.'

'I'll take that as a yes. That man is not going to ruin us, or me. We solved a lot of cases, and we will solve this one.' She said. _If only she felt so strong from the inside. _

'I want you to check that video feed from the dumpster in the alley out where I get put in the dumpster, Ellis found it this morning.' Gillian said as she pointed at Loker and Ria. Loker nodded. 'I want you to find and interview the woman who saw Frank getting me out of the elevator.' Gillian said to Reynolds. 'As for me, I have two things to do right now. First I'll go see a profile sketcher to sketch up the face of the man that attacked me in the elevator and secondly I'm going to the hospital.' _She should have thought about that sketch sooner! But then she thought she still had time. Time to rest, time to heal. _

'The moment someone finds something, doesn't matter how small, I want to know about it.' Cal barked into Reynolds phone before he hung up.

* * *

Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter? Thanks!

xxx


	8. Chapter 8

Hi everyone! Thanks for your lovely reviews! This chapter is long and is more about feelings... Hope you won't get bored, just thought I should do the characters some justice, because of the situation they're in their should be many thoughts and feelings going through them I thought....

**DAY 1**

**Casino**

Cal studied the man in front of him as he looked at his cards. _This was just too damn easy. His opponents weren't very smart this time. If things went on like this, he could maybe walk away with one million, if they'd let him. And one million wasn't nearly enough to fifteen million_. He felt fear gripping at his stomach. _He had to admit that no one had ever had him like this, Frank had him good. He didn't even have time to come up with some smart plan. And he hated that. And Frank probably knew it. He hated that he had taken Gillian as a victim. Cal couldn't bear the thought of Gillian dying. He couldn't even imagine his life without Gillian. _

_And now, more then ever, he saw how much he needed that woman with all the silly things she did in his life. As different as she was from him, she somehow had become a very big part of his life. Of his being. If she died, a part of him would die. He remembered the things he loved so much about her, the feeling he got when she was around. She made him happy. She brought the best in him up. And all the while she stayed so positive. She was smart and witty. She could be funny, and she was damn sweet, warm and o so sensitive. If he could hug her and hold her against his chest for ever, that would have been a very good way to spent the rest of his life. And Emily liked her_. He clenched his teeth as he looked at his cards._ No, Gillian dying was NOT an option. So he would do everything in his power to save her, he would even give his life for her. He felt something gnawing at his insides at the thought that she would be dead in six days. He pushed it away, he shouldn't think about Gillian at all right now. He should focus on getting the money, that was all. He felt a coldness spreading through him. He wouldn't think of how much he wanted her, how important she was, he would just push that away and focus solely on winning. I'm going to win fifteen million dollars, that's what!_

**Hospital**

'There is something in your blood, but we can't find out what it is.'

Gillian looked up from the table she was sitting on as she heard the much dreaded words being spoken out loud by the doctor. _So it was true. This nightmare had just become reality. _

'I'm sorry.' The doctor said as he sighed and looked at her status.

_Gillian had explained him everything she knew about the poison, had given him a list of the symptoms Frank had mentioned. She knew there was little hope that they would come up with an antidote, but a bit hope was better then no hope at all she had thought._

_'_How long before you will know what's in my blood?' Gillian asked as she lowered the rolled up sleeves of her blouse.

'A week and a half.' The doctor said.

Gillian shook her head as she got up. 'That's too long.' She took her coat as she pushed her lips together. She looked up at her doctor. 'He said that the poison will kill me in six days from now.'

'We will do anything that is in our power to help you doctor Foster. But you have to understand that there are many, many sorts of poisons, we can never test them all in just a few days. Especially when it's a home made poison.'

Gillian nodded as she put on her coat. _She understood that._

'And you should stay here.'

That made Gillian stop her movements. She looked up at the doctor and swallowed because those words were exactly the ones she had dreaded.

'Why?' Gillian asked as she managed to move again and finish putting her coat on. _The poison was already in her, and if they couldn't find anything what use had it to stay here?_

'The more you move around, the quicker your blood brings the poison everywhere. You should rest.'

Gillian shook her head. _She couldn't rest. She couldn't just do nothing and lie around like that. _'I don't see the problem here. I can either stay here and sit here all day, or I can sit at my work doing something. I have things to do.' She thought of Cal's words shortly. "_Foster I know you're too pigheaded stubborn to take advice from the doctors." This is probably the kind of thing he meant. He just knew her too well. _

The doctor shook his head. 'The more you move around-'

'-Look doctor, thank you very much for your advise, I'll keep that in mind and make sure that I'll move around slowly.' Gillian said as she smiled slightly at the doctor.

'What things can be more important then your own health?' The doctor asked trying to convince her.

Gillian took her bag from the chair. 'Finding that antidote within six days seems very important to me right now.'

The doctor nodded. 'You're in a very difficult situation. If you insist in going home then I would like to go through some steps with you. Firstly I want you to check in with us every day and tell us what symptoms you are experiencing.'

Gillian nodded.

'Secondly…'

**Lightman Group, ****Lab**

'Did you find anything yet?' Gillian asked as she marched into the lab.

Loker and Ria looked up.

Ria shook her head. 'Not yet.' She said in a sad and strained voice.

'Okay, let's see.' Gillian said in a positive tone as she put her overcoat on one of the chairs and began to roll up the sleeves of her blouse. Then she reminded herself of her bruises and wounds and she quickly lowered her blouse again.

'From the beginning please.' Gillian said as she felt Torres' gaze burn on her. _That woman saw almost everything._

'O, this is the wrong one.' Loker said as he began to play the wrong video and quickly ended it.

Gillian was just in time to see Cal on the screen very shortly.

'What is that?' Gillian asked shocked as her eyes were glued to the screen in astonishment and confusion.

'O, that, uh.. That's just, nothing really, not for this case.' Loker mumbled as he quickly played the other video.

Gillian stepped towards Loker who wasn't facing her, he sat slumped in one of the chairs in front of her.

'What was that Loker?' Gillian repeated.

Loker sighed inwardly. He knew that Foster wasn't going to let go. So he stopped the new video in defeat and looked up at her with big eyes.

'It's a video from Lightman.'

'Why do you have that?' Ria asked surprised as she instantly knew what the video was about.

'Why? Because he hasn't got his masks on right there and that almost never happens. He's showing his real emotion this time.' Loker explained. 'I was just interested in that and wanted to study it shortly. That's not a crime is it?'

Gillian shook her head in confusion. _What could trigger Cal to show his real emotions without hiding them behind the many walls and masks he used to have all around him? _

'When was this?' Gillian asked as she stepped towards them further and studied the first image on the pause screen that showed Cal while he was going to push Reynolds out of his way.

'It was when you were still in Vegas and we saw the tape of the elevator and alley.' Loker said.

'Play it.' Gillian said.

'What?' Loker thought he had seen it wrong.

'Play it.' Gillian ordered in a higher voice.

Loker narrowed his eyes and then nodded as he hit the play button.

Ria noticed how Gillian put her head back a bit in shock as she saw the anger that was radiating from Cal on the screen. She studied how Gillian's wide eyes narrowed in confusion and astonishment.

_Gillian couldn't believe what she was seeing. So this is how Cal had reacted when he found out what had happened to her in Vegas. Somewhere it touched her deep, that he had become so angry because she was hurt. That he had somehow snapped and had lost it in front of everyone, that she meant so much to him that this situation could bring up such deep emotions in him. And on the other hand she knew that she would make sure that this video got erased instantly after she had seen it. This was private. Very private. Cal had lost his temper before, but this. This was different. And she couldn't let it all sink in. She just had her eyes glued to the screen, studied him, his voice, his movements, his wide angry eyes._ It made her breathing hitch. _This was utter proof that he cared deeply for her. And it frightened her somehow. It was as if she pushed that conclusion far away instantly. She tucked it away somewhere in the back of her mind._

Gillian crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked at the rest of the video. She flinched as Cal threw a chair through the glass wall._ She couldn't believe it. Was that the same glass wall she just walked by? That had been repaired quickly_. _And it w-_ Her eyes caught something. 'Wait a moment. Rewind it.' Gillian ordered quickly as she narrowed her eyes in concentration.

'Just a bit.' Gillian said as she stepped next to Loker and stared intently at the screen. 'Enlarge the public.' She said. 'Do you see that.' She asked.

'What?' Ria asked she had only focused on Lightman.

'Everyone is shocked, but right there, that woman. Stop the screen.'

Ria noticed it now too. 'She looks happy.' She said in disbelief.

'And contempt.' Loker said as he narrowed his eyes at the screen now too.

Gillian nodded. 'Yes she does.' Gillian said slowly as her eyes didn't leave the image of the woman.

'She's happy that Lightman is in pain. You think this has anything to do with the case?' Loker asked as he looked up at Gillian.

'It could. Who is she? I don't remember seeing her before?' Gillian asked as she felt herself getting warm. _Was it so warm in here?_ She tried to ignore the feeling.

Ria shook her head. 'I think she's new. I saw her a few times in the lab downstairs.'

'We have to find out who she is and question her.' Gillian said.

'Wait is that wise to do? What if Frank finds out, he specifically told us not to look into this.' Ria said.

Gillian looked away shortly. 'Yes, you're right.' She sighed as she looked back at the screen at the frozen image of the woman. 'We just have to come up with something very creative then.' _That shouldn't be a problem, that's what they did here all the time. She would think of something on the way to that woman. They would improvise._

'Ria find out who she is, I want her name. And don't let her notice anything. We can study her file then and let her come in for questioning.' Gillian looked at Loker. 'I'm going to analyse the tape from Frank. Maybe I can get something out of his voice.'

'I got some news.' Reynolds said as he burst into the lab.

Loker, Ria and Gillian turned around towards him.

'They found all your stuff in the same dumpster you woke up in in bags. They're sifting through it right now in the hopes to find something like hairs or something else.' Reynolds said to Gillian.

Gillian sighed. _Great, she had slept on her own stuff all night long without even knowing it. _

'That's good right? Maybe they'll find something that belongs to your attacker.' Ria said with new found hope in her eyes.

Reynolds nodded.

'I sent the sketch of your attacker to Ellis and the Vegas police. I hope we'll be hearing something soon. As for the woman who saw you, they interviewed her but didn't come up with anything useful.'

'Okay, well, Ria is right, maybe they'll find some fibres or hairs on my clothes. Who knows. I'm sure we'll find something.' Gillian said hopeful.

**Hallway**

Ria caught up to Gillian.

'Lightman was right wasn't he?' She asked as she was walking next to her boss now.

Gillian looked at her. 'Right about what?'

'Advise from the doctor, you told us nothing about your visit to the hospital.' She remembered how Gillian had marched into the lab only half an hour ago, acting like she hadn't just had a very important visit to the hospital. It had reminded Ria of the fact that Gillian was very good at pushing things away, hiding things. But not good enough, Ria could read different things from Gillian. She could see that Gillian was tense and worried. She saw things others might not see or notice.

Gillian shook her head. She then looked at Ria with clear blue eyes and determination. 'Because it doesn't matter at the moment.' Gillian stated shortly.

Ria picked up on the tone in Gillian's voice instantly that told her to back off. But she wouldn't.

'So they didn't give you any advise like slowing it down somehow?' Ria asked as she tried to keep up with Gillian's fast pace through the hallway towards the other side of the building.

_Ria couldn't imagine that the doctors wouldn't have advised her to stay in bed or rest or maybe even stay at the hospital. _

Gillian swallowed.

Ria could see on her face that she didn't want to lie, probably because she knew full well that Ria would see right through it. She saw the older woman struggle shortly with how to respond to her.

Then Gillian suddenly stopped and put a hand on Ria's arm.

'Let it go Ria.' She said in a stern voice as she looked straight in Ria's eyes. 'Let it go.' She said in a somewhat softer and caring tone.

Ria shook her head. _No, not this time. There were times before that Gillian had told her to let things go, for example the time when she had seen Lightman looking at the video of the British woman on the screen over and over again. She knew something was happening that moment. She knew Lightman was so on edge with the suicides because there was something going on with him. And she knew Gillian knew exactly what that something was. Ria wanted honesty. Just like she hadn't understood why Lightman hadn't told Gillian about her husbands lies. She just couldn't understand those things. But over time she had understood that both of her bosses worked with some sort of line. That they wanted their privacy. And that it wasn't always good to be honest. There were downsides to seeing everything. Sometimes lies were necessary. Sometimes they were even better. But this was different. It felt different and Ria made a quick choice. She wouldn't allow Gillian to go through this alone._

'How can I? I want you to be well. If you don't listen to the doctor, what if you'll die sooner? After five days instead of six.' Ria told Gillian exactly what she was thinking and feeling at the moment.

Gillian flinched at that. _That was not something she wanted to hear._ 'I won't die sooner.' Gillian said as she walked further without looking at Ria_. She wouldn't show her fears and doubts to one of her employers. They should be focused on the case, how to get Frank. Not focused on how she was feeling. _Gillian took a handkerchief out of the pocket of her dark blue suit and patted the sweat from her neck and the nape of her neck.

She got stopped by an iron grip around her arm.

'I think you should let us figure out what is happening and that you should rest.' Ria said in a strong voice which surprised Gillian.

'I don't need rest.' Gillian stated in a sharp and warning tone. _Ria was overstepping her boundaries now. _

Ria raised an eyebrow at that tone, a tone she wasn't used to getting from Gillian at all. _That already proved a lot to her. Gillian wasn't feeling well, otherwise she would have never reacted like that. Gillian always reacted in a friendly way, however angry she was. _

Gillian shook her head. _She knew Torres meant well, but this wasn't her business. _

'Look Ria, this is my own choice.' Gillian said as she began to walk away from the young woman.

'Yes but I don't understand, how can you be so reckless with your own life?' Ria asked at Gillian's back.

Gillian froze in her steps as she felt sweat dripping from her neck into her tank top again. _She turned around towards Ria as she felt heat crawling up her cheeks. She should have known, Torres was never the one to just let things go. She saw a lot, everything maybe and she hadn't learned yet to leave some things be. _Gillian sighed to relief some of the tension she was feeling in side of her._ The heat was killing her!_ She took of her blazer to get some coolness to her overheated skin.

Ria's eyes grew in shock as she noticed Gillian's bruised arms.

Gillian had already anticipated Ria's reaction but ignored it, she didn't care at the moment how she looked she just needed to do something quick before she would feel even worse then now if that was even possible. She took a few paces back to Ria.

'I…' Gillian began as she panted a bit. 'I need to control this. Just….' Gillian put up her hand towards Ria. _This conversation needed to end, it wasn't doing her any good at the moment_.

'Don't question me, just do what I ask of you.' Gillian almost pleaded. _She needed to go to the bathroom right now_. 'I'll be with you in a moment. Just find that woman.' Gillian instructed Torres as she turned around and walked towards the bathroom.

Gillian was leaning against the cold bathroom wall as she panted hard and had to cough some.

_It would be over soon_. This was the second time today that she had gotten a heat wave only this one was worse. She felt tears pooling in her eyes. _She'd had heat waves like this when she was sick from the flue. And she knew it meant her body was working. So this time her body was working too. It frightened her very much though that she knew now that her body could never win this time without help._ She heard the door opening and saw Torres walking in.

Annoyance got the better of her. Torres put a glass of water filled with ice cubes in Gillian's hand an an ice pack in her other hand before she could open her mouth to react.

'I told you..' Gillian began weakly.

'Yeah well..' Ria said as she shrugged. 'I sometimes just don't listen to other people.'

Gillian let herself slip down from the wall until she sat against it. She thankfully sipped from the water as she put the icepack against her head.

'You could always fire me.' Ria suggested as she squatted in front of Gillian.

Ria noticed that her boss didn't react to that. She was just staring into nothingness for a few moments.

'We don't have time.' Gillian said after a few seconds as she looked at Ria.

Ria noticed how Gillian's otherwise blue, sparkly eyes stood dull and painful now.

'Lightman will come up with the money. He'll get the antidote.' Ria said in a strong voice.

Gillian shook her head softly. 'You know as well as I do that it's an insane request, fifteen million. He'll never be able to..' Her breathing hitched again. _She shouldn't think like this. Positive… Think positive. _'Yes, he probably will….' But the words were spoken like she didn't believe it herself.

Ria shook her head.

'We still got five and a half days. It's just like you said. We solved all cases, we'll solve this one.'

_Yeah, they might solve it, but the question was would that the case be solved __and closed with her funeral to go directly after that? She wondered shortly if she would be replaced. Of course she would. And who would Cal choose to replace her? She felt sick at the thought that someone else, some other woman would have her office. He would work with her then. He would forget about her. Maybe not in the beginning, but after a while. She would be forgotten. She would be nothing more then a cold tombstone on a full cemetery full of forgotten memories. _

'I'm going to find that woman and I'll bring her to the cubicle.'

Ria's words stopped her thoughts. Gillian nodded weakly. 'I'll be there in a few minutes.'

Gillian chastised herself for having these thoughts. _They weren't helping. And she wouldn't go that way. She would be strong. And stay positive._

Ria nodded as she straightened herself_. She hated seeing her boss like this. She didn't know what to say. She remembered the first time she had met Gillian in the airport, and later that week how Lightman had been bossy, domineering, sneering and many more ugly things and how Gillian had comforted her, told her everything would be better soon. She had been friendly and warm, comforting Ria with her words and sometimes just her presence. And although Ria sometimes hated how Gillian didn't stand up to Lightman, for example when she hadn't told her that her boyfriend was in the hospital, she still respected the woman. Their relationship after that had been strained, but now all Ria wanted to do was help and take away Gillian's pain. _

'We all care about you, you know.' Ria finally said.

Gillian looked up at her from under the ice pack with teary eyes. She tried to smile somewhat.

Ria nodded at her and then left.

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And and? Please tell me what you thought? Was it too dramatic?


	9. Chapter 9

Yaay thanks for the reviews!! This chapter was really long so I had to split it up because I still have to change a few things... Here's the beginning for now....

**Chapter 9**

**DAY 2 MORNING**

'NO! Enough is enough!' Gillian shouted heatedly as she threw the door open with obvious anger and walked from the computers back towards the cubicle.

'Really?!' Cal snapped in a cold tone as he quickened his pace to keep up with her. 'Is that what you think!' He shouted at her as he grabbed her arm to stop her.

Gillian gave him an angry look. 'It always the same with you: when it comes down to it you forget all your responsibilities and I have to pick up the pieces!' Gillian spat at him.

Cal let go of her arm and gave her a disgusted look. 'Ow POOR you!' He said as he put his hands in the air in frustration. 'I can't live without you, is that it?!' He shot at her.

Gillian flinched at the mean stab he had just sent her way. She shook her head sadly, _she was fed up with all of this._ 'That's it.' She said in a very patient tone as she put up her hands next to her head. She shook her head again as she looked at him through teary eyes. I'm not listening to this anymore.' Gillian turned her back towards him, ready to march off.

'That's why you have to smother me all the time, is it?' Cal barked at her back. 'Until I SUFFOCATE? Does that make you feel nice and powerful?!' Cal shouted.

Gillian stopped and seemed frozen to the ground. She breathed in deep and turned on her heel to face him once again. Disgust was written on her face. Her lip twitched. 'If I wouldn't SMOTHER you as you call it so nicely you would be lying half dead somewhere in the gutter!' She shouted angrily.

Cal could see the veins coming up in her neck.

Cal smiled a humourless smile at that and shook his head. 'O sure of course. Just ask Foster here, our own personal Mother Goose who knows EVERYTHING. Because YOU always know what to do, everything you do is so perfect, you know everything don't you? Well o mighty woman, tell me what to do now, just tell me!' Cal spat sarcastically as he walked towards her.

'I already told you but you never listen, because you think you are some sort of God. Should I remind you that I have part of this company!? You seem to forget that OVER AND OVER again.' Gillian spat as she pointed her finger at him heatedly.

'Yeah you got part of the company and that's the biggest mistake I ever made in my life! The only thing you do is smother everyone until they suffocate and that really get's us nowhere!' Cal snapped. _He could see the hurt expression on her face._

_She had inhaled breath at his words of that being the biggest mistake he ever made._

'How dare you?!' She barked in a raw emotional voice. 'I don't smother anyone, that's called looking at feelings of other persons, something you aren't familiar with.' She said in a hurt tone as a tear left her eye.

'Sure, keep telling yourself that daftness works.' Cal said as he studied her face with cold eyes.

'You don't even know what the word social means, you have no social skills at all Lightman.' She said in a low tone. 'You never did.' She stated sadly. 'And I pity you for that.' She looked him up and down. 'I'm through with you.'

'Ow your trough with me? Really? Just get of your high heels and take that stick that's stuck up your ass out!'

Gillian clenched her teeth. 'You are such an arrogant bastard! Never apologising, you are always right aren't you?!' She shouted. 'You never admit defeat.' A pained expression filled her face.

'OO please why don't you go smother someone, you're just SO soft! You stupid BITCH!'

Her hand flashed through the air and hit with skin and bone before anyone could look so fast. Cal's head slapped to the other side.

Shock spread over her face as she looked at her own hand. She looked from her hand back at Cal who was facing her now again. His cheek was a deep red now.

'Is that all you have in you?' He asked as he closed the gap between them with one step. He pulled up one side of his lips. 'You soft, daft…' Cal began.

'Don't…' Gillian said in a broken voice as she pushed him back, out of her personal space.

'You don't get to treat me like this! We're finished.' Gillian said in a low hoarse voice as she

Turned around and made her way back to the lab.

Loker and Ria looked up when Gillian came in.

**Half an hour earlier**

**Lab**

'And?' Reynolds asked as he looked at the screen with Loker.

Loker shook his head. 'Nothing, Frank thought of everything. We can see Gillian being brought to the dumpster but the person that is doing that is wearing a long dark coat, making it difficult to determine his body type, and he's wearing a large hood.'

Reynolds turned around in frustration. 'I hate this, we're getting nowhere.'

'Reynolds.' Reynolds barked in his phone the moment it went off.

After a while he hung up with a smile. 'They found her attacker. Now we're getting somewhwere.'

'That's good.' Cal said behind them.

Reynolds turned around. _He didn't know Cal was already here_. _He__ studied him and saw how awful he looked. He __was pale, had dark circles under his eyes__. It looked like he hadn't slept for days._ 'Yeah. They found him in a town nearby, I'll have to ride half an hour.'

Cal shook his head. 'No, I want him here. We've got the best equipment. And I'll do the interview.'

Reynolds put his hands in his sides. 'How are you going to do that? You're going to the casino the whole day I thought?'

'Yeah, but for this guy I will squeeze in an hour. An hour less or more sleep doesn't matter at the moment.' Cal said as he rubbed his stubbled chin. _He want to see the man who did this to Gillian. He wanted to look straight in his face. And he wanted to hurt him severly, but the last thing probably wasn't a very good idea. _

Reynolds nodded as he eyed Cal suspiciously. 'I'm going to be there the whole time. You can't mess with him.' Reynolds warned as he tried to read Cal.

'Yeah I know.' Cal said nonchalantly as he shrugged.

Cal looked around. 'Where's Foster?' He asked after a moment.

'She and Torres are questioning someone of the personnel.' Loker said as he looked up from the screen. _He hated that he couldn't get anything from the video's Ellis had sent. _

'How did she look?' Cal asked in a neutral tone. _He dreaded the answer. _

'O, she's blonde and-'

'I mean Foster.' Cal snapped impatiently.

'O.' Loker said as he nodded. 'She looked fine an hour ago.'

Cal bit his lip. 'I'm going to see her first before that prick calls in.' _He hated that he had to talk to Frank every morning. He knew that the guy enjoyed every second of it. _

Loker nodded. 'I'll let you know when Frank calls.'

**Cubicle**

'No we're just doing a routine evaluation. We're questioning everyone. We want to improve a lot of things and a few changes will be made in the future. Therefore we need the opinion of everyone who's employed with us. ' Gillian told the blonde woman who was sitting in front of her.

'Angela Pointer.' Gillian read from a paper in front of her. 'You are new aren't you? I have never seen you before.' Gillian said as she looked up from the files she had lying in front of her.

Angela nodded. 'Yes, I'm new.'

'Do you like working here?' Gillian asked as she made a note on her notebook.

'Sure, why wouldn't I?' Angela said in a soft defensive tone.

'I don't know.' Gillian said as she shrugged nonchalantly and studied Angela with friendly eyes. 'Part of this interview is to find out if you have any complaints or other things you are bothered with. Everything can help, whatever you want to tell us.' Gillian said as she carefully studied her face, her expression.

Gillian put her pen next to the file and leaned back against her chair. 'You have to know that we haven't got this company for this long yet. We want to reorganise and we have heard complaints here and there. I find it of great importance to know what is going on in the work place. I want a healthy environment.' Gillian explained as she smiled friendly at Angela.

Angela's big brown eyes studied Gillian shortly and then she nodded.

'So how's she doing?' Cal asked as he walked outside of the cubicle where Torres was standing next to the computers.

Torres looked up. She wondered if she should tell him the truth or not. But Cal was already standing in front of her, in her space and studying her face.

_Lying wouldn't help_, she decided. 'Not so good a while ago, but now she's feeling a bit better again.'

Cal straightened himself as he stepped out of Torres personal space and faced the cubicle. He studied Gillian as she walked around the table where the blonde woman was sitting behind. Her cheeks were lightly flustered but for the rest he couldn't see anything on her. Just the tired look in her eyes.

He walked towards the cubicle and knocked on the glass to get her attention.

'Cal.' Gillian said as she opened the door and walked towards him.

'Hi luv, just wanted to check on you.'

'What are you doing here?' She asked surprised as she eyed him up and down.

He swallowed when he noticed how tired she really looked.

'Part of the agreement remember? Frank wants me to check in every morning.'

She nodded as she remembered.

'Reynolds found your attacker.' Cal said but his attention wasn't with his own words.

Gillian nodded. _She knew, Reynolds had already told her._

Cal put his hands worried on her forehead and was shocked to find the skin so clammy and overheated. _It felt like she was having a severe fever. He concluded that the poison was already ruining her body._

'Cal, it's…' Gillian began as she took his wrist to put his hand away from her head. But he brought his hand stubbornly on her breastbone after that.

'Cal.' She uttered shocked as she felt his cold hand on the overheated skin just above her breasts.

'You're all clammy.' He stated as he studied her, ignoring her slight shock at the intimate gesture he was making.

She took his wrist again. 'I'm fine.' She said shortly.

'No, you're not.' He said as shortly as she had. He put his hand on her heated cheek. 'Just hold on.'

She nodded slightly.

'I'll be back soon.' He said in a soft voice.

'Wait, I need your help.' Gillian said as she took his arm and stopped him.

0000

Hm, I hope the ending of this chapter wasn't too abrupt... More is coming soon!! Let me know your thoughts please?


	10. Chapter 10

Hi!! You're reviews made me REALLY HAPPY! HOORAY. Thanks. Here's the rest... (not everything ofcourse haha)

**Day 2**

Last chapter:

'You don't get to treat me like this! We're finished.' Gillian said in a low hoarse voice as she turned around and made her way back to the lab.

Loker and Ria looked up when Gillian came in.

**AND NOW:**

'And?' Gillian asked.

Loker shook his head as he looked at his computer.

Gillian moved towards him and leaned with her hands on the desk to stare at the screen.

'When you started fighting she showed surprise at first, then confusion.' Loker began.

'I did catch slight contempt in the beginning of your fight. I think she doesn't like Lightman. The moment you hit Lightman she was shocked and after that she showed contempt.' Ria said.

Loker nodded. 'For the rest there wasn't much change in any of her vital signs. A few times her blood pressure rose slightly when you mentioned Lightman. But nothing out of the ordinary.' He said as he looked up at Gillian.

Gillian was staring at the cubicle. 'So we can conclude that she is just someone who doesn't like Cal very much.'

'Which there are more people of.' Loker said honestly as he looked at his screen.

Gillian looked down at the screen and nodded. 'Yes, I think she would have had more reactions and signs to show us if she was involved in any of this.'

Ria nodded. 'I'd like to know what she has against Lightman though.' Ria said as she narrowed her eyes. _Something felt off. She couldn't put her finger on it._

'Feel free.' Gillian said as she smiled friendly at Ria. 'You can finish the conversation if you want, I'm in my office if anyone needs me.' She didn't want to put any more energy in miss Pointer right now, she needed to rest some and she didn't think they could get something from her involving the case.

Loker and Ria nodded as Gillian left.

Loker rubbed his chin in anger. _So this was a dead end too. _

'What are you thinking?' Loker asked as he looked up at Ria after a moment.

Ria shrugged. 'I don't know. It just seems… No, it's probably nothing. It's just a feeling. She seems so calm. Almost too calm.'

'We've got her baseline, maybe she's just a calm person.' Loker said as he shrugged.

'Yeah maybe.' Ria said as she walked away towards the cubicle to let Angela go back to her work.

**Gillian's office**

**Gillian stared in front of her, deep in thought. _Sometimes she really wished that Cal didn't have such a temper. But that was just who he was. But after all this mess, she should try and talk to him about this again. She just wished other people could see him as she did. That they could see how caring he could be and that he had a really big and good, warm heart under that hard exterior of his that lashed out sometimes._**

The object of her thoughts suddenly marched into her office.

'Cal.' Gillian greeted him. 'How did it go?' She asked worried. He looked awful. _Which was to be expected, she suspected that he didn't sleep a lot either. Just like her._

Cal shrugged. 'Nothing new. Put two million in his bank account.'

Gillian could hear the anger in his voice.

'You okay luv?' Cal asked as he went to stand in front of her desk.

She looked up at him with a question in her eyes.

'The fight we just pulled off.' Cal explained.

She nodded. 'Yes it was very convincing I think. Thanks.'

'You were hurt.' He stated with a frown between his brows.

She looked up at him. _She knew immediately what he meant, she had just forgotten momentarily and he had noticed. Of course he had. He always did, one way or another, even if she didn't want him too_.

'I saw it on your face, when I called you smothering.' She heard his voice as she saw him gesture towards her with a finger.

'O, it's just..' She had began to hate the word smothering, she really did. 'It reminds me of…'

'Vegas.' Cal filled in for her as he dropped himself in the chair in front of her. He touched his own cheek shortly. It was still a bit soar from her slap. 'Sorry luv.' He said. 'Guess I just feel smothered very quickly. Doesn't necessarily have something to do with you.' He said honestly.

She nodded as she smiled at him. _She knew that. She sometimes just forgot._

'And I could have sworn that you hit me really hard this time.' Cal said after a short pause. He remembered the last time she had hit him, when they had faked an argument too to find out if the woman they saw as a suspect was used to violence between men and woman.

'Maybe you're getting soft.' She quipped.

He smirked at that as he eyed her lazily. 'So you wanne tell this _soft_ freakshow what the doctor said?' Cal asked after a short moment as he studied her closely.

She wasn't facing him, and she suddenly started fumbling with things in her desk drawer. He had just seen the slight shock on her face at his question. Just a micro expression but it hadn't gone unnoticed.

_Her actions gave him the answer already. _

'Exactly what you already thought, that they need a week and a half to find an antidote.' She said in a muffled tone as she began to move things around in her desk drawer now with a lot of noise.

Cal frowned his brows. 'And?' He prodded above the noise.

'And what?' She asked innocently as she stood up and busied herself with some files on her desk. _She didn't want this right now. She felt herself getting tenser then she already was._

Cal stepped closer and stared at her face. _He didn't need to ask again. And she knew it. They could read each other just too well._

She looked at him. _These were the moments that she didn't like that he could read her like a book. These were the moments that she needed the line. She hated it that he already knew the answer somehow without her even telling him. That felt like she had no choice in the matter whatsoever. It didn't matter what she would say, because he already knew._ She sighed tiredly as she looked him in his eyes.

Cal could see that she was debating something in her head.

She sat down on her chair again and opened another drawer.

'What else did they say Gillian.' Cal urged as he leaned against her desk on one side. _He suspected that he had been right: she was holding something back. He had been right before she even stepped into that hospital. Reynolds should have gone with her, just like he had told him to._

'Nothing of importance at this exact moment.' Gillian said shortly as she looked him straight in his face.

He smirked without amusement. 'You had to think long 'bout that one?' He asked, knowing full well she was answering him in a way that didn't make it a lie but at the same time concealed something.

She sighed. 'This conversation is over.' She said as she didn't face him but bended forward to open another drawer. _Her words had sounded harsher then she had meant too. _

'Ey?' He uttered with big surprise. He frowned his brows. 'This conversation is over?' He repeated surprised and angry. He stood up to his full length as his lip twitched and he felt anger building up inside himself at her nonchalant evasive behaviour towards him.

'I think I get to decide that too.' Cal said.

That made her sit up. In less then a second she was standing in front of him. Staring openly at him.

His eyes swept over her face, the bruises that were getting lighter, the swelling that was gone. The tired lines around her eyes. The slight red of her cheeks, he guessed she was getting warm again.

'You already knew when you walked in my office that I didn't want to talk about that, so just leave it be and respect my choices.' Gillian said angrily.

Cal narrowed his eyes. _He didn't know her like this. _He studied her posture in only seconds. _Defensive_. His gaze swept over her body. Black suit to hide her bruised arms and legs. The colour black explained a lot. Her posture wasn't as straight as usual, _tired_, her shoulders pulled up a bit, _tense_. His eyes went up to her face again.

'This is your health we are talking about. It involves other people too.' Cal stated. He could see the slightest movement and grabbed her arm before she could even start to move away from him.

Gillian looked from his eyes down at the hand on her arm. She looked up at him again. She shook her head softly. 'Cal, stop this.' She almost seemed to beg.

'This is way over the line-' Gillian said as he saw micro expressions of real anger on her face now.

'The line?' He spat surprised as he let go of her arm. _Bloody hell how he hated that line!_ 'You really want to talk about the line right now? I don't get to be worried about you cuz that's over the line? Is that it yeah?' He said irritated. 'You just use that line to shut yourself off like a bloody oyster.' _He had wanted to say that for a very long time and now it was out._

She just stared at him and before she could react he already opened his mouth in anger.

'I just want to know how you are doing, is that a crime yeah?!' He barked at her.

She flinched at his outburst. _Something changed in her eyes and he could see that she softened momentarily._

'Of course you can worry about me Cal. And I mean with the line that you should respect my boundaries and wishes.' Gillian said in an even, controlled tone, sounding very much like the psychologist she was.

_He chose to ignore the tone she too__k with him and he hated so much. He wasn't one of her patients._ 'They told you to take medicines?' He asked as he gauged her reaction. 'No, that's not it.'

She wanted to turn away from him but he stopped her. 'They told you to stay there?' He demanded as he was standing close to her now, tilting his head, studying her every move, every expression.

She looked away angrily.

'That's it yeah.' He concluded.

She began to walk away.

'They told you to stay there.' He spat as he hurried after her.

Gillian suddenly stopped to take her handkerchief and wipe the sweat from her forehead. He saw anger in her eyes as she turned towards him. 'Did you even listen to what I just said?' She asked him in a hurt voice.

He shook his head annoyed. _Yeah, he had listened, but she had been deflecting and he wasn't going to fall for that one. 'Don't make this about boundaries, wishes and lines. This is about life and death Foster.' Cal spat shortly._

'No, this is about you not listening to me.' She said heatedly as she pointed at him. 'I know that you respect the work I do, at least I think so. But sometimes, I can't help wondering if you really respect my wishes and boundaries, because you just ignore them all the time.'

Cal's eyes grew big in surprise._ What?!_ Cal shook his head in anger. 'I'm talking about that stuff in you that's killing you and you tell me that I don't respect you?'

'O, never mind.' She sighed tiredly. _She really didn't have the energy._ She wiped her neck and breastbone again. _She was __**actually **__sweating. Again. Never in her whole life had she sweated as much as in the last two days. _

'Never mind?' He mimicked surprised as he studied her face. 'What's that now? What's gotten in to you? I do mind.' Cal said as he took her arm again. 'I want you to lie down and rest.'

She ripped his arm away from him. _That was exactly why she hadn't told him or anyone. _

'You already know my answer to that, so I'm not going to discuss this any further.' _She felt so angry. And dizzy. And it was as if everything was becoming blurry, fuzzy. As if it weren't her words anymore that left her lips. She had to leave right now. _

'You are impossible!' Cal shouted at her back. 'I can't talk with you or to you, it doesn't matter what I say does it? You just push me away again and again.'

_His words stabbed right through her fuzzy, blurry and dizzy state instantly._ She stopped and then turned around with open mouth. 'What?'

'You just decide something for yourself and it doesn't matter what others think about it.'

'This is _my_ life we're talking about!' She shouted, he could see her neck and cheeks getting red and a vein appeared on the tender skin of her neck again. _Why couldn't he understand that she needed to keep herself together with everything she had?!_

'And there are other people who care about your life too. But you just won't let them in.' Cal said in a frustrated tone as he stepped towards her.

She swallowed. _She got a very weird taste in her mouth. And did the floor just begin to spin? What was that taste?_ 'What are you talking about?' She breathed in deeply to steady herself. Then anger rose up in her chest like fire shooting from the pit of her stomach. 'It this because I won't do what **you** want?!' She pointed at her chairs. 'Lying around and doing NOTHING?'

'Lying around and giving your body rest before it shuts down **before** we have the antidote!' He snapped as he took a few steps towards her. 'Then you'll be lying around doing NOTHING for the rest of eternity!' He spat as he thought of what would happen if her body would shut down before he even got his hands on the antidote.

_That's exactly what Frank wanted. He made her a victim, and she didn't want to be a victim. She refused to ever be a victim. He might control her body with the stuff he put in her, but he wouldn't control her mind. No one would. __She would not become helpless. Never. Because Gillian had been helpless so many times in her life, as a child. And after that, she had vowed to herself that she would never ever let something like that happen ever again. And now Cal was pushing her into being that helpless victim. He was arguing because he wasn't getting his way. Because she wasn't listening to him. _

'You're turning things around because I won't do what you want and have decided.' Gillian said in a weak voice but she still managed to put some venom in there.

_He just didn't understand anything about this conversation, or argument whatever you wanted to call it.__ He was worried about her. And he had every reason to be! What was she doing?! _'Is this about me telling you something to do and you not doing it just to be stubborn or something?' Cal snapped.

'Yes Cal.' Gillian said sarcastically as she nodded angrily. 'This is ALL about **you**.' She spat. 'You're exactly right, your such a good judge of character.' She spat as she felt her cheeks heating up.

His eyes widened in shock as he saw blood trickle from her nose. She put her handkerchief against it. She gave him one last angry glare and then stalked off.

The moment she opened the bathroom door she ran towards the toilet and dropped herself in front of it, throwing all of her breakfast out in seconds. She was just in time. After that she leaned her head against the wall. She had to get up. _Get up Gillian_. She dragged herself to the sink to drink some water to get the filthy taste out of her mouth. Her stomach hurt.

After a few minutes she was still leaning against the sink as she looked in the mirror of the woman's bathroom. She was panting hard. _She was afraid. This frightened her_. Her eyes filled with tears. She wiped them away angrily. _She would not let this get to her. __She thought of Frank and hated him from the pit of her stomach. Never in her life had she hated someone like she hated him right now. She was always the forgiving type, didn't like anger, didn't think people should walk around with hate or anger inside of them._ But now... She shook her head as she breathed in deeply and tried to calm herself.

Suddenly the door got pushed open hard, it collided with the wall and revealed Cal.

'I'm worried about you, that's what.' He said in a hard tone as he walked towards her.

_Their discussion was_ _obviously not over yet,_ Gillian thought as she saw the intense look on his otherwise blank face. 'I know.' Gillian said softly as she looked at her hands that were flat on the sink. 'It's just-'

'No, you don't know.' Cal said as he stepped towards her and leaned against the sink, looking at her face.

'If something would happen to you…' He said in a hard tone as he pointed at her. 'It would…' He looked away. His jaw was working hard. 'It would rip me apart. It would probably kill me.' He said in a raw honest voice.

She looked up at him slowly and swallowed.

'I respect you. I always respected you. I know I can be a bastard sometimes, or maybe a lot of times, and I hurt you sometimes and pushed you. That doesn't mean that I don't respect you.' He said clearly. _He just wanted to be very clear on that point._

She eyed his face and stood frozen. _She didn't know what to say._

'I would do anything to get you better. Anything.' He said as he looked at her with a determined look on his face.

'Cal, I'm sorry.'

'Don't give me that.' Cal said as he shook his head angrily. 'I don't want your apologies. But I don't want your ramble about that daft line of yours and me not seeing your wishes and such things cuz you that isn't right if you say that.'

'_Daft_ line?' She repeated hurt.

Cal flinched._ He probably shouldn't have used that word for her precious line,_ _but now they were on the subject anyway, maybe he should just speak his mind._ 'Yeah daft, that's what it is. It's just a way to hide behind in the end isn't it?'

She frowned her brows. _She didn't know that he thought about the line like that_. 'I thought we agreed-'

'Yeah sure. At the time. I could see the usefulness of it then. But we both know we can't hide anything from each other. That line is just another way to keep other things far away.'

Gillian leaned her hip against the sink as her eyes didn't leave his face. 'What are you talking about? What things?' She asked as she shook her head with a quizzical look on her face.

'Things like this, when I worry-'

'Worry? It's that I KNOW that you worry because I know you but you don't exactly show it with your cold replies all the time. You didn't even face me yesterday when you left for the casino. So don't push this all on me and act like you're so open to me!' She suddenly spat. _She felt attacked by him. _

He shrugged angrily. _It was like nothing he said was right at the moment in her eyes. Like she was actually looking for a fight. For a way to push him far away_. 'Why show it when you already know it?' He asked nonchalantly in a cold tone. _He couldn't stop himself. He just felt the urge to fight back._

She turned away from him and dried her hands on the towel. 'Yes that's easy isn't it. Then why did you come after me at all?'

'Cuz obviously you don't know everything about me and what I mean.'

'And that's exactly what the line is for, to stop reading each other that way so we don't have our privacy.' Gillian snapped as she turned towards him again.

_He had come here to make up for their argument, why had it become even worse now? And more importantly: how? 'Whatever suits you.' He said as he shrugged nonchalantly, closing himself down to not get hurt._

'You know Cal. I'm tired of having to just assume things about how you feel all the time. Maybe I shouldn't anymore, it's tiring me out. Maybe you should try and put an effort into communicating with me instead of assuming I'll just know what is happening or what is wrong with you.' She said in a very tired voice.

'I thought that's what we're doing right now.' Cal said angrily.

She shook her head as she passed him. 'We're getting nowhere with this Cal. Let's just leave it at this.' She said as she opened the door and disappeared.

He looked at the closed door. _He thought that he had told her what he was feeling. He'd said it right in her face. That he'd give anything to save her, help her. That he'd give his life. That he'd be broken if anything ever happened to her. It was like she hadn't heard it. Like his words wouldn't reach her. He knew he wasn't good at communication. Not as good as she was. It was her profession. _He stared at the white paint on the door_. But somewhere he had the idea that she didn't let him close right now. She'd come up with that stupid line. It made him feel angry. He cared for her, and he knew that she cared for him too. But when things really got heated she just closed herself off. Just like that. And he knew he wasn't one to talk. He'd had pushed her away many times, had closed himself off probably even more. But why wouldn't she let him close at a moment like this? At a moment that she was in pain, in danger? What was it with that woman? As much as he knew of her, knew her, there were things he didn't know. He didn't understand. He shook his head as he went through his hair with one hand. Great, this is just great. Good way to start just another bloody shitty day._

Gillian was staring at the scrambled video with Frank on it. Listening to his demands, listening to what he had said to Cal this morning. But she didn't see him, didn't hear him. All she could think about was the real fight she just had with Cal. _O, they had fought before, but not like this. This time, she had been out of control. What had possessed her? It was like the words came spilling out of her mouth without her even thinking first. It was like her mouth didn't belong to her, like it was someone else's voice who said all these things. And she knew that she had been unfair. She'd said unreasonable things, she'd deflected constantly. That wasn't like her. She just didn't want to think about what Cal had said. That he'd be broken_ _without her. That he'd do anything for her. "If they touch you, they touch me, it's as simple as that." His words went through her head_. She swallowed. _No, that couldn't sink in. She couldn't let it sink in. Not now, not ever. She needed to collect her thoughts. Needed to think straight. It all was just a bit heated because of the situation. Cal had barely slept, she had barely slept, the whole office was tense as it was. They were all on edge. And so was she. She shouldn't punish herself for that. That was just a natural cause to all of this. In a few days this would be over. Then she would take a long relaxing hot bath and she'd be on the road to full health again._

_ She just had to believe that…_

00000

Well, there you have it, a real fight. For the people who thought the other fight was real, when Cal found out how warm Gillian was she asked him in the end for his help, that was his help to make a scene in front of Angela. Well, I promise you much ACTION the coming chapters again!!!!

And?? What did you think? Please share it with me! Thanks!

13


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks so much for all your reviews, they really made me very HAPPY and I love to be happy!

**Chapter 11**

Reynolds looked through the glass at the interrogation room John Flins was sitting in. The man that had attacked Gillian. He narrowed his eyes as he felt anger rising up in him. Flins was leaning back in his chair, nonchalantly and he seemed totally at ease. Not afraid, not nervous. This man had been in and out of prison many times. He had been a criminal for a large part of his life. He didn't seem to care that he was arrested. Reynolds looked at his mobile and wondered why Cal hadn't picked up the phone. He had been trying to get a hold of him for an hour now.

00

_Yes, he knew that the ground was hard. Especially when it was made of concrete. But having your face pressed against it always made it harder then you expected it to be. Even when you had been in the exact same situation many times before._ Cal groaned as he saw how a black, heavy shoe crushed his hand.

The hand that reached out for the phone.

The phone that was lying in the gutter, inches away from his now very painful hand.

00

Reynolds looked up at Flins. _Maybe it was better that Flins wouldn't be brought into the Lightman Group. He didn't really trust Cal within range of this guy. Especially after the way Cal had trashed his office when_ _he found out about Gillian being hurt_. He looked up as the door opened and Gillian walked in. She produced a weak, warm smile for him and then her eyes flicked towards the man in the interrogation room. She had gone to the bathroom for a moment to freshen up and had plastered her usual professional mask on her face. Just the dark colour of the bruises that she had tried to cover with make up were proof of what had happened to her.

'Do you recognise him?' Reynolds asked_. But he felt like he didn't need to ask, given the way her eyes didn't stop staring at the man. She would have lost interest in the guy sooner if it hadn't been her attacker. _

Gillian studied the man and then looked back at Reynolds. 'Yes, that's him.' She said.

Reynolds' eyes swooped over her figure and her posture but he didn't see anything_. Cal probably would have, he knew how to read Gillian. Reynolds didn't, and sometimes he wished he did. _

00

_Everything had been going well. Until now. But he probably could have expected this. He had read the angry faces of a few men around him __earlier. He should have been warned. He should have left. But he didn't. He wanted the money. He needed the money. So when he came back from the men's room. That's when it happened. That's when he got reminded of the fact that he was too late._

_Too late with getting away. Way to go Cal!_

00

'I'm going to question him.' Reynolds said. 'You want to stay here or what do you want?'

Gillian was still staring through the glass window. _She wondered if she wanted to talk to this man herself. Face him, look him in his eyes. Confront him. See what sort of_ _monster had done this to her_. She lowered her face and stared at her arms. Her hand went to her midsection, the place where he had kicked her. _Was the man that was sitting there Frank?_ _Had he poisoned her?_ Her nostrils widened shortly. Then she straightened her dark blue blazer_. This was her chance. She didn't want to be afraid. She wouldn't be afraid. They had caught him now and she would read every single thing there was to read off of him so he could be put away for a very long time. She made a decision._

'I want to question him myself please.' Gillian said as she gave Reynolds a warm questioning look.

He looked from Flins back to Gillian and narrowed his eyes. 'Are you sure about that?' _He just didn't want her to get hurt more then she already was._

She looked at Flins. 'Yes. I am sure. I want to go in there with you.' She told him in a strong voice.

Reynolds nodded. _He had his doubts but he had the idea that Foster knew exactly what she was doing. She was good at her job, good at the things she did. Maybe he should let her. Together they'd probably get more out of the bastard then him just alone._ 'Okay, if that's what you really want.'

00

The weird thing was that it all went very fast from there. He had taken two or maybe three steps out of the men's room, he was walking in the dark hallway towards the stairs that would bring him to the basement where the poker play was busy. The basement of the big casino he had chosen for today. Then he heard a sound behind him and he turned around, still not registering the danger, maybe he'd lost his touch. Or maybe he was just too damn tired, he was sleep deprived after all… And having your partner in life danger and her life in your hands, that did things to a man. Especially when said partner had a very big place in said man's heart. When he saw nothing behind him he turned around and suddenly something was very close to his face.

00

When they walked in the hallway, the short distance towards the interrogation room Reynolds felt her hand on his arm. 'Cal, did you reach him?' She asked in a soft voice.

Reynolds smiled internally. _Even he could hear the slight worry in her voice. That woman was so ever caring for Lightman, she would probably do everything for him. Like the time she asked him to keep Cal away from the gambling tables. Of course he hadn't listened then to her, Lightman was a grown man, didn't need someone to mother over him. Of course then he hadn't known what he knew now, what a bastard Cal could be, and how he would gamble with big amounts. Taking ridiculous risks. Anyway, it was more. If he didn't know better, he'd think that Gillian Foster loved Lightman_. _The warm gaze in her eyes she got when his name left her lips only added to this theory of his. _

'What?' Gillian asked when she noticed how Reynolds stared at her in thought.

He shook his head. 'He's probably very busy.' Reynolds said, to reassure her. _Or maybe to reassure himself. He didn't understand where Cal was. Cal had told him specifically to call him so he could come in. But now he wasn't even taking his calls. _

00

He had doubled over when that same fist punched him in his stomach. Then his phone had rung, but the next swung Cal received from suddenly a whole other side and another fist sent him and his phone tumbling towards the ground. His phone kept on ringing: _good quality that phone. He should remember that. _

00

Gillian studied Flins, read him. 'You remember me don't you?' She asked as she looked at his short brown hair, his dark brown eyebrows, his hazel eyes, his full lips and shaven cheeks. He could be a model from a magazine. This man had charm, and that made him even more dangerous.

'Should I?' Flins asked innocently.

Gillian leaned forward. 'Yes, I think you should.'

Flins eyed her up and down with a seductive look in his eyes. 'Sorry, I don't.'

Reynolds kept standing and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he leaned against the wall. 'Where were you on the night of the 14th of February?'

00

Cal's hand hurt, the foot was still on it, crushing it. His phone only died down when one of the men had crushed that with his foot four times. It lay in several pieces in the gutter now. _That call would probably go to voicemail now. _

00

'You're lying.' Gillian said.

'Scuse me?' Flins asked annoyed as he stared straight at her.

She wasn't going to repeat what she just said because she knew he had heard it right.

'Your face betrays you, and your tone does too. Your voice went up a notch.'

Flins narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

'The thing is..' Reynolds began as he walked towards Flins. He bended towards him as he leaned his hands on the table. 'You can keep lying but the lady here will notice instantly. So why don't you spare yourself, and us some time and just answer our questions honestly.'

00

_O, he knew this all too well_. Cal thought bitterly as his cheek collided with the dirty floor of the back alley agan. He smirked as he thought of Gillian's words when they had had a fake fight. She'd said that she always was the one to have to pick him up from the gutter. This time that could become true. He groaned when another shoe collided with his stomach again. He looked up.

'That's a bit unfair ain't it?' He asked as he looked up from the ground, he could count five men. _At least, he could still count. _

00

'So how do you want to handle this?' Gillian asked Reynolds. They were standing on the other side of the window again, in the next room. Gillian had a cup of tea in her hands and stared at Flins. They hadn't gotten through to Flins so they needed a plan.

Gillian studied Reynolds and saw how tense he was, how his muscles contracted, how his jaw worked and how his gaze stood dark and angry.

'Punching it out of him will probably not work.' Gillian said.

Reynolds looked up in surprise. She raised a brow in response.

_Sometimes it seemed like she could read his mind_. He shook his head as he looked down. _Working with these two, Lightman and her, it did strange things with a man._

'I sure like to try.' He bit honestly as he looked at Flins.

He heard her sigh.

'That won't help.' Her soft and friendly voice came.

Reynolds looked up at her. _Sometimes he just didn't understand her_. 'You serious?' He asked. 'That man..' He said as he pointed towards her attacker. 'Beat you up and dumped you like a piece of…' He swallowed the word 'trash', _there was no need to make it any worse then it already was. _'And you're telling me you don't have the slightest fibre in you that wants to punch him, hit him or at least hurt him?' He asked.

Her blue eyes gazed through the window and stared at Flins who was staring right at her now.

00

'Stay the hell away from here you big cheat!' Cal heard one of the men bark. O yeah, this was all to familiar for him. It reminded him of old days.

'I'm no cheat!' Cal barked back as he tried to get up. _He hated it when he was accused of cheating. It probably did something with his ego. _

That deserved him another swing in his side. His legs suddenly disappeared from under him and he fell to the ground again.

00

'I don't like violence.' Gillian said as she took a sip of her hot drink. She looked at Reynolds. 'It wouldn't help to do the same thing as he did to me.'

'How do you know?' Reynolds asked, because he disagreed. He took a step towards her. 'Maybe it would help. Maybe you'd feel better.'

'Better about what?' Her blue eyes gazed directly in his. 'It happened. It's the same thing as when someone gets killed, if you kill the murderer you'll find out that the pain won't go away. The emptiness won't go away. I think it's the same with violence.'

'If it were me..' Reynolds said as he pointed at his chest. 'I'd feel a lot better if I could just punch him in the face a few times.' He said in a low angry voice.

00

_That was exactly the problem with him, he just couldn't stay down_. Cal stood up again as he eyed his attackers with obvious anger and he showed his teeth. _It's not like he hadn't fought back, he had. But it was just like the punches he made reached no one weirdly enough._

00

'And to be honest…' Reynolds said as he pointed at Flins again. 'He beat you up, so I still like to beat the crap out of that sack of….' He swallowed his words.

Gillian saw how his lip raised in disgust. She put her hand on his lower arm.

Reynolds felt the warmth from her hand seep into his skin immediately, he stared down at her hand on his arm.

'You know Gillian.' He said as he looked up at her. 'You're one of the friendliest and warmest persons I've ever met.' He admitted truthfully.

She smiled and felt a blush creep up her cheeks. She looked away instantly. Then she looked back at him. 'Thank you.' She said in a soft voice. 'I hope you aren't saying this because you think I'll be gone in a few days.' She quipped.

Reynolds put his hand on her shoulder and looked straight in her eyes at that with a stern look. 'Listen to me…. You are not going to be gone. Not for a very long time. You're going to grow old with a lot of grey hairs, or maybe you'll become bold, you'll help a lot of people, you'll have a lot of cases, you'll grow into a little old complaining grandma.'

Gillian just wanted to answer when the door opened in the interrogation room and Flins got taken away.

'Where are they taking him?' Gillian asked surprised.

'I don't know, let me find out.' Reynolds said as he let go of her shoulder and left the room.

00

Cal tasted blood in his mouth as he looked at the concrete in front of him again. He stared at the water that dripped into the gutter. _Maybe he should stay down this time. For Gillian. _

00

'Why was he taken away?' Gillian asked as she walked up to Reynolds who had just put Flins back into the interrogation room.

'A mistake.' Reynolds said confused. 'They thought he needed to be transferred to another precinct.

00

Cal heard footsteps walk away. _Maybe he deserved this. There had been a time, before he was married, before he had Emily that he thought that he deserved a good beating once in a while. _

00

Flins was looking down when Gillian took her seat again opposite him. Reynolds leaned against the wall.

Flins suddenly looked up at Gillian with angry eyes.

'I remember now.' He said as he smiled widely. She felt his gaze travel over her face.

'Does it hurt?'

_Amusement, pride_, that's what Gillian read. She was frozen for a moment.

'I hope it does.'

Gillian held her hand up towards Ben, she had heard him move and she just felt that he had a hard time stopping himself from jumping at Flins. The anger was literally radiating from the big, muscular tall man that worked for her. While she was glad Flins was talking because this way she could get something out of him.

'Why?' She asked in a professional tone. _She hoped Reynolds could keep his anger in check._

_Contempt._ 'I like to put my hand around your scrawny, little neck and just make you squeal and fight for your life.'

Gillian stood up and turned towards Reynolds who stood there fuming. _She could feel that he was so on edge. He would snap any moment now. She couldn't have that_. 'A word please?' She asked as she put her hand calmingly on Reynolds chest and guided him towards the door.

Reynolds turned around in anger when they were in the hallway outside of the interrogation room.

'I know you're angry but this doesn't help. Please, let me question him alone.'

Reynolds clenched his teeth.

'It's the only way I'll be able to get something from him.' Gillian explained.

Reynolds nostrils flared. _He knew she was right. He had to calm himself down. He just felt so angry! He was ready to rip the head of that piece of dirt! He had a very hard time with controlling himself. And Flins treating Gillian like that just added more fuel to his rage._

'I'll be right here. If he as so much touches you-'

'He's chained to the chair.' Gillian reminded him.

'-Or one filthy word..' Reynolds said in anger.

'I can handle that. This is my work remember?' She said as she gave him a warm smile.

Reynolds nodded as she opened the door and went to sit back. He looked trough the glass as he held his hands against the door like a pit bull, ready to attack.

'So you would like it when I would have to fight for my life?' Gillian asked. _She had no problem at all with the subject because she could close herself, her personal life and feelings off for this very easily. She didn't see Flins words as a personal attack. No, she saw his behaviour and reactions as a gateway towards his persona. It told her a lot about himself. _

Flins licked his lips as he looked at her longingly.

'I'd love that.'

'Why? Do you know me?'

He smiled again. 'No, I just like to wipe that innocent, sweet look of your face. And I think I managed pretty well.' He sat back and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The chains around his arms made a hard sound when they collided with the table.

Gillian leaned towards him. 'I can tell you Flins, that you didn't. You didn't even manage to touch me. O yes, I have a few bruises but that's nothing. To be honest, I've been beaten up much worse. This was nothing compared to that.' She said in a calm, amused tone.

She noticed how his arm muscles tensed up. _He wanted to attack her again. _

Gillian smiled her sweetest smile at him. 'Did you really think someone like you could touch **me**? Hurt me? You aren't even close. You're just pathetic.'

His arms moved but were stopped by the chains. 'O, I'll show you.'

'So was trying to get to me all your own plan? Or you got help from someone else?' Gillian said quickly, using his anger_. If he would lose control she could take advantage of that, he might let something slip. _

'You're getting nothing from me.'

'Why not? You like it here in jail?' Gillian asked casually.

'I know where to find you.' He bended forward, staring right at her.

'Are you threatening me?' Gillian asked with a raised eyebrow. She plastered a mask on her face that told him that she wasn't impressed at all.

'And when I do, I'll show you what real fear is.' He threatened.

Gillian bended forward too and looked him straight in his eyes. 'All empty threats. I think you're nothing more then an empty pathetic man.'

'You're talking a lot for a bitch that's going to die in… How much? Three days! I hope you'll rot in hell!' He barked at her.

She smiled at him. A fake smile, it didn't reach her eyes.

'Why would you say such a thing? Why would I die?' _Her brain were working very hard now. So he worked together with someone. Someone else put the poison in her. _

'You don't know?' He smiled widely at that. 'He put poison in you, it's going to ruin you, rip you apart.'

Gillian smiled. 'You're wrong. We already found the antidote instantly.'

'You're lying.' Flins snapped.

Gillian smiled. 'Would I be sitting here if I was? I'm as healthy as can be.' She gestured with her hands towards herself happily_. If he only knew…_

He narrowed his eyes.

'O and you meant Frank and his plan to get fifteen million?' Gillian asked.

'I know nothing of any fifteen million.'

'That is because I think you're not the smart one are you? He's making fifteen million dollar, and what did you get?'

Flins moved back and gave her a disgusted look.

'Not much I think. He paid you for beating me up and then he just let you go. Imagine what you can do with all these millions. I bet he didn't even give you ONE million.' Gillian said. She had him right there. _And he wasn't denying it. Was he really paid by someone? Hired? _

'I know what you're doing. You're trying to find out who paid me. You're just a stupid bitch, do you really think that I'm that dumb?! You haven't found him yet! That's why you're talking to me.' He gestured angrily towards himself. 'And I'll tell you: I won't give you anything.' He leaned towards her. 'Nothing at all.' He enjoyed it.

Gillian's eyes grew wide in shock as she stared at him. At first she didn't believe what she saw. She fluttered her eyes. _It was still there_. She froze in her seat as confusion spread over her face. Her mouth fell open as her eyes followed a line from his face to the table in front of him.

Her breathing hitched.

A few seconds later, there was blood everywhere…

0000000

And and and? What did you think of this chapter?? Please let me know! Thanks!!


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks so much to the reviewers!! O, in my imagination Cal's couch is standing near his desk. (don't know if it's like that for real but in my story it is)

**Chapter 12**

**Day 2**

At first she noticed his teeth. Her brain stopped thinking momentarily as she could not understand what she was seeing for just a micro second. It weren't Flins words that shocked her, it was the colour red that had stained the white of his teeth. A small stream of blood tripled from the corner of his mouth and fell on the table in front of him. She stared at the blood spatter on the table. And then, before she knew it he convulsed and he threw up blood all over himself and the table. She stood up in shock as his eyes grew wide in fear. His hands went to his mouth in confusion as he fell from his chair.

Gillian rushed to his side.

'What…. What… Happening?' Flins murmured between the heavy breathing he did as he grabbed his throat.

Gillian looked up to see that Reynolds wasn't standing there anymore. 'There's a medic on the way.' She said in a calm voice as she studied him with big eyes. _She had learned how to stay calm in many situations, but even now she was surprised at how steady her voice sounded. _

She gasped when she felt Flins hand grab her upper arm. 'They…. They…' More blood ran from his mouth.

Gillian had never seen something like this and it shocked her.

Flins lowered his head against the floor. _She could see the anger on his face, next to fear. _

'There will be help soon.' Gillian assured him. _But she feared that it was too late for him already, if he coughed up that much blood. She didn't really know what to do, if it was any other person she would have comforted him as good as she could. But this man, he had hurt her, threatened her and enjoyed that._

He pulled her arm towards him and urged her to come closer. She leaned her ear near his mouth when she noticed that he wanted to say something.

'They… They did this..' He whispered.

'Fi… Fifty….S….W…'

'What?' Gillian asked confused as she looked at him but his face fell to the side.

The door slammed open and revealed two men running in. One of them bended and felt Flins neck. He looked up at the other man and shook his head.

'Gillian.' Reynolds said. _She didn't react._ He grabbed both of her upper arms gently and helped her up.

'All that blood.' She said as she stared at Flins and then at the table and ground.

'Let's get you out of here.' Reynolds said as he guided her away.

Reynolds came back with a mug filled with hot cocoa.

'How are you?' Reynolds asked as he sat down beside Gillian.

She shook her head as she was still staring at the ground. 'It's just… I'm a bit shocked to be honest.' She said she looked up at him.

'That's only natural.' Reynolds said as he nodded and placed his hand on her back.

She took a sip of the warm drink.

'I don't understand what happened.' She said after a short moment.

'Me neither but we'll find out very soon.' Reynolds said as he looked towards the end of the hallway where the men had disappeared.

Reynolds noticed that she got paler and her eyes grew wider. She looked at him. 'I suddenly remember Frank's words. About the symptoms, do…. Do you think that… This-' She couldn't breath momentarily. She swallowed and steadied herself. 'That this will happen to me too?' She asked in a weak, small voice.

This was one of the first times that Reynolds saw fear on her face, in her eyes. His hand went from her back to her shoulder.

'No, that's not what I think. Cause we'll help you.' He said in a strong voice as he caught her gaze with his eyes and tried to convince her.

She nodded weakly and turned back to her chocolate milk. _But even he could see that she wasn't convinced. _

He leaned back against the chair and looked at the wall in front of him. _And who could blame her?_

**Lightman Group**

Gillian was lying on Cal's couch. She had gone home to shower and change her clothes and then she felt the urge to go back to the office. She didn't want to sleep for long, just for a few hours to rest a bit. Some invisible magnetic force had pulled her towards Cal's office. Sleeping in her chairs wouldn't work out that well as lying on his couch. And she had to admit that it comforted her. Lying here. Under his blanket, on his pillow. She knew he wouldn't come in his office until tomorrow morning so no one would disturb her here. She sighed deep as she sat down and lowered herself onto the couch. _What a mess_. She pulled Cal's blanket closer to her face. She could smell Cal. _She loved his smell. It made her feel at_ _home._ She crawled deeper into the couch, the blanket hugging her as she buried her nose in Cal's pillow. _She could pretend that he was here. And that soothed her. She wished that he was really here, that she could hug him_. _Take him in her arms, feel his body flush against hers. Feel his warmth. She wished that he would put his arms around her, that he would comfort her. She would feel his stubbled beard against her cheek, rough and warm. Just how_ _she liked it_. A shudder went through her at the thought of having him close. But she was alone. She turned around and went to ly on her side. She was so tired. But somehow, she couldn't sleep.

**Day ****2/3 at night**

Cal stumbled in his office and dropped himself down on his chair. He held a piece of toilet paper against his bleeding nose and when the bleeding stopped more or less he carelessly threw it towards the paper basket and missed. _God, he needed another drink. Just one. It wasn't like he was drunk. Just something to lull the pain. And the dull ache he was feeling. And then maybe one hour of sleep and he'd be good to go again. Like nothing ever happened._

He suddenly stared with open mouth at the huddled up form on his couch. He narrowed his eyes. _Was someone lying there?_ He moved his chair closer and pulled the blanket up as he narrowed his eyes. He recognised hair. Soft, short hair. He didn't actually know if it was soft cuz he hadn't touched it but it looked soft. The furry hairball moved and there you had it, two very blue blurry eyes stared up at him.

'Cal.' A moan.

Flutter of those blue eyes.

Another moan.

And then a sharp, shocked cry as she sat up in less then a second –he couldn't even blink as fast- and the blanket got pulled out of his hands and away from her body.

'Cal!' She uttered shocked as he suddenly felt something warm on his cheek.

'Is that… Is that blood?' Gillian uttered shocked. _As if she hadn't seen enough of that already today.._

Cal went with his tongue over his bloodied lip as if to make sure then he nodded. 'Yeah, guess they call it that nowadays.' He said in a rough, low voice.

'What happened?' She asked worried. Another warm something on his other cheek.

Given the fact the two warm somethings were connected to her arms he guessed it were her hands. _How did she get her hands so warm? He had to ask her sometimes. _

'Just ran into some bad news.' Cal said as he coughed. _It was all right. He'd be okay pretty soon. _

'Did you go to the doctor?' Her worried voice came. _Just hearing the tone of her voice soothed him, made him feel a bit warmer from the inside. Funny, how she possessed that power. _

'It's not that bad.' He muttered as he turned away from her and pulled his chair towards his desk again. He opened his drawer and was happy when he found his favourite bottle of whiskey there. The ones he kept for emergencies. _This definitely counted as one. _

Cal looked up as Gillian walked away.

He took a glass and took a sip. _Delicious_. He let himself lean backwards and stared at his ceiling.

Suddenly his whole office filled with light.

'Oy.' He uttered annoyed as he flinched against the sudden light in the office that had been dim just moments ago. He noticed Gillian who had just turned all the lights on. She walked towards him with something in her hands.

'O please, don't go be Florence Nightingale.' Cal muttered as he recognised the First Aid kit.

His lips twitched when he saw the worried and pained expression on her face.

She walked around the desk.

'O Cal.' She sighed. Her eyes fell on his white blouse. He'd actually been wearing a tuxedo, that had been messed up now. The white was covered in blood. Gillian's mouth fell open. She hadn't even seen that yet.

'Oy.' He said as she was suddenly fumbling with his blouse, opening it. He looked up at her with open mouth.

'Put that pained expression off of your face Foster. This has got nothing to do with you.' He said as he licked his lip again. _He didn't want her to worry even more then she already did. _

'I think it does.' She said as she finished opening his blouse and spread it open. He refused to move his arms so she couldn't take his blouse off.

'Cal.' She urged.

'This is as far as you're gonna get ey. You want to get me naked don't you?' He quipped trying to make the situation light.

Gillian looked up at him. Then she looked at the drink in his hand.

'Just admit it and I'll let you take off my blouse.'

'You're drunk.' She stated.

'No no Foster. Just a bit tipsy.' He said as he leaned forward towards her, studying her face challengingly.

'Sit back.' She ordered sternly as she put her hand on his now naked chest and pushed him gently back against the chair.

'Bossy.' He mumbled as her hand left his chest. He noticed how he missed the contact instantly, he loved to feel her skin against his. He took another swig of his drink.

Gillian squatted in front of him and studied his abdomen that was covered in bruises.

'Foster what are you AUCH!' He spat when she pushed on one of his ribs. 'What's that now? You enjoy hurting me?' He asked astonished as he eyed her. _She looked tired. Pale. Sad. _

'I think you should go see a doctor Cal, I'm serious.' She said as she looked up at him. 'You're badly bruised.'

'Nothing that hasn't happened before.' He said nonchalantly as he shrugged and filled his glass again.

Gillian shook her head. _She hated it when he acted like that. When she was worried and he just acted all nonchalant._ _While he was hurt!_ She took a swop and began cleaning his face. One hand on his cheek to steady his face, the other hand gently cleaning the small gashes and scrapes on his skin.

Cal closed his eyes. It might be funny, cuz of the pain and all he felt but he could get used to this. Having her so close, leaning into him, her body close to his face. Her hands on the skin of his face. The faint smell of her perfume.

Suddenly it all disappeared and he felt something tuck at his belt before he could open his eyes.

'What 'r you doing?' Cal asked shocked as Gillian's hands expertly opened his belt and the first button of his trousers gave way under her fingers too.

'There's a very big bruise here, and a gash, I just need to study it.' She answered in a clinical tone.

'Foster stop.' Cal said alarmed as he tried to grab her wrists but the woman had his belt off in no time and his pants open as an expert. He raised an eyebrow.

She had her eyes on his bruised skin now.

He sighed in defeat as he leaned back in the chair and tried to relax. _She wouldn't let go of him anyway so he'd better give in and humour her._ 'You're very brutal. I didn't do that with your bruises. I get to see them too? You know, show me mine show me yours and all that.' He quipped. _I'm rambling. _He thought surprised_. He didn't ramble many times._

Gillian ignored his words.

'Oy.' Cal chirped as he felt her warm finger on his tender skin. Her fingers disappeared under the waistband of his boxers and he gasped silently as he swallowed deep. 'Don't!' He uttered alarmed as he took her wrist away. _This was getting very dangerous now. He already had trouble to control himself when she touched him or was just near him, but her hands being so close to certain parts of him would push away all of his control instantly. _ 'That's a sensitive area there yeah?' He explained.

She looked up at him with big eyes.

'I know Cal, I know the male anatomy.' She shook her head. 'I'm looking at your wound, nothing else.' She reassured him.

'I'm talking about the touching yeah, keep the fingers to yourself.'

She shook her head. 'I was just touching the tender skin around-'

He grasped her hand a second time when she tried to touch him again. 'Tender yeah, good way to put it.'

She looked up at him with a confused look on her face. 'I'm being very careful, I'm just touching your hip area._' It annoyed her that he was being so difficult about her touching him all of a sudden. She didn't understand._

'Look just keep the hands away from my whole trouser area yeah?' Cal stated as he looked at her intently. _Did she really not know what she was doing to him? It took all of his last energy to try and control himself. He couldn't hold on for much longer. He studied her, and even in his half drunk state he could see that indeed her face was blank, and he saw a micro expression of anger. What was that all about? _

'Cuz-'

'Am I disturbing?' A hard voice came from the doorway.

'No, no, Gill here was just undressing me, is all.' Cal said as he raised his glass towards Reynolds. 'Cheers ey mate!'

Reynolds raised an eyebrow as he saw Cal sitting in his chair, with a drink and Gillian squatted in front of him, her face next to his unbuckled trousers.

Gillian turned around to face Reynolds.

Reynolds shook his head in confusion and astonishment. _What were they doing?!_ 'Are you sure I'm not disturbing here, because if I am I could go and let you do your thing.' He said as he gestured from Cal towards Gillian suggestively and smirked.

'He's wounded.' Gillian explained as she stood up. Cal looked up at her as she straightened herself, his eyes trailing lazily over her body. Reading her, taking her in.

'Uh huh. I can see that, just don't understand the whole..' He motioned towards Cal's trousers.

'Thing. He doesn't understand the thing, he wants to let us do our thing. Whadaya say Foster? Let's just do it!' Cal laughed shortly.

_Was she glaring at him? And the look Reynolds gave him wasn't that amusing either…_

'What? I'm the innocent here, she just insisted to get me out of my clothes, whadayathink of that?' Cal rambled.

'Let's not talk about what I think, that's better.' Reynolds said as he walked towards the desk.

'O please the both of you, stop it, we're all adults here.' Gillian said sternly as her hands automatically went to her legs to flatten her skirt when she discovered that she was wearing jogging pants.

_Yeah, that might just be the problem…_ Reynolds thought with raised eyebrows again.

'The two of us really are a pair aren't we? Look at us.' Cal said as he gestured from Gillian to Cal. 'We're just so alike now, with the bruises and all. I think we look really cool now. That's something Emily would say. Gillian was already trying to compare battle scars you know!'

'What happened to you?' Reynolds asked as his eyes swooped over Lightman's face.

'Well, as you ask.' Cal said loudly as he leaned forward and put his elbows on his desk. 'I kind of run into a guy or five or something. Something 'bout cheating or something.' He explained groggily as he gestured heavily with his hands.

Gillian sighed when she concluded that Cal wouldn't be responsive for the coming hours.

'What is it Ben?' She asked to the point as she turned towards him.

'Yeah Ben, you move it along Ben, cause we really don't have time here Ben Reynolds.' Cal said as he raised his glass again.

Gillian walked towards Reynolds and took his arm as she walked towards the other side of the office with him. 'Could you please take him to a doctor. He needs stitches and I'd like the doctor to check out his ribs, I don't think they're broken but just to be on the safe side.' She asked in a soft, confiding voice as they both had their backs towards Cal now.

Reynolds looked at Cal again. Then he nodded.

'Oy, no one ever told you it's not polite to whisper when others are around?' Cal mentioned in a loud tone.

'Did you find something?' Gillian asked tiredly as she ignored Cal's rambling.

'They're still busy with the autopsy on Flins. I explained the situation. I hope I'll have news later. And as for the two cops that escorted him out of the room… One of them wasn't a cop.'

Gillian narrowed her eyes. 'What does that mean?' She asked confused.

'I'm not sure, but I'm getting there.'

Gillian nodded.

'Look I'll just be a moment and then I'll come get him okay?' Reynolds asked.

Gillian looked up and nodded. She turned around towards Cal.

'What?' He asked. He looked silly with his trousers opened, his blouse open. 'There anythin' else milady wants to inspect?'

'No, I've seen enough.' She sighed. _She'd taken care of the wounds that were bleeding_. _There wasn't more she could do for him right now. _She lowered herself on his couch again.

'Yeah, that's a good idea.' Cal said as he watched Gillian lie down.

'Just so you know, I told Reynolds to take you to the hospital. I hope you won't make a scene.' She said without looking at him and lying her hurting head down softly.

'A scene? What bad things one thinks about me.'

'Yes.. Very bad.. Because **you** would never make a scene.' She mumbled and then her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

Reynolds shook his head as he walked away from Loker and Ria. The halls were dark, they were the only ones here. He froze in his steps when he entered Lightman's office.

Gillian was lying on the couch and Cal was lying next to her with his arms around her waist, his chest against her back, his chin resting on her head. Reynolds smiled and shook his head again. He thought for a moment what to do. He could wake him up and bring him to the doctor, or he could let him sleep it off and bring him tomorrow to the doctor. The latter sounded good. Gillian moaned softly and turned on her other side. Reynolds' eyes widened when he saw Gillian crawling almost fully on top of Cal, with her head against his chest, her arms encircling the rest of his body automatically, her one leg linked between his, she molded her body to his. Reynolds always thought of Gillian as the cuddly type, but to actually see her half climbing on top of Lightman, conscious or not, it still looked kind of weird. Maybe because otherwise she was so professional, wouldn't show anything of her deeper feelings.

'Aww, look at that.' A male voice said behind him.

'What?' Ria asked as her head appeared behind Loker's shoulder. Her mouth fell open.

'Doesn't that look sweet?' Loker asked as he studied the two.

'It's not right to meddle in their privacy.' Reynolds said.

'What? You were the one standing here, staring.' Loker shot at him.

Gillian moaned again and Cal pulled her closer.

Ria smiled wickedly. 'I would really love to see how they will both wake up to this.'

'Yeah, well.' Loker said. 'Foster will probably be embarrassed and she'll deny that she's feeling anything more for him, her cheeks will flush, and he, well that's a tricky one..'

'Yes, one time he's so sweet to her and other times…' Ria said. 'He'll probably just act like nothing happened.' She guessed.

'He'll have a headache in the morning.' Reynolds said.

'Or he might try to grope her when he wakes up earlier, I'd go for her breasts.' Loker said cheekily.

'What?!' Ria said shocked. Both her and Reynolds gave him an annoyed look.

'What? It's not my fault that they look so nice. And that's what we do. It's very natural.'

'What WE do?' Ria asked astonished and still in shock.

'Us men. I mean can you blame him?' Loker asked as he eyed her. 'Look at her!' He stated heatedly as he gestured towards Gillian.

'Loker!' Ria snapped.

'What? He's still a man. And she..' He looked longingly at her. 'She obviously is a woman.'

'O my god.' Ria stated.

'What?'

'You onto Foster?' Ria asked.

'No, but she's got the right parts in the right places. And she's…. Well… Hot.' Loker shrugged.

'O my god, I don't know how I can stand working with you.' Ria said.

'Enough okay.' Reynolds said as he gestured at both Ria and Loker for them to stop. He raised his chin and rolled his eyes as he looked at the ceiling. 'What a night.' Reynolds complained while he shook his head.

'O yeah act like you're innocent in all of this. Like you haven't checked her out once or twice, or all the time.' Loker said.

'Hey!' Reynolds warned angrily while he put his finger up at Loker. _He hated it when they read him._

'Loker stop it. This is really unsettling.' Ria said at the same time.

'Yeah well, that happens when I am sleep deprived.'

'Just take this list back and start making a profile so we can find Frank.' Ria ordered as she took the list from Reynold's hands and shoved it into Loker's chest.

'Look you don't have to be offended. You know I like you too, I mean look at your-' Ria grabbed the file from him and then slammed it hard into his chest.

'That's a warning.' Ria explained with a hard gaze.

Loker shrugged unaffected at that.

'And get some coffee.' Reynolds advised.

'O no, it's me who needs the coffee, believe me. One more minute like this with him and I'm going to hurt someone.' Ria said.

0000

Haa, I just love to play around with them. I can tell you that one of them (Cal or Gillian) is going to feel VERY embarressed when they wake up! Hehehehe (evil laugh),

please let me know what you thought!


	13. Chapter 13

Hi everyone! Thanks for letting me know what you thought. I'll have to take longer with updating after this because I have exams bleeeh..... Hope you'll enjoy this chapter for now!!

**Chapter 13**

**Early morning, DAY 3**

Cal's eyes fluttered open, the first sensation he was having was a throbbing slight pain in his head and the second one was really, really nice. His eyes went down and he concluded immediately who was responsible for his second sensation. He almost stopped breathing when he saw and felt how Gillian had draped herself on top of him, how her arms encircled his upper body tightly and how his arms had been around her. A smile crept up his face as he wondered shortly what to do. _This might be awkward when she would wake up. This was way over the line, in her eyes anyway._ He smirked mischievously, _why wake her now? She'd wake up herself. She needed the rest after all, it had nothing to do with himself that he didn't wake her, it wasn't like he enjoyed this of course, he thought solely of her health and right now, she needed rest, right?_ He closed his eyes again and revelled in every part of Gillian's body that touched his. He enjoyed the way her body moulded this his, how her warmth seeped from her skin into his. It was very intimate. It made him forgot all the problems there were, just for a short moment. He relaxed his back muscles and felt the couch push against him. He could lie like this for hours. _What a win-win situation this was_. _He could just pretend that he was asleep, he was very good at feigning sleep._

Gillian felt a chest beneath her hand. _O, how she loved that. How_ _she had missed that._ She moaned slightly as she moved her face up. Her fingers touched his cheek, resting on his stubbles. She caressed them. _How she loved those rough little hairs. She couldn't get enough of that. She just loved the soft-hard combination_. She moved a bit up and put her lips against the soft skin of his cheek. Then a bit lower on the stubbled part. Her other hand travelled agonisingly slow from the inside of his knee, towards the inside of his leg, slowly making a trail upwards. Her lips touched the corner of his mouth and she smiled as she put her lips fully on his mouth now and straddled him, her legs on both sides of his body. She moaned, _that felt so good. So warm, soft, full… And different_, registered somewhere in the back of her mind, but she didn't listen to that little voice. She moved her lips over his passionately and then let her tongue go over his lower lip, teasing him to open his mouth. As she pushed her hips down against his crotch in a seductive movement, leaving no room between them, Cal gasped and then...

'YELP!' He yelled in pain.

Gillian shot up in shock as she got pushed off of her subject of interest and opened her eyes wide. She tried to focus until she could see clearly and what she saw made her breathing hitch.

'Auch.' Cal groaned as he placed his hand under his chest, the place where she had pushed against his rib. Then he remembered what had happened before that and his eyes flew to Gillian's face.

'Cal?!' Gillian uttered in horror.

She was staring at him in shock, with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open. Then she looked away in embarrassment and he could see her swallow. Her hair stood up on one side and he would have laughed at that if this situation wasn't so tense. Tense indeed when he noticed how strained his trousers had become. He quickly pulled the blanket on top of his lower body as he flexed his knees so she wouldn't notice that all of his blood had travelled to certain parts of his anatomy. _An anatomy she had said she was aware of last night, well, guess what, probably not. This woman would bloody hell be the death of him with her bloody touches! He already knew that he would NEVER EVER forget this situation and he'd never be able to get that out of his mind. _

'I…' Gillian uttered.

'You kissed me.' Cal said as he stared at her. _And that hadn't_ _been all she did._ Surprise on his face. He had just been dozing off again when he had felt her touch him, and suddenly kiss him so passionately that he was out of his daze immediately, her legs straddling his hip had almost pushed him over the edge, not to mention the hand that had ended teasingly in his crotch. He almost pinned her to the couch underneath him and had wanted to do everything to her that he'd ever fantasised about. It took his last willpower to not do that and when she pushed her body hard against his crotch, that will power was lost immediately. Pushing onto his rib brought him back to reality instantly. _Maybe that had been a really good thing._

Gillian wanted to move back, away from him when she got blocked by the couch.

She swallowed again. 'I thought you were..' She began as she eyed him up and down.

Cal raised an eyebrow. _He wondered what she was going to say now. For the first time in all those years he knew her, he had no idea what she was going to say next._

'Alec.' She said as she swallowed.

'What?' He spat shocked as he got an angry look. _Alec?! Did he look like Alec?! NO! Did he feel like Alec! NO, well he didn't know that but no no no! He didn't want to be compared to that creep, he didn't even want his name to be together in one sentence with the guy._

'Yes, I…' She looked at his face and felt her cheeks turn even redder then they already were. _What had happened to her? She must have still been dreaming._

Cal raised an eyebrow at her. _He had to admit that this situation was kind of amusing. Seeing her so flushed, and embarrassed. Of course he'd seen her more times with flushed cheeks but this was different, now she really was very embarrassed._ 'So you just groped me and climbed on me cuz you thought I was Alec?' Cal asked as he looked at her with an astonished stare, he tried to hide his amusement. _He had to admit that he really loved to use the words 'groped me and climbed on me'._

She put her hand in front of her mouth in shock. _O, god, she **had** groped him. She remembered her hand that had travelled brutally up his leg and ended right... –swallow-... And the way she had straddled him, and her lips- ... This was SO embarrassing, she wished that she could disappear into thin air right now. _Her hand left her mouth as she stared at him while realisation dawned on her.

'I used to kiss Alec awake and I… I must have still been sleeping.' She explained as she thought deep. _Something already had felt off in_ _the back of her mind, Cal's lips felt different from Alec's, o god, she shouldn't know that! And how could she even think of Alec?! It had been years that she woke him up like that, the last year they hadn't even touched. Maybe she missed the physical contact. O yes, she was sure of that, she missed physical contact, but she wouldn't want that with Alec anymore. Then why had she dreamt that Cal… Maybe because she was lying on top of him –I was lying on top of Cal?!- her mind had put two and two together and in her dream like state she had concluded somehow that it was Alec?!_ The psychologist in her was looking hard for an explanation for her uncontrolled behaviour.

Cal swallowed_. She used to do this to her prick husband_ _every morning?! Bloody hell that was hot! Who thought Foster would be the wild kind of woman._ He felt something stir in his nether regions and he pulled the blanket even closer. _Think of other things_. He averted his eyes from her and hoped that she wouldn't see the arousal in them. She probably wouldn't, he now thought because she was too busy with feeling embarrassed he noticed.

'O god.' Gillian said again as she climbed over his legs quickly and distanced herself from Cal and the couch. 'I'm sorry, I feel so embarrassed.' She admitted honestly. She gestured towards him.

'Yes, I can see that.' _If only she knew how embarrassed he would feel if he hadn't had that blanket on him._

'I'm very sorry and-' Suddenly something dawned on her and she stopped apologising as she stared at him and pointed from the chair he had been sitting in last night to the couch he was lying on right now. 'What were you doing on that couch?'

Cal looked down at the couch and shrugged. 'It's my couch. I probably lied down on it to sleep.'

'But _I_ was already sleeping on your couch.' She stated matter of factly.

Cal shrugged again. 'Maybe I didn't see that.'

She narrowed her eyes in confusion at that answer.

'I was kind of out of it.' Cal remembered her in his own defence. _He didn't lie. He really was out of it. He did lie partly though, he didn't remember much of last night but he was sure that he'd know when she was on his couch. His body had probably just betrayed him and had sought out her body without him even being consciously aware of that_.

Gillian nodded at that and touched her cheek in thought. 'I'm going to change.' She said as she pointed towards her office.

He nodded at her and leaned back on his couch. He sighed and tried to calm himself down again. _He bloody hell needed a really cold shower right now. Just imagine what would have happened if he hadn't yelped because of his stupid ribs! A really, really, very cold shower!_

**Hallway**

**She walked through the hallway with a big smile on her face. Pretty soon she'd be rich. And it had been so easy. She slowed her pace as she went by doctor Foster's office. She saw the woman standing by her desk, staring into nothingness. She smiled slightly. Fifteen million. She would soon have any freedom she wanted, she could go anywhere she wanted. She made sure her face stayed relaxed. Her valium pills really helped with that. She couldn't have one of those lie detectors reading something off o****f her. Of course she was an expert at hiding things. She passed doctor Foster's office and headed back to her work place. This is exactly how it should be, Lightman was becoming more of a wreck each day, Foster was too, that was kind of sad for her but hah, the woman was just a victim in all of this, and there were casualties in every war. And to top this all she would get so much money! And she loved seeing Lightman like this, that arrogant, dominating prick who thought that he was God. Well the moment someone touched his precious Foster he had no foot to stand on. And she enjoyed that immensely. This was the best week of her life. And there were many more to come…**

**Gillian's office**

Gillian was still having a heavy inner dialogue with herself as she searched through her bag for some clothes she could wear today. She could still feel his lips against hers. _And, she had to admit that she liked it. No, she loved it. She had loved being so close to Cal, lying on top of him. And she also had to admit that her body had wanted more. A lot more. But her mind stopped her. This wasn't right. He was her partner and friend. What was happening to her?_ _This wasn't allowed. And really, Cal wouldn't like her like that. He didn't fall for women like_ _her. She was too sweet, too easy, too controlled, too neat. He fell for woman like Zoe and Poppy. That stung her. Woman who took risks, who were daring, who were wild and who lashed out. Woman who challenged him. She didn't fall into that category. And she knew it. Then why let herself feel and think all these things about him right now? They were nothing more then friends. Very good friends. He was very dear to her. But that's all that should be. And of course_ _she had noticed his arousal. She wasn't dumb or naïve. Well, maybe sometimes she was naïve, she had to be honest here with herself. But of course there was a possibility that he was aroused, she was a woman after all and he was a man. And a man would be aroused by many woman. That had nothing to do with who they really were, the character of that woman. Cal could be aroused by a woman he didn't even like. That's how the human body worked. So she had slipped up. She had apologised. Then now it was time to move on. She didn't have to be embarrassed… Anymore. It had happened and that was perfectly natural: she had thought that he was Alec, well that was a perfectly good explanation. On to other things now. _

**Cal's office**

Cal looked at Reynolds in thought. _It was a good thing Gillian didn't know what he had done yesterday. After he had been beaten up. If the 'legal' channels didn't work. He had to go through illegal ones. Once again he was glad that he was a master at hiding things. Reynolds had been surprised that he had been able to come up with three million dollars. But the FBI agent hadn't been able to read Cal at all. So Cal had lied, and shrugged. Told him he'd won a lot before he got beaten up in the fourth casino he'd been to. Reynolds was suspicious but that didn't matter. As long as Gillian didn't find out. She probably would after this whole ordeal, cause it would come hitting him straight in the face, but that was a problem for later.._

Gillian greeted everyone as she walked into the office, dressed in one of her suits. Cal noticed how she didn't reach his eyes. He turned his attention back to Reynolds.

'The autopsy of Flins showed that he was injected with some sort of poison.'

'Is it the same poison as Gillian has in her?' Ria asked hopeful.

'We don't know yet. But a monster was sent to the hospital hours ago.' Reynolds said.

'How did that happen?' Cal asked.

Reynolds looked at Gillian.

'Two agents took him away to transfer him. When they brought him back he collapsed after a few minutes. It must have happened then. One of them wasn't an agent. And they found a puncture wound on his arm.'

'You think it was Frank himself?' Loker asked.

Reynolds shrugged. 'We pulled up the footage to study for you. And Gillian did a good job getting out of Flins what she could.'

Gillian nodded. 'Thank you. I'm going to look at the footage later, I think I can get a few things out of it.'

'And also, you mentioned last night that Flins tried to tell you something.' Reynolds reminded her.

Gillian nodded. 'Yes.' She said as she eyed everyone one by one. 'I've thought about what it could be but I can't come up with something yet. He said "fifty S W".'

'Fifty SW? What does that mean?' Loker asked confused.

'Maybe a locker combination?' Ria thought out loud.

'Yeah the problem is that it could be anything.' Reynolds said. 'Just keep it in mind, maybe something will come up.'

'Okay, I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.' Reynolds said as she looked at Cal and Gillian. They both nodded.

Ria and Loker followed him outside as they were discussing what the code Flins had given Gillian could mean.

'You're heading back to the casino now?' Gillian asked as she looked at Cal.

He straightened himself and rubbed his stubbled chin. 'Yeah, I don't need to see a doctor.'

Gillian opened her mouth to say something against that but chose not to.

'You do realise that you could have killed me?' Cal said.

'What?' Gillian asked shocked.

Cal smirked. 'If my ribs had been broken, you could have pushed them into my longs with your action this morning, yeah.' Cal quipped.

Gillian shook her head. 'Don't joke about this.' She said.

He walked towards her with a smile on her face. 'We okay?' He asked as he stood in front of her.

Her big eyes looked up at him, then she nodded. 'Yes, why wouldn't we be?'

'Because of what happened half an hour ago?' He said as he studied her face.

She swallowed as she broke eye contact.

'I mean, we're not going to be weird around each other and all now?' He asked as he gestured towards her. _Because he would really regret that. He valued their friendship very much._

'No, of course not.' She said, but it didn't sound very convincing. She smiled at him. 'I was just in half a dream state and well, I already apologised so the subject is closed if it's up to me.' S_he was so glad that she could be honest to Cal. Like they always were. Even about this. It wouldn't stand between them, she was sure of that. She just needed some time to let it sink in._

Cal nodded as he caressed her cheek. 'Okay luv.' He said as he closed the gap between them and pulled her in a hug. 'Hold on today yeah? It'll be over soon.' He said as he let go of her and studied her face one more time.

She nodded gratefully.

'I'll be off then.'

0000000000

Well, I hope that wasn't too much out of character, but how else would they react in a situation like that. Hahahaha I have to admit that I really enjoyed writing this, (evil laugh again)

What did you think? Please let me know, thanks! xxxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi! Thanks for the reviews! A few things: firstly my computer was broken and on the new version of my Word-program I don't have an English one so there might be a few spelling mistakes, sorry for that... I'll change it as soon as possible. Secondly, I made a mistake in the last chapter which might be confusing: I wrote 'monster' instead of SAMPLE, I meant that a sample of the poison was sent to the lab. (monster is in my own language)**

**Well, here's a short one, still have my exams... Hope you like it!**

**Chapter 14**

**Gillian stood in the middle of the street. She stood frozen to the ground. Her posture was a bit slumped forward because she was so tired. A few hairs were plastered to her face because she was sweating again. She could feel how the dark tanktop that she was wearing underneath her blazer was plastered against her body because of the sweat that dripped down her skin again. She hated the feel of the drops of sweat slipping into her bra, trailing agonisingly slow over her breasts, it itched. She would have reacted to this instantly by pushing the handkerchief that was in the pocket of her blazer against her chest, her neck and her forehead and she would have told herself some calming words.**

**But not now…**

**Her mouth was slightly open as she stared at one point on the asphalt in front of her. Her gaze was fixed on it. She didn't hear anything else. Not even the loud noises all around her from everything that was happening around her. **

**She didn't hear the cars stopping around her. **

**She didn't hear the people shouting orders, ****she heard nothing. **

**She was just staring. And standing. Like a statue.**

**O, she remembered how the day had begun. How she had woken up this morning feeling a bit better then the day before that one. Thinking that she was home again, when she was still happy with Alec. Safe in her bedroom with him, with no life threatening problems around her. Which was really weird because it had been such a long time that she had been happy with Alec. She didn't think she could remember something like that, but this morning, for some reason, she had when she had felt a warm, strong and hard male body underneath her. Her brain had betrayed her, had thought that it was Alec. So the morning had began with big embarresment on her part. And then, real life had come spiraling back to her in an instance. Just like the nightmare it was at the moment. She remembered instantly how weak her body felt, how her head hurt when she had jumped too fast off the couch, to distance herself from Cal. **

**And then, she had dressed and Cal had left for the casino. Just like the other days. **

**When she was in the bathroom she felt sick and had another heatwave. A few minutes later she managed to get something in her stomach and had to run vomiting towards the toilet again. Luckily no one had noticed. O, no wait... She had seen Reynolds, Ria and Torres and Cal, and then he had gone for the casino. Her mind was starting to play tricks on her..**

**Then she went to do what she was good at, she went to analyse a video. It was the video of the two men that had taken Flins away. One of them was a real cop, who according to Reynolds was still missing. The other man, well, they hadn't found out who he was yet. She concentrated on the video, and ****that was when it all started.**

**She remembered it vividly now. Cal had walked back into the lab. Burged in was a better word. He had put a piece of paper in her hand, well, actually, he had pushed the paper half against her chest in his haste to get to the computer, shoving Loker out of the way, which was quite comical if it were another situation because Loker sat in a chair on weels that rolled away from Cal instantly. **

'What's this?' Gillian asked as she looked down at the paper. And Loker stopped the chair from rolling even further away. He gave Cal an angry look.

'Read it.' Cal said as he pointed at her and his eyes didn't leave the screen. 'From now on it's game on.'

Loker frowned as he studied Cal in confusion.

'What does it say?' Ria asked as she studied Gillian's face.

'Lightman, it was my meaning to get to you, not to her. I never meant this to go this far. I don't know where the antidote is, but I know where the man lives who made it. Parklane 12.' Gillian read out loud. She felt hope well up in her chest as she looked up at Cal.

Ria swallowed as she smiled too and looked at Loker. _Someone gave them the adress of Frank? Could this really be true_? Her eyes grew wide in astonishment.

**Hope, that was what she had felt. And it felt so good. She wished she could have held on to that feeling. Just for a little moment. Because now, it felt like all the hope had dissapeared..**

Cal licked his lip as he pushed the play button. It showed the parking lot where his car was parked. 'Reynolds is on his way.' Cal said as he looked at Gillian. 'We're gonna find that bastard.'

Gillian nodded and noticed immediately how tense Cal was becoming.

'Where did you get that paper?' Ria asked as she walked towards Gillian and took it from her to read it herself.

'It was on my windshield.' Cal explained.

It was clear to all of them now what he was looking for.

'Find the person who put this paper there, I'm going to get your antidote.' Cal was filled with energy, and Gillian didn't understand where that came from. He almost ran past her. She turned towards him.

'Wait a minute, shouldn't you wait for Ben?' Gillian asked as she began to walk after Cal.

'No time.' His reply came from meters away, he was already heading through the hallway.

'I'm coming with you.' She had to run a bit to keep up with him. Her heels were klicking hard against the floor.

Cal suddenly stopped and looked at her. She almost bumped into him.

Gillian took a step back to balance herself._ He didn't want her to come. It was too dangerous. _She could read it on his face right there.

'I'm coming with you.' Gillian said, her tone, voice and body language telling him that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

He looked at her face, his eyes taking in every single movement of her facial muscles. That it could be dangerous wasn't the only reason that he didn't want her there. There was another reason too. But she wouldn't budge, he could be sure of that so he nodded.

Gillian had to hurry again to keep up with him. She felt her body protest but she didn't listen. _This could be it! _

**Parklane**

'What do you want to do? Burge in there? He'll recognise us instantly.' Gillian said as they were in Cal's car now, standing in one of the parking places in front of the big houses on the lane. She was staring at the big house that was number 12, the house from the piece of paper she had read minutes ago.

Cal tilted his head as he studied her_. He'd never thought he would ever, ever think this in his mind, but now he was: he had to get rid of Gillian right now. Just for now_. He nodded at her as he studied the house again. He thought of the best way to get in. He felt anger coursing through his body. _If that man was in there, the man that was responsible for Gillian… He'd have a big problem right now. _

Gillian noticed that Cal began to move to leave the car.

'We should wait for Ben.' She quickly reminded him. She felt fear in the pit of her stomach.

'Yeah we should.' He said as his hand went for the door.

'Cal what are you doing?' Gillian said as she grabbed his arm to stop him. She could feel the fear building up in her body as his arm slipped from her grasp and he stepped out of the car.

_Maybe it was a good thing Reynolds wasn't here yet._ Cal thought as his eyes didn't leave the house. He heard Gillians complaints somewhere in the distance but he didn't listen.

'You can't just go in there! Maybe he has a weapon!' Gillian said annoyed knowing all too well what his intention was. She could read it off him instantly.

Cal just shrugged as he noticed that she had gotten out of the car too.

_O she hated this, this was one of his adrenaline rush moments where he obviously didn't see any danger._

_If he could get in before Reynolds he could question the bastard without any intervention. He would get an answer from him then. But if Reynolds was there, he wasn't too sure. _Cal walked towards his trunk and grabbed his crowbar.

'Cal!' Gillian called as she shut her door and hurried towards him. Her eyes grew wide in shock as she saw the crowbar in his hands.

'Stay in the car.' Cal said as he pushed her back by her shoulder softly but urgently and cornered her against the hard metal of the car. He looked deep in her eyes. 'I'm serious.'

Gillian didn't budge. She didn't move her face back although his face was only an inch away.

'I'm serious too.' She mustered in the same tone as he did. 'We have to wait for Ben.' She almost spelled these last words out.

'You're waiting for Ben, and I'm just looking around is all. Nothing more.'

He saw the worry on her face. 'Look, don't worry luv, yeah?' He said as he took a step away from her and looked at her.

She opened her mouth as she shook her head. _He was lying, she knew it, and he knew that she knew. He wasn't just going to look around. It was nothing for Cal to be passive. He would act. Cal was the man that acted before he thought. A lot of times anyway. She was the thinker, the passive one, he was the do-er, the active one. _

Cal gave her one last look and then walked away towards the house next to number 12.

_She wasn't going to wait this time, she was going to stop him. She was going to be active this time because this was too dangerous, whatever he was thinking, she had to get some sence into him._ She wanted to walk after him when a sharp pain stabbed in her stomach and made her double over. _O god, not again. She had to vomit again. _Her tired and aching body doubled over and she had to support herself on the car.

Cal reached the neighbours house as he studied the house next to it. He could easily get to the backdoor without being seen. When he was at the back door he looked through a window, there was nothing there. He studied the door. He could always force his way in if it was locked. But he'd rather go for the surprise attack. His eyes fell on the window again.

**Maybe she could have stopped him when she had made a painful sound the moment her body buckled over, or when she would have yelped. She was sure that Cal would have stopped in his tracks, would have turned back instantly to be by her side, to help her. Why hadn't she?! Then again. She wasn't the one to complain when she was hurt. She wasn't the one to yelp very easily. No, she was the one to hide her emotions, and her pain. So, when it did happen, when she started to vomit and buckled over, no sound came over her lips. And Cal didn't stop walking away from her.**

**He didn't stop moving closer to the house.**

* * *

And what did you think??? Please let me know?? I'm curious!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews and messages, I'll sent something back soon! Here's the next chapter, it's a bit dark and sad.. But there is also some more fun on the way in the next chapters!! (maybe not for Gillian.... Can't tell you that already ofcourse!)**

**O again there might be some mistakes, my program still doesn't work, so sorry for that!**

**Chapter 15**

Cal walked towards the door and rang the bel. He put his crow bar behind his right leg as he waited impatiently. He was feeling on edge, anger coursed through his body and he had trouble to control it. Under the surface he was feeling pure rage. He just had to be sure that the man who opened the door was Frank or had something to do with hurting Gillian. And if it was Frank, he would beat the crap out of that monster for hurting Gillian. No one was allowed to hurt her. His nostrils flared as he looked at the closed door in front of him. He hurt movement behind it. Footsteps coming closer. He hated it when Gillian got hurt, it ate at his insides and it hurt him.

The door opened.

'Hi.' Cal said as he studied the face quickly. 'I just lost my cat..' He began but he didn't finish, he'd already seen the look on the man's face which consisted of surprise, shock, horror, the man recognised him instantly and took a step back. Cal had enough answer and pushed him hard against his shoulders. Frank lost his balance and fell on the Floor as Cal burged into the house.

'Didn't expect I was coming around did ya Frank?' Cal asked as he walked towards him. He bared his teeth in anger.

'Who are you?' The man spat annoyed as he stood up from the ground angrily.

_Ah, he was trying to play the innocent here. _'Did you poison Gillian Foster?' Cal asked.

The man just looked at him. 'What are you talking about?'

_He was lying. _'That's enough answer for me.' Cal grabbed him by his throat and slammed him into the wall. 'Frank is it? That's how I'm suppossed to call you?'

**Outside**

Gillian was sitting on her knees as she stared at the puddle of something that had been her breakfast a few hours ago. Her hands were leaning on the concrete ground of the street as she looked up at the pavement. She would have never pictured herself like this: vomiting in the gutter. Her eyes became watery and she wiped away her tears angrily as she slowly got up. She straightened herself and wiped her mouth with a handkerchief. She looked at the house. _She had to go there_. She took a few steps but it was too soon. She fell against Cal's car when everything became black in front of her. _That damn dizziness…._ Gillian leaned against the cold metal of the car and used it to get her strenght back just for a moment. _What was happening in there? And where was Ben?! She so hoped that Frank was in there, that the antidote was in there. Then this all would be over. Because she needed that. _Her knees began to buckle and she leaned harder against the car_. I need that_, a tear trailed it's way down her cheek again_. She couldn't hold on much longer. She couldn't play strong any longer.._

**Inside the house**

Cal's fist connected hard with the other man's jaw. He felt pain run through him but he could push that aside so easily. The idea that this man had hurt Gillian made him feel invincible. He grabbed the man by his shirt and slammed him into the wall. It had been a very long time that he felt this agressive, that he felt so much fury coming out of him. Frank pushed him away and slammed Cal into the wall. Cal reacted fast and grabbed his crowbar from the ground.

He hitFrank against his ribs.

'She'll die!' Frank shouted from the ground as he groaned in pain.

'So now you remember who I am?' Cal barked as he kicked Frank against his leg hard and grabbed him by his shirt again with an immense strenght. He slammed him into the wall. 'You're wrong! **You **will die if you don't give me that antidote RIGHT NOW!' Cal shouted as he bared his teeth at Frank again.

Frank laughed. 'You really think you can just burge in her and-' His face slapped against the wall when Cal hit him.

Frank spit out some blood. 'If you touch me again she'll die for sure.' He threatened as his eyes gave Cal a burning look.

'How 'bout **you'll **die after I beat the crap out of you.' Cal shouted as he slammed his fist in Frank's stomach hard. Frank buckled over and grabbed the crowbar near Cal's feet. He lunged towards Cal and hit him.

**Outside**

Gillian straightened herself and sighed. Then she breathed in deep, _she could do this_. _Just move Gillian, move_. Her eyes were on the door of the house again. _Ow Cal, what are you doing?_ She looked to the right and expected Ben to come any moment but he didn't. She moved around the car and slowly made her way towards the house. Just when she had almost crossed the street, someone came running out.

It was a man who had blood on his face. 'Is this what you are looking for!' He shouted at her as he held a small glass bottle filled with some sort of liquid in front of her. 'It's your antidote.'

Gillian eyed the man's face. _It was as if time froze. Was it true? Was he Frank? Did he have her antidote? And where was Cal? What had happened? _Thousand questions ran through her head that moment.

'Goodbye Foster, have a nice last day.' Frank said as he smiled.

She had never seen such a mean smile. She swallowed as he moved away from her fast. Her hands went towards him to stop him but she was too late. He was already inches away. She moved and began to run after him onto the street.

'Stop!' Gillian shouted after him.

The man stopped and then turned around. He quickly looked at the house with fear in his eyes and when he saw nothing he looked back at her.

She guessed that he probably was afraid that Cal would come after him. _Where was Cal?!_

Frank eyed her from top to toe now. 'Yeah?' He asked as he took a few daring steps towards her.

She figured that he wasn't threatened by her. And he was right in some way, she couldn't take him physically, not in her condition now. She realised that this was going to be a powerplay.

'We gave you the money.' Gillian tried as she read his face. _Which strategy could she use best on him?_ Her brains were working as fast as possible as she tried to figure that out.

'Feeling bad Foster?' He said as he studied her in return. He began to laugh. 'It got to your stomach then? Your muscles will give out soon enough too. What is this? Your third day? Then it'll take a few hours before you can't stand anymore.' Frank promised as he stepped closer.

'Why are you doing this?' Gillian asked with big eyes as she shook her head. _She wanted to understand him. He was enjoying this. She had to get as much out of him as possible, she had to keep him here, she had to get that antidote... So many things she had to do... _

'Aside from the money you mean? Because I don't care. And some people like to think that Lightman needs a lesson. What better way then……'

'What?' Gillian asked confused as horror filled her whole being. Her eyes went to his hand that held the glass bottle. Her body must have acted quicker then her mind because it lunged forward, anticipating Frank's movements. But when she was in the air she was too late and her left knee bended to make sure that she wouldn't go down together with the bottle that reached the hard concrete now. Her high heel collided with the concrete again as the glass splattered from the impact with the hard ground. The glass flew everywhere and the liquid spilled out around it.

'…… To kill the woman he loves the most.' Frank finished with a smug smile on his face.

Gillian had straightened her body again and she took a trembling step back now in shock.

It felt like the air had been pushed out of her longs. Frank placed his foot on the glass and crushed it further under his shoe. The contempt and happy look he gave her after that made her veins turn ice cold.

'I'll enjoy seeing him in so much pain.' Frank tilted his head as he stepped even closer to Gillian now. Her breathing hitched involentarily. _She hated herself for that, didn't want to show her fear and shock but she didn't have enough energy anymore to hide it._

Frank smiled. He was standing in her personal space now. 'Do you realise that your funeral will be next week?' He asked casually with a hint of amusement in his voice.

That felt like a hard slap in her face. She stopped breathing all together at that comment and just froze. A voice, far far away in the back of her mind tried to soothe herself, tried to calm her, the psychologist in her reasoned with herself.

'I'll certainly be there to visit. I'll throw some sand on your coffin.'

Her hand lunged for his face but he grabbed her wrist easily and twisted her body around, her back pushing against him. He laughed.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes again, out of pure frustration. _This man was ruining her life and there was nothing she could do about it! At least, it felt like that and she hated that!_

'You're too weak to fight.' He whispered in her ear with an amused tone. 'I'm surprised that you're still standing on two legs. I love strong woman. You sure are one.'

She could feel his nose pushing against the skin of her ear.

'You're wrong, Cal doesn't love me. This is all for nothing.' Gillian began in a casual tone as if she really didn't care. Frank let go of her and she turned around.

She laughed as she gave Frank the most arrogant look she could muster. 'Do you really think he actually cares for me? Of course he cares for me as he does for all his collegues. If I die he'll be over me in a few weeks.'

Frank shook his head at her. 'Nice try.' He said as he smiled smugly. He eyed her again as if he wanted to undress her. 'Too bad though. I would have liked to have some fun with you.' He said suggestively.

Gillian almost choked at that idea, she hated how his eyes raked over her body.

'Why don't you?' She challenged.

'What?' Frank asked.

She looked at him daringly. 'Why don't you have some fun with me?' She closed the gab between them. 'If you're theory is correct, Lightman will be hurt even more if you have your way with me.' Gillian whispered in his ear.

Frank licked his lips as he looked at her and then at the house. _The bitch was playing him, he knew that very well. Probably buying herself time, they'd probably called the cops, or she was waiting for that English bastard to come and save her._ Her smirked.

He looked at the house again and saw Cal limping out now. Gillian followed his gaze, relief spread through her when her eyes scanned his body for possible wounds. Suddenly her face got pulled away by two rough hands on her cheeks as Frank's lips crushed hers.

Her breathing stopped in disgust. Her arms froze in horror as after a second they moved up to Frank's head.

'You son of a –' Cal began as he limped as fast as he could towards the two. _He would kill him! That bastard was kissing Gillian!_ Cal's eyes grew wide in shock as he saw how Gillian melded her body to Franks and how her hands moved to his hair and caressed him there. _Was she crazy?! This couldn't be!_

Frank let go of Gillian roughly and turned her towards Cal.

'See his face? He wants you. And you want him. Ow... How touching is that!!! But it's too late now, just revel in that thought honey.' Frank said as he pushed her away from him hard and ran off towards his car.

Gillian balanced herself just in time and turned around and stared at Frank's back in shock and then at the antidote on the ground.

**Gillian stood in the middle of the street. She stood frozen to the ground. Her posture was a bit slumped forward because she was so tired. A few hairs were plastered to her face because she was sweating again. She could feel how her the dark tanktop that she was wearing under her blazer was plastered against her skin. She hated the feel of the drops of sweat slipping into her bra, trailing agonisingly slow over her breasts, it itched. She would have reacted to this instantly by pushing the handkerchief that was in the pocket of her blazer against her chest, her neck and her forehead and she would have told herself some calming words. But not now…**

**Her mouth was slightly open as she stared at one point on the asfalt in front of her. Her gaze was fixed on it. She didn't hear anything what was happening around her. **

**She didn't hear the cars stopping around her. **

**She didn't hear the people shouting orders, she heard nothing. **

**She could just stare.**

'Are you okay?' She heard a voice ask. Two hands around her face. 'That piece of smut touched you.' Cal snapped as his thumb wiped over her lips as if he could wipe away the male lips that had touched her there. 'Gillian?' He asked as he tried to get her to focus on him.

She pushed him away. He was blocking her view to the antidote. '_Your funeral will be next week.' _

'Are you okay!' Ben shouted as he ran towards the two.

He looked down at Gillian who had bended and tried frantically to pick up the different pieces of the broken glass bottle.

'Gillian stop. You'll cut yourself.' Cal said worried.

_She didn't react_. Cal and Ben looked at each other. Ben gave Cal a worried look. Cal shook his head as he pulled her up on her armpits. She pushed him away hard.

Cal motioned for Ben to leave them be.

Gillian's eyes finally met Cal's when she noticed that Cal looked at the antidote now too.

'I told you to wait for Ben!' She said with tearfilled eyes.

Cal didn't answer, he felt too flabbergasted. By many things, he couldn't sort everything that was going on inside of him out at this moment.

'I told you TO WAIT!' Gillian snapped as she walked in on him. 'Why couldn't you just listen!? You NEVER listen to what I say, like it doesn't matter anyway!' She snapped with wide eyes.

'O so this is my fault now?!' Cal barked. _He_ _reacted to her anger with anger of his own._ 'What's the matter with you?!'

'What's the matter with _me_?! What are you talking about?" Gillian shot angrily at him.

Cal pointed towards the house heatedly. 'I come out of the bloody house to get Frank and there you are, not stopping him, not threatening him, no what are you doing? Your bloody hell KISSING HIM, of all the things you should have done your bloody smooching with a murderer. Did you lose your mind?' He shouted hard.

The FBI agents that were standing outside looked up at the pair that was fighting out loud. Reynolds looked up too.

'I know how that might have looked..' Gillian began as she put up her hands in a calming gesture. 'But he kissed _me_!'

'You know Foster, when a man kisses you, you CAN push him away instead of almost climbing on top of him and caressing him, what was that? You were thanking him? Was that some sort of goodbye?' Cal spat sarcastic. _The woman had really lost her mind this time. He was getting the crap beaten out of him and was running his legs out of his body to get to that bastard and she was…. He just didn't want to think about it!_

Her lip raised in anger. 'Stop it Cal! Don't patronize me.' She warned.

'Why not? You didn't seem to mind! Are you desperate or something?' Cal snapped out of control as he recalled how her hands had moved up Frank's body.

'Get away from me!' Gillian warned as she took a step back, she held her hands up to him to stop him, they trembled.

'What?' Cal frowned his brows and gave her an angry look.

'I said GET AWAY FROM ME!' Gillian shouted.

Cal looked from Gillian at the antidote on the ground. He shook his head. 'You could have prevented this from happening. If you'd kissed him sooner before he actually BROKE the thing you'd have it now! But you'd probably just had a momentary lapse and just wanted to grab every man you can. First you grab me and then you just had to grab a killer for what?! To feel comforted or something?!' Cal snapped. _He knew he was out of line, he knew he was throwing dirt at her, but he just had too._

Her hand flashed through the air and connected hard with his cheek. His face slapped to the other side.

He looked back up at her.

Gillian shook her head at him as she stepped close to him, invading his personal space this time. 'Yes Cal, I'm just like you.' She said as her otherwise so warm blue gaze now consisted of hard, cold steel. 'I grab everything I can just for the fun of it, just for the thrill. Isn't that what you like? Isn't that what you do all the time?' Gillian spat venomously at him. 'Oh, you know me so well!' She spat sarcastic at him.

She walked away.

'Foster, just stop!' Cal snapped at her back_. This wasn't over. And he didn't want them to fight. Not like this. _

_She just felt so angry. All boundaries were gone now_. She turned around and walked back towards him. 'Why do you call me desperate? Did you think I wanted to get 'laid' one more time before I die?!' _This hurt her so much!_

'It bloody hell looked like it: you were all over him.' Cal shot at her with a hard gaze.

Gillian's mouth fell open. He hid it instantly but she'd seen it. 'O my god.' She said as realisation finally hit her.

Cal narrowed his eyes. _What had she seen? _

'You are jealous.'

'What!?' He spat out as if the thought alone was ridiculous.

_She couldn't believe it. _'What is it Cal? You wanted me to be all over _you_?' She asked as she stepped closer. _She couldn't believe that these words were actually coming out of her own mouth. That she was saying these things._ She had said them in a sarcastic tone because she had dismissed a positive answer to that already. So long ago.

Gillian froze when she saw the answer on his face, in his eyes, just before he hid it again. Her eyes grew wide as she took a step back. She shook her head in denial as she turned around and quickly began to walk away from him.

'Gillian stop.' Cal said as he went after her once again.

She turned around and he saw the tears that rolled over her cheeks now as she swallowed. She shook her head as if she dismissed him. Gave up on talking about it anymore.

'Gillian, you don't know what you are doing.' Cal stated as he studied her face and could see her clearly now for the first time in their arguement_. She was too pale, too vulnerable, too exhausted, and he was giving her a hard time. She was sick_.

'Just leave me alone.' She said bitterly as she marched off towards the FBI cars.

'Gillian.' Ben said as he walked towards her. He had seen her argue with Cal. 'Are you okay?' He asked worried.

'No Ben. I am not okay.' She took something out of the pocket of her blazer.

'What's this?' Ben asked as she put something in his hand.

'Some hairs of that man, for DNA.' _Now they could find out easily who he really was. Then they could be sure._

'How did you…?' Ben asked surprised as he stared from the hair in his hand to Gillian. 'Nevermind.' He said to her.

'Could you please bring me home?' Gillian asked in a weak, soft voice.

Ben nodded.

Gillian sat in the back of Ben's car as she looked in the distance at Cal who was leaning with one arm against his car and staring at the ground. Tears rolled over her cheeks. She knew that he had lashed out towards her and probably regretted that now. _If he'd only given her time to explain about why she had kissed Frank back. She had taken the opportunity to get his DNA. She wasn't really angry about that. She was angry that her antidote was gone, because of Cal's once again reckless behaviour. Yes she was angry about that. But there was another reason why she had acted like this._ She swallowed as she looked at her hands in her lap_. She needed to push him away. And this had been the perfect opportunity._ She looked at the steering wheel of Ben's car. _They both had said things to each other, threwn things at each other that they hadn't really meant, at least she had._

Ben would be back in a minute and then he'd bring her home.

_She was going to die. She'd only get worse the coming hours. So this time, she had lashed out too. She'd never done that, almost never to Cal. But this time was different._

She didn't want to bother anyone,

burden no one.

So this was really all for the best….

* * *

And and and?? Let me know your thoughts please?????? Thanks!!!! (still have my exams by the way, thanks for the support! The first one today was horror! Tomorrow the second one and I'm NOT looking forward to that after today bweeeh....)


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everyone! Here's the next one. Hope you like it! Special thanks to the reviewers!**

**And a special thanks for HughSoSexy for pointing me to my monster-mistake haha! thanks!! And to Franella for telling me about the blouse thing! (you know what I mean haha)**

**xxx**

**Chapter 16**

Cal was leaning against his car again. His eyes were fixed at the house Frank had been in. There were a lot of agents running around the house now. Looking for all sorts of things. He busied himself with reading them, studying them. He did everything just to keep himself from thinking. Thinking about what had happened.

Cal looked away from the house as he saw Reynolds coming towards him.

'You brought her home all right?' Cal asked casually as he hid his worry. _And he was worried. Very worried. It was like a iron grip that grabbed his windpipe and crushed it thight._

Reynolds nodded.

Cal's gaze wondered off towards the spot on the concrete where the antidote had been.

'So that was the antidote?' Reynolds asked as he followed Cal's gaze.

Cal crossed his arms in front of his chest. 'Yeah it was.' He mumbled.

'It was the **only** antidote?' Reynolds asked just to be sure if Cal was aware of that_. They hadn't found anything else in the house yet._

'I don't need a lecture from you.' Cal said in a low voice as he eyed Reynolds warningly.

Reynolds sighed as he shook his head and leaned his back against the car now too. 'So that was what your fight with Foster was about.' _That explained one or two things_.

'Not exactly.' Cal said.

'She wasn't angry because you didn't wait for me again?' He looked at Cal in astonishment. _Somehow, he couldn't believe that_. _Just like in Vegas and probably so many times, Cal had just gone his own way without listening to his partner_. 'I hate to state the obvious here but if you'd have waited there had been a hell of a lot of a bigger chance that we could have gotten her that stuff in one piece.' _He just had to get it off his chest._

Cal gave him an angry look. 'Don't remind me.' He snapped.

'Why did you do it? Why couldn't you wait Lightman?' Reynolds asked.

Cal loosened himself and fished for his carkeys in his pockets. _He had had enough of this conversation._

'No.' Reynolds said as he grabbed Cal by his shoulder to stop him. 'I want to know: why didn't you wait?'

Cal stopped fumbling in his pocket and looked at the big agent now. 'I thought I had a better chance at getting him to tell me where it was then you did. That's what.' He snapped as he got his keys out of his other pocket_. And his plan had failed. It had bloody hell failed and only made things worse. And now he had to deal with that. Deal with something he couldn't deal with. It seemed like a good plan at that moment, it couldn't have gone wrong. He had it all figured out. But it did go wrong. Gillian had been right. He should have waited for Reynolds. And he had just waved away her protests. He had been surprised that she hadn't come after him. But he knew why now, half an hour ago he almost stepped in a puddle of something that looked like vomit and he had his answer. _

'At least we have his DNA now.' Reynolds said as he leaned back against the car.

'What?'

'His DNA.' Reynolds repeated.

'Yeah I heard you the first time.' Cal said annoyed. 'How'd you get that.'

Reynolds shrugged. 'I don't know, Gillian gave me his hairs. Can you figure that out? That woman has many hidden talents. Of course we'd probably find a lot of DNA in the house but this way we can be sure it's really him. Who's to say that this is really his house anyway?'

'His hair?' Cal asked confused as he looked at Reynolds with open mouth.

'O, I didn't ask.' Reynolds said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. 'She somehow pulled the hairs from the guys head without him even noticing it, at least, I think so, cuz she wasn't hurt.'

Cal's nostrils flared as he looked away.

'I wondered how she'd done that, but then I thought never mind you know.' _It reminded him of the time she had gone in the cafe to get a suspect into the Lightman Group._ 'Just like when she got that killer into the Lightman Group so we could question him. I don't know how she does it. Must be the innocent look she has around her, she has some sort of charisma that makes you want to trust her and-'

'Yeah yeah I know.' Cal stopped him. 'What are you talking about? What cafe?' Cal asked as he narrowed his eyes in thought.

Reynolds looked at Cal and realised he didn't know. 'O it was when that bastard held you hostage and put his gun to your head.'

'Yeah and?'_ Yeah he remembered that intstantly, it was sadly enough not something to forget very quickly. That day had been horror._

'We got to these men and I obviously couldn't arrest them without ending in jail myself and then she- he raised his eyebrows shortly and got a perticular look on his face as he thought of something- went in after them in a cafe. She somehow lured him out of the cafe away from his friends and towards the car.'

'What was that?' Cal asked as he stepped into Reynolds personal space.

'What?' Reynolds spat annoyed. _He hated it when Lightman was doing that, reading him. _

'That look you just had.' Cal said as he narrowed his eyes and pointed at Reynolds face.

'What look?'

'Before you mentioned the cafe.'

'O that… Nothing.' Reynolds lied as he loosened himself from the car and began to walk away towards his own car.

'Yeah it was, what was that?' Cal persisted as he stalked after him.

Reynolds didn't answer.

'What did you do? What did she do?' Cal demanded.

Ben stopped as he shook his head annoyed. 'Why do you want to know? It's none of your bussiness really.'

'Yeah it is, it was under working hours.' He heard Cal say as he was walking again.

That made him stop. 'You got some serious issues Lightman. I'll tell you why you want to make it your bussiness, it's cuz you want to know everything about her don't you?'

'What? What's this now? Trying to read me?' Cal stated sarcastically.

'And you wan't to know everything about her because you like her, but not just like, nah… I mean like LIKE her.' He said as he ignored Cal's questions.

'What are we now? In fifth grade?' Cal snapped.

Reynolds kept looking at him hard.

'Yeah sure if that's what you want to hear.' Cal said shortly as he dismissed Reynolds words quickly. 'Just tell me what that look was about allright? Humour me.'

Ben sighed as he shook his head. 'It's no big deal really.'

Cal raised his eyebrows and waited as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

'Okay.' Ben put his hands in his pockets too. 'She put on some lipstick and I just knew what she was going to do. I didn't want her to, but she can be quite stubborn at times.'

_Yeah, tell me about it._ Cal nodded. 'And?' He urged curiously.

Reynolds shook his head again. _He couldn't believe that he was telling Cal this._

'You want to know what that look was about Lightman?' Reynolds stepped towards Cal and had to look down at the smaller man at that. _He liked to push Cal. See how he would react_. 'I'll tell you something. I like her Cal. She is an attractive woman, with a good, sweet character to go with it. And a body to die for, a face like an angel and her eyes are like-'

Cal shook his head confused. '-What else did she do?!' He snapped impatiently. _He didn't need to hear what Gillian was, he already knew that. And he sure as hell didn't want to hear what another man thought about her._

'Nothing.' Reynolds shrugged. 'She just straightened her dress….' He paused as he looked in the distance, obviously remembering something like it was happening in front of him again. 'Man! She gave me a big look in a large part of her cleavage and asked if it looked allright.' Reynolds laughed slightly as he looked at the ground. 'Can you imagine that?' He said as he laughed and studied Cal's reaction. _Nothing. He saw nothing on Cal's face. But he just had to go with his gut here. He had to trust his instinct, and that told him that Cal didn't like this at all. It reminded him again of why Lightman was so good in his job. Almost no one could read something of his face if he didn't want them too. Well, maybe Gillian could, or Emily. But for the rest, no one else._

'That's naive, right? One might say Foster is really naive.' Reynolds said as he looked at Cal with dark eyes.

'Why would that be?' Cal asked with an unmoving face. He felt annoyed. _What was Foster doing showing off her cleavage to Reynolds?_ He didn't want to admit it but he actually felt a sting of something in his stomach_. 'You're jealous.'_ Her words echoed in the back of his mind shortly_. No, he wasn't. He wasn't jealous. Why would he be? _

'Cause ofcourse she looked allright. She always looks allright. She's naive cause she doesn't know what she's able to do to a man. She just needs someone to tell her that.' Reynolds said as he stepped closer to Cal. 'If you get my drift.' He hoped that Cal would take the hint. _Gillian Foster could use a man who told her how beautiful she was, who cared for her and made her feel secure. Who reminded her of her many qualities and talents. She deserved that much._

'Nah, I don't get your drift.' Cal said as he looked up at Reynolds and took a step back while he stuffed his hands in his pockets. 'And Foster knows damn well what she does to a man. Don't fall for that.'

'Yeah she does if she needs something like a murderers hair for example. Or when she needs to save your ass. Then she does, but otherwise… She's clueless.' Reynolds studied Cal's blank look. 'You still don't get it do you? So good at detecting lies.. But when it comes to something different..' Ben let out air heavily. _Man, he was glad he wasn't in Cal's shoes. He was glad he had less trouble with his emotions then the lie expert did._ 'That must be hard Lightman. Really hard.' He turned away from Cal and started walking again.

'Oy! Where are you going?' Cal shouted after him.

'I'm going to harass the woman whose checking the DNA and then I'm going to hunt Frank down and I'll get the name of that poison he put in her, you can count on that.' Reynolds said in a strong voice as he kept walking towards his car.

Reynolds answer made Cal remember why he had hired the guy in the first place.

* * *

O, the scene from the cafe Reynolds remembered was from the episode 'Honey' (if you didn't know...)

And what did you think???


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for the reviews!!!!**

**Chapter 17**

**Day 3, Evening**

**Lightman Group**

'Can you believe this?' Loker asked as he stared at the screen with an irritated look on his face.

'Angela Pointer. And we let her go.' Ria said as she shook her head annoyed when she recognised the person in the video they were watching.

Loker played the video again. It showed the parking place in front of the Lightman Group. Angela could be seen walking towards Cal's car as she looked around her cautiously. Then she put the piece of paper on Cal's windshield. She had given them the adress where Frank had been.

'She was in on it all this time. Right under our noses.' Ria sighed frustrated as she grabbed her head and began to pace. _She had known something was off with her. But it hadn't seemed like it had something to do with the case. Something had been off. Even Gillian hadn't picked up on that. Yes, they had seen that she hated Lightman but she had seemed so calm when she was interviewed by Gillian._

'We should go there.' Ria said after a few seconds as she stopped pacing.

'I was just thinking the same thing.' Loker said as Ria noticed that he'd already looked up her adress and was writing it down on his hand.

**Hospital, Medical Lab**

'Look Doctor Lightman, hovering around here is not going to help.' The woman with the blonde hair said.

'Look Claire is it?' Cal asked as he looked at the name on her white lab coat. 'I don't care, just help me.' Cal said as he shrugged. _He didn't care in the least that the woman was annoyed by him. _

Claire sighed. 'We're already working very hard.' She answered as she walked back to her research table.

'Work harder then. Let me help if I can do anything.' Cal said as he stalked after the woman.

'You can't do anything, just don't be in our way.' Claire said as she gave Cal a stern glare.

'Just explain to me again, you have part of the antidote now..' Cal began as he pointed at the small plastic evidence bag. He had filled it with the glass shards of the bottle that had contained the antidote. He had picked them up from the ground.

'Part?' Claire said unsatisfied. 'We got exactly four drops off the glass, that's all. Maybe now you can understand that it's hard to analyze it. It takes time.'

'Yeah I can understand, but this woman's life is on the line. 'So how much time?' Cal said impatiently as he stuffed his hands in his pockets in an effort to keep himself calm.

'There are a lot of possibilities that I still have to go through like I said earlier.' Claire said as she bended over her microscope.

Cal looked away. He knew that Reynolds had brought Gillian home. _His first impulse was to go there, but it would be better if this worked and he could bring her the antidote._

**Gillian's house**

Gillian looked around her living room. Her eyes fell on the color of the walls that she loved so much, she remembered the day that she had painted them. Her friends had helped her and later, Cal had come to help her too together with Emily. It had felt so good to have people helping her, laughing around in her house. It made her feel warm and supported after all that had happened. Desert yellow she called that color. The paint probably had another name, but she'd forgotten. Those walls made her feel at ease. The color was warm but also peaceful.

Her fingers touched the wood of her dinner table_. She couldn't believe that she had to leave all of this. _She put her lips together in a grim line. Not to mention all the people she would leave behind_… Should she call someone? How could she ever say goodbye to the people she loved? _A tear slipped from her eyes. _She couldn't._ She felt the beginnings of a panick attack coming up. She breathed out slowly to calm herself. _There was one thing she knew for sure, and that was that_ s_he didn't want to sit around here waiting for her body to shut down completely_. She took a glass from the table and took a large amount of painkillers out of her jeans pocket. _She'd rather drop down somewhere in the street when she was doing something then withering away here in her own house. And these would help her to keep on going for a while at least..._ She thought as she swallowed the pills all together. _She hoped that her stomach could keep the pills in her body instead of throwing them out again._

_There was also another thing… Gillian knew that if she stayed here, Cal would come to her. Or anyone else. She had taken her distance for her reasons, for good reasons. And if he would come storm in, that wasn't taking her distance. She didn't want to face Cal now._

_Couldn't._

_Yes of course, somewhere deep in her heart she wanted him close. But this was for the best. She had decided that the moment she had shouted at him to leave her alone._ She breathed out and made her decision.

**Hospital**

Cal was glad that Gillian was at home. It comforted him in a way that she would finally rest some now. And that he knew where she was. She would be safe there. At least, as safe as she could be. And the moment the antidote was ready he would bring it to her and she would be helped. And that could be any moment now. At least, that was what he hoped. He gave Claire another look. He wished that he could make her work harder. He knew she was doing her best. And he probably shouldn't push her that much, but he just couldn't stop. He needed to do something. Claire and her colleguas needed to come with the antidote!

**Gillian's house**

Gillian walked towards her bag_. She had just decided that she wasn't going to say goodbye, to anyone_. Tears rolled over her cheeks as she got her phone, her medicine and a bottle of water and placed it in her bag. She put on her coat and looked behind her_. This might be the last time that she saw her own living room._

_It frightened her. Hurt her._

She turned away with a determined look on her face and halted for a moment again. _Maybe this was a bad decision. Maybe she should stay here._ She knew her body was weak and was getting weaker by the hour. She might not have the strenght to get back here if she wanted too. Maybe she wouldn't have the strenght to go anywhere in a matter of moments.

Gillian pondered over her decision again, doubted for a moment. _No_, she made up her mind again. She straightened her back_. She'd just have to take this one step at a time_.

It was difficult to leave. It had been so hard to build up something after her divorce with Alec. To build up a place where she felt safe, warm and content.

_Goodbye house, _she thought as the door fell in the lock behind her

**Gillian's house**

'Gillian?' Cal called from the door. 'Please open up. Look, I know you might not want to talk to me, but you know I won't listen to that.' Cal looked at the closed door.

No answer.

'Gillian! You're always the one who wants to talk remember?'

No answer.

'Okay, that's it. I'm coming in.' Cal said as he opened the door with her spare key. _For all he knew she could be lying on the ground somewhere. Or maybe she was too weak to get to the door?! And he never was the patient one, so she might be angry that he stormed in now, that was her own fault, she should have just hurried up then!_

Cal looked around her living room. His fingers touched the wood of her dining table. His eyes fell on the soft yellow paint on her wall. He smiled at the things he remembered about that. How she had opened the door, covered in smutches paint on her cheeks and nose. He looked at the open kitchen. _He had expected her to walk in the living room any moment now, staring at him. But she didn't come. There was no movement to be heard in the whole house._

'Gill where are you?' Cal called as he walked towards the kitchen.

'I've got the antidote!' He called out happily. _She would be helped now. He was so happy, he wanted to put his arms around her and crush her to his chest. He was so happy that he could lift her in the air. Finally they got the antidote! Finally!_

Cal halted in the living room again_. Where was she?_ Dread tucked at his stomach. He swallowed.

Moments later Cal ran down the stairs with his phone in his hand. She wasn't picking up.

And she wasn't upstairs either.

He had looked everywhere for her. All kind of things went through him when he checked every room for her, worry flooding him, making it hard for him to breathe_. Why wasn't she reacting to his calls? That wasn't like her, not even when she was angry with him. _

Then his eyes fell on the big clock on her wall. Two days to go and the last day would become horrible for her. Today was the third day that she had that poison in her. He leaned back against the table now to support himself_. How could this be? Why wasn't she here like he had planned? Where was she?!_ He closed his eyes momentarily_. He couldn't reach her, she wasn't here. How could he ever find her?!_

_She wasn't here.._

_Gillian was gone._

_000_

Oops, another cliffhanger. Sorry you guys, I really think I DO love cliffhangers! I got to keep you guys curious of course! Please tell me what you thought??


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello everyone, thanks for the reviews!! Okay, hope you aren't confused but this chapter is a ****FLASHFORWARD! Which is very important to know because otherwise it'll all be VERY confusing (if it isn't already...) The next chapter will explain a lot more!**

**This chapter was kind of an experiment because I didn't like the way I had written it and thought I could make it more tenseful by mixing a few things up! Please let me know if it worked and what you think? That'll help me greatly for future stuff I'd write...Thanks!**

**Chapter 18**

**Day 4**

Reynolds exhaled loudly and stopped breathing. Cal turned white instantly as he stared at Reynolds police radio.

'We have a dead body. There was a shooting at Renolia Lane 14 and I was too late .' A cop's voice shouted through.

Reynolds looked at Cal who kept staring at the radio. He looked down at the list with adresses that he had in front of him.

'Is that…' Cal asked slowly.

'Yeah.' Reynolds said with regret in his voice. 'This is the last address.' He bit his lip. 'The one where Gillian went too…'

Cal couldn't breathe anymore, he couldn't swallow, it was like all of his bodily functions had stopped working in an instant. He'd lost the one person that meant the most to him. He just kept staring in front of him. He was unable to move, it was like his body was frozen in time.

**Less then an hour earlier…**

**Gillian**

Gillian had found the perfect way of stopping the need to vomit. She had just stopped eating all together. It made her feel even weaker, but she could hold on for a while like this. She stepped out of her car and gazed up to the house that was on her list. John's ex wife. The fourth house on her list. She had found nothing else at the other places. She hoped she would find something now. Her mobile went off again. Her hand went to it to automatically pick it up but she froze as she read he caller ID. It was Cal. She stared at it for a moment and then put the phone on silent. _You never knew when a phone would come in handy_, she thought as she placed it back in her pocket while she studied the house in front of her. She heard the beep of yet another message._ Cal must have left her about thirteen messages by now, counting since last night. She hadn't listened to the messages. She knew if she did… Well it would only make things harder. And she had to do her own thing now._

Gillian rang the bell and she was surprised to see the man that casually opened the door. He didn't even seem shocked to see her. He smiled widely at her.

'Gillian Foster! Couldn't live without me could you?' He asked.

Her nostrils flared. _He didn't even look behind her. He somehow knew that she was alone._

'You expected me?' She asked as she tried to read him.

He laughed again. 'I saw you pulling your car in the parking spot just in front of the house moments ago. Please come in. I think we can make a deal maybe.'

_If Cal knew this, he would probably explode,_ she thought as she hovered in front of the door. She studied Frank who waited for her to come in._ This really wasn't a good idea._ _He was the devil himself. If she would go in, there was no going back. If she would take those two steps that were needed to step into the house and the door would close behind her, there would be no going back._

_On the other hand, maybe there had been no going back since the moment she got slammed against that elevator wall in Vegas. A lot had changed since then._

'I think so too.' Gillian finally said as she stepped in the house.

The door closed.

And there was no going back....

'So, with what can I help you?' Frank asked.

'You're packing bags?' Gillian asked as she eyed the bags in the hallway.

'Please follow me to the attick, we have room there. And yes, I'm leaving. I have a lot of money to take a vacation for the rest of my life now.' He said.

_This was very weird. It was like he was talking to a neighbour. He knew very well that he had leverage so she couldn't do a thing. Not yet anyway._

'Let's just go to the living room.' Gillian proposed_. There was no way that she was following that monster to any attick._

He smiled at her. 'Anything for you Gillian.'

They got to the living room that was at the back of the house and Frank turned around to face her. She made sure that she was standing far away from him.

'Well, Gillian and now to the point. What do you want?' Frank asked.

'Why the question John? I think you know what I want.' _She was using his real name on purpose. She wanted to see his reaction, but there was no reaction at all._

'O, you're making this a guessing game?'

'There are people who can help you.' Gillian began.

'Really?' Frank asked as his eyebrows both rose in surprise.

_She knew he meant that sarcastic_. 'It's not too late. If you help me now, I'll tell them.' She said as she held up her hands towards him in a soothing movement.

'Haahah, this is priceless! That must be the psychologist speaking inside of you. Even now, you want to help me?' His eyes studied her body and then her face.

Gillian shrugged. 'You're a sociopath John. That's very clear to me.'

'And what do you want in return Gillian.' He asked as amusement painted his features.

'I want the antidote.'

'You were there when I dropped that.' He shrugged casually. 'It's gone, thanks to your lover. I thought you thanked him already for that.'

'You are the one who dropped it Frank and you crushed it under your shoe, don't put this on someone else.' She said sternly.

'Just get to the point.' Frank began to sound impatient.

'Give me the names of the stuff you put in there. The ingredients. The hospital will make a new antidote for me.'

He laughed. 'And why exactly would I give that to you?' Frank asked. 'You're on my territory now, which is very foolish of you by the way.' He took a step towards her. 'You're alone, you're weak, you've got nothing to bargain with, and you're dying. No one probably even knows that you are here.' He risked another step.

_She wanted to step back, her whole body wanted to keep her distance, but she didn't. She forced herself to stand her ground._

'Did you tell anyone that you're here Gillian?'

'No I didn't.' Gillian answered truthfully.

His brows raised again as he made a clicking sound with his tongue. 'That's a very naive answer! Did you never watch detective movies Gillian? You should know never to answer such a question with an answer like that!'

'Why not John?' Gillian asked as she studied his every move.

'You'll find out very soon Gillian, I promise you that.'

She shook her head. 'No,** you**'ll find out soon why I didn't tell anyone where I was.' _She had her own reasons, she wasn't **that** naive._

'Let me guess, you're going to threaten me now? With what?' He chuckled in delight as he eyed her again. 'Are you going to hit me with one of your psychology books?' He began to laugh hard now, found the situation very amusing probably.

'I think we're past that phase Frank. That wouldn't work on you anymore, so I'm going to try this now.' Gillian said as she pointed a gun at him.

_She noticed how that made him stop laughing, just for a moment. She saw a micro expression of fear, but it was so small. He wiped it away in less then a second and plastered an amused grin on his face again. She hated this man. She really did._

'This is the first time I've ever pointed a gun at a human being and I don't like it. But I will do whatever is necessary John.' Gillian explained thruthfully. 'You're threatening my life, give me what I want and I won't shoot.' Gillian promised.

She saw slight fear in him and then it dissapeared again.

He began to walk further towards her with a smug smile. 'You won't shoot. You're a shrink. A soft one.'

She pointed the gun at his knee. 'I heard the knee caps are quite painful. Or shall I put a bullit in your arms first? A friend of mine is a physical therapist, she told me that a bullit in the shoulder would really give a lot of trouble.' Gillian said in an even tone as her eyes grew hard. She could hear her own heart beating like a drum in her ears.

It worked, Frank stopped and put up his hands as he gave her a bright smile.

'You really are sly. I'm beginning to see why the Brit took you on as a partner. I might have underestimated you.'

'The name.' Gillian urged.

He sighed and held up his hands in defeat towards her. 'It was snake poison, mixed with a bit of arsenic.'

_He was so difficult to read, _Gillian thought_. There still was something off. She just couldn't pin point it. What was wrong with this picture? Aside from the fact that she was pointing a gun at him, threatening someone to kill them._ 'What sort of snake?'

'The Bellarus snake, are you familiar with him?' He asked casually.

Gillian was surprised at how fast Frank gave her the name of the poison that was in her. _Something was wrong. Why would he give it to her so fast? He wasn't frightened enough yet. She could read that off of him. Yes she had the gun, but she hadn't pushed him far enough yet. He didn't show the slightest sign of discomfort anymore. In the beginning he had very shortly. But now, he seemed very at ease. _

'I'm just going to call the hospital and inform them about that.' Gillian said as she took her mobile in one hand put still held the gun trained at his knees. 'Don't move, I'm a very good shot.' She assured him as her eyes didn't leave his face.

'Don't worry, I'll be right here.' He said lazily.

Fear tugged at her stomach as she explained the woman on the line everything and got put through a few times.

'Where already have your antidote miss Foster.' A woman named Claire told her.

'What? How's that possible.' She asked surprised.

'Doctor Lightman is looking for you, he brought it with him. Please come in as soon as possible to get it. Or go to him if that's quicker.'

'Yes I will, thank you.' Gillian said as she hung up.

Frank was still standing in the same place.

'Are you running out of time Gillian?' He asked in an amused tone.

'You don't have to worry about time anymore Frank, because you're going straight to jail.'

'Why?' Frank asked.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. 'Why?' She repeated flabbergasted. _Wasn't that obvious? He really was crazy and over-confident_.

'Do you really think you can keep me here Gillian?'

She swallowed. _That tone… She hadn't heard that tone in a voice many times yet. It was the tone of danger. Of someone who was smug, arrogant and knew exactly what they were doing. _

'I WILL use the gun Frank if you make me. Don't play me, I warn you. I don't want to shoot but I will.' She warned him in a straight voice. _She was happy her voice didn't tremble, because she was feeling very afraid right now. Which was quite weird because **she** was the one with the gun. But her instincts were crying out to her to get the hell away from there._

Frank smiled wide. 'O, I believe you. Very smart. Did you think I would just let you in here? I would just let you point a gun at me like that Gillian?' Frank shook his head slowly in a patronising way.

She hated that smug smile on his face. _What had she missed? What did he know that she didn't? The police would be here soon, Reynolds would have gotten the list by now. He was probably checking all the adresses on it, any time now he would be here.._

'Without a back up plan?' He said as he raised an eyebrow.

'I won't hesitate to shoot and-'

'Please, don't keep repeating yourself Gillian. I was just enjoying our time together here, and now you're just being very BORING. I don't like that.'

'Well then, let me make it very interesting for you. We're going to move towards the door where we'll be waiting for the cops to come.'

'That IS interesting.' Frank said in a happy voice. 'I knew you were the kind of woman that could keep me interested. But, I do have to tell you something Gilly dear…'

Her breathing hitched. _Calm down Gillian, you've got the gun, he's got nothing! _

'Move! Just walk to the right Frank.' Gillian ordered as she motioned towards his right with her gun. _She had to take control of the situation here. Show him who was boss._

'Yeah, you can order me around because you've got the gun and I…. Well**….. **

**I don't work alone.**' He smiled widely as her eyes grew big in shock and surprise. It was like the last piece of the puzzle fell in it's place, but it was too late…

'Do the math Foster.' Frank said as he smiled wide now and looked over her shoulder.

_The last thing that she saw, before everything became black, were Frank's micro expressions: contempt, happiness and above all, amusement._

'Well, she's a nuisance.' The woman said who looked from Frank to Gillian on the floor now as she threw the book end she'd hit Gillian with into one of the boxes in the room.

'It's okay, I actually enjoyed it, just grab you're bags, were going to Europe honey. No one will ever find us there.'

She smiled. 'What'll we do with her?'

'We take her and drop her out somewhere on the way. I don't like her to be found in time if you know what I mean?'

She laughed. 'They did quite a good job if they made an antidote.' She had listened to the conversation the whole time.

'Yep, I would feel really pissed if she would survive now.'

'Yeah, too bad. She acted kind of nice to me in the office.' She said as she looked down at the body of doctor Gillian Foster.

'Did you get rid of our other problem by the way?' John asked.

'O yeah, that was quite annoying, but it's taken care off now.' She smiled. _Everyting was taken care off. It wouldn't be long now before she would finally have her freedom._

'Then it's almost time to party darling. We'll just have to hurry because the cops are probably on the way.'

She laughed loudly at that. 'O honey, it's the same as always, it isn't that cliche at all, it's just very true: the cops are **always** too late.'

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Okay before you want to hit and kick me.... DO NOT DO THAT please.... I can't give away anything but you have to know that I totally LOVE Gillian Foster so.... Well....

Your opinion please??

xxx


	19. Chapter 19

**Here's an extra long chapter to make up for the cliffhanger I did yet again in the last chapter! Hope you'll forgive me??**

**Chapter 19**

**A few hours before……….**

**Gillian's house Day 3 evening**

Cal was lying on Gillians bed with his clothes on. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He had left dozens of messages on her cell phone. But she wouldn't pick up.

And now he was brainstorming about where she would go. _Where did you go Gillian?_

So many things had happened these last days. He couldn't even believe that he had woken up with her on his couch only this morning. If he breathed in deep he smelled her sweet scent. He remembered how warm it had felt to have her so close. And how comforting just her presence made him feel. _She was a sweet and warm person._

_And he, he had told her that she grabbed every man she could, he hadn't trusted her to act out of some sort of reason. She had caressed Frank's hair to get the DNA. And he had accused her of many things. He hadn't even listened to her_. He took one of her pillows and held it to his side_. He had acted on what he had seen, not on what could have been the reason behind it. And that's exactly why he could never act on his feelings. He was afraid that he would crush her. That she would change. Because of him. He would pollute her. She would probably not think that but he knew himself. He was good at lashing out, attacking people verbally. She didn't deserve that. So no, he wasn't jealous and he didn't want her to be all over him. He wanted her to be all over someone else. A man worthy of her, a man that could take good care of her. Valued her, supported her and helped her._

_Now where did you go Gillian? Your parents? No, probably not. She wasn't on good terms with them. Maybe a friend. But that didn't feel right either. _

**Reynold's car**

'There are a few places we found that are connected with John French. I thought you already knew.' Alicia, one of the FBI secretary's told Reynolds on the phone.

'What? Why would I know?' Reynolds asked surprised as he frowned his brows. He was sitting in his car that was parked at the the Lightman Group.

'You're associate came by about an hour ago, I told her-'

'Associate? What associate?' He spat in a dark voice. _Did Cal..!? No couldn't be, he just spoke to him. He was in Gillian's house and hadn't found her._

'The blonde woman with the blue eyes. She wasn't looking too good.'

'Foster?! She what?!' Reynolds spat_. He couldn't believe her!_ 'What did she want?'

'I gave her this list…' Alicia said in an insecure tone. She began to stammer. 'I thought… I though that was all right. She said you worked together and… I saw her before, together with you and…' She stopped talking as she realised her mistake.

Reynolds shook his head_. Alicia had made a big mistake._

'I'm so sorry..' Alicia said.

'Look just tell me where she is, what she told you.' Reynolds said as he shook his head annoyed. _He'd talk about this with Alicia later._ _She couldn't just hand over information like that to someone else! But he knew Foster. It was pretty hard to say no to her, she could be very convincing._

'She was so convincing.. And she seemed so nice.' Alicia said in a sad tone.

'Yeah, she's good at that, what did she say?' Reynolds asked again.

**Gillian **

Gillian was standing in the house that she grew up in. Her parents weren't here, they were on vacation in Europe for a month. She walked towards her fathers desk and stared at the drawer. It was locked but she knew where he kept the key. _Was she really going to do this? What had happened to her in these last few days? She felt that she had changed._ Her hand went under the desk and there she felt the key taped to the wood.

'_You never know how you will act in danger. For example, all of you can be killers.' _Her psychology teacher had said once in class, a long time ago.

She had put up her hand, had thought that that idea was proposterous alone. She had told him that she couldn't believe that, that if you had yourself under control that would certainly not be the matter. She could never believe that she would be able to kill someone. No matter the circumstances. A discussion arised at that in the class.

'No one knows how you will react if everything is taken away from you, if your life is threatened or in danger. You will kill to protect yourself. Instinct will take over.' Her teacher had told them again.

After thinking long about this, Gillian had concluded that somewhere he might have been right. But she didn't condone it. She hated violence. She had seen too much violence in her life already. If only people started communicating more with each other instead of beating the crap out of each other, then the world would probably be a better place. At least, that's what she believed.

Gillian put the key in the locket and opened the drawer_. There it was. The dark blinking metal._ Her father had bought it a very long time ago when he was robbed years ago. 'To protect us.' He had said once. When she was a child, she was intrigued by the gun. Her father had even learned her how to handle it, how to shoot. She had loved it. When she got older, and her father began to drink and their relationship consisted of.. Nothing anymore, she began to hate violence and she had never touched the gun again. Her hand hovered over the gun as her phone buzzed again. She rolled her eyes. _Cal. He could be so consistent. He obviously couldn't take the hint. But she knew that he only wanted to help._

Gillian took the gun in her hands. It felt lighter then she remembered. She raised it up a bit and studied the smooth metal.

_Yes, Cal only wanted to help. And she, she wasn't good at accepting help._

'My little girl knows very well how to take care of herself.' Her father had once said.

_Yes she did. When she put away all her wants, emotions and feelings, then yes. She did._ Gillian felt a sting in her heart. She had worked so hard to become the person she was, to feel happy about things, to have warmth and peace inside of her. _Well to be honest, she hadn't had peace for a long time since her marriage with Alec. And his problems. Warmth, yes she had that, in her work, in the people she helped, the people that were around her. Cal. Emily. Ria, Reynolds even Loker. The people she saw everyday. She wanted to be a person who could help others, who could give others warmth and care. And in her work, she had succeeded in that… Most of the time. _

Gillian checked the weapon to see if it was loaded in a few swift moves. _Here we go_, she thought shakily as she put the gun in her bag and left.

**Gillian's house**

Cal picked up his phone quickly.

'Gillian?" He asked hopeful.

'No it's me.' Reynolds said. 'Gillian was here an hour ago, she went after Frank.'

'What?!' Cal spat as he sat up from the bed in one swift move. _Had she absolutely lost her mind now??!_

'Yeah. She talked her way in here and got the secretary to give her the details. I've got five adresses where Frank could be, or where there's someone who knows about him. She has the same ones. I just studied the adresses and sent several agents to all the adresses. We'll find her soon now.' Reynolds said as het ried to reassure Cal and himself.

'Look pick me up yeah?'

'I'll be there as soon as possible.' Reynolds said as he put down the Phone and drove off.

Cal stood up from the bed. He shook his head annoyed.

**Gillian**

Before she opened her eyes she felt like a truck had driven over her a few times. She moaned in pain as she slowly looked around her. She was still in the living room.

She swallowed as her hand went to the bump on her head. _That had hurt. What happened?_ She looked around her. She felt utterly confused. _Why hadn't they killed her?_ She got up and fell down on her knees again. _She was so dizzy._ She leaned forward on her arm and stared at the floor to keep the room from spinning around her.

'Mam! Put up your hands!' A voice suddenly shouted.

Gillian flinched in shock at the hard tone. She looked up at the voice.

'NOW!' A man with a gun ordered.

**Last time:**

'We have a dead body. There was a shooting at Renolia Lane 14 and I was too late .' A cop's voice shouted through.

Reynolds looked at Cal who kept staring at the radio. He looked down at the list with adresses that he had in front of him.

'Is that…' Cal asked slowly.

'Yeah.' Reynolds said with regret in his voice. 'This is the last address.' He bit his lip.

'The one where Gillian went too…'

Cal couldn't breathe anymore, he couldn't swallow, it was like all of his bodily functions had stopped working in an instant. He'd lost the one person that meant the most to him. He just kept staring in front of him. He was unable to move, it was like his body was frozen in time.

**AND NOW:**

'What…?' Gillian began.

'Put up your hands mam! I will only say this once!' The man barked at her as he kept the pistol trained at her.

She sat back on her knees and held her hands up slowly. She felt so weak and tired. And she was in pain. The pain medicine she had taken hours ago had obviously stopped working.

'Get away from the gun!' The man shouted.

_The gun?_ Gillian thought confused as her brows cringed in a frow. _What gun?_ She looked around her and her sleepy eyes finally noticed a gun lying next to her.

'Yes, please calm down.' Gillian said as she moved aside, away from the gun. 'This must be a mistake, I didn't do anything.' She said as she put her hands in her neck to support her tired arms.

'And what do you call the body in the corner there? You shot him.'

Gillian looked in the corner. There was a big body lying there. Blood was all around him. Her eyes grew wide in shock. _John_. Her mouth fell open as she looked from John back to the gun. _Her fingerprints were all over the gun_. She looked up at the man who was standing in front of her now, looking down at her as if she was some sort of criminal, a murderer.

'This is a mistake, I didn't kill him!' Gillian uttered shocked, but her voice sounded weak. 'I need to get to a hospital, you don't understand.' She began as the man walked towards her with handcuffs in his hands.

_She couldn't believe that she was being arrested_. Tears stood in her eyes as she tried to turn around again and explain what had happened to this man that she now believed was an agent.

'I know agent Reynolds, he knows what is going on.' Gillian tried again.

'We'll find out soon enough what's going on, he'll be here shortly.'

'Are these really necessary?' She askd as she motioned with her wrists towards him. There were cold metal handcuffs around them now. She was feeling more awful by the moment.

'Just walk outside mam.'

She felt hot again, was heaving a horrible headache, she felt very fuzzy and her legs felt like they were made of jelly and her body seemed to have no strenght left anymore. She turned her face away from the agent when her body collided with a massive wall that suddenly grabbed her.

'Gillian!' The wall shouted in a panicked tone. She felt arms envelop her and crush her. It took her a few moments to know that she was being hugged.

'Gillian, you're alive!' Cal shouted as he let go of her and took her face in his hands. His eyes studied her quickly and before she knew what was happening he placed his mouth on her lips and kissed her. The kiss and astonishment of the moment took her breath away. He let go of her lips as he planted kisses all over her cheeks and face. Her breathing hitched.

'You're alive.' He kept saying as he refused to let go of her face. He again enveloped her and pulled her in a warm hug.

'God, I've missed you.' He said as he pushed a lock of hair that was plastered to her face away from her skin and looked at her.

She just kept staring at him as if she wasn't really there. 'Cal…' She said weakly.

'I need to…' She breathed in in shock and quickly turned away from him as she fell on her knees and vomited on the lawn. The agent that was still standing behind her took a step back in disgust.

Cal's eyes widened as he saw the handcuffs around her wrists, keeping them restraint to her back. Cal bended and pushed her hair out of her face as her body heaved wildly.

'Get these off of her!' He snapped at the agent as he held her hair.

'I'm sorry sir-'

'REYNOLDS!' Cal shouted out loud. 'REYNOLDS!' He shouted again when the man didn't show up instantly.

'Yeah yeah what?' Reynolds asked who jogged towards them.

'She's sick for crying out loud! Get those cuffs off of her!' Cal shouted angrily as he felt how Gillian's body stopped heaving and was now trembling heavily. She almost fell over and Cal was just in time to get her by her shoulders and pull her backwards. He lost his balance and they both fell down in the grass. Gillian between his legs.

'Give me the keys.' Reynolds ordered the agent.

'She shot a man, I arrested her.' The agent said as he gave Reynolds the keys with an angry look.

Reynolds tossed them towards Cal who loosened the cuffs from her wrists and threw them at the agents feet in anger without giving him another look.

'It's okay luv. It'll all be okay.' Cal said as he caressed her face and she leaned with her back against his chest.

Reynolds got a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. 'I'll take care of this.' He said as he looked at the agent who just nodded.

'The antidote Cal.' Reynolds reminded him as he squatted in front of them. He looked at Gillian and she didn't seem to be aware of them very much anymore.

Cal opened the plastic flask they had put the antidote in,_ he'd made damn sure there was no chance in hell they would put it in something breakable_.

'Gillian? Can you hear me?' Reynolds asked. Her blurry eyes slowly looked up at him.

Cal put his arm under her breasts to steady her as he held the potion to her mouth. 'Here luv, just drink it. It'll help.' He offered in a soothing, gentle tone.

Her trembling hand went to it and then fell in her lap motionless as she stubbornly looked away from the potion.

'What's that now?' Cal asked astonished. 'Gillian! You need to drink it.' He bended his head over her shoulders to see her face, to read her. He noticed the tears that were streaming silently over her cheeks.

'Gillian?' Cal asked. Her eyes didn't reach him, they shot from place to place.

'She isn't doing well.' Reynolds said in a warning and worried tone.

'I can see that.' Cal said annoyed as he went to sit on his knees so he could face her.

'She seems to be in shock.' Reynolds said worried as he stood up and turned away from them fast. 'Hey!' He shouted towards the ambulance as he motioned for them to come towards them.

'Gillian luv! Don't do this.' Cal said. 'Look at me.' But her stare was empty. 'Please drink it.'

'It's like she can't focus anymore.' Reynolds mentioned from Cal's back.

'Yeah well, she needs to.' _And he'd get that antidote in her no matter what_. Cal thought as he snapped his fingers in front of her face_. That didn't work_. He shook her shoulders, that also didn't work.

He narrowed his eyes as he thought of the one thing that he could think of to snap her out of this. He closed the gap between them and kissed her hard on her lips. He made the kiss passionate. She didn't respond but he hoped it would snap her out of her reverie or where ever she was anyway.

He let go of her and stared at her. Her lips were swollen now and his were tingling from the sensation.

She looked straight in his eyes with big wide surprised eyes.

'That's better now.' Cal remarked satisfied. 'Drink this!' He said as he brought the flask to her lips. 'No questions, just drink.' He ordered as he noticed how she wanted to open her mouth to talk or probably ask what was going on.

'It's the antidote, it'll help you.' Cal explained as she drank it and he supported her back.

00

'You go with her, we'll sort things out later.' Reynolds said as he motioned towards the stretcher and the two ambulance men that were taking Gillian away.

Cal nodded as he ran after them. He climbed into the ambulance and sat down next to the brancard she was lying on. He took her hand. She looked at him, her eyes stood blurry, her skin was flustered and she looked very sick.

'I love you.' He said, the words finally, after all those years coming out of his mouth. He was shocked at his own words, that he had said that out loud. But thinking that she was dead and now seeing her like this. _It was all too much_. He held his breath in fear for her reaction.

She smiled slightly. 'Ow Cal.' She moaned softly in a raw voice.

_Her throat probably hurt too, _Cal thought.

'Thanks.' She said as her eyes were on his. 'I love you too-.' She whispered.

He studied her face quickly,_ something didn't sound right. She hadn't understood what he really meant._ He could read that off her face easily.

'-And Loker, Torres, Ben and Emily of course. I love you all.' She told him with a smile as she put her hand softly against his cheek. 'You've all helped me so good…' She whispered, it was barely audible.

'No, I mean-' Cal began as he put his hand on her trembling one.

'-As a friend.' Gillian interrupted him as she gave him another weak smile. 'I know Cal.' _She wouldn't misunderstand him. She wouldn't think that he would mean something else. Silly of him to think such a thing. She felt herself slipping away. _Her head fell to the other side.

'Please sir step aside.' The doctor said as her hand slipped out of his grasp.

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Well and and and? What did you think? I still have a lot of chapters in mind.. Hope the story isn't getting too long but of course there's the aftermath and ofcourse they still haven't found the person that is behind all of this AND the specific reason!! What do you think???


	20. Chapter 20

Hi everyone! Thanks again for the reviews.

**Chapter 20**

**Hospital**

'Doctor Foster?' A friendly voice sounded from somewhere far away.

Gillian opened her eyes and fluttered her eyelids a few times and then tried to focus on the doctor who was standing next to her bed. _He was very close. Why did he sound so far away?_

Her tongue felt like a big limp piece of meat that was too big for her mouth and she could barely move it.

'Hi.' She uttered in a weak tone. She felt something touch her hand and her eyes slowly went to the left side of the bed where she recognised the owner of the hand to be one of her favourite persons in the world. _Cal._

'Ello luv.' He said softly as he smiled genuinly at her.

She was confused. _What was going on? How did she get here?_ As soon as she thought about all these questions they slipped away again because her mind was too fuzzy to think clearly.

'You'll feel very sick the coming days, your body will have to work very hard.' The doctor explained.

'Why?' Cal asked. 'She has the antidote in her now?' _He had hoped that she would be spared further pain and difficulties._

'Yes, but her body still needs to work hard to get all the poison out. And that will be difficult especially because she's already very weak.'

Cal nodded. _He guessed that she probably hadn't eaten much these last days, and what she had eaten, hadn't stayed in her stomach very long with all the throwing up she had done._

'Do you have somewhere to go, anyone to help you?' The doctor asked Gillian.

Gillian thought for a moment. _Her head hurt. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to close her eyes and drift off again. _She saw her empty home in front of her._ No. There was no one waiting for her at home. No one to care for her._

'Yeah she does.' She heard Cal say in the distance.

_It sounded like he was so far away now. Gillian tried to hold her eyes open with a lot of effort. __Cal was going to work on the case of course._ 'Can't I stay here?' She asked weakly.

'Yes you could. But it would be nicer for you if you'd be in a more comfortable environment with familiar faces around.' The doctor offered. 'The coming days you'll experience extreme tiredness, you can become feverish and even weaker then you already are. If someone would be around to care for you that would be much better then for you to just stay here.'

_Familiar faces… My throat hurts…Environment comfortable… So tired… 'It's okay, I'll be fine.' She whispered as her eyes closed. __She would be fine. Somehow._

00

'So, she's gonna make it?' Reynolds asked as he stepped towards Cal. Cal was standing in the hospital hallway in front of the room Gillian was in. He was looking through a glass window which showed Gillian lying in a big white hospital bed. A nurse busied himself with her vitals as Gillian was still asleep.

Reynolds looked through the window and silently studied Gillian's still form. Worry was painted on his face.

Cal nodded. 'Yeah, they think so. She'll be in a lot of pain the coming days, her body has to work hard. But she's out of life's danger.'

'That's good.' Reynolds said as he eyed Cal. He noticed how tired Cal looked and how worried he was.

'What is it?' Cal asked as he read Reynolds after a few seconds.

Reynolds breathed in. His hand went through his short hair. 'We've got another problem.'

'What now?' Cal asked. _What could be even worse then this whole ordeal they had these past few days._

'They think that she killed him.'

'Who what?' Cal asked confused_. It was like the words wouldn't reach his ears. Like he hadn't heard it right._

'They think that she killed Frank. She's under arrest.' Reynolds explained.

Cal swallowed. _Had he heard the words right?_ Cal looked at Reynolds mouth as if he wanted to bes ure those exact words had come out of that mouth.

'They think that she shot him in cold blood.' Reynolds explained softly.

_Yeah, he heard Reynolds clearly now. And he really was saying these things._ Cal's eyes went to Reynolds eyes.

'Gillian?' Cal asked dumbly. _He couldn't believe it_. 'Selfdefence yeah?' He heard himself mumble.

Reynolds shook his head slowly and sighed deep. 'In cold blood Cal.' He repeated again, this time even clearer. 'They still have to find out if it was self defence.'

Cal's mouth fell open and all he could do was stare at Reynolds.

'Look, someone of the medical team will come and see if she fired the gun, from the gun residu on her hands and we'll have to hear her story when she wakes up. We'll find out what happened.'

Cal seemed to awaken from his nightmare like state and shook his head. _He didn't believe it, didn't believe it, couldn't believe it, this wasn't true. This was NOT true. Gillian would not do this. She was against violence. She'd never hurt someone intentionally, she'd never kill someone, and not in cold blood. _

Cal suddenly began to laugh.

Reynolds raised his eyebrows at that.

'Foster being arrested? She's the most true-hearted and well-behaved person I ever met.' Cal told him annoyed.

Reynolds nodded and looked at the floor. He nodded in regret. _Yeah, he had gotten to know her like that too._ He stared through the window again. Even now, while she was unconsciouss her face showed pain.

'There must be a mistake.' Cal's eyes didn't leave Gillian's face. 'She doesn't even own a gun.'

'The gun that Frank was shot with belongs to her father.' Reynolds pointed out.

That made Cal loosen his gaze from Gillian's face. 'This is Foster we're talking about! She's against violence. She wouldn't even crush an insect cuz she'd feel bad about that the whole bloody week!' Cal blurted out as he pointed heatedly at the window that she was behind. 'You know that! You know her!'

'Paul wants to keep her here until the antidote is working and then-'

'What do you mean will keep her there?' Cal asked dreading the answer.

'She has to be interrogated.'

'What?! She's sick! She needs to be helped.'

'Just calm down and wait until we get there.'

Cal took a menacing step towards Reynolds. 'I will NOT calm down! Foster has been through a lot these last days!' He shouted at him. 'And she's not going through this crap now!'

'If she shot him-'

'She didn't shoot that man!' Cal shouted.

'As much as I wish that is true Cal, that needs to be proven and you know it.' Reynolds said as he placed his hands in his sides. 'I don't like this either, and I'll do anything to make this as quick and less painful for her.' He looked at her. Then he looked back at Cal. 'But if she shot him, then she's in trouble.'

'If she did that, then it was self defence!' Cal growled. 'Is that Paul the same guy that put those bloody handcuffs on her and dragged her out of the house?!' Cal snapped.

'Yes he-' Reynolds began.

'- He better not come near me and he bloody hell better not come near her again!' Cal threatened as he pointed angrily at Gillian.

Reynolds sighed. There was no decent talking to Lightman right now, he figured. 'He needs to do what needs to be done.'

Cal stepped close towards Reynolds and gave him an angry look. 'You work for _me_!' He reminded him. 'I want you to make bloody sure that no one is going to harass her about this.' Cal snapped.

Reynolds sighed heavily as he watched Cal walk in the hospital room.

**Cal's house**

'Em, how did it go?' Cal asked as he walked into his living room. Emily was sitting at the table with her mp3 as she was making her home work.

Cal had just gone to Gillian's house to pick up some of her things, sleeping wear, her toothbrush and other things she was going to miss when she would be awake again. He walked towards the table and placed the bag with her stuff next to it.

'Fine, I think.' Emily answered nonchalantly.

'You think?' Cal asked surprised as he stopped in his tracks and studied his daughter with a sharp, astonished gaze.

Emily shrugged. 'Yeah I think, haven't checked on her for a while now, I was so engrossed in my math and..'

_Cal couldn't believe his daughter. How could she be so nonchalant about this? She knew that Gillian needed help. She needed to be checked on regularly. Not just a few times_. He gave her an angry look and turned on his heels instantly to run up the stairs.

Emily stared at his back with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

Cal slowly opened the door to the guest room and his heart stopped beating in shock. _The bed was empty. _

_The bathroom! She would be in the bathroom._

'Gill? Gill are you in there?' He asked as he knocked on the door to the bathroom.

_No answer_.

'Gill? I'm coming in yeah?' _She'd better be in there._

He opened the door_, _

_No one. _

Cal turned around in shock as his eyes grew wide. _Where could she have gone in such a short time? And when Emily hadn't seen her? She could barely move or walk let alone stand on her own two feet. _Cal felt an awful cold spread through his whole body as he hurried out of the guest room and ran past his bed room. He suddenly froze and took two slow steps back as he again looked in his room. The door was half open, hence he could see inside there easily.

'Ey?' He uttered surprised at what he was seeing.

Cal swallowed as he pushed the door further open. Gillian was lying in his bed. She was sleeping on his side of the bed, her face buried in his pillow and she had his other pillow clutched to her chest. The rest of her body was buried under his blankets. He got a confused frown on his brows. Three layers of his blankets and the fourth layer, he didn't recognize that one as his own. He frowned and then identified the blanket with the small Snoopy's on it to be Emily's. _Emily_… His nostrils widened. _She'd put her blanket over Gillian, so she **had** checked on her! _

He heard movement behind him and when he looked around he saw Emily standing on the stairs, looking at him with a playful sparkle in her eyes. _He knew that look all too well. _

'You liked that yeah? Scaring the crap out of me?' Cal asked rethorically.

She showed him a victorious smile. 'Yeah…' Emily admitted. 'Well, not the scaring part, didn't know you'd be scared really…. But yeah, it was kind of funny.' She smiled as she was still eyeing her dad rascally.

'So how did that happen?' He asked as he gestured towards Gillian and his bed.

Emily shrugged. 'I heard stumbling upstairs and when I went to see what was going on, I was actually standing right here, she zombied her way over to your room into your bed.' Emily said as she motioned towards the place Gillian had walked and the place she herself was standing right now.

'Zombied? Is that even a word?' Cal asked confused as he narrowed his eyes at her.

'Yeah dad, like a zombie you know?' Emily said in a sigh. 'She didn't see me, maybe she was sleep walking, I don't know, she just headed very slowly towards your room. Maybe she misses you.' Emily suggested with enjoyment written all over her face.

Cal shook his head as he turned his gaze towards his bed again. 'Nah, you know Foster… She probably just wanted to try out another bed, or just wanted to give us a scare.' He said as he looked back at his daughter who rolled her eyes at that moment.

'Yeah, that really sounds like her.' She replied sarcastically.

Cal gave her a warning look as she moved up the stairs and leaned herself into the door opening. 'I find it very interesting though that she made her way on purpose to your bed, even in her state. She could barely walk.'

Cal shrugged nonchalantly as he put his hands in his pockets and stared at Gillian. _Somehow it warmed him to know that she for some reason had climbed into his bed. _

'I thought about this for a while, psychologically. You know how I'm interested in that.'

Cal could feel something coming that he didn't want to hear from his daughter. _She wasn't supposed to mingle herself in something that wasn't there. 'Since when?' Cal interrupted annoyed before she could go on._

Emily ignored him. 'Maybe she really wants to be in your be-'

'Em!' Cal warned as he interrupted her and held up a hand towards her. 'Don't push it.'

'I'm just saying that she obviously feels very comfortable in your bed, more comfortable then in the guestroom.' Emily said with a smug smile on her face.

'And I'm just saying that you really watch too much dr Phil and Oprah, that's got to stop yeah?!' Cal said as he took her by her shoulders and manouvred her out of the room.

'You have to admit that it's intriguing.' Emily stated as she got pushed towards the stairs.

'Maybe you shouldn't read something in everyhing.' Cal said_. The moment the words left his mouth he regretted them. He was one to say that, and Emily knew that very well…_

'O yeah, that's good advice. Just like you do all the time right?' Emily said as she hurried away very fast from him and disappeared downstairs. _She obviously didn't want to wait for his reaction._

Cal sighed and shook his head as he looked at the now empty stairs. He turned and stared back at Gillian with his mouth half open. Then his eyes went to the door of the guest room. _What was wrong with the guest room?_

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It's short but I still have my exams (tomorrow the last one pfff.... Very tired by it). Ahh well I've finally reached a point where I can really have fun with Cal and Gillian and put them in embarressing places and situations and play around with them romantically woehahaha, I'm so going to enjoy that!


	21. Chapter 21

Thank for the reviews! They really make me HAPPY! Thanks to everyone who wished me good luck on my exams! Today was the last one, so I'm really happy about that! HOORAY!

**Chapter 21**

Cal decided that it would be best to have Gillian in his guest room because it had a bathroom ajoining it. Then she wouldn't have to move so far if she needed to hurry there. He bended and picked her up easily, noting how small she seemed and how light she weighed. He felt her warmth spreading through his body instantly where her body was touching him and he swallowed as he turned away from the bed and carried her through the hallway towards the guest room. _It felt so good to hold her. To feel that she was still alive. She felt so warm and soft._ He reluctantly lowered her on the bed and quickly placed some blankets over her so she wouldn't be cold.

'Here you go luv.' He whispered as he kissed her on her cheek.

He was glad that she was sleeping so much. Actually, he hadn't spoken to her since the hospital. And even in the hospital she hadn't said much to him. She had fallen asleep so soon again. And talking about sleep, he was tired too. He could use a decent night sleep too.

00

Gillian tossed and turned, she was feeling so hot. The heat was killing her. She felt so trapped. She tossed again and opened her eyes shortly_. Where was she?_ Everything became wide and blurry again. _So fuzzy… Everything was so fuzzy.. And she felt so uncomfortable.. And alone. Very alone…._ She began to turn around again. Quick sand, she fell in a pool of quick sand and she tried to get a hold of the edge of the root of the tree in front of her, that was the only way to get out but it pulled so hard on her legs, it grabbed her and pulled her down, more and more, she couldn't breath anymore and… She fell into a deepness that frightened her so much that she wanted to scream, but no sound left her lips as the sand closed in on her and left everything dark around her…

00

Cal sighed as he looked in the mirror and was shaving his cheeks. _That was really necessary._ He looked like he had slept on the streets for weeks now. _Bloody hell of a week_. He had just taken a shower and had a white towel wrapped around his hips. He studied the dark big bruise on his ribcage as he remembered the men that had beaten him up. _And then he remembered her caring fingers on his skin. Wanting to heal him, to help him so badly. He put her out of his mind instantly._

00

Gillian sighed in slight relief. She suddenly felt content again. At peace. Like she was safe again. She was drifting silently on a boat in a calm sea. Everything went slow. Very slow..

00

'So she didn't fire the gun then.' Cal asked in his phone as he walked out of his bathroom towards his bedroom as he stifled a tired yawn.

'No, there was no gunpowder on her hands.' Reynolds said relieved.

'I'm glad. So you're going to leave her alone then?'

'We still need to know her side of the story.'

'Yeah, well she hasn't barely been awake today, hasn't spoken a word. It may take a few days before she knows clearly what happened-' Cal stopped in his tracks as he saw Gillian lying in his bed, again. '-Or what she's doing.' He said as he looked back to the hallway. _How'd she done that now?! He shortly doubted himself, he HAD carried her to the guest room yeah? Or had he just imagined that because he was so tired? _

'Yeah, take care of her.' Reynolds said. 'Another thing. Torres and Loker recognized Angela Pointer as the woman who gave you the address. They tried to reach her but she wasn't home. We're looking for her now.'

'Yeah, that's good. Don't know her.' Cal said to Reynolds as the name 'Angela Pointer' didn't ring any bells.

'We'll find out who's behind this very soon.' Reynolds said. 'Take care.'

Cal nodded and shut his phone as he eyed Gillian again with his head tilted to the right side and his mouth slightly open.

'Didn't you carry her back to the guest room?' A voice asked from the doorway.

Cal turned around. 'Yeah.' He said as he scratched his head. 'Yeah I did.' He sighed. 'Well, I suppose I'll be the one sleeping in the guest room tonight.' He sighed as he gave Emily a loving smile.

Cal stepped under the blankets Gillian had slept in and her smell enveloped his body as he moved on his side. He sighed heavily. _He was so tired. Her smell made him feel at ease. Comforted him. And did other things to him that he pushed away immediately. Just want to sleep._

00

Cal sighed again in irritation as he studied the ceiling again. He was SO tired but he couldn't sleep. He had tried everything. _That's it._ He though as he got up. _He'd go and check on Gillian. _

He walked towards his room where Gillian would be sleeping, just to check on her. When he pushed the door open he saw Emily sitting on the bed, in one hand a magazine that she was reading and her other hand rested on Gillian's head that was resting on a pillow on her lap. Gillian had wrapped her arms around Emily's waist.

'You all right luv?' Cal asked softly as he stepped in his room.

Emily looked up from the magazine and nodded.

'Yeah, she was trashing around so wildly I came to look in on her. When I came to sit on the bed she just moved in and hugged me.'

Cal sat down on the bed and caressed Gillian's cheek.

'She's a cuddler I think.' Emily said with a smile on her face.

'Thanks Em.'

'For what?" Emily asked as she looked up at Cal with big eyes.

'For taking so much care of her.'

'Uh sure. She's like family dad. You know that.' She looked down at Gillian's face in her lap. 'And I like having her so close. I'm a cuddler too you know.' Emily said as he smirked.

Cal smiled and caressed Emily's cheek now too. 'Yeah I know.'

'I was just thinking.' Emily began after a few seconds as she put her magazine down. 'If she was awake she would never do a thing like this.'

Cal nodded. _That was so true._

'She'd probably be embaressed if she'd wake up right now.'

Cal nodded again as he walked around the bed and climbed in on the other side. He moved himself to sit next to Emily with his back nonchalantly leaning against the headboard.

'Why do you think that is?' Emily asked as she watched her dad stretch his legs out on the bed and lift Gillian's legs so he could place them over his.

'It's about walls Em. Walls everyone puts up now and then. Some people always put up walls around them.' He said in a tired voice as he put his hand on the soft skin of Gillian's calves. _He just needed to touch her, feel her. He ached to be near her. _

Emily nodded sadly as she looked back at Gillian's closed eyes.

'She is used to doing things on her own. Maybe she doesn't even know how to handle it when someone cares for her.' Cal said in deep thought as he absentmindly dragged slow circles over Gillian's skin.

'I wish she did.' Emily said softly.

'Yeah, me too luv.'

'Dad?' He heard Emily ask after a minute of silence.

He looked up at her.

'I was really scared you know.' She admitted softly.

Cal tilted his head.

'When you sent me back to mum. You told me Gillian was in danger and I know it wasn't a good thing to be around here then. I would probably be in the way and all but…' Her big eyes looked down at Gillian again. 'I was so afraid.'

Cal noticed how Emily's eyes were filled with sadness. She pulled the pillow Gillian's head was lying on closer so Gillian's face made contact with her stomach now. She cradled the older woman's head in a gentil and caring move. 'I was really shocked to see…' She paused for a moment and swallowed to keep her tears away. She looked up at Cal.

'To see her this bruised up.'

Cal nodded as he studied his daughters face.

'When she was trashing around about half an hour ago, she was mumbling things. Most words weren't very clear but she said 'chloroform' a few times, and she sounded scared. What happened to her dad? What exactly happened? I want to know.'

Cal swallowed as he looked in Emily's big eyes. _His daughter was growing, getting older every time. And sometimes he forgot._ His eyes went back to Gillian's face, it warmed him to see that Emily had her in such a protective embrace so close. And that Gillian had her arms wrapped around Emily's waist. _The two really liked each other very much._

Cal looked away as he breathed out some air. 'Well..' He began as he scraped his throat. He looked back at her. 'You really want to know?'

Emily nodded. _Yes, she wanted to know. Otherwise she felt left out, and she wanted to be part of this. _

'Remember that we went to Vegas?' Cal asked.

Emily nodded. 'For that case about the gambling.'

'Yeah. That's the one. To make a long story short, a man attacked Gillian in the elevator and put chloroform in her face. That's what she probably mumbled about.' Cal stared at Gillian's legs. He began to massage the taut muscles there. 'He beat her up, and it was pretty bad. Very bad actually. And then, he threw her in a…' Cal stopped and disgust and anger flew over his face. 'A dumpster where she got hurt even more.' Cal explained as he bended forward and let his finger slowly caress the trail of the long cut on Gillian's arm. 'The next day she woke up and everything had disappeared from her room. All her things were gone.'

'Gone?' Emily asked shocked.

Cal nodded. 'Yeah, and so were we.' A pang of regret, guilt and hurt shot through his heart.

'What? You left? Without her?' Emily asked confused and astonished.

'Yeah, she left a note, it said that she had gone home earlier. I believed it. It was a big mistake. I should have never believed it. Turns out the people that took her wrote it.' Cal said.

Emily stared at Cal with big eyes, Cal didn't need to ask what she was thinking. 'We had a fight that night.' He answered to her silent question. 'Well, not really with words, just with looks. She was angry with me.' _Emily knew that Gillian would never leave like that. But it explained a lot when they had fought before that._

'O.' Emily said as she looked back at Gillian. She fingered Gillian's hair and put it behind her ear.

Cal shook his head. 'I can kick myself for that many times Em. Really I do. This all was very worse and then, when we thought things would calm down again this man let us know that he had poisoned her.'

Emily's mouth fell open.

'Yeah, that's what they had done to her that night.' Cal shook his head as anger filled his whole body. _He didn't want to think about all that. It hurt too much._

Emily noticed how her father's jaw worked overtime and how anger radiated from him.

'I'm so sorry dad.' She said as she reached out for his arm.

He looked at her and produced a weak smile as he nodded. She could see how tired he was.

'We had six days, I had to get fifteen million-'

'Fifteen million?!' Emily interrupted in shock.

'Yeah. That's a lot of money ey?'

Emily readjusted her sitting position and Gillian moaned softly. They both looked at her for a moment.

'Then the man would give us the antidote. But someone left a note with his address on the windshield of my car and Gillian went there. We found the antidote and gave it to her.'

'Who left the note?'

'Some woman, don't know why and what she had to do with that. Reynolds, Loker and Torres are on that.'

'So he didn't work alone.' Emily asked with fear in her voice.

Cal shook his head. 'No.'

'I can't imagine that someone would want to beat up Gillian.' Emily said sadly as she looked down on her again and caressed her shoulder. 'She's always so caring, and so sweet.' Emily said softly. She looked up at Cal. 'Always when I'm in the Lightman Group, I always visit her too. It's so nice to be around her.' Emily looked in the distance. 'She makes me feel at ease, warm from the inside, even when I'm not feeling good.'

Cal nodded.

'Do you remember when I had to clean up your library?'

'Don't think I forgot the reason why you had to do that.' Cal warned her.

'She told me you were worried, and that you wanted to help. Always when I felt horrible or awful, she would be around and say something that would make me feel better. Or she would just put an arm around me.' Emily sighed at that thought. 'I'm really glad we know her and I don't want to lose her. Ever.' Emily said in a strong voice as she hugged Gillian close.

'We won't lose her luv. She's going to be fine.' Cal assured her.

'Yes.' Emily said sadly. 'But look what she had to go through.' A tear left her eye.

'Ow luv.' Cal said as his thumb caught the tear on Emily's cheek. 'We're going to make sure that she'll be healthy as hell again okay? Before you know it she'll come and eat all your secret chocolate stashes away right from under your nose.'

Emily laughed weakly as she kissed Gillian on her cheek. 'I hope so.'

'So, you think she'll be angry when she wakes up again with a clear head? Because you didn't leave her in the hospital like she wanted too?'

Cal shrugged. 'She'll just have to deal with that then.' He fingered the soft skin around her ankle slowly. He noticed how he loved playing with her skin. _It calmed him, eased his erratic thoughts._

'Yeah but with her being a control freak and all..'

'I can handle an angry Foster. Don't you worry.'

'O, I don't worry about you dad, I worry about her.' Emily said with a smile on her face.

'She would have done the same with me. She's helped me so many times.' Cal whispered as his thumb caressed the front of her foot now.

Gillian suddenly began to move and rolled on her other side. Then rolled back and crawled back down. Leaning her head against Cal's hip this time.

'The pillow.' Cal said as he motioned towards the pillow to put Gillian's head on that instead of against his hip. _This was a bit awkward after all, and if she would wake up…_

'I don't think she needs that.' Emily said as she put the pillow against her stomach.

'Come on Em, give me the pillow.' Cal prodded urgently. _This wasn't funny anymore._

'She's fine dad.' Emily said shortly.

Cal sighed inwardly as he studied his daughter. _He had the feeling she was enjoying this and was reading something into the whole thing._

'Em, I know that you really like her. But… Sometimes I think you want.. You want there to be something more and well, there isn't.' He explained carefully.

'Who says that there isn't?' Emily asked serious now.

Cal sighed. _Was he really going to talk about this with his daughter? On the other hand, she was a vital part of him._

'Cuz I say so.' He said shortly. He remembered the words that had slipped his mouth in the ambulance and how Gillian had reacted to them. _As a friend… _

_And maybe that was for the best. He was the kind of man that upset her regularly, pushed her. He felt that he wasn't good enough. And she probably didn't want him like that._

'Why? Don't you like her?' Emily asked.

'Ofcourse I do Em. She's very important to me, but we're not romantically involved.'

'Why not?'

'Why would we be?' Cal asked confused.

'Cuz you two are really good together.' Emily answered.

Cal shook his head. 'Not like that luv.' He stared down at Gillian.

'How do you know? You haven't tried have you?' Emily almost asked hopefully.

'No, we haven't tried. Em, it's really complicated. And have you ever tought about that we're good together because we stay friends and nothing more?' Cal asked her.

Emily shrugged as she looked down at Gillian. 'I don't know.' _She hadn't thought about that._

'Maybe you should then.' Cal said as he moved forward in an attempt to grab Emily's pillow away from her.

'So you don't think she's attractive then?' Emily asked as she snatched the pillow away before he could even touch it.

Cal swallowed as he looked at his daughter. _He thought the conversation was over, but probably not…_

'You do think that she is attractive.' Emily said mischievously as she had read him. 'So what's the problem then?'

Cal didn't answer.

'You're my father, don't I have the right to know what's going on in your life?'

'If you put it that way, yeah you do, but my sex life is off limits yeah.' He explained her sternly. _That would end this discussion, he was sure of it._

'Ugh duh!! I don't even want to know about that! I wasn't talking about sex! GROSS!' She scrunched her face up, and Cal would have laughed if they weren't talking about a subject that really touched him very deep.

'IEW! BLEEGH!'

'Em, I got the picture yeah.' Cal said as he put up his hand to stop her from being grossed out by the thought that her father did have sex sometimes.

'Yeah, that's the problem with me too now. Bleeh.'

'Maybe it shocks you to know but you didn't come from the stork yeah?'

Emily gave him an annoyed glare. 'Good deflecting dad.' She said. 'I was talking about love.' Emily explained in a hard voice. 'Not about the other thing IEW!'

'Nothing is going on.' Cal muttered as he focused his gaze on Gillian's big toe.

'Yeah sure, that's why she's in your bed right?' Emily muttered as she pushed away the blankets and jumped out of the bed.

'Oy, watch it yeah.' Cal warned. 'Just go to bed, it's a school night.' Cal deflected quickly.

'I'm free tomorrow dad.' Emily said suddenly very annoyed. She eyed the two with a determined hard look. 'And I think you both are stubborn asses.' Emily said frustrated as she left the room.

'Oy!' Cal shouted after her.

000

Okay I know the genre is a bit different now, hope you guys aren't annoyed by that. Because the first chapters were suspense and now it's more easy going and romantic (at least I hope so haha) so I hope you aren't dissapointed that the story is going a bit slower now!


	22. Chapter 22

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 22**

Gillian opened her eyes slowly. Surprise painted on her face when she didn't see any white walls.

'Ello luv. Sleep well?' A familiar voice said.

Gillian turned her head to the right to see Cal. He sat slumped backwards in a big comfortable looking chair which he had dragged towards the bed so he could place his feet on the bed.

'Cal?' Gillian asked in a hoarse voice as she fluttered with her eyes. _What was she doing here? _

'Yeah it's me luv.' Cal said as he put down his laptop on the nightstand and leaned forward. He studied her face intensily. 'So how are you feeling?'

'But I- How did I get here? I thought you were going to work on the case and I would stay in the hospital?' She asked confused as she eyed him, then his laptop and then his bed.

'You'd really think I'd let you stay there?' Cal asked incredulous.

'I said that I wanted to stay there.' Gillian said weakly as she tried to remember exactly what she had said at the hospital just to be sure that she had been very clear to him.

'And you know how I love to play nurse yeah.' Cal said as he stood up and walked towards the other side of the bed to sit next to her.

'But the case..' Gillian began.

'There are more important things at the moment. I'll be here until you get better. Just get used to it.' He said as he sat down.

'But I-'

'Foster, stop 'but-ting' cuz it's making my head hurt. You hungry?' Cal interrupted her.

Gillian looked around her, still confused. 'Cal seriously, you can't take care of me.'

'Why not?' He asked as he studied her face. He saw a flash of sadness and then it disappeared.

She looked away.

'Why not?' He repeated. _He saw shame on her face. _'You're ashamed?' He leaned towards her to study her face.

'Don't read me.' She warned as she gave him an angry glare.

'If you don't want me to read you, then speak.' Cal told her bluntly as he sat back again.

She sighed as she looked away. _She wasn't going to get out of this_. 'I just… I don't want you to see me like this._' She didn't want anyone to see her like this. _She avoided his gaze and stared at her lap. _She felt shy and utterly vulnerable. She felt like an emotional wreck. That meant that she had less energy to keep up certain walls. And she couldn't afford anyone to see that._

'Why not?'

She suddenly realised something and she put her hand against her mouth in shock.

'What now?' Cal asked surprised as he eyed her every facial expression.

'O god.' She said out loud as her blue sleepy gaze went from the wall in front of her back to Cal's face.

He shook his head confused as he frowned his brows. 'What?' He asked again as he narrowed his eyes in confusion after that.

'Cal, this is so humiliating.' She said as she retreated a bit from him and put her back against the headboard of the bed. She flexed her long legs and leaned her head against her knees shortly. _She wished she could disappear right here._

'What now?' He asked again as worry filled him.

'I vomited….' Gillian began as she raised her head again and looked at him wide eyed. _Again, she had vomited again! And she hated it when other people were witness of that. Who wouldn't? It wasn't your most charming way to be seen by others if you were down on your knees, trembling and throwing your guts out and sweating all over the place. But that wasn't the worst, no this time it was even more worse…_

'Yeah so? Don't tell me you're worried about that! How many times did you see me with my head hanging in the loo Gillian? And it wasn't that bad.' Cal said as he shrugged nonchalantly and searched her face again with his eyes_. Was that all she was worried about?No, there was something else._

'And you…. You kissed me.' She said as she put her hand in front of her mouth again.

Cal looked away quickly. _That was what she was troubled about. He had kissed her right on the mouth. That was probably way over her line. But he had to snap her out of her shock, so she had it coming really! _'That was cuz you were in shock, had to get your attention somehow.' He defended himself.

She averted her eyes and he saw her cheeks getting pink.

'That must have been awful, I'm so sorry..' Gillian said as she moaned in disgust_. O God, I have vomit all over me and Cal choses that moment to kiss me, o that's great.._ She thought as she shook her head confused.

'What's the problem?' Cal asked as he shrugged again. _He was glad she was shocked because of the vomit, not because he had kissed her. He hadn't even taken much notice of the vomit, yes of course, the kiss had been bitter, but he had other things on his mind at the time, and feeling her lips against his made him forget about the rest. It reminded him of the fact that he would give everything up to keep her alive. _

'Well, you try to get me out of my shock and in return as a thanks I give you a taste of my half digested morning breakf-' She crunched her face up, what reminded him shortly of Emily.

Gillian shook her head. 'O never mind. I won't finish that sentence. You really went through a lot to help me.' She said as she glanced at him.

Cal shrugged again. 'Well, that kiss was a bit bitter yeah.' He teased as he got up from the bed. 'But I was kind of busy with you being alive and all so I didn't really notice it very much.'

He straightened his back as he looked down at her with a smirk on his face. 'And you kissed me very passionately that morning when you thought I was Alec and there was no vomit or bitterness there, so I know you don't taste like that usually.' He loved how her cheeks flashed red instantly. He hated how he couldn't control the butterflies that assaulted his stomach and made him feel like a teenage boy madly in love again.

'Great, thanks Cal, just remind me of that. Lash out when I'm already down and feeling embarrassed.' Gillian answered in a short jest as she looked at her hands. _Now she had two things to feel very embarrassed about. She was glad though that it happened with Cal, somehow she felt so at ease with him that it made her actions less worse. He was such an important friend to her and it warmed her heart that he was here to help her now, even if she smelled bad and acted awful and was sitting like a bag of potatoes on his bed right now, able to do nothing at all._

'What tastes like what?' A voice suddenly came as a thunderstorm seemed to wipe through the room and jump on the bed against Gillian.

Cal had trouble to take his eyes off of Gillian. He still thought about her last remark._ He swallowed. She didn't want him. Not like that. That was very clear to him now._

'You're awake!' Emily screeched as she hugged Gillian closely.

Gillian's eyes grew wide in surprise and she froze shortly when Emily hugged her. She then put her arms around the young girl too.

'I'm so glad!' Emily uttered happily.

Cal watched the two_. It didn't matter. She'd still be very important to him. Maybe it was better like this. She deserved someone else. Not him. And he valued their friendship very much. It was probably one of the most important things in his whole world. _

'Emily.' Gillian said as she smiled.

Cal saw the surprise by Emily's open display of affection that was painted on Gillian's face, then shyness and then warmth and… _Yes… Love. He saw love on her face. _He averted his eyes quickly. _She loved his daughter. That gave him a very great feeling, but at the same time a very sad one. Because he wished she would look at him like that. Stupidly enough. He felt shame for his own thoughts. _

'So you like the room?' Emily asked.

Cal snapped out of his thoughts instantly at Emily's question. _He knew where this was going! And he didn't like it one bit. He eyed his daughter warningly, but she expertly ignored him._

Gillian looked around her.

'It's dads room.' Emily explained.

Gillian nodded. _She knew that_. 'And why am I in this room?" She asked unsure of herself.

'Yeah, I'd like to know that too.' Cal's low voice came.

Gillian gave Cal a confused look and then looked back at Emily who was smiling brightly. 'You went here yourself.'

Gillian fluttered her eyes a few times. _She must have misheard. In fact, she was very sure that she had misheard. 'What?' Gillian asked._

'Dad put you in the guest room but you kept coming back to his room.' Emily explained triumphant.

Gillian looked up at Cal and he couldn't quite read the look in her eyes.

' I… I don't remember.' She admitted confused as she felt her cheeks getting hot again. _What had she done now?_

'Maybe you wanted company?' Emily said in a suggestive tone. _She saw the shocked look in Gillian's eyes, could feel the burning angry gaze of her father in her back at that. She knew that that question was very loaded for the two._ 'O, I didn't mean like that!' Emily said as she laughed shortly. And enjoyed the moment because she was lying right now: _she did mean it!_ 'I meant to have some comfort, because you're feeling very bad and everything.'

Gillian's eyes softened instantly but Cal's didn't. _He knew exactly that his daughter had said this on purpose and had just said the last words to ease it all over._

Gillian didn't know what to say. She looked at Cal. _How could she say something about this when she didn't know why her body had chosen Cal's bed instead of her the bed that had been given to her?_

'Dad doesn't really mind that he had to carry you back to the guestroom and that he found you in his bed again for the second time after that.' Emily informed her. She hid her amused smile. _She just wanted Gillian to know. And when it was up to her father, he would never tell her._ 'I think it's really cozy.'

Pause, no one was talking.

Emily could almost HEAR the thoughts that were running through both of the other people's head instantly. 'So what were you talking about?' She asked lightly to break the palpable tension she had created now.

Cal tried to ground himself quickly and leaned on his other leg. 'About that Gillian would like to taste some food again and what it'll be.'

Gillian looked up at Cal. _She was glad they were off that topic, but this one didn't agree with her either. _She shook her head. 'O, no I'm not that hungry-'

'-Em, could you go down and make some dry toast.' Cal interrupted. _He had already fore seen this. And he was fed up with her wanting to take care of herself. The moment she had went after Frank herself had been the last drop to his irritation about that._

Emily stood up from the bed and nodded at Cal.

'Em, it's okay, I'm really not that-' Gillian began a she took Emily's arm to stop her.

'Don't listen to her, just make the toast will ya luv?' Cal said as he made a gesture towards Gillian.

Gillian looked up at him, and although she looked still very tired and pale, he saw a stubborn sparkle in her eyes coming up that he knew all too well.

'Cal, I don't want it.' Gillian said in a clear voice as if he was a student who hadn't heard what the teacher had just told him.

Emily looked from Gillian to her father.

'Yeah?' Cal asked as he stepped towards the bed. 'How do you think that body of yours is going to get strong again?' He asked in a hard tone as he gestured towards her. 'You must have lost at least a few pounds these last days.'

Gillian fought the urge to look down at herself, to study herself if she had really lost that much, but clearly she didn't care at the moment. _She felt like hell and she just didn't want to eat. She didn't want to throw up again. She'd rather not eat today and take that risk. And she didn't care if that was healthy at the moment or not. She just wanted to ly down and sleep._

'Cal, I appreciate that you want to take care of me but that really isn't necessary, I'm feeling much better now, some sleep would do me good and-'

Cal put his hands in his sides as he nodded at Emily who gave him an understanding look and then left downstairs to make the toast anyway.

He sighed. _He knew exactly what this was about. And her refusing to eat was just one of these little things that she came up with to hide the real problem she was having with all of this._

'-Look Gill, you saw me being a mess a thousand times. So just give me a break yeah? Let me see you as a mess for once too? You're just a human. I'm not also there when you're perfect Gillian, all dressed up and covered in smiles, I'm here too when you're too tired to smile and when you're clothing is horrible and you look like crap. I'm your friend remember? That's what friends do. And right now, you look like crap and you probably feel like crap. And you need food in you to get stronger again.'

'Cal, maybe this really isn't a good idea.' Gillian said as she moved towards the other side of the bed quickly. _His words had made her feel even more vulnerable now. She would go home, sleep there and be better tomorrow, or a day later. She'd be strong again._

'You've done enough for me, and I really appr-' Gillian began as she pushed the blankets off of her and halted in her speech when her eyes fell on what she was wearing. Cal had put her in one of his own shirts. She noticed to her dismay that almost all the buttons had gone open, probably by the rolling around she had done in the bed to find a better sleeping position. The shirt was revealing a lot of her cleavage and bare stomach right now. 'Appreciate it-' She finished her sentence as she quickly buttoned the shirt back up again. 'But Cal, we've talked about the line and… Well, this is…' She pushed the fourth blanket of her long legs to reveal a black small short she was wearing. _Who had put her in these clothes? __She wasn't wearing her bra anymore. She'd noticed that seconds ago. But she trusted Cal, he wouldn't ogle her. And this was something to think about later, not now. _She didn't face him as she put her feet on the floor next to the bed_._ 'This is over the line.'

'Oy, what are you doing?!' Cal asked in shock as he saw her readying herself to stand up and leave his bed.

The moment her legmuscles should have taken the strength upon themselves to extend her legs they failed to do so making her lose her balance. She tried to grab the nightstand but missed and fell face flat on the ground before she even knew what was happening.

Cal had rushed over to her in less then a second.

'Are you crazy?' Cal spat angrily as concern spread through him instantly. He grabbed her under her armpits and helped her sit on the bed. 'I got the feeling you don't see the situation very clearly.' Cal said in a hard tone.

Gillian swallowed and looked at him. He was sitting next to her.

'You're weak now Gillian, just face it. You almost died. And I'm here for you, wether you want to or not. I'm not going to listen to you, I'm going to push you into doing what's healthy yeah. So you'd better just ly down and rest cuz you're not leaving this bed until you're your full self again yeah?'

He saw that she had a distant look on her face. _This was the Gillian he rarely saw. The Gillian without the happy mask pasted on her features. This was the Gillian that sat deep inside of herself. The Gillian that doubted herself, pushed herself to go on and on, and above all to keep everyone far away from her. The Gillian that had gotten hurt so many times, as a child and as an adult. Causing to shut parts of herself down, parts where no one had probably ever been again since she was a child._

Cal read her and didn't need long to figure out what was going through her. 'You're too late already, I already saw you looking like crap.' Cal said in an answer to her unspoken question and words as he bended towards her. 'And you know what?' He bended towards her ear. 'I don't give one single damn about that.' _She could feel his warm breath against her neck and it made her dull muscles fill with electrical shivers. She heard how raw his voice sounded, how real. She knew every tinge of his voice, every aspect of it. She knew his voice by heart. She could hear instantly how he felt just by the sound of one word flowing from his lips. And this tone of his, it frightened her. It was too close._

She looked away still with the hard look on her face. He now saw that she was fighting to keep her tears away.

'Here's your toast.' Emily said in a happy tone as she came in.

_Cal was glad, cuz he didn't know how Gillian was going to react to his last, dominating words. It seemed like she was making up to become very angry and ready to fight very long, or even leave anyway. Thank god she couldn't, could barely stand on her legs._

_'_What happened?' Emily asked worried as she saw the silent showdown between the two.

'Nothing' Em, nothing. Gillian's just going to rest and eat some.' Cal said as he straightened himself.

_Ow yeah, there it was. Anger. Her soft features were slowly getting hard. __He knew very well that she felt emotional and didn't have the energy to put up her usual walls now. That could cause him to see a whole different Gillian. And he couldn't wait for that. He wanted to see all of her. Even if it would be painful or hard. He didn't care._

_To his very surprise, -and yes, this woman could still surprise him very much obviously, eventhough he knew her that well-, she'd masked all the emotions he just saw expertly – no doubt she did that because Emily was in the room now- and she even kept her voice straight when she spoke to him._ 'You know what I mean with the line Cal.'

_It reminded him how professional she could be, and how controlled she was. Gillian the perfectionist. _

She gave him a blue gaze and he could almost literally see the walls she'd just put up again.

_Ow that stubborn streak she had in her! Sometimes he just wanted to grab her by her shoulders and shake her! She was so strong, helped so many people, could be so wise, but when it came to herself, her own problems, she became almost impossible, at least, that was his opinion. But that was okay, cuz if someone was the master in being impossible, it was him. And if she wanted to battle, he was up for it. _

Cal looked shortly at Emily, who stood there, fumbling with the plate she had in her hands. Unsure what to do, whether to stay or leave. He gave her an assuring nod, telling her to stay. Then he looked back down at Gillian. She was still sitting at the edge of the bed. In his shirt. His bed.

'Yeah I know exactly what you mean.' He said casually with a hard undertone he was sure she would catch immediately. 'You can't take it when someone cares for you. Well that's just too bad cuz I'm not leaving you. And you're too weak to fight me on this so you'd better just accept it. Well, now that is clear, Em brought you some food yeah.' Cal said as he gave her one final look and then strolled nonchalantly out of the room.

_He felt everything but nonchalant at the moment. Hated leaving Em with her when the tension was so high, but he knew Gillian wouldn't take it out on her. And hopefully Em would be able to soften her up again. Make her see reason, hopefully._

Gillian clenched her teeth for a second, she still had her back to Emily.

_She'd hidden so many times how she really felt. In her marriage. Alec never really was there for her. He didn't see it when she was hurt. Of course, the first year he was, at least he tried in his own way. But after that year, everything had gotten worse and worse since then. So she hid how she really felt. _

_And then there was when she was a child. Her father was too busy with getting drunk, hiding from his problems and from the real world. Her mother was too busy with her father, with fighting. And they, they just forgot about her. Well, not when she was crying, then her father would slap her and she would be sent to her room. So that's when she learned to hide her own emotions. It made her feel stronger to not show them to anyone. Of course sometimes she told Cal that she really wasn't feeling well. But that was just the tip of the ice berg. And after all these years, she still… She still couldn't let someone care for her. Lose that control. That's what it felt like. She had done well on her own. She didn't need this. She couldn't show anyone more then the tip of her ice berg._

_She would dress and head home. Cal needed to do work, she wasn't going to be a nuisance. She'd be fine on her own. Of course she was feeling like hell but she could go ly in her own bed and sleep through the days with a glass of water next to her and some food and fruit. She could do that. Her fridge was filled with food._

_O yes, she could._

_But she couldn't. Her body refused. And she hated that. She hated that her mind wanted something so bad, had decided something, and that her body stopped her._

'Gillian?' Emily's voice came.

Gillian instantly picked up on the insecurity that laced the young girls tone. She turned around instantly and crawled back in bed. 'I'm so sorry Em.' She said in a soft warm tone.

The girl relaxed instantly and sat down next to her on the bed.

'I'm sorry you had to witness that.'

Emily shrugged. 'People fight sometimes don't they? It's healthy right?'

Gillian smiled slightly. 'Yes, it should be.' She said as she pushed a strand of hair from Emily behind the young girls ears soothingly_. It just didn't feel healthy at all at this moment. _

_Emily felt sorry that Gillian had so much trouble to let others care for her. 'So you up to this?' Emily asked as she gave Gillian the plate._

Gillian sighed as she stared at the toast.

'It might help..' Emily suggested.

Gillian smiled slightly at the young girl. _She knew that._

'I know Em. It's just… I really don't want to throw up again.' She admitted.

Emily nodded. 'Yeah, I can understand that. But you could take just a few bites and see how that goes.' Emily proposed.

Gillian nodded. 'Yes, I think I'll try that.' She said as she reluctantly bit in the toast. Her mind wandered away towards Cal. _And she felt anger._

00

'Well, you made her angry allright.' Emily said as she put the plate on the counter.

Cal looked up from his laptop and shrugged.

'Sorry Em for putting you between us.'

'O, you didn't.' _It wasn't the same like the fights he'd always had with her mother. This was different. She didn't feel like she got pulled into this. Not like she had when her parents were still together._

'You got her to eat.' Cal noticed gladly as he saw the empty plate on the counter.

Emily nodded.

'You're a really smart girl. Wonder where you got that from ey?' Cal smirked as he said that.

'Yeah, sometimes I wonder about that too.' Emily said sarcastic with a teasing glint in her eyes.

Cal bended towards her and kissed the top of her head.

000

Well that as another 'easy going' chapter as for the suspense that is.. What did you think?


	23. Chapter 23

Thanks so much for all your reviews!!! I'm glad you still like the story. Here's another chapter, hope you like it. It's about Gillian/ Cal again because I really like that! YOOHOO! But soon I'll make sure it's about the case again. But I always love when one of them has to take care of the other. Well, hope it isn't too dramatic, but I thought after the traumas Gillian went through she'd have a hard time dealing with everything, especially because she's still very weak and sick and because she always does everything on her own. Hope it isn't too much out of character! Okay, so this is kind of sad too (and comforting I hope) this chapter, but I promise you that there will be much joy, jealousy and things like that on the way too!!!!

**Chapter 23**

Gillian was sitting in the bathroom on the ground. Her back was leaning against the cold wall. Her eyes stood wide and stared into nothingness. She was sitting like this for what felt like hours. She felt awful. It was like she couldn't move, or didn't want to move. She had become dizzy again when she wanted to take a shower. She felt fed up with everything then and had just lowered her body on the ground and was now in some sort of state where she wasn't really there.

Somewhere, far away, very far she heard the door open. She vaguely registered two legs standing in front of her, clad in a dark blue jeans. And then a face. She kept staring in front of her, as if she could stare right through the face and ignore everything around her. The face looked at the other side now, as if it was listening to something.

'Dad what's wrong with her?' Emily asked worried from the doorway.

Cal looked up at Emily. He looked back at Gillian, at her eyes that stared into nothingness. He touched her cheek with his finger. _No reaction._

Emily took a few steps towards them as her eyes didn't leave Gillian.

'It almost seems like she shut herself down or something.' Emily stated with big eyes as she studied the bruised woman on the ground that was his fathers business partner and their very important friend.

'Yeah luv.' Cal said as he stared into Gillian's blank face. 'I think she did.'

'Shall I call the doctor?' Emily asked quickly as she took a step towards the door.

Cal looked up at Emily. 'Nah, I think I know what to do.' He said in a strong voice. And Emily wasn't sure if he just did that to assure her that everything was going to be all right or that he was trying to mask something from her. She knew he was worried sick too, but now he sounded as if he had anticipated this.

'But how? Are you sure?' She asked quickly as her eyes darted from Gillian to Cal.

Cal sighed as he stood up and took Emily outside the room. 'She's been through a lot yeah?' He said as they stood in the guestroom now. 'I've seen this before. A few times in some clients over the years, and later on in some other jobs I had. Gillian explained to me what it was, what it meant.' Cal's eyes studied his daughter's face and he caressed her cheek. 'There are people who, if they don't want to feel, shut themselves down.'

Emily frowned her brows in confusion. 'But how can someone shut themselves down? That doesn't work does it?' Emily asked as she looked back at Gillian who was still staring into nothingness.

'They cut themselves off from their feelings, it makes them feel numb. It makes the pain they're feeling less.' Cal explained as he used the exact same words Gillian had used years ago to explain this to him. He could still hear the sweet tones of her voice tell him this.

'But dad… I'm afraid… What if she won't snap out of it?' Emily asked frightened.

Cal smiled at her. 'That won't happen. She just needs to vent her feelings, let them all out. She's fighting herself right now, it's gotten too much for her, that's why she's acting like this. She doesn't know any other way. You know how private she wants to be if it comes down to her own problems and feelings.'

Emily nodded as her big eyes studied Cal's face sadly.

'And it's not like she totally left. She's right here, she knows we're standing right here. She just refuses to acknowledge that. And that has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with herself.'

Emily sighed and nodded. 'Can I do something?' She offered.

Cal placed his hands on her shoulders as he looked intensely at her. 'Yeah, go downstairs and watch a nice movie. Then I don't have to worry about you too yeah? I'll get Gillian in the land of the living again.'

Emily nodded. 'How?'

Cal let go of her and put his hands in his jeans clad pockets as he stared at Gillian. He remembered how he had asked her that same question years ago. 'Human contact. It'll bring her back in her body again. Don't worry if you hear a lot of noise.' Cal said as he turned towards Emily. 'Cuz she won't like it when I'm trying to get her out of her shell.'

Emily swallowed and nodded. 'Okay dad. I believe you. But if there's anything I can do, you'll let me know right?'

Cal nodded and watched her leave. He turned around when Emily had shut the door silently.

Cal walked in his usual stride towards the bathroom and studied Gillian as he shook his head and squatted in front of her. 'What are you doing to yourself? You know this won't help.' He said as he allowed sadness to creep into his tone, in the hope she would pick up on that somehow. His finger caressed her cheek softly.

'You're the shrink here remember? Not the other way around.' Cal stated as he straightened himself again. _Where to begin_, he pondered as he looked from the bathroom to the bed.

He bended and picked her up easily as he made the decision about how to approach her.

'Cal don't.' Her weak voice came as he carried her to the bed.

He smirked slightly. _She reacted quicker then he had thought. _'Well, there you are. For a moment there I thought you were gone. My mistake.' He groaned with effort as he put her down on the bed.

'Leave me alone please.' She mumbled in a small voice as she crawled towards the other side of the bed and buried herself in the blankets.

'No can do.' Cal said as he dropped himself on the bed and took the pot of cream Torres had brought. He opened it and studied Gillian who was lying lifeless next to him now, with her face towards the other side_. It hurt him to see her like this. The otherwise so lively woman._ _Now he saw how Gillian Foster dealed with her unwanted emotions. In three words: She didn't. She pushed them away._ He took her arm and draped it over his lap as he took some of the cream and put it on her skin.

He heard her inhale breath sharply the moment his fingers connected with her skin. He began to draw lazy circles of cream over the bruises and noticed that they had already healed well since the last days he'd seen them. 'This'll make the bruising less. It's a bit late, but better late then never yeah.' He mumbled.

When he was finished with her left arm his hands went up to her shoulders and he was shocked to find her shoulder muscles as hard as stone. He moved away from the headboard of the bed to sit up on his lower legs to get closer to her.

'Bloody hell woman, you're tense.' Cal said worried as he pinched the hard muscles there. She moved under his touch, as she whimpered in slight pain.

Gillian swallowed in the pillow as pain ran through her by the hard muscles Cal was kneading. _She knew exactly what would happen if he went on like this: she would cry. She would break down. And that was something she didn't want. Not with him here. But what could she do? If she'd push him away he'd only come back. She could try to get through this without crying._ She closed her eyes and tried to block him out. _Tried to block his touch out. But she couldn't. His hands felt so warm, so big and strong._ She pushed her face further into the pillow.

'Cal stop this.' She finally said as she arched her back to be able to look up at him. Her eyes were gleaming with unshed tears.

'I'm just taking care of your wounds.' Cal said innocently as he noticed how the sadness washed over her face and how she was fighting it. _Just like he had anticipated._

Gillian shook her head slowly as she read him._ It was like he had planned this. He knew exactly what he was doing to her_. She dropped her upper body down again in slight frustration with him.

'Talk to me.' He said as he put cream on his hands again and began to lift her shirt.

'What are you doing?' Gillian asked shocked as she felt his warm hands on her lower back.

'There's a very big bruise here.'

She dropped her face back in the pillow. _Maybe she should just surrender. It was no use fighting Cal Lightman. Not when she was feeling like a wreck anyway._

His hands pulled up her shirt a little more to reveal her whole back as he began to massage the long muscles. Following the taut, strong lines, wanting those muscles to become relaxed again. _Her skin felt so soft, like silk. It was a strange contrast with the rough skin on his hands. He wanted to take away all her worry, all her pain. _

She grabbed a fist full of Cal's sheets as she felt his hands move over her painful, sore back. His touch and his warmth let her resolve slip away. It lowered the walls she tried to hold up so badly further and further by the second.

'I'm listening.' She heard him say in the distance. _He was prodding her to speak. _

'It just was all a bit too much these last days. It hurts me when someone wants to kill me among other things.' She said softly as she didn't turn her face to him. _Maybe if she would give him some information he would stop touching her like that and she could crawl back behind her protective walls again. Give him the idea that she was sharing something with him, while she really wasn't._

Cal's hands caressed her skin softly and she didn't know if he was still creaming her bruises or if he was just touching her to comfort her.

'I'm so sorry luv.' He said softly.

And there it was, the walls of self-protection had become so low and were shattering one by one. The pain she fought so hard came seeping through the cracks.

Cal saw how she shook her head in the pillow. 'It's not your fault.' She felt tears dam up behind her eyes. She was glad her voice didn't tremble when she said that last sentence. She felt like she couldn't talk anymore. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she was thankful that Cal didn't see.

But Cal noticed the slight tremble in her back muscles and knew instantly that she was fighting her tears.

The walls finally crumbled under the pressure and pain washed over her like a big wave that overtook her. Gillian stifled a painful cry by pushing her face in the pillow as all rationalization left her instantly.

Cal's hands slipped from her lower back towards her side until he reached her stomach. He put his hands firmly against the strong muscles there as he pulled her up.

Before Gillian knew what was happening the bed wasn't under her upper body anymore and she felt two strong arms wrap protectively around her as she felt his warm chest press hard against her back.

'Shh, just let it go.' His voice came against her neck as he caressed her hair out of her face.

The warmth of his breath collided with the stiff, cold muscles in her neck.

She felt too weak to hold her body upright as waves of sadness washed through her. Cal kept a strong hold on Gillian as she bended her face. Tears began to stream freely from her eyes now. 'O God Cal... No.' She uttered slightly panicked.

Gillian turned around in his embrace and grabbed his shirt with her fists. _She couldn't. She never broke down like this in front of someone, always alone. She couldn't… Another wave of tears hit her and she couldn't stop the sobs that seemed to take over her whole body._

'Just let it go luv.' Cal whispered soothingly as he caressed her still tense back. 'That's it.'

'It's okay.' He comforted her as his hands drew soothing circles over her trembling back.

Cal was sitting on his lower legs as Gillian sat down in his lap and held on to him as if for dear life. He felt how her body tensed and how she fought the sensations that were pouring over her, the emotions she didn't want. He had never seen Gillian like this, ever. And somewhere deep down he knew that no one had ever seen this strong woman like this.

'Let it all out so it won't poison you.' He urged when he noticed how she was still trying to keep up the struggle instead of giving in. His fingers caressed her shoulder blades now. Her breathing hitched as she tried to fight her tears.

Cal embraced her with both of his arms again so their bodies were pressed hard against each other. He gave her some room when she finally broke down and started to cry uncontrollably. Gillian buried her head in his chest and he felt his shirt become wet by her tears as he kissed the top of her head.

'Just let it all out.' He whispered as he placed his chin against her forehead.

'I was so afraid.' She whispered after a long time as her body stopped heaving that heavily and she was just trembling slightly from all the tension.

Gillian felt how he nodded against her face.

'I didn't know what to do.' She admitted as she looked up at him. 'I was sure that I was going to die.' Fresh tears made it's way into her eyes again as she buried her face in his chest.

He pulled her even closer if that were physically possible and held her with his entire body.

'I don't want you to see me like this. I feel so weak.' She admitted in a muffled tone because her lips were pressed against the fabric of his shirt that spanned over his chest.

'You're not weak. You're strong. I'll never think anything else.' He assured her as he moved his upper body away from her to lift her chin. 'You hear me?' He asked.

Her big eyes reluctantly met his and he swallowed when he saw how much sadness they showed him. He caressed her cheek again and kissed the skin between both of her eyebrows.

**Kitchen**

'How is she?' Emily asked when Cal came downstairs.

'A bit better.' He said.

Emily noticed the big wet patch on Cal's shirt. 'I'm glad.' She admitted.

'She's resting a bit now.' He said. He'd put her slowly down on the bed again when she had closed her eyes after crying so much that her body probably hurt from the effort. When her breathing became regularly and slow he was sure she was asleep. He'd put the blankets on top of her, made sure that she was lying comfortably and then went downstairs to check on Em.

'Are you okay?' Emily asked.

Cal gave her a surprised look. 'Yeah sure.'

'If I have trouble seeing her like that, then it must be horror for you.' Emily explained when she noticed the surprised micro expression flash on his face.

He sighed as he sat himself down on the barstool. 'Yeah, I do. But I know she'll be fine very soon again.' He said as he watched his daughter leave for the living room again. He clenched his teeth in anger. _O, he wasn't that fine. But he was already planning on getting the person that was behind this and hurt them severely. That's how __**he**__ coped with all of this. _He looked down at his chest at the wet patch and put his hand on it slowly.

_Gillian's tears. _

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And? Did you think it was too much? Did you have enough of Gillian/ Cal and should I go on with the case or... I still have a few nice Gillian/ Cal situations in my mind... Let me know what you think please?


	24. Chapter 24

Hello! Thanks for all your opinions! Here's the next chapter!!

**Chapter 24**

'We can't find Angela Pointer. It seems like she disappeared into nothingness.' Reynolds said as he looked from Cal's living room into the eyes of the man himself_. He'd never been to his home before._ 'I'm getting a warrant to search her house.'

Cal shook his head annoyed as he put down the dishtowel he'd been doing the dishes with. 'So that Pointer woman is the woman who worked with Frank?' He asked as he bared his teeth in frustration.

'We're not sure yet.' Reynolds said as he shrugged and wondered curiously where Gillian was. 'She knows something that's for sure. Otherwise she wouldn't have given you Frank's address.'

'Yeah, I saw the video.' Cal said as he passed Reynolds and took a few magazines that were lying haphazardly on the couch. _He'd have to tell Emily again to clean up after herself. She could be really untidy sometimes._

'We'll find her.' Reynolds assured him.

Cal looked up at him in surprise. _Reynolds was trying to assure him. That was something new._ 'That is if she hasn't taken all the money and left forever.' Cal stated as he dropped the magazines in a pile on the coffee table.

Reynolds scratched his fore head. _He had thought about that too, and he hated it if it was true._

'Reynolds, I need that money back.'

Reynolds looked up to give Cal a paranoid look._ Something in the tone of his boss sounded different. He knew that tone. It was the tone Lightman had used when he was in the casino in Vegas, the tone he had used when he had been in trouble with the whole Terry business._

Reynolds watched how Lightman licked his lips.

_Yeah, there it was._ Reynolds wasn't a lie detector, and he couldn't read people that well. But he was learning, and he knew what Lightman was sending out with his behavior right now. _And he didn't like it. It meant trouble. _

'What? Why?' Reynolds asked as he put his hands in his sides and braced himself for what was to come. Since he began to work for Lightman and Foster, Lightman's trouble meant his trouble. Which usually meant risking his job with the FBI.

Cal sighed as he looked around him to make sure he was out of Emily or Gillian's earshot.

'What is it?' Reynolds urged impatiently.

'I might have borrowed some money from a few not to very nice people, yeah.' He answered nonchalantly as he passed Reynolds again and walked towards the cupboard.

'What?!' Reynolds barked behind him.

'Well what do you think? I had to get it from somewhere yeah?!' Cal stated annoyed as he turned away from the cupboard.

'O great!' Reynolds spat as he shook his head annoyed. 'This is just great. And who did you borrow the money from?'

'Just a lone shark I used to know.' Cal's casual answer came.

Reynolds groaned in frustration as his nostrils flared. _Yep, just what he was afraid of, it could never be easy with Lightman. He had to go and borrow money from the biggest criminals there were._

'I had more important business to take care of at the moment yeah.'

'I know that.' Reynolds said as he put up his hands towards Lightman to calm him down._ He knew what had been at stake: Gillian's life. He would have done everything for that too_. 'But lone sharks Lightman? Really?' He rubbed his mouth as he looked away. _He didn't dare to ask the next question but took the chance anyway. '_How much do you owe them?'

'Four million.' Cal said as if it was nothing as he took two mugs from the shelve. 'Fancy a drink?' He asked as his hand hovered above a third mug.

'No I don't fancy a drink right now. I do fancy a hammer to slam myself with on my head. Or maybe I should better slam you with it in your head.' Reynolds snapped. 'Why didn't you come to me!' He shot irritated as he walked towards Cal angrily.

'And what? You would have given me four million?' Cal asked astonished, not at all feeling threatened by the anger that was radiating off the much taller and broader man in front of him.

'I would have found a way, a better way then for you going to lone sharks.' Reynolds argued as he watched Cal pouring tea in the mugs. He then looked Reynolds straight in his face.

'You know as well as I do the FBI couldn't come up with that amount of money. And we're talking about Gillian's life here yeah? So I don't bloody give a damn who I borrowed it from.' Cal snapped as he put down the teakettle behind him. 'If I pay in time, everything will be okay.' He said without facing Reynolds.

'And what is in time?'

'The end of this week.' Cal answered as he took sugar for Gillian's tea.

'What?!' Reynolds uttered again in shock and anger.

'Look, this is between us yeah? Foster doesn't need to know.'

'I agree with that yeah, we don't want to give her a heart attack! Why are you telling me this anyway?!'

'Well, you know. If they come for me or I disappear or any of that stuff, you'd know where I could be.' Cal said nonchalantly. 'Or maybe it could give you a bigger motivation at finding the money.'

'Yeah that's great. Cuz I wasn't motivated before no.' Reynolds shot at him._ Lightman could really get to him_! Anger welled up in his chest again.

'You sure you don't want some tea? It might calm the nerves yeah.' Cal said.

Reynolds groaned something in frustration and Cal took it as a no.

'How is she doing?'

'A bit better but she's still very weak. She at least tries to eat something now.'

'That's a good thing right?'

'Yeah, yeah it is. The doctor was here this morning took a sample of her blood and all. He was positive about her health at the moment.'

'Let's make sure you stay healthy too. I'm going to find Pointer.' Reynolds stated.

**Afternoon**

Cal stopped in his tracks when he noticed Gillian wasn't in his bed. She was sitting on the balcony with the doors wide open. Emily was standing by her side, showing something that was in one of her magazines. They both looked up when he came towards them. He watched as Emily stalked past him in anger. Gillian raised an eyebrow as she followed Emily's retreat. She then looked up at Cal with a questioning gaze in her eyes.

'Oy, what're you doing here in the cold?'

'I just wanted to be outside. Get some oxygen in me.' Gillian explained.

'You'll get cold.' Cal said worried as he stared at the thin sheet that she had wrapped around her legs and for the rest nothing.

'Don't worry Cal. I'm okay.' She assured him as he sat opposite her on one of the chairs.

'Are you? How are you feeling?'

'Still very weak, but a bit better. I'm happy that I can do more then sleep the whole day now.'

Cal nodded. 'Just don't go doing too much at once yeah?' He said, knowing her too well.

'Why is Emily angry at you?' Gillian asked, changing the subject.

Cal shrugged. 'Some party she wanted to go to with Dick.' He avoided her inquiring gaze as he took the magazine the two woman had looked in and opened it. 'I said no.' He mumbled.

'Why?'

'Why what?'

'Why did you say no?' Her warm voice came, he heard a hint of impatience there.

'Cuz I wanted to.' He looked up at her defiantly.

Gillian gave him a look.

'She's too young.' Cal defended himself.

Gillian shook her head as she snatched the magazine from his hands and put it back on the table.

'Oy! I was reading that!' Cal shot at her.

'You were reading about the latest advice about how to kiss a guy and make his toes curl?' Gillian asked with a frown in one of her perfectly arched brows.

'Yeah, that's right, I was.'

She smirked. 'She's fifteen Cal.'

'Don't remind me. And like I said: too young.'

Gillian shook her head as she smiled slightly. 'She's not too young and you know it. What's the real problem Cal?'

_He didn't like this conversation. _'Nothing.'

'In a few years she'll be on her own Cal. She'll be eighteen and do everything she wants without having you to tell her what not to do and what to do. Why are you stopping her from developing herself?'

'Shouldn't you be in bed resting?' Cal deflected impatiently.

Gillian crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked at him. Cal tilted his head to one side as he gave her a glare back. She shook her head again as she sighed. 'She's growing into a woman. That's how it's supposed to go. It's healthy.'

Cal made an irritated sound as he leaned back in the chair. He put his hand against the back of his neck as he gazed at the grey sky. A few birds were circling around there.

'You know how boys are, they only want to be in her pants.'

'Not all boys Cal.' Her soft, sweet voice came. He could hear how tired she was. _But it was a good thing that she was able to have a conversation again. Although, he didn't like the topic at the moment. _

'Some of them are actually sweet and patient. And in a while she'll want someone to be in her pants or maybe she'll want to be in someone's pants.'

Her soft words reached him and formed into something meaningful in his brains. And when they did, his eyes shot from the birds instantly back to her face.

Gillian read his shock instantly although he covered it up expertly. The warning look on his face didn't go unnoticed either. _She found it endearing that he was so worried for his daughter. But it could become too much also._

'You've been young yourself too. At least, I think so.'

'What?' He snapped harshly, harder then he'd meant to as he straightened himself from his slumped position. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You know very well what I mean Cal. It's good to try and protect her but… This isn't even smothering her anymore; it's building a prison around her.'

He narrowed his eyes at the use of the word 'smothering'. 'O you just love to use that word don't you?'

She gave him a coy look.

_Yes, she did_, he concluded. _And maybe he deserved it._

'For both our sakes, I won't go into that right now.' She said smoothly. 'You should be the one guiding her and not stopping her. When she's old enough she'll still remember those things.' She said in an direct voice.

_He knew she was right. But anger ran through him at her calm, sweet and direct words. 'And how would you know that? You don't have a-' Cal lashed out as he jumped up from his chair. He stopped midsentence as he stared in shock at her. __He had stopped himself just in time before saying something he would regret. Although he could see on her face that he was too late anyway, she knew what he was about to say._

'No, I don't have a daughter.' Gillian answered for him as she looked up at him.

He swallowed. _Why did he always hurt the woman he loved so deeply the most?_ He lowered himself on the chair again.

'But I was a daughter once. And I've grown into a woman too. Emily will too. And you know how bright and smart she is.'

'Sorry luv.' He said as he looked at her.

Gillian straightened herself as she looked at him intensely now. 'You're daughter is beautiful inside out. She's very wise too. Just let her go. You have to start letting go Cal.'

He looked away._ He remembered again why she was so good at what she did. She was a bloody good psychologist. But that didn't mean that he liked being on the receiving end of her psychology talents. 'You must be feeling a lot better yeah, with the psychobabble and all.' He stated._

Gillian put the blanket closer to her body as she stared at the sky now.

'It's that Dick, I'm sure he just wants to be in her pants.' Cal said after a few silent minutes.

'If that's the case with **R**ick, then she still has a say in that.' Gillian's soothing answer came as she put some extra emphasis on the boy's real name. She yawned after that.

'Nah, I know how those boys are, they just sweet talk and sweet talk her into it, I was one of them.' Cal admitted as his eyes fell on her bare arms where goose bumps were multiplying fast.

Gillian raised an eyebrow at his words.

Cal put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. 'I know how it works Gill. I don't want her to get hurt.'

Gillian nodded. _She knew that_. 'Maybe talking helps.' Gillian suggested.

'Look just get yourself in bed yeah, you're cold.'

'I'm not-' Gillian began surprised.

'-Then what's this yeah? Goose bumps all over your skin. You feel cold.' Cal told her as he put his hand on her under arm.

'O.' She mumbled astonished as she noticed that the skin on her arms was indeed feeling very cold.

Cal stood up, waiting for her to stand up too.

She stubbornly pulled the thin sheet over her arms. 'I'm staying here for a while.' She announced.

Cal smirked. _Whatever she wanted then_. He made his way over inside the room and then stopped as he stared at his shoes. 'You know I'm not good at talking.' His soft voice came from the door opening towards his room. He'd never admit things like that to anyone else, just to her.

Gillian had closed her eyes. She was so tired. But she was enjoying the fresh air. _She needed that. It would do her good. _Gillian looked up at Cal when she heard his voice behind her, she was surprised that he was still there.

'If you make an effort, you are Cal. I'm sure of that.'

He nodded and left the room as Gillian fell asleep.

**Night**

Cal went to check on Gillian as he saw her trembling form buried under his blankets.

'What's happening?' Cal asked worried as he was in no time by her side.

'I'm fine.' She muttered in a weak voice. _She was just a bit cold. _

She felt a warm hand against her shoulders, and then her face.

'Yeah luv, I can see that. You're feeling as cold as an ice Popsicle.' Cal said as she heard him coming closer. _And he concluded that that had something to do with her sitting outside so long and him finding her asleep outside an hour later._

Cal casually dropped himself on the bed next to her. He leaned his back nonchalantly against the headboard and studied her.

'It…It'll be… Over… S..s..soon.' She said with clappering teeth. _But it felt like it was getting worse. Why was she so cold? It seemed that nothing helped._

Cal shook his head, he couldn't bare to witness this anymore so he moved towards her and dragged one of her blankets away.

'Please, d… don't..' Gillian pleaded, she was so extremely cold and it was like nothing helped. _Taking away her blankets would make it even worse!_

'Come here, I'll hold you. I'm warm.' Cal offered.

_Ow how she would want that. But she couldn't. She couldn't just be so close, that would wipe away every border she had in her_. She buried herself even deeper into the pillows and blankets if that were possible. 'I'm f..F…Fine..' _She would be warm soon. She had to be. She'd already collapsed in his arms and broken down, she couldn't again. _

'Just come here you big chocolaty monster.' Cal muttered as he took Gillian's trembling body by the waist through the blankets and pulled her towards him.

Gillian gasped in slight shock as she felt how she got lifted up easily and landed somehow in Cal's lap. All the while the shivers that ran through her and assaulted her body didn't stop.

'I won't bite.' He said soothingly as he began to peal away the blankets from her shivering body.

He heard her mumble a few things involving the words that they couldn't, and something about her breaking down the day before. A myriad of emotions flashed over her face including shame, pain even shyness as a few stubborn words kept passing her trembling lips. He made himself comfortable as she was still forming arguments to keep distance between them but he didn't listen. After a minute she stopped arguing and closed her eyes as he felt her body sigh tiredly.

'Shhh… Just lean against me.' Cal offered as he turned her around in his arms so she could lean against his warm chest. He pulled her in a warm embrace and his breathing hitched the moment her cold, shivering body made contact with his chest and stomach.

Cal arranged the blankets over her and around them now. 'You'll be warm soon, I promise.' He whispered soothingly.

He felt that she was still not relaxed. _Stubborn woman._ 'Don't make such a fuss off it, I'm just holding you, nothing more. Don't worry. Just try to relax yeah?' He finally felt her relax a bit and he eased back against the headboard too.

Gillian nestled further against his warmth. _This was heaven_. She closed her eyes as she adjusted her position so she could put her ear against his chest and was able to hear his strong heartbeat. He held her in such a protective embrace that the shivering became less instantly. _She reveled in his warmth. So much heat radiated from him. She wondered about that before she fell asleep in his arms._

Cal clenched his jaw as he looked in the distance while he inhaled the scent of her hair. _His mind wandered off towards Angela Pointer. Supposedly one of his employees. What did she have against him to do this to her and him? He didn't even remember the woman. And where did Frank fit in with all of this? Was she enjoying a drink on the beach somewhere far far away from them? And did they ever have the chance to get to her? Just the thought that she could get away with this made his stomach crumble in rage. _

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And? Please let me know what you thought of this chapter?? I always love to write about Emily, she's so sweet!


	25. Chapter 25

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews.. Pff I have already written a lot of chapters... And I still have a few ideas, hope it isn't getting TOO long this story!

**Chapter 25**

Gillian opened her eyes slowly and concluded that she was lying in Cal's arm's. He was asleep too and had fallen from his previously hunched position against the headboard. He was lying with his whole body stretched on the bed now. And she was lying draped over him like a second blanket. She sighed. She wanted to move away but her body wouldn't react to the commands she was giving her brains. Instead she nestled herself closer to him, if that were even possible and enjoyed his warmth. She enjoyed how his chest rose and fell with each steady breath. How she would hear his heartbeat in her ear because her head was leaning against his chest. _Ow, how she enjoyed this. She had missed being held by someone, being so close to a man_. She stopped the nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that this was wrong, that this was over the line. _It wasn't really over the line: she was still sick. She couldn't be held accounted for everything she did. Because her mind and thoughts weren't clear._ Gillian smirked a bit when she concluded how creative she was in her attempts to fool herself. She closed her eyes quickly. She was still asleep of course. Gillian pondered about that she had never been this close to Cal. Her body was pressed against his and his arms were around her. She could ly like this forever. She remembered his ribs in shock as she carefully pushed her upper body up and her hand slipped under his shirt. She brought his shirt up slowly to study the skin around the ribs that she thought were bruised but was afraid were broken. She sighed in relief at the thought that they weren't broken, otherwise he would have had more trouble with them in the last days then he had had. She noticed the dark angry bruise that was still there.

'Oy, what are you doing?' Cal asked slowly with a sleeping voice as he cracked one eye open.

She had put her hand on the bare skin above the bruised rib. 'I was just looking at your ribs.' Gillian admitted as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

'My ribs? I should have known that you couldn't do without sneeking a peek at the thing of me all woman want to see: my ribs.' He smirked when he saw her blush instantly.

'Does it hurt?' She asked softly while she tried to ignore his cheeky comment.

'Nah.' He said nonchalantly. 'Yeah.' He admitted then. 'Just a bit.'

'I'm sorry.' Her soft voice came.

'Thanks.' He said lighthearted. 'Now stop undressing me woman! Before I'm gonna get shy yeah?'

She didn't hear his words, she just felt the need she had to place her lips on the bruised skin, as if she could make it better. Which was a foolish thought of course. She quickly looked away from his ribs to stop herself.

'Here.... There you go.' Cal said as he lifted her off him somehow and placed her next to him effortlessly.

She watched in surprise how he quickly wrapped a blanket around himself as he asked her how she was feeling. When she answered a bit better his eyes studied her shortly before he practically jumped out of the bed and was standing at the door in no time.

'Just a bit cold luv, that's all.' He said as he saw her gaze at the blanket around him. 'I'm taking a shower, be back soon.'

She nodded as she lowered herself into the pillow again. _It didn't feel as good and comfortable as Cal's chest at all._

'Em.' Cal said half shocked as he almost bumped into her when he left his room.

Emily looked with big eyes at her dad who was walking clumsily away from his room with a big blanket wrapped around his middle.

'Sleep well?' He asked as he passed her.

'Uhm yeah. You?'

'Yeah great luv.' He said as he closed the bathroom door behind him. 'Just great.' He muttered as he lowered the blanket. He hoped that his trick to expertly reveal his extreme arousal had worked. He needed a very cold shower now, he thought annoyed as he took off his pyjama pants and his shirt. He pondered about how bad he was at controlling himself when he was around Gillian, and it seemed to get worse and worse. His breathing hitched the moment the cold water connected with his skin. It was like the contours of her body were imprinted on his body. _If things would go on like this, it would be he death of him. He was sure of that._

**Angela Pointer's house**

'Why did you want to come with us again?' Reynolds asked Torres when they were standing in Angela Pointer's living room. Four other FBI agents were running around the house looking for something that could point them to her where abouts or other clues they could use for the case.

'I want to get a feel for her.' Ria answered as she gazed at the fire place.

'A feel?' Loker asked sarcastic as he raised an inquiring eyebrow at her.

'Maybe we'll find something that you won't find.' Ria clarified to Reynolds as she ignored Loker.

'Are you telling me that I'm not doing my job as I should do?' Reynolds asked.

'No.' Ria said quickly as she shook her head at him. 'I'm just saying that we saw her, and well... That could help. I don't know.' Ria sighed. 'I just wanted to see the home and belongings of a person who would do such a thing to others I guess.'

'Maybe we broke into the wrong house.' Loker's voice came from the other end of the living room.

'What makes you say that?' Reynolds asked as he looked up at the young man.

Loker held up some mail to them. 'They are all addressed to a Peggy Jackson.'

Reynolds narrowed his eyes. 'Maybe she doesn't live alone.'

Loker shrugged as he watched the room. He noticed that Ria had suddenly disappeared.

He looked back at the mail with a frown in his brows when suddenly a fear filled and shocked scream filled the entire house. Loker was so shocked to hear the screech assaulting his ears that the mail fell from his hands and he quickly hurried towards the cause of the noise, he knew instantly that it was Ria's scream.

**Cal's house**

'Did you read all the magazines I brought you?' Emily asked as she walked into Cal's room.

Gillian smiled. 'Yes, thank you. Most of them at least.'

'I could bring you others if you'd want. I can imagine that you don't like reading a lot about teens and everything.' Emily said as she sat down on the bed next to Gillian. Most of the magazines were from herself, describing stuff that probably only teenagers were interested in.

Gillian smiled. 'O, it's interesting. It might make me feel younger.' Gillian quipped. 'Maybe I'll even _grow_ younger if I keep reading them.' Gillian suggested cheekily as Emily bended to pick the other two magazines on the other side of the bed up.

'So uhm… Did you read this one?' Emily asked as she showed Gillian a magazine with a purple pink front and a cheeky, bright smiling girl on the cover. Gillian remembered it to be the one she had taken out to the balcony.

'I looked through it quickly.' Gillian said as she nodded. 'But your father seemed very interested in one of the articles.' She added fondly as she remembered how Cal had told her that he indeed was interested in the article while he had only used it to deflect from a conversation he obviously didn't want to have.

'Yeah? Which one?' Emily asked surprised.

'The one about kissing boys and making their toes curl.' Gillian said with a smile as she read Emily's reaction carefully. She saw how the young girl flushed instantly.

'Did _you_ read it?' Emily asked quickly.

Gillian shook her head. 'Should I?' She asked curiously. 'Does it say anything interesting I could learn from?'

Emily shrugged. 'I don't know. I'm not that experienced really.' She said in a soft voice.

'Well I'm glad. You're still very young, there's no rush.' Gillian's soft, sweet voice came.

'So do you know how to do this?' Emily asked carefully.

'Do what?' Gillian asked as she bended forward towards the article to see what Emily meant.

'How to make a man's toes curl?' Emily explained softly as she looked up at Gillian with big eyes.

Gillian smiled at the look on Emily's face. She could see that Emily was afraid to ask this personal question to her. Gillian felt if she opened up to Emily, Emily would open up to her.

'Well…' She began as she looked in the distance and thought for a moment. 'I'd like to think that I do.' She said with a grin on her face. 'Or that I did.' She added sadly as she thought of Alec. _But somehow, she had made him run into the arms of someone else anyway. A blonde who was younger, taller, slimmer, had bigger breasts and well… How to fight against that? Not that she wanted to fight for Alec anymore. That need had left her years ago. She hoped Emily hadn't picked up on the slight sadness that had shimmered through her words. _But when Gillian looked at the young girl she seemed to be fully engrossed in her own thoughts while she was staring at the magazine in her lap.

'But it's difficult you know.' Gillian said as she sighed and relaxed against the headboard of the bed. 'You really have to be in sync with the other person. And you'll just have to learn. I'm sure you will.' Gillian assured her.

Emily looked up at her with a glow in her eyes. She smiled widely at Gillian's caring and supporting words.

Gillian averted her eyes from the wall to Emily now and looked intensely at the young girl she was so fond off. 'Don't be afraid to learn or to make mistakes. That goes for every aspect of your life, even for this one.'

'You think so?' Emily asked unsure of herself as she pondered about how sweet Gillian's voice sounded.

'Yes well… Look at me. I'm almost forty and I was married for years. Now I'm alone again. That goes to show that you never stop learning. Especially in a relationship.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be.' Gillian looked at the blanket in front of her. 'Sometimes you really want things to work out and they just don't.' Her fingers drew a pattern on the warm blanket for a moment before she looked up at Emily again. 'The only thing you can do then is learn from them. So if you kiss Rick and you feel that it doesn't go right, or that you're doing something not right, then that really doesn't matter. Because that is what will make you learn and it will also make you better. And he has to learn just like you do. I'm sure of that.'

'Sometimes I'm just afraid that… I don't know.. It's scary in some way.'

Gillian smiled. 'Yes, it's very scary.' She agreed.

'You think so too?' Emily asked surprised_. She always saw Gillian as someone who was so experienced with things. She always seemed so calm and knowing. And of course Emily noticed that Gillian was very personal about her own feelings and problems, but still she seemed so wise. Like she knew exactly what to do in so many situations._

'Of course I do.' Gillian answered as if it was the most logical thing.

'But you're so experienced… I mean, you're older and… Well, you've got experience….' Emily stammered astonished.

'Well, I wouldn't call myself that experienced.' Gillian paused for a moment. 'Well, yes I do have experiences, but I wouldn't say that makes me experienced.'

Emily watched Gillian as she thought deep to find the right words.

'And about the older part, I'd have to speak a stern word with you about that some time!' Emily smiled at that. Gillian shook her head as she thought deep. 'With a new person it's always scary. The experience you have doesn't really count then. You make yourself vulnerable in a way, you let the other person close. That **is** scary isn't it?'

Emily nodded and then smiled widely. 'I'm so glad I can talk to you about this. You know my mom, and my dad.. Pfft!'

'O Em. He tries really hard, you know that.' Gillian said as she brushed a strand of Emily's hair out of the girls eyes.

'Yeah well but he isn't a woman.' Emily muttered as she stared at her lap again.

'Yes, I've noticed that yes.' Gillian said as she smiled.

'He wouldn't understand a woman the way woman do.'

'Maybe your dad understands more about woman then you think.' Gillian told her.

'You think?' Emily asked astonished as she looked up at Gillian and studied her. _This is very interesting._

'And maybe you should explain him if he doesn't understand.' Gillian proposed carefully as she gave Emily a friendly and loving look.

'Or… _You_ could explain him.' Emily said triumphantly.

'Explain him what?' Gillian asked confused.

'About woman. Sometimes he just doesn't see what's right in front of his face, on the woman subject.'

Gillian shook her head as she laughed. 'I don't think it's my place to explain that.'

'Why not? You're one of the only persons he listens too.'

Gillian was still shaking her head and smiling about the idea even.

'If a woman likes my dad she really has to be clear to him so he knows it.'

Gillian narrowed her eyes at Emily. _Why did she have the feeling they were suddenly talking about something else then they were before? This wasn't about Cal not understanding Emily's need to go to the party and Emily wanting to be with Rick. _

Emily kept looking at her, waiting for an answer.

'I don't think so. He has an eye for that.' Gillian said as she shook her head again, thinking of Poppy. _Cal knew instantly when a woman was attracted to him. _

Emily let out an exasperated huff. 'Ugh please. No he doesn't! Not woman he really cares about.' She eyed Gillian meaningfully.

'Well I wouldn't know.' Gillian answered her as her hand raked through her hair. 'That's not my place really.'

'Why not? I thought you were best friends?' Emily asked, pretending to be an innocent girl with innocent and just curious questions.

'Yes.' Gillian agreed as she looked at Emily with a big smile now. She raised one eyebrow at Emily. 'But we don't have to know things about all the aspects of each others lives, do we?'

Emily opened her mouth to say something against that when Cal walked in with breakfast.

'I made pancakes.' He said as he put down a tray with breakfast for all of them. They probably were half cold now because his feet had frozen to the ground next to the door the moment he heard Emily ask if Gillian knew how to make a man's toes curl_. He knew he shouldn't have listened in but he… Well, he hadn't managed to tear himself away from there. So it wasn't his fault really that he'd been eavesdropping if you could call it like that..._

**Angela Pointer's house**

Loker saw how Ria crawled over the floor covered in something red and his mouth fell open as he stared at the body she moved away from. Ria got up quickly and pushed herself against the wall in slight panick. Reynolds stormed in next to Loker and bended down immediately.

'Is that…' Loker began as he tried to recognize the face that was covered in blood.

'Pointer.' Ria said shocked as pushed herself as far as possible against the wall. _She preferred to disappear** into** the wall if that was possible._

'What happened?' Reynolds asked as he looked up at Ria.

'I…' Ria pointed at the cupboard in the room. 'I opened the… And she…' Ria stammered, but the words wouldn't come.

Reynolds nodded as Loker hurried towards Ria.

'There's blood everywhere.' Ria said shocked as she felt Loker's warm hand on her shoulder.

Reynolds nodded as he studied the bullit wounds in Angela Pointer's body. He sighed annoyed as his nostrils flared. _Great, so this meant that there was someone else behind all of this._ He shook his head annoyed.

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Please let me know what you think??? That would make me really happy! Thanks!


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for letting me know what you thought!!

**Chapter 26**

Her jaw worked overtime as she studied the man in front of her. He was sitting behind his desk, staring at the computer. He shook his head while he did so. She narrowed her eyes as they skimmed over his impeccable suit. She felt bile rise up in her throat_. This couldn't be. It could NOT get wrong. Nothing could go wrong from here on out. She had everything planned so well!_

'I'm sorry mam but you're password is not correct.' He repeated with a frown in his dark grey eyebrows.

Her nostrils flared and she tried to paste a friendly smile on her face. From the inside she was seething with pure anger. _That stupid fool hadn't trusted her. He had given her the wrong password._

'There must be a mistake..' She said in her most innocent look as she bended forward and gazed with big eyes at the screen.

_Without the password, there was no money._

Moments later she walked outside and she was filled with an utter rage. Her fists were clenched in tight white balls. _John hadn't been as stupid as she would have thought. But now she had NO money at all. While there was a few million just waiting there on that bank account. O, she would get to it. She wouldn't stop here. _

She walked back to her car angrily_. She couldn't believe this! All her bags were packed and now she couldn't go to Italy because she had no money. She had spent days on the road with her car and all of her belongings that mattered to make a good and quick getaway. Everything was planned, no one would find her. And now, on one of the last phases of her plan… Something like this happened! That meant that she had to go back._

_She'd have to take care of this very quickly. _

**Cal's house**

Gillian stepped out of the hot shower. At least the shower had brought her warmth and a bit of comfort to soothe her aching muscles and trembling, cold body. She stood still and looked around her in search for a towel.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and her heart stopped beating in shock instantly, she froze to the ground instantly as she stared wide-eyed at Cal.

Cal stared back with wide eyes that skimmed over her body quickly. _-He couldn't help himself-_. He swallowed and then looked up at her face again. 'Gillian.' He uttered. His mouth was hanging open after that. His eyes went in a fraction of a second over her body again before he looked away.

Gillian had awoken from her frozen state so much to try to cover herself up but there still was no towel in sight.

'S.. Sorry.' Cal said as he held up his hand towards her and looked away while he retreated to the door. He then turned his face back and looked at her again with shock on his face. He seemed to reprimand himself as he closed the door and left her standing there, feeling utterly vulnerable, shocked and astonished with open mouth.

She finally found a towel under the sink and she began to dry herself off quickly. She put on her comfortable much worn jeans and a warm, hugging pink sweatshirt as she stepped out of the bathroom. She dry towelled her hair as she walked back to the guestroom. Gillian had moved all her stuff, -which wasn't a lot but just mess like the magazines, mp3, books and things like that-, back to the guest room where she thought she belonged. S_he didn't belong in Cal's bedroom._ Using the central bathroom instead of the guestroom's bathroom hadn't been such a good idea though… She had found out that the shower was better and harder there and that's why she chose that one.

The moment Cal heard Gillian coming down the stairs he walked towards her.

'I'm sorry 'bout that luv. Didn't know you were in there..' He said lamely as he studied her and noticed that she was dressed and not wearing sleeping wear anymore.

Gillian had her mouth open as she stood in front of him. She studied his face shortly and then shook her head.

'Well, I knew you were in there…' Cal began again, he was never good at lying to her. He put his hands in his pockets and looked away. 'I just didn't hear anything, I called you and you didn't answer so I thought something had gone wrong.' _She was beautiful...., _he thought as he saw what had just happened happen again in his memory_. _He gestured towards her. 'Like you had fainted or something, or were drowning in the bath or something like that.' Cal explained.

Gillian breathed in. _She had to admit that she didn't like the idea that Cal had seen her like that. She had felt so naked. Well, she had been naked. That was way over the line. She was naked, had been naked and he had seen her and it was very inappropriate, she felt ashamed even. Of course he was her friend but she was COMPLETELY naked and there weren't many men who had seen her completely naked.. Not that she was a prude but she wasn't the woman to go run naked in front of just any man. But things like this happened, and she'd want to forget about it as soon as possible. _'Well, I shouldn't have forgotten to lock the door, so this is partly on me I guess…' She said as she walked towards Cal's kitchen.

'I didn't see anything.' Cal lied.

Gillian tilted her head and gave him a stern look. She remembered the way he had looked back at her.

Cal put his hands in his pockets again as he breathed out air. 'That wasn't a lie.' He said cheekily as he followed her quickly. 'I meant I haven't seen anything that I haven't seen already.'

Her face snapped to his in shock at this. _Whenever had he seen her naked? He couldn't have…_ She read him and noticed a lazy and teasing smile form on his face. 'On other woman.' He finished.

Gillian narrowed her eyes as Cal shrugged. _He was enjoying this way too much for her liking..._

'All woman look the same, don't they.. When it comes down to it.' He stated cheekily with an innocent sparkle in his eyes._ Only she knew very well that he wasn't innocent at all when it came to woman._

'Thank you Cal, very charming.' Gillian remarked as she avoided looking at him. _We're all adults here. I don't care that he saw me naked._ She caught herself thinking that she wished that the roles had been reversed; that she had seen Cal naked.

He put up his hands. 'Look I don't want you to feel ashamed yeah. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy there. Just thought it was important to save you from drowning or anything.' He stated as he made a few gestures with his hands.

Gillian opened the cupboard and wanted to take out a mug when she already saw one standing there, filled with steaming tea. Cal had already made her some tea. She turned around to face him, leaning her lower back to the counter.

'So you were shocked by other woman too?' Gillian asked as she put her arms in front of her chest. _She just had to know._

'What?' Cal asked confused as he narrowed his eyes at her.

'Shock Cal. When you walked back to the door you looked back at my body and then I saw shock on your face.' _She had seen it very clearly, there was no mistake about that._

Cal turned away for a moment and then walked towards the sink to get his own mug of tea.

'Yeah I was shocked Gillian.' He gestured towards her stomach. 'You're still covered in bruises and cuts.' He said as he put the mug down again. _He would never get over that, seeing her wounded like that. Even though the wounds were fading, it didn't matter. He didn't want her to be hurt like that. Seeing her like that was just something that brought up memories of her being in pain._

Gillian dropped her head. _Shame_. She looked away from him.

'What's that now?' Cal asked paranoid as he walked towards her.

'What? Nothing.' She said as she wanted to walk away from the kitchen.

He took her arm to stop her. She bit her lip.

'Nothing.' She said again, knowing how lame it sounded.

'You can do better then that.' He said as his eyes flew over her face instantly. He noticed how her cheeks flushed.

Gillian looked away again. And again he noticed shame.

'I just thought… I thought you were.. You were shocked by..' She gestured at herself.

_She had doubted herself so many times after everything what had happened to Alec. She knew she shouldn't, but somewhere deep inside of her it gnawed at her. _

'By what?' He asked as he looked at her face, wanted her to make eye-contact. She kept looking away. Then she loosened herself from his gentle grip on her arm and stepped back in the kitchen. _She needed space._

Gillian moved towards a cupboard and got a glass from it.

'That I was shocked by you? Is that what you wanted to say?' Cal asked, not even being able to believe that that was it.

'It's okay now.' She said in a soft voice as she filled the mug with water and took large gulps from it.

'Okay?' He studied her back, because she was refusing to face him obviously. 'It's not okay.' He stated sternly as he took a few energetic paces towards her. 'Why would you doubt yourself like that?' _Alec. He knew it the moment he asked the question. _

She gulped every drop of water down and then filled the mug again.

'What did he do to you?' Cal asked as he shook his head and studied her, eyed her up and down as if that would help him to get some sort of answer. 'What did he say to you?' He prodded.

She drank the mug empty again and then held her hand up at him in defence.

'You know the line we talked about? I think we've just reached it.' She said as she put the mug down in the sink. _And we went way over it. _'I'm sorry, it's my fault. I shouldn't have mentioned what I saw on your face. Let's leave it at that.' _This was getting too uncomfortable, too close. This was out of hand. It had gotten out of hand days ago and now she had to put a stop to it. It wasn't just for any reason that she had chosen for the line. She had to remember that. _

Gillian walked towards him. 'I appreciate that you were worried about me drowning in a shower. But-' She said in a sweet voice.

'-Bath. I don't think you can drown in a shower-' Cal interrupted.

She raised her chin at him and interrupted him sternly at that.

'-But if there would be a next time for that, please wait for my answer first before you enter a bathroom I'm in?'

He nodded. _She made herself very clear_. He would respect that. 'Sure luv. Sure.' He said as she walked towards the kitchen table and plopped on one of the chairs.

_Great, now he just had to get rid of the image of her, naked in __his bathroom. Yeah, her wounds had been imprinted in his mind, and the rest of her, that had been imprinted in his mind forever. _He sighed_. He needed a drink. A big one. A drink or two. Three. Four. Fifty. It didn't matter, he would never be able to forget this. Damn his brain. Or damn that other part of his body that wouldn't forget. There was a line. She wanted the line. So he should respect that. _He looked up at her. She was still standing in the kitchen as she was sorting some of the magazines out. _Damn stupid bloody hell of a stupid line!_ A voice in his head shouted angrily as he bared his teeth shortly._ But if that was how she wanted it, okay. He could do that._

His seething thoughts got interrupted by a phone call by Reynolds.

'Hey Em.' Gillian said the moment Emily walked in the kitchen.

'O no, are you leaving already?' Emily asked as she eyed Gillian's outfit and the bag near her feet.

'Yes, I'm feeling much better and I have some stuff to do at home. Cal's bringing me.' Gillian said as she gestured towards Cal with her tea filled mug. Emily turned to see her father slumped at the table in the living room. He was calling with someone.

'You want to come with us?' Gillian asked with a smile.

'O no sorry, I'm going to meet with Rick.' Emily smiled widely as she looked at Gillian. 'I'll be going to that party tonight.' She said with sparkling eyes.

'Really?' Gillian asked as she looked from Emily's happy face to Cal and then smiled widely too. 'Have fun.'

Cal stared at his phone and then looked up to Gillian and his daughter. _He loved how happy his daughter was, and he hoped he hadn't made a big mistake by allowing her to go with that Dick to that party._

Gillian took a sip of her tea as she kept on smiling.

'What are you smiling about?' Cal grumped as he stood up and walked towards her.

'Nothing.'

'She's got to be home at midnight exactly. If that boy is too late he'll be-'

'-Cal, I think I get the picture.' Gillian said as she held her hand up to stop his threats from coming out of his mouth.

Cal was glad that they could still banter like nothing had happened minutes earlier.

Gillian put the mug down in the sink and walked towards her bag. 'Well, I think I'll actually miss it here.' She said as she sighed and looked around.

'Of course you would.' Cal said cockily as if it was very normal. He rubbed his chin as he looked at her. 'Reynolds just called. Angela Pointer is dead.'

'What?' Gillian asked surprised. 'But… How?' She uttered.

'A few bullets did the job.'

'Someone killed her?' Her mouth fell open. 'I don't understand..'

'Nah, neither do I. It get's really complicated this way. Frank dead, or John, whatever his name was and now her. Seems like there are more people involved here.'

Gillian nodded as she sighed heavily.

000000000000

This was a bit of a slow chapter but I liked writing the bathroom scene (evil laugh). I hope it wasn't too soppy or anything. And that the line thing wasn't used too much, but I think it would be something Gillian would hide behind, and she wouldn't give that up instantly.

Let me know what you thought please? Thanks!


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!!!

**Gillian's House**

Gillian watched in utter horror how Cal pushed half of her friendly neighbours face into one of her walls.

'Cal!' She uttered horrified as she hurried down her stairs.

The moment she and Cal had entered the house she had gone up to her bedroom to put her bags on her bed when she had heard a lot of noise downstairs. She had run down with fear and worry spreading through her whole body and when she was halfway the stairs she saw Cal fighting with a man who she recognised a second later.

'Cal stop it!' She shouted as she put her hand on his bicep. He looked up at her.

'You know this guy?' He asked between clenched teeth as his hands had a tight grip on her friends throat.

'Yes! This is Mark!' She said urgently.

Cal let go of him and took a few steps back as he gave the taller man a warning look. _What the hell was he doing in her home?!_

'Yeah she knows me!' Mark spat as he straightened his shirt angrily. 'What the hell were you thinking attacking me like that!'

'What are you doing here running around her home!' Cal snapped back as he paced towards Mark again.

'Please! The both of you, stop it!' Gillian ordered as she positioned herself in between them and held them both back at arms length. 'Mark is my neighbour. I asked him to take care of some things.' She gave Cal a pointed look. 'And it was very nice that he did so.' She said as she gave a reassuring smile to Mark. She lowered her hands and turned her back towards Cal to face Mark.

Cal watched with anger how she placed her hand on Mark's arm. 'Thanks so much Mark.' She guided him towards her front door. 'And I'm sorry about this. I'll explain it later if you don't mind.' She said as Mark nodded, glared one final time at Cal and then left.

'You never told me about him.' Cal stated annoyed when Gillian turned away from the door to face him.

'Do I have to tell you about everyone I know? Or will you rip their throats out too? Cal! What was that?' Gillian demanded shocked. 'You scared the hell out of him.'

Cal shrugged. 'Yeah well, he scared the bloody hell out of me! Wandering around your house just like that. I thought he wanted to hurt you. I thought he didn't belong here.'

Gillian inhaled breath and raked a hand through her hair. 'He's my neighbour and a very nice man. I don't like it when you plaster nice men to my wall.' She tried to lighten the mood. She could understand that after everything that had happened to them and to her that Cal was a bit, no make that –a lot-, jumpy.

'Is that all?' Cal asked as he walked towards her to stand in her personal space. His gaze swept over her face.

'What all?' Gillian pulled her head back a bit in surprise.

'He's just very nice or is he more?' Cal asked to the point.

Gillian shrugged as she walked away from him towards her living room. 'We jog together two times a week. He's also divorced.'

Cal's nostrils flared as he followed her. 'I could've taken care of your things.'

'Why bother if Mark only lives next door?' Her voice came as she smelled the bouquet of flowers on her table.

Cal noticed the smile that lighted her face up when she studied the flowers. There was no doubt in his mind that Mark had put them there. 'So since when do you know him?' _He wanted to interrogate her about this guy. Wanted to know everything about him. But at the same time, he didn't because he was afraid of the answer. Why did some handsome athletic tall guy have to be her neighbour anyway?_

'Since I live here.' Gillian said lightly as she eyed Cal astonished.

Cal stuffed his hands in his pockets as he wandered off towards her kitchen. 'It's really no bother if you'd stay in my guestroom for a little while longer. I could make sure you eat healthy.' He opened her fridge. 'Which is really necessary by the looks of it.'

'Thanks, I really appreciate that. But I need some… Time alone.' Gillian said as she looked at her couch. _How she longed to curl up on there and watch a good movie that could take her away from all of her nagging thoughts._

'Okay, if that's what you want. It's never too late to change your mind though.' Cal said as he walked back to her. 'So you've got that doctor's appointment tomorrow in the morning yeah?'

'Yes, that's right.' Gillian nodded. 'I'll be in the office after that.' She said as she looked at him, daring him not to say anything against that. _She would start to work again, whether he wanted to or not._

To her surprise he nodded. 'Sure luv. Just make sure that you still take it easy right?'

Gillian nodded. He placed a quick kiss on her cheek as he left. She waited for a moment until she heard his car leave and then turned towards her living room.

_Alone. Now she was alone._

Gillian lowered herself under the warm blanket of creamy foam in her bathtub. She sighed as she rested her head against the porcelain of her bath. The warmth of the bath water seemed to seep all the tension out of her muscles. Tears began to pool in her eyes. After thinking very long about all that had happened these last days her thoughts went to Cal. How he had been there for her. How he had helped her, held her, hugged her, comforted her, forced her to eat and drink. How he had cared for her. She closed her eyes as she imagined his arms around her, her head against his chest.

Cal sat at the bar and took a gulp of his whiskey. _In a way it was good that Gillian wasn't in his home anymore. That way she wouldn't find out where he was right now_. He turned around on his barstool and stared at the many different lights, at the people, at the tense faces of men and woman that wished that they would win a lot of money. They grew more desperate by the minute. But despite that, he loved it here_._ Being here, in the casino gave him a thrill. It made him feel alive. Made him feel like another person, a person without problems, without boundaries, without responsibilities. A person that could do everything that he wanted. A powerfull person.

He stared back at his drink.

**Lightman Group**

'Where's Foster?' Cal barked as he walked into the lab the next morning. Getting out of bed after sleeping for what might have been two hours or less last night, had been bloody difficult for him.

Loker and Ria looked up. Ria narrowed her eyes. Her boss looked like he hadn't slept.

'O, I saw her rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen.' Loker said.

'She's eating _again_?' Ria asked surprised. Half an hour ago she spoke to Gillian and saw her eating two big sandwiches.

'Non stop. I swear, it's like she turned into some kind of animal! She eats like a horse, or a cow even.'

'I heard that Loker.' Gillian said as she walked in with two chocolate bars in one hand and an apple in the other.

Cal raised his brows at the contrast of the apple –healthy- and the chocolate –not very healthy-.

'What? I'm right, aren't I?' Loker asked as he looked at Ria.

'I'd like to see _you_ when you haven't eaten for days and barely ate the week before that because you had to throw everything that you got inside of yourself out instantly. And I don't like being compared to a cow.' Gillian stated as she sat down.

'I just came up with the cow because a cow eats grass all day like how he chews on the same piece of grass for hours and you…' His eyes fell on the chocolate and the apple. 'Well, okay, shutting up now.' Loker said as he saw Cal's warning look.

Reynolds walked in. 'I got news.' He said.

They all looked up at him.

'I just came back from Pointer's autopsy. And guess what? Miss Angela Pointer died six months ago in a car crash.'

'What?' Gillian asked surprised as she looked up from her apple.

'Yeah, her real name is Peggy Andrews. She took Pointer's identity.' Reynolds said as he threw down a file on the desk in front of Cal.

Loker narrowed his eyes and then shook his head as he typed the name into the computer.

'Did you find out why she changed her identity?' Cal asked.

'Well, that's what you got to answer. Does the name Peggy Andrews ring any bells?'

Cal watched Reynolds and then shook his head. 'Nah, should it?'

'Yeah it should.'

'She isn't in our database.' Loker said. Ria bended down and stared at his screen.

'And how about Peggy Mortimer?' Reynolds asked.

'Mortimer?' Gillian repeated in thought. _She had heard that name somewhere before._

'Nah still doesn't ring a bell.' Cal said as he shook his head.

'That's what her name was before she got divorced.' Reynolds explained.

'Man, how many names did the woman have?' Ria asked confused.

'Yeah, here she is.' Loker said as he looked up at Cal. 'You had a case about Peggy Mortimer's husband a year ago. Ryan Mortimer.'

Gillian thought deep, that was what she recognized the name from.

'One of your spouse cases.' Ria said as she leaned over Loker's shoulder to read the file on the computer.

Cal gave Gillian a look. _He hated those cases_. 'Yeah and?' He asked as he put his hands in his pockets.

'Mister Mortimer was told by you that Miss Mortimer was cheating on him.' Ria read out loud.

Cal shrugged. 'I don't remember.'

'So Ryan divorced his wife Peggy, who then took on another identity for some reason and after that, she came to work here.' Gillian summarized in thought.

'It could be motive.' Loker said as he looked at Gillian.

'For what? Revenge?' Ria asked.

'Peggy wanted to take revenge on Cal for this?' Gillian asked surprised. _Would that really be a reason for someone to take so much revenge? It was so clear to her that the Lightman Group wasn't responsible for anything that had happened after that case._

'It's a thought. We have to look deeper into it.' Reynolds said.

'I'll make the thought even stronger.' Loker told them as he looked up from his screen. 'Ryan Mortimer showed up on the list of obituaries in the paper.'

'And it says here that they never divorced.' Ria said as she pointed at a sentence on the screen.

Cal narrowed his eyes.

'Ryan Mortimer committed suicide.' Loker read out loud.

Gillian's eyes grew wide.

'That sounds like enough motive to me...' Loker said as he looked up at Reynolds.

'Could be, if we had proof.'

'But that still doesn't tell us anything about the other persons that got involved.' Cal said annoyed. _He hated not knowing the answers to the many questions he had in his mind._

**Cal's study**

'How are you feeling?' Gillian asked as she walked into Cal's study. He was watching the tape that showed Angela Pointers, or Peggy Andrews reaction to his rage.

'Fine.' Cal mumbled. He saw out of the corner of his eye how Gillian sighed and leaned against the door sill with a look on her face he knew all too well. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

'Because one of our clients committed suicide. And that might have been because of the news you brought him. And his wife might have tried to take revenge on you.'

'That's a lot of 'might haves'. We're not sure of that yet.'

'No we aren't, but I'm sure that those things are going through your head right now.'

He looked up at her. _She knew him just too well sometimes._

Her eyes raked over his form. She noticed the state of his clothes: crumpled.

'Are you all right?' She asked as she walked towards him.

'Didn't you just ask that same question?' Cal asked surprised as he met her inquiring gaze.

'Yes, so you _did _notice that.' She answered him as she sat down beside him. 'You're very tense today, you've got dark circles under your eyes and your clothes… Well, it looks like you slept in them to be honest.'

Cal looked down at his clothes. 'You don't like my new look?'

She stared at him.

'There's something called the just out of bed look, thought I might try it. It's fashion Foster. Fashion.' He smirked at her.

'Cal, I'm getting worried about you like this.'

He placed a mask on his face instantly. _She wasn't as good at reading faces as he was, but somehow she could smell it from far away when something was off with him. And sometimes, that irritated him, like now. 'Don't be.' He said in a light tone as he got up and turned the video off. 'Worry for someone else if you like. I just didn't sleep very well. Nothing special. Just a bad day.' He said as he shrugged. _

Gillian stood up and straightened her dark suit. 'Okay. I'll see you later then.' She said as she walked away.

_Cal slumped back on his couch. He didn't feel like doing anything today. He felt so tired and beaten. He had made a lot of money last night, it had went well. But he felt emotionally drained. He felt like a wreckage. _

Half an hour later he managed to drag himself away from his couch to get something cold to drink from the kitchen. When he walked into the hallway to pass Gillian's office he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He swallowed and his eyes were glued to her and the person in front of her who stood very close to her. He bended down and his lips touched hers, they kissed. Cal clenched his teeth as he recognised Gillian's neighbour. _Who was he really? She'd never even spoken one word of the guy. Was she seeing him? And if she was, why hadn't he been around when she'd been hurt days ago? No, Cal was sure that she wasn't seeing him then. This was something new. O, how he hated that Mark guy_. Cal bared his teeth for a moment at the image in front of him. His fingers clenched into tight angry fists as he made himself ready to go there and punch the hell out of the guy. He moved forward when something stopped him. He looked down at the strong arm in front of his chest.

'What are you doing?' Reynolds asked as he stopped Cal.

'Out of my way.' Cal ordered.

'And then? You're going to beat the crap out of the man? That's not going to get you what you want.' Reynolds studied Cal who stood there like a bull ready to attack something red.

'And what do I want?' Cal snapped at him.

Reynolds sighed inwardly as he looked down at his riled up boss. 'Man, you've got some serious issues.'

'I got issues?' Cal snapped as he managed to loosen his eyes from her office.

'Bye.' Cal heard Gillian say. In that tone that he loved so much. It was a high, soft sounding tone, filled with promise, it sounded positive and so very sweet and a bit teasing. And now it was reserved for that prick. Reynolds pushed him and before Cal knew it he was standing in his office and Reynolds big form was standing before the closed door.

'Did you tell her how you feel?'

'I'm not going to discuss this with you.' Cal spat.

'I don't care. Then just discuss it with someone else, or are you going to throw your chair through the window again?'

Cal looked at his chair and seemed to ponder about that idea for a moment.

'How hard can it be?! Just tell her that you love her!' Reynolds snapped impatiently.

'I told her.' Cal suddenly barked at him. 'She obviously doesn't reciprocate if she's kissing that bag of##$(*'

'What did she say?'

He sighed as he thought back to that moment. He turned towards Reynolds as his hand went through his unruly hair. 'She said that she loved me too, and Loker, and you and Torres and Emily, she had a whole list. You know how she is; she has a lot of love going around for everyone.' Cal said sarcastic.

'When did she say that?' Reynolds asked as he frowned his brows. _He would have thought that if Cal admitted his feelings for her she would admit hers as well, and if she didn't feel the same (which he knew she did) then she would be very sweet and honest to Cal. Her reaction confused him._

'In the ambulance.'

Reynolds narrowed his eyes. 'You mean when she was sick as hell, almost dying and lost consciousness?!' He asked incredulous.

'Yeah, that's about it.' Cal said as he nodded roughly.

'O man, you got to be kidding me!' Reynolds uttered as he put his hands in his pockets and shook his head exasperated.

'What?'

'You chose **that **moment to tell her you love her?'

'Yeah so?!'

'And you think it's weird she answered like that? Ever thought that maybe she misunderstood your intention?'

'I think that she doesn't want to hear the truth.' Cal said honestly. 'And can you blame her?' He said as he put up his hands towards Reynolds. 'I mean, me? A rough, sometimes stupid bastard with a big mouth who's an expert in insulting people and pulling them down with him or the guys she's smooching with who seems to be some mister perfect guy.' He said as he pointed towards Gillian's office.

Reynolds shook his head annoyed. 'That woman adores you Lightman. And you know it. Maybe _you_ don't want to hear the truth.'

'I'm sorry, didn't you just see them eating each others faces off in her office just now?! Was that just my imagination because believe me, I would have come up with something better to fantasize about!'

'There's only one way to find out and that is tell her again when she's fully consciouss and healthy this time.' Reynolds said. 'And while your at that, maybe you could also tell her you're going to the casino again to get that lone shark of your back.'

'No, she doesn't need to know about that. And you're not telling her either, understood?!' Cal ordered angrily as he pointed at Reynolds.

He sighed annoyed. 'I think she deserves some honesty.'

'You know how she will react, and she'll only worry. She has enough on her mind as it is now. So don't say anything okay?'

'Whatever, it's your mess Lightman.'

'I'm going to take a hotel. I'll never make that much money in just the two nights we got left.'

'And what do you want me to tell everyone?'

'Nothing. Just nothing.'

'She'll want to know where you are.' Reynolds reminded him.

'I'll come up with something.'

Cal kicked against his desk when Reynolds had left.

_Who was he fooling really? He couldn't lose her again. Men just seemed to snatch her away from him right in front of him. And she just went with it. Maybe she already liked Mark for a while now. Maybe that's why she hadn't said anything back when he told her he loved her._ He scratched his neck as he looked at the wall. _Maybe he should take a risk. He loved risks right? Maybe he should just do it. He had already waited so long. Why not take a chance and know for sure? He was in pain now anyway. It couldn't get much worse..._

Cal walked out of his office and headed towards hers.

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Please review... xxx


	28. Chapter 28

There are some spoilers for Black Friday s02e07!! In this chapter!

Thanks very much to all the reviewers!!!!

**Chapter 28**

**Gillian's office**

Gillian touched her lips as she stared at her door. The door Mark had just left through. She could feel the flush on her cheeks. She felt surprised. She took a file from her desk and opened it. _He had kissed her. Just like that. She didn't know what to think of that. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. Yes, of course she had seen that he was aroused by her. But she tried to not take any notice to that. It wasn't healthy to read something in every little detail you saw in someone else. Especially when it was a man_. She could still feel a sweet sensation on her lips. She smiled slightly. _It had been a long time since Alec that she had kissed someone. She had kissed him back. What had possessed her? Did she really feel something for this man?_ She stared at the page in front of her and began to read. But the words wouldn't sink in. _He was warm, nice, handsome, strong, funny, enthusiastic about things, sweet, social, he always asked how she was doing. He was very friendly. They had began jogging one morning together and since then, they always went together. And she had liked it. Yes, he was a very nice man. Mark._

_Yes, this had been a very surprising morning. She hoped that she wasn't in for any more surprises today._

**Somewhere else..**

'You don't understand.' The woman said as she began to cry. 'My husband put all of our money on that account.'

'I believe you miss. I really do. But he shut this account down.'

'Yes, we did that together. Because he transferred all the money to a new account. But my husband… He… He died recently..' She began to cry uncontrollably and the bank director stood up and gave her a tissue.

'I'm so sorry.' He said as he went to sit next to her.

**Gillian's office**

Cal stalked towards her office.

Gillian stood with her back towards him, she was reading some sort of dossier from her office. She was wearing a skirt and a blue glowing blouse.

'Gillian.' Cal said as he opened the door and only stopped walking when he stood close behind her.

He waited for her to turn around.

'Cal.' She said as a smile lit her face up. The swelling around her mouth was long gone and her skin was still a bit yellow but she could smile fully again. He looked at the dark circles under her eyes. She was still very tired.

'I was just looking through-' She began.

'-I need to talk to you.' Cal interrupted her urgently. _He couldn't get the image of her being kissed by another man out of his head. How dare that bastard touch her and touch her lips?! _His gaze swooped over her features quickly_. She didn't seem that phased though. Maybe she had liked it.. That was an option that he didn't want to consider, but maybe he had too. He realised that._

Gillian gave him a measuring look as she put the file down on her desk. 'Of course.' Concern marred her features. 'Cal what is it?' Gillian asked worried when she saw that he was troubled by something.

'You know I'm not really good at talking yeah?' Cal began.

She nodded slowly. 'Well, I think you can be if you want to be: you can be quite convincing Cal.' She countered after a second as she smiled at him.

'Yeah?' _But not convincing enough with her it seemed._

She nodded and wondered what this was about as she leaned against her desk. _She wanted to sit down, because she had the feeling that this would be a serious conversation somehow. But Cal seemed so restless that she chose to keep standing, just like him._

'Then you also know that actions say more then words.' He said as he began to pace in front of her.

Gillian looked away in thought. _That was a difficult subject for them. They often collided on the different opinions they had about this. In order to answer this, she needed more information about the background of his question_. She looked up at him again. 'Cal, what is this about?'

He stopped pacing as he looked at her. He gestured towards her and shook his head.

She concluded that he wasn't going to tell her, not yet at least.

'Just tell me what you think: action versus words.' He said as he put one hand in his pocket.

'Well, I don't agree, I don't think that taking action says or does more then talking, but it depends on the situation of course. But you already know that I feel this way about that.' She gave him a surprised look at that. _So why was he asking? Was he planning something? _Worry filled the pit of her stomach. _Cal and planning to take some action, that didn't always mean a good thing_.

'Like for example with Max…' Gillian began. Max had been a boy that had come for help to them to find his real parents. Her opinion had been that he needed guidance and support to get through the difficulties he found himself in, but Cal had disagreed, he had told her that a hard truth in the long run was far more better for him and that she didn't have to cuddle him. In the end Cal had pushed Max into attacking him and she had to say, in that case, it had worked. The boy had tried to attack him but ended up in his arms and finally broke down crying. Max had hidden his sadness with anger, with lashing out. She had admired Cal that moment, and also it had touched her deeply, the way he had held on to Max and how he had comforted him.

'I believed that talking with him, giving him time to cope with the difficult situation he was in, and you… Well, you just challenged him until he would attack you and-'

'-And it worked, didn't it?' Cal filled in quickly.

She gave him a look. _But that didn't mean that it would work in every situation._

'Yes…. But I wouldn't-'

'So what would you say if you can't reach someone with words, would it be right to go into action then?' Cal asked.

Gillian became very curious now. _Was he talking about a client? He had to be. Or was he having trouble with someone? _

'I don't know what you're talking about-' She began and then caught Cal's impatient glare, he still didn't want to give her more information, she saw it in his eyes. 'But if you tried reaching them with words… Did you do it clearly?' She asked as she put up her hands towards him. 'Because sometimes people think they are clear with someone..' She shook her head. 'While they really aren't.' _She'd seen that so many times, in people around her, people she had worked with, and in her clients. _

'Yes in my opinion I was very clear. But she took my words differently from how I meant them and turned them around.'

_She?_ Gillian became very curious now. 'Well, maybe then you weren't clear enough.' Gillian said as she shrugged matter of factly. 'Are we talking about Emily?' She tried.

Cal shook his head and told her to stop fishing for who he was talking about with his eyes.

'So your advice would be to talk to her again?' Cal asked simply.

Gillian nodded.

He studied her face for a moment. 'Nah, I think that won't help. She's kind of stubborn and can be quite difficult if she wants to be.'

'Zoe?' Gillian tried again as she raised an eyebrow. _It had to be Zoe right? Who else could it be? _She thought of all the woman in Cal's life. _Who of them would he be referring too?_

'I don't understand why you're asking me this Cal. You know very well how to handle situations like this without my help.' She told him honestly.

'I do yeah.' He agreed as he nodded at her. 'But this situation is very important to me. And I'm afraid to scare her off. So there's a lot at stake here.'

_So it was someone who was very important to him. Important enough to think of her feelings, and that didn't happen many times with Cal. _'Maybe you should tell her that. Some people like to hear the truth. Is she a person that wants to hear the truth?'

Cal thought for a moment and then narrowed his eyes. 'I thought about that, but I think she isn't. She'd rather hide from the truth, at least, the truth I'm getting at. She'd probably rather not talk about it and push it away. In fact, I think she loves to push things that get too close or emotional away.'

Gillian narrowed her eyes and nodded in thought as she thought about the woman Cal was describing. _That would be difficult for this woman. It wasn't healthy to push away emotions and your own wants and needs._

'That's difficult..' Gillian pondered for a moment out loud as she thought about how Cal could reach this woman.

Cal actually loved this conversation very much. _He loved how she was thinking about this, how she was thinking how she could help that woman and him. He was glad that he hadn't taken his first plan into action: rushing into her office without thinking and starting to shout about how unprofessional it was to just start kissing some guy she didn't even know very well (to his knowledge) in the office._

Gillian looked up at him with a determined look in her dazzling blue eyes now. 'If it's important enough for you, maybe you should take the risk.'

'The risk of what?' He asked carefully, hoping that she would say what he wanted to hear.

'Of handling it how you think is best.' She said as she gestured towards him. 'Of taking action now. Maybe it'll go wrong and you'll have an argument and then you'll know.' She said as she shrugged. _She herself hated arguments but she knew it was necessary and healthy sometimes._

'Or she'll never want to see me again.' Cal filled in for her.

Gillian shook her head. 'Then she wouldn't be likeable. Not to me anyway. And maybe she shouldn't be to you.'

Cal hid his smirk. _Her answer was bloody fantastic._

Gillian walked away from her desk and stepped towards him. Her blue radiant eyes had something assuring in them now. 'She should be able to take your opinion. And if she isn't, she should at least give you a chance to explain or talk about it. Communication is very important I think.' She said as she straightened his collar and then put her hand on his chest. 'And if she's very close to you, that won't be the case.' Gillian assured him as she looked him deep in his eyes, she was glad with her solution_. She felt that was the right thing to do. At least, that was how she would handle things. Even though she didn't know the situation, with this kind of approach nothing could go wrong right?_ Her hand left his chest as she walked back to stand in front of her desk again. Her mind wandered off from the conversation just for a moment. She thought about the work she was going to do today.

Cal walked towards her and stood in her personal space. 'Are you sure?' He asked as he stared in her blue eyes.

She nodded slowly. 'Yes, if you're really close, maybe you should take a chance. If you explain it to her, nothing can really go wrong can it?' She voiced her previous thoughts out loud to him now. She gave him a warm smile to assure him again. _It wasn't often that Cal asked her advice on things like this. And she kind of liked it. They really had grown even closer in a good way since everything that had happened, _she thought. _There was no reason at all to be afraid that their friendship had changed._

Cal nodded as he studied her face and made a final decision. 'I agree. Nothing should go wrong.'

_She should start with studying Angela Pointer's file, she thought before she smiled at Cal. 'Just let me know how it worked out.' Gillian said as she wanted to walk to the other side of her desk but his hand stopped her._

'Thanks, you'll know in a few seconds.' He answered as she looked up at him.

She opened her mouth to give a surprised response to that when he put his lips on hers in a hungry kiss. She felt how she got pushed against her desk in the process as he put all the passion he felt for her in this breathtaking kiss. His lips roamed over hers as she completely froze and stared at him with wide eyes.

_She didn't react._ He let go of her and stared at her. She was panting as she stared back at him with wide eyes.

**Somewhere else…**

'We were moving away so he transferred all of our money.'

'And which account is this?' The bank director asked.

She grabbed a note out of her bag.

'The problem is that they won't allow me to get any money from it because I don't have the right password.' She shook her head in confusion. 'But I don't understand. I didn't need a password because John would take care of everything, but now… Now he's gone..' She got another crying fit. 'And I'm without money! I can't even buy food! Please, I need help. I can't believe this. As if losing my husband isn't enough already..'

**Gillian's office**

'What..' Gillian couldn't talk. The words just wouldn't come up. Her mind was blank momentarily, she could only stare and feel shocked.

'What just happened?' She asked after a few seconds.

'Was I clear now?' Cal asked. He was still standing in front of her. _Reading her._

'Wh- What?' Gillian stammered_. She didn't understand. This was about her?_ She swallowed.

Cal stepped away from her to give her some space. She was clearly upset and dazed, shocked.

'I said that I loved you in the ambulance. You said that you loved me too… And Loker, Emily and who the ever hell not. And as a friend. That's really what a bloke wants to hear when he admits something like that.' He said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried to look nonchalant, but his heart was racing so hard that he was afraid that the thing would explode right in front of her.

'What-' She began but stopped talking.

Cal felt her eyes going over his face now. She was searching for clues. Realisation seemed to dawn on her now.

**Somewhere else…**

'I thought that maybe the money can be transferred back to this account? I have all the proof you need that it was in this account.'

'Do you have an ID?' The bank director asked carefully.

'I have something better, I have my husbands ID. And I also brought his obituary.' She began to cry again_. She was such a good actor. Just cry and you get whatever you want from some weak man without backbone. But with this man, she had to try a little harder, he was after all the director of the bank. He wouldn't just fall for something. She had to convince him very hard._

**Gillian's office**

Gillian shook her head in confusion as her eyes didn't leave Cal's face. 'What are you trying to say?'

'I'm trying to say that I didn't mean as a friend.' Cal answered in all honesty. And he actually felt how these words put a weight of his chest. His hand wanted to feel his throat, cuz it felt like the damn thing was clenching together and making it harder to breathe but he stopped himself just in time. He had trained himself to show nothing and it went so automatically all the time.

Gillian took a step back and she swallowed at that as her blue gaze stared right in his eyes. She shook her head then.

'Cal… I don't understand…' Her breathing hitched and her voice seemed to disappear shortly.

_Not the reaction he had hoped for exactly.. But at least she wasn't running away_. He stuffed his hands in his pockets again.

'Yeah? What part is unclear to you? Cuz I'll just have to rephrase it then.'

'I don't understand where this is all coming from.' She said.

'What?' He asked confused as he shook his head and narrowed his eyes at her. He tilted his head to one side to be able to study her better.

She swallowed. 'You were talking about me just now?'

'Yeah, that's right. Who better to ask advice to then the person it's about?'

She shook her head. And he saw disapproval on her face. 'You trapped me.'

'Nah.' He shook his head now too. 'I didn't.'

'Yes, you did. Obviously I didn't know you were talking about me.' She swallowed as she thought back about everything they had just talked about quickly. _"She'd rather hide from the truth, at least, the truth I'm getting at. She'd probably rather not talk about it and push it away. In fact, I think she loves to push things that get too close or emotional away." The words wouldn't leave her mind._

'What does that matter?' Cal asked confused as he eyed her impatiently. 'It's how you think and feel.'

Gillian pursed her lips together and looked away shortly. _And the ironic part was that she had thought about how unhealthy it was to push emotions, wants and needs away!_

**Somewhere else..**

'I have to do some research and think about this miss. It's about a lot of money here. Six million dollars, is that right?'

She nodded. 'Yes, that's right.' She wiped another tear away with the tissue.

'I have all the proof here have I not?' She asked innocently as she pointed at the ID.

He looked down at her husbands ID and shook her head. 'Still, I have to verify some things.'

Her eyes began to develop a dangerous glare in them. All innocence seemed to seep away from her as she sighed.

**Gillian's office**

After a moment Gillian sighed and seemed to have found back her rational mind. 'I think we all grew closer because of what happened. We've gone through a lot, and you cared for me, made me better, helped me very much.' She looked at him. 'That sort of thing, closeness that can develop between two people when they're under stress, such distress as we had these last days… It makes people think that they feel more for the other person then they actually do.' She finished.

'What are you doing?' Cal asked irritated as he felt anger building up inside of him. He narrowed his eyes at her. 'I tell you how I feel and you come up with some psychology theory?!' His nostrils flared in anger as he wanted to turn away from her instantly.

She saw a micro-expression of hurt flash over his face. 'Please.' She said as she put her hand against his arm to stop him from turning away from her_. It wasn't her meaning to hurt him, not at all. _ 'Please, just hear me out.' She asked in such a gentle tone that he obliged.

He turned back towards her as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and tilted his head to one side again. She sighed softly at his defensive posture and gave him a look for that. He gave her an impatient look back.

'It's very normal that certain feelings can develop in situations like that but they'll disappear once the stress is gone._' _She informed him.

**Somewhere else..**

She could feel her gun burning in her purse. Her slender hand disappeared in the small leather bag and when she felt the trusty cold metal push against her skin she smiled triumphantly. _Her gun had never disappointed her._ Her eyes didn't leave the bankers face who was doing something on his computer. _She didn't like difficulties. And this was one of them. How annoying…_

**Gillian's office**

Cal laughed shortly and she could clearly take out the bitter undertone in his voice. 'Thanks for that psychological crap explanation about my feelings.' He snapped as he finally stepped away from her. 'You could have just said that you don't love me.' He bit at her as he turned away from her and began to walk.

_His words hurt her_. 'Cal? Cal wait, don't do this.' Gillian called after him as her hand reached for him but missed.

He turned around to face her. 'You assumed as a friend, I never meant as a friend. Now you know.' He read her. 'You still don't understand? Then figure it out, you're the shrink here, I'm the freak right?' _She hadn't doubted when that prick of a Mark had kissed her. And with him she came up with some theoretical crap. That was enough answer for him._

He turned on his heels again.

'No! Wait.' Gillian said as she caught up with him quickly and grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away. 'Yes, I… I am confused here… I… You can't hold my reaction against me. I wasn't exactly myself in the ambulance and I thought you-… Well, that it was in the heat of the moment and I thought as a friend because I… I'm not your type right?' She asked in a little voice.

He looked up at her. 'Not my type? Where did you get that from?'

She shook her head as she let go of his arm and took a step back. 'We both know that you like the roulette woman, the dangerous kind of woman…'

He stepped in her space. 'Stop telling me who's my type yeah? Just tell me that you don't want me, instead of saying all those other things.' He spat at her.

'What? I didn't say that-'

'-Really? Cuz that kiss moments ago seemed pretty much like a solo action on my account.' He snapped as he pointed at the desk where they, -or he-, had just kissed her.

Gillian shook her head and made an exasperated sound as she felt irritation building up in her chest. 'And you think that's weird? You pinned me to my desk out of nowhere and suddenly kissed me? I wasn't prepared, I was shocked.'

**Somewhere else..**

'I'm sorry miss. I'll have to look into this some more. I can't just-' The banker stopped talking when he looked up at the woman. He became pale instantly.

**Gillian's office**

'Sorry then to have **shocked** you luv. I should have sent a note in first?' Cal asked sarcastic as he turned around and walked away.

'Cal? Cal wait, don't do this.' Gillian called after him as she followed him towards her door.

'Don't do _this_?' He asked as he turned towards her. 'It's all right, I have my answer already.'

She froze in her tracks. 'And what is that?' She asked astonished as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

His eyes swooped over her face quickly.

'That you'd rather stick your tongue in that prick of a neighbours mouth then in mine.'

**Somewhere else..**

'O, I think there's a lot that you can do. Don't underestimate yourself!' She said in a amused voice.

**Gillian's office**

'You didn't feel shocked when you were all over him did you? That would have been okay with me. At least I would have known where I stood. You could have just been honest to me.'

Gillian stared at him wide-eyed at his rude words and opened her mouth because she wanted to say something back but nothing would come. Again, she found herself at a loss for words… _He'd seen her kissing Mark, or rather, Mark kissing her. And yes, she had enjoyed it. A bit. But…_

'Dad?' Emily called as she suddenly appeared in the hallway.

'Hey Em!' Cal said happily as he turned towards her and away from Gillian. He opened the glass door further and hugged Emily.

Gillian followed him into the hallway.

'O, am I disturbing?' Emily asked with big eyes as she looked from Gillian to her dad.

'No.' 'Yes.' Gillian said simultaneously.

'No.' Cal said again. 'Yes.' Gillian said again, simultaneously.

'Uh, okay…' Emily said as she looked from Cal to Gillian.

'Cal, you can't leave me like this.' Gillian said as she faced Cal. _She tried to keep her voice even, she didn't want Emily to be involved or to worry._ Her eyes pleaded with his. But it didn't work.

Cal shrugged as he looked at her nonchalantly. 'Sure I can. It's very easy.'

She sighed annoyed as she took his arm to drag him away from Emily. Then she turned him around angrily. 'You can't just say all these things and then just don't give me time to react to them.' She told him fiercely.

'Foster, I can.' Cal answered as he eyed her with disinterest. _Her answer had been clear to him. She wasn't interested in him that way, didn't want him like he wanted her. Too bad for him, he'd just had to get over it. _

Gillian hated that he didn't use her first name. And she knew that he did that on purpose. She made an exasperated sound. _He was pushing her away_. She shook her head.

He read her eyes that had stood so warm and caring half an hour ago but were filled with fury and a fierceness now. He hadn't often seen that on her.

'Have a nice evening.' He said as he turned around and walked away from her. 'We'd order some Chinese yeah.' She heard him say to Emily as he put his arm around his daughter.

Emily looked back at Gillian with wide eyes and confusion spread over her face.

000

Well, that was a long one wasn't it, but it didn't feel right to chop it off. Of course I could have made a cliffhanger the moment Cal kissed Gillian, but that would have just been mean wouldn't it? (see how friendly I've become through the chapters????) In my opinion Gillian and Cal still have some trouble to wrestle through before... Well, whatever.. That seemed more real to me then to just have them jump each others bones instantly. Please let me know what you think? I always enjoy reading your opinions and thoughts!


	29. Chapter 29

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! This chapter took me a bit longer because I've got different versions written and wasn't satisfied with it. So sometimes it can take a while before I post again....

Hope you'll like this one! **When I use this, it's the mean woman thinking!**

Chapter 29

**She clenched her teeth in anger.**

**_Well, well, look who's back._ She thought as her nostrils flared in anger. _Gillian Foster. She's like weed. Very hard to extinguish_. She narrowed her eyes as she saw Cal Lightman perusing the hall with his daughter. Lightman looked tired. T_hat arrogant piece of shit. _She'd never had any problem with him, it was Angela that hated his guts._ That's what you get if you interfere in someone's personal business you British prick. _She could understand that Angela wanted to teach him a lesson. That Foster had to suffer because of that too… Well, that's what happened in war. She didn't give one damn about that. But Angela had. Dear, sweet Angela had seemed too soft in the end. So, she just had to make sure that it would be the end of Angela soon.**

**No, she herself wasn't in it for the revenge. She didn't give a damn about the Englishman and the soft psychologist. What she wanted was the money. And he seemed a talent in getting it. And that was what made him very interesting and important to her.**

**So she had agreed to work at the Lightman Group as a temp. There she could keep an eye on Angela who worked their part time. And that had been a good thing, Angela had really needed to be coached to get through it all. Angela had been so weak. Not in the beginning, but later on, when Foster had almost collapsed Angela couldn't take it anymore. The guilt was eating at her. _Just pathetic._ She remembered how she had to feed Angela valium. _Stupid woman. A nuisance, that's what she became. She hated weak people. Dear Angela Pointer had been so nervous when Foster had come with the dark woman to question her. She smirked. __Foster would never be able to see through her, she herself wouldn't need any valium to fool the soft woman. But Lightman was a bit different. He was hard. He could be dangerous. So she shouldn't underestimate him. _**

**Her eyes skimmed over the handsome, dark man that walked through the hallway now. _Agent Reynolds. She'd like to spend some private time with him!_ She bit her lip as her eyes raked over his strong, masculine, muscled body.**

**_She hated being here_. _But a fact was that she wouldn't get her money without any help. That was for sure. So more interesting at the moment was what Lightman was up to. That 'genius' must have come up with an idea to get back the money. And what was Foster doing? And how did Reynolds fit in all of that nowadays? They were still working the case. And she was sure that they wanted the money back_. She smiled. _Why not let them work for her and then, pick the fruits when the money would be back? This way she could sit back, study them like a fox and rob them afterwards._ She smiled slyly.**

**Her eyes fell on the camera's on top. She smirked. _She knew just the right way to find out exactly what they were up too…_**

'Lightman, could you just take a look at this?' Loker asked from the lab door.

'Yeah. You have a moment?' He asked Emily. Emily nodded as she walked towards the kitchen. _Maybe Gillian had kept some chocolate there she could borrow. Or some sweets._

**She smiled again when she saw the young girl heading towards the kitchen. Look at her. So sweet, so innocent and above all: so fragile. If her plan would fail she could always take the daughter. Or threaten her. Or just shoot her, she was through with taking hostages or threatening people.**

'What is it?' Cal asked Loker.

'A woman just killed the bank director of Municipal Banks. Guess what account she wanted to re-open?'

Cal's eyes widened.

'Yeah, that's right. At least, that's the last thing we found on the computer. She'd erased the drive but one of the FBI experts was able to get it back. I think that's our woman.' Reynolds said quickly.

'So she's back.' Cal concluded.

'And she was stupid enough to show herself.' Reynolds mentioned as he smirked happily and nodded at Loker who showed footage of a woman walking in the bank and walking towards the receptionist.

Cal narrowed his eyes as he studied the woman on the big screen. She had dark brown hair, she was wearing heavy make-up, her eyes were dark brown, full lips, her shoulders were broad, she seemed big underneath her big dark coat.

'Let me show this to Foster.' Cal said as he took the pictures Loker had made from the video feed.

**She wanted results fast. Her patience was running low…**

When Cal exited the lab with a file in his hand he heard Gillian's voice, she had been talking to Ria in the hallway.

'You should take a look at this too.' Cal said in a business tone as he lifted the photograph towards her.

'What is it?' Gillian asked in a friendly tone as she nodded friendly at Ria who wanted to leave after that.

Cal could hear that her voice sounded weaker then usual. 'It's..' He began and suddenly something slammed against his upper body and he got pushed against Gillian hard.

Gillian gasped the moment their bodies made contact and she got pushed flush against the hard wall and Cal's hard body. She stopped breathing and her mind seemed to stop thinking and all she could do was feel. She was feeling hyper alert to every piece of Cal that was pushing against her body. _It did more to her then just the average shivers down the spine and flutters in the stomach. No this._.. _She didn't understand. It was like her body reacted so heavily to him that she felt that their bodies fit so well together. Like they belonged together like two pieces of a puzzle._

Ria kept standing still as she saw her two bosses pressed together against the wall.

Cal felt the press of Gillian's soft body against his and looked around to see the anti social person who had given him such a hard push. He was afraid that he had hurt Gillian and wanted to distance himself quickly because he knew she wouldn't like him being so close, not after their argument anyway. His eyes fell on the mailman's back who was just reaching the corner as he took a step away from Gillian as fast as possible.

Gillian busied herself with grabbing her bag from the ground.

Ria's eyes widened as she studied Gillian and then looked at Cal. _Was that just lust that she saw in Gillian's eyes when Lightman was pressed up against her for a moment?! She couldn't believe it. _A smirk formed around her full lips.

'Oy!' Cal shouted angrily at the post man. 'Watch where you're going yeah!' He snapped.

**She turned around, she was wearing a baseball cap and looked him straight in the eyes. _If you only knew… _She rounded the corner and smiled widely now._ Step one of her plan was in motion,_ she thought as she walked towards the stairs and looked at her phone. _She'd just placed a very small microphone in Lightman's coat pocket._ She smirked.**

'You okay luv?' Cal asked as he turned back to Gillian and automatically touched her arm.

Gillian winced at the contact and nodded quickly without making eye contact with him. He concluded that that was prior to their arguement half an hour ago.

Gillian's phone went off.

Ria's mouth almost fell open. _She would have never expected to see Gillian looking that embarrassed and.. What was that other thing? Yes, shyness. Gillian Foster, who seemed to be in control of herself so many times was actually having trouble with picking up her phone in one swift move like she usually did because she was nervous. And Lightman didn't even seem to notice. What had been going on between these two moments ago? She'd seen Lightman and Emily coming out of Gillian's office earlier._

Ria tilted her head as Gillian answered her phone in a shaky breath.

Cal suddenly noticed the look on Ria's face and stared at her.

Gillian smiled at Ria and Cal before she excused herself and left extremely quick on her high heels.

'What?' Cal asked as he saw Ria's face.

'What did you do to her?' Ria asked surprised as she saw Gillian dissapearing in her office.

'What are you on about?' Cal asked confused and annoyed as he shook his head with frowned brows at her.

Ria's right eye brow rose in surprise. _Hadn't he seen it?_ 'Didn't you just see that?'

'What?'

Ria's eyes widened. _No, he hadn't noticed._ 'Never mind.' _He probably missed it because he had focused on the mailman._

Ria wanted to turn away when Cal stopped her.

'Did I see what?' He asked in a stern tone.

She smirked mischievously as Emily came walking back. 'Why don't you use that one-' She pointed at the camera. 'To relive the moment and find out for yourself. I couldn't explain it that clearly, colourful and vividly as it just happened in front of me, believe me.' Ria smiled widely as she left and left him flabbergasted.

'What was that about?' Emily asked surprised as she watched Torres leave for the lab.

'Dunno. Work hours are getting to her I suppose.' Cal mumbled deep in thought as he eyed the camera in the hallway.

'O. So Chinese?' Emily asked. _She was very hungry!_

'Yeah, Chinese it is!' Cal said as he tried hard to sound positive. _His heart felt heavy and he was tired._

**She'd learned a lot in the police force. She ran down the stairs as she took off her fake moustache and beard. When she exited the building she took off the fake glasses. She'd always loved different outfits and disguises…**

**000**

And what did you think? Please share with me?

xxx


	30. Chapter 30

O my, I've never written a story this long for Fanfic net. But I feel I have to do the characters justice by explaining things about their emotions and everything. So I hope you can still bare with me haha. Here's some inside in Gillian's head!

Thanks for your reviews! That really means a lot to me!

**Chapter 30**

Gillian had gotten home in a hurry and now she was nervously going through the cupboards in her kitchen. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but yes, she had fled the scene so to speak. She had disappeared as quickly as possible from the Lightman Group after Cal had accidentally collided with her in the hallway. O, yes, she: -Gillian the psychologist who knew so much about human behaviour- had actually **fled away** like a scared little mouse. And now she was home, with the safe walls around her but this time, the walls did nothing to settle the big unease that was relentlessly flowing through her at an immense speed per second. And she knew from experience that nothing would help right now. She knew that that was because she was running away from her feelings and she didn't want to face what was truly in her heart. Yes, she had experience with running away from her feelings. Cal had been right about that one. _And why am I running away from my own feelings? Because I'm scared._ Ow, how many times she had advised patients of her to feel the angst but not let yourself be guided by it. She shook her head dismissively.

She knew that she had immense feelings for Cal. Always had. He was very special to her, very dear. But that it was something more.. She didn't know when that had started. Maybe, somewhere she always wanted him close, and knew that she couldn't have him that close, never. But now, since this last year, the opportunity had arisen because they were both free again. But it still couldn't be. First she had told herself that he would never want her like that. She couldn't compare herself to the Poppy's and Zoe's of the world, and heaven forbid that too because she didn't even want to be like them.

This was really the wrong train of thought because then she would begin to wonder about the handsome blonde sponsors of the world that sponsored Alec, -in any way obviously-. Did the sponsor fall in the Poppy/ Zoe category too? Was it something that she, Gillian missed? Did all men want the Poppy/ Zoe type? And was she… Too normal? Too predictable? Boring maybe? Too responsible? Which category did she belong too? The category below that one? The one at the bottom of the stairs? The one you could go to when there was nothing else to get in the other category's above? That thought hurt her. And somewhere she knew that wasn't fully true. She had had male attention, but maybe they would run eventually when they would find out about her 'bottom category' and obviously the attention she _did_ get wasn't what she wanted, the men she did want, busied themselves with the higher category's.

Gillian walked towards her bedroom and made up her bed. She shouldn't think like this either. She didn't want to hear the word category in her head anymore. She had felt so many times like a mess when Alec had distanced himself from her throughout the year. O, she had noticed. Of course she had. And it had hurt her. Even though she was lieing to herself. She was telling herself that she still loved him, and that she could have back what they had in the beginning. So she had tried so hard. But she always came up with the same conclusion: she wasn't good enough. She faulted something. And that was the same with Cal.

Gillian pulled the bedspread straight as her nostrils flared. Cal, he had so much power over her. More then he could ever imagine. If something would go wrong between them, if she would give in to her wants… and maybe also her needs.. (because sometimes she felt that she really needed him, that her body needed him too) then she was standing next to a dangerous edge. If things would go wrong she would lose everything. Not just the practical things like the business, which was one of the biggest parts of her life. But losing him… That would break her in such a way that she couldn't imagine ever recovering from that. So yes, she was afraid. She straightened her back. So her longing for him, her need for him, her wanting to be in his bed wouldn't be worth that risk in the end would it? It was too big a risk.

She walked away from the bedroom and headed downstairs again. The sink, that could use some cleaning.

And a man like Mark, he did like her. Maybe she could grow to feel the things she felt for Cal for Mark. Then everything would be solved. _O, who are you fooling Gillian?! _A nagging voice spat at her in the back of her mind. _Well it could happen!_ Mark was nice and attractive, sweet and everything. She could name the whole list. And yes, his kiss had been nice, warm and sweet. But it was nothing compared to being close to Cal. Gillian shuddered at the thought alone. When had this 'need' become so extreme? It was since Cal had taken care of her after the poison thing. She had crossed boundaries then and now she was facing the consequences. _Great. She should have never crossed the line._ Now she had to reign herself in and she didn't even know if that was possible anymore. She clenched her teeth. She hated the person that had done this to them all. Not only had he or she almost killed her, poisoned her body like that, no they had also ruined her whole controlled behaviour.

Gillian slammed the sponge back into the sink. O, she wasn't the angry kind of person, or the grudge holding person. But if she would ever come to stand eye to eye to the person who had done this all they would pay severely, she would make sure of that.

But what next? She couldn't hide away tomorrow and not go to work because of what Cal had admitted. Him admitting that he loved her was such a big thing. And of course the chance that it was due to all the stress they were in was very big. But nevertheless, it had warmed her heart. What if he really loved her like that? _No._ She shook her head. She shouldn't think things like that. They had to go on as normal again. She only hoped that that could ever happen again. She hoped that this, all the words that had been said between them hadn't ruined everything.

Cal had gotten in his car to head for the casino, but instead found himself outside Gillian's house. He was leaning against his car and staring at the small stairs he had to take to walk towards her front door. Yes he was angry, and hurt. It felt like his heart was ripped out and trampled somewhere on the ground. He knew she hadn't meant it like that. He knew she didn't want to hurt him. But a fact was that she distanced herself from him on purpose, may it be conscious or not conscious. And O yes, he was angry with her. But it didn't feel right to leave it like this. It would keep him occupied the whole night and next day. And he needed a clearer head to play poker. But he still couldn't move away from his car because: what was he going to say? What could he say that he hadn't said already? There was really nothing to say. He sighed as he walked towards the stairs. This is exactly what he hated sometimes, that he wasn't good with words. Maybe he could tell her that he was angry but if she thought about things that way, -which ever way that was-, then it was all right with him. What he found most important right now is that they were on one side and not against each other. He couldn't use tha- He froze above the stairs as he saw a man in front of her door. She opened it and smiled enthusiastically as she let him in. Cal felt a stab in his heart.

Prick neighbour Mark.

Her front door closed and it felt like something closed inside of him too.

He turned around and jumped off the stairs to get to his car quickly. _Here he had his answer_. And maybe it was for the best. He wasn't good enough for her, would never be. His nostrils flared in anger as he started his car.

O, this was going to be a good night, he was going to get money off of everybody and he wouldn't even care about it. He smiled wickedly as he rounded the corner. Funny thing that, he would go to the casino to get the lone shark of his back, and first he had seen that as something he hated, but now he saw it as a comfort. A big comfort. Because it numbed him. He could close himself off totally for the shit he felt he was in.

O yes, this was going to be a great night.

000

So what did you think? This chapter was a bit different from the others because it had less dialogue. And I always love dialogue very much, but some thoughts are needed sometimes too I thought.. Have a nice weekend! (and let me know what you thought please?)

xxx


	31. Chapter 31

Hi everyone! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!

**Zoe's house**

Emily sat in her window sill with a book in her hands. But she couldn't concentrate on the story in her book and instead she looked out at the dark night in front of her. She thought of the conversation she had had earlier this evening with her dad.

'Are you having a fight with Gillian?' She asked as she stared at her Chinese.

'No.' Cal's curt answer came.

Emily's eyes grew wide at that as she gave her father a sarcastic look. _As if she would believe that!_ 'It didn't look very friendly.' She mentioned as she took some of the babi pangang and put it on her plate carelessly.

'We just had some honest words with each other, nothing more.' He commented as he gave the egg on the white rice a filthy look. She knew that he hated those, he called them "rubber eggs."

'It seemed that she wasn't finished with _her_ honest words yet.' Emily said as she remembered Gillian's look as Cal had cut her off.

'O believe me, she was finished. She made herself perfectly clear.' Her dad had answered shortly as he had walked back towards the kitchen. 'Your mom will be getting you in about an hour like we talked about. Did you pack your bags?'

'Yeah dad. And don't think I don't notice that you're deflecting. Where are you going anyway?_' It was planned that she'd stay with him for a few days, so this wasn't a nice surprise really. But he'd promised her more time together next week._

'I have to take care of some business.'

Emily sighed. _She didn't like that. That usually meant trouble._

_No, something didn't feel right in the pit of her stomach_. She saw Gillian's face in front of her again and sighed heavily. _Those two.. They were impossible. It wasn't for nothing that Gillian's unconscious mind had taken her to wander off to her father's room in her sleep. They both were so stubborn!_ Emily sighed again. _She wished that Gillian had stayed with them longer. But stubborn Gillian wouldn't let others take care of her like that, so no, there was no way she was going to stay a day longer in their house._ Emily looked down at her book and fiddled with one of the first pages. _She would like to see them together. She often wished that they would have a happy ending, just like in one of her romance novels. And she knew Gillian read them too. And if Gillian read them too, then she must have a wish like that too right? A wish to have a happy ending for herself, just like the main character. Then why couldn't she see what was right in front of her?_ Emily pouted her lip as she stared at a lone bird that flew over. _On the other hand, her father could be very difficult too… She knew that from experience. And maybe difficult and difficult plus stubborn and stubborn didn't match too well… Maybe they would never get together. Some things were just not meant to be, sadly enough..._

**Gillian's house**

Gillian gave her now clean sink one final look as the doorbell rang. _Who could that be? She hoped that it wasn't Cal_… Her stomach began to twist instantly at that thought. _And somehow she did hope that it was Cal. She missed him. Already. Being in his house with him and Emily these last days, it had warmed her heart very much._ She dried her hands on a towel and went for the front door.

'Mark.' She said surprised as he smiled at her_. It wasn't Cal_.

'Hi, I saw that you were home again, thought that you might like some wine?' He said as he held up a bottle of wine.

She smiled widely. 'Come in.'

'That's really good wine, but I have to say that I don't drink alcohol yet.' Gillian told him.

'O? I'm sorry, because-' He pointed towards the stitches on her arm.

She smiled lightly. 'Yes, I am still using pain killers, especially for my headache. And I'm trying to eat very healthy, alcohol won't do my stomach any good I fear..'

'Of course. I should have thought of that.' Mark said as he nodded understandingly at her.

'But you can drink it, I'll just drink tea or something.' Gillian said as she walked towards her water boiler.

'O no! We'll keep it for another time. I'm not going to drink it alone. So if you have some more tea..'

'Of course I do.' Gillian said as she smiled and suddenly got very conscious of the fact that she was wearing sweat pants and a loose dark sweater above it. _She didn't look all too well right now. But then again, she hadn't expected any company so it just had to do._

**Casino**

**She smiled widely. **_**She had been studying him for half an hour now. And he was doing so well. That man was a genius. She didn't understand why he didn't use his talents otherwise. He could have been rich by now.**_** She watched how he stared at his cards and how his eyes went over all the other players. **_**He won, over and over again. She liked men that were winners. John had been a winner too. But in the end, he'd become irritating and annoying. And that was what she didn't like**_**. She sighed at the memory of John. **_**She thought he was very stupid, but he wasn't that stupid after all. He was dead and she wasn't laughing because she didn't have his money.**_** Her eyes raked over Lightman's body. **_**But he had money. Or at least, he'd have it pretty soon. **_**Her beautiful full lips curved into a delicious smile. **_**Life was getting to be fun again. She was sure of it**_**. She tilted her head and made eye contact with him. **_**Cal Lightman. Her new subject. Forget about Foster. Maybe they shouldn't have focused on Foster at all. Maybe she should have tried her wiles out on him before. That had probably gotten her the money way faster. But John had insisted. He had loved playing the two of them. So she had indulged him. Had enjoyed the game too. But now, it was time for some real action. **_**Her finger played with her hair. **_**She could seduce him. She'd find out how to get him in bed. And she'd enjoy it. He seemed to be the bad kind of boy. O yes, she was going to enjoy this very much!**_

'Lightman.' Cal barked into his phone. He was sitting at the bar, taking a short break.

'Torres found Peggy Mortimer's file.' Reynolds voice came.

'That's good.' _He'd look at that in the morning_.

'You did the case and told her husband that she was cheating. We didn't find anything in her file that's out of the ordinary. She was a very well behaved citizen with no police record.'

'Yeah.' Cal said as he took a sip of his whiskey. He frowned as he thought about Peggy Mortimer for a while. _He remembered her husband now. He'd think about that some more in the morning too._ 'Did you sent two men after me?' He asked as his eyes fell on one man that had been looking at him the whole evening long.

Reynolds smiled. _He should have known Lightman would notice that immediately_. 'Yeah, as back up.'

'Back up for what?' Cal asked in a harsh tone.

'I don't want you to be beaten up again.'

'Believe me, I _want_ someone to attack me right now.' Cal answered. 'Cuz if they do, I will beat the crap out of them.' _And he was in for some destructive action right now._

'What's got you all riled up like that? Aren't the games good tonight?' Reynolds asked astonished.

'O, they are. Boring as usual.' _Poker really was too boring for him. His eyes sought out the roulette table. That's what he really liked_. 'Is there something else?' He barked in his phone.

**Lightman Group, Lab**** early morning**

'You have to see this.' Ria said in an almost whisper as she closed the door behind her.

Loker looked up with curiosity in his eyes.

She bended over him and typed in a few things to show the video feed of the hallway. She rewound until yesterday afternoon.

'What is it?' Loker asked impatiently.

'Just wait and see.' _She did feel a bit guilty about this, but she had to share it with someone! Who better then Loker?_

'Wait for it…' Ria said as they played the video.

Loker bended forward and concentrated on the screen.

'Just one more moment..' She said and there it was. Cal got pushed against Gillian. 'There!' Ria said as she pointed at Gillian on the screen.

'O my God, was that…?' Loker began as his eyes grew wide. _He couldn't believe it! _He rewound the video a few seconds and zoomed in on Gillian's reaction.

'Yeah!' Ria said enthusiastic. 'Can you believe it? Lust! She likes him! I knew it!' Ria clenched her fists shortly in delight. _She'd seen Lightman jealous before in Mexico and now she had proof that Gillian felt something for him too. Her gut feeling had been right all along, they were just trying to deny it very hard._

'Likes him? I wouldn't call it that. It seems like she wants to rip his clothes off and take him right there on the floor for a good and h-'

'-Don't finish that sentence if you want to keep working here.' A harsh and angry sounding voice interrupted him from behind them.

Loker swallowed as he and Ria froze instantly. _They didn't dare to look behind them. _

Ria finally unfroze and slowly looked behind her. _And yes, there stood the person that she was exactly afraid of would be there._ 'This isn't what it looks like..' She began lamely as she straightened herself.

Loker swallowed as he saw the hard look on Gillian Foster's face.

'What does it look like Ria?' Gillian asked in a business like tone. Her eyes stood steely and cold.

_Oe, they were in trouble._ Loker hadn't seen Gillian Foster this angry since the time that he lied to her about a case. He had betrayed a woman, who was really a rich shark while Gillian had made a deal with her father to keep all the mess that family was in a secret. That way a lot of money would go to a lot of people. And because of his betrayal the money went nowhere but the woman got locked up behind bars, just like he had wanted, people like that shouldn't be allowed to go free. But it had meant that he had gone against Gillian's order. When she had found out about that she'd been angry at first, then she'd become very superficial and business like. But he knew that she was boiling from the inside. And you wouldn't want to be confronted with a boiling Gillian. Add to that fact that she had been through a lot this last week (so had they, but she topped that) and they still were in a tense situation and well… Conclusion was that he and Ria were in a very wrong place now.

Loker noticed how Ria just stood there, with her mouth half open, wide eyes.. It seemed that she had lost her voice.

'Does it look like the two of you are spying on your bosses and prying into business that isn't yours to pry in?' Gillian stated in the coldest voice he had ever heard coming from her mouth. _He didn't even know the sweet natured woman had it in her to talk in a tone like that. You learn something here every day, he thought sarcastically. _

'We didn't mean any harm. We were just surprised that you were ready to jump Lightm-' Loker began honestly, filling in for Ria who still stood there like a statue.

Gillian put up her finger towards him. '-Loker, I warn you. You are in dangerous territory. And that goes for the both of you. I _never __**ever **_want to see the two of you watching a video about doctor Lightman and me again, is that clear?'

_Distancing language,_ Ria noticed.

They both nodded. And Ria somehow felt that she was back in school again. She swallowed again.

'Now erase it immediately.' Gillian ordered.

'But-' Loker began. _That would be such a waste. A moment like this, on video!_ _He took the risk of going up against that._ 'Don't you think that's a bit unfair? You saw the video of Lightman losing his temper because of you, because he was so worried for you and now you don't want to-'

She walked towards him and for a moment he thought that she was going to grab him by his throat and strangle him, but she just grabbed the back of his office chair and rolled him away with a quick and hard move. _O, how he hated that! She must have learned that from Lightman, _he thought annoyed as he stopped the chair with his feet.

Gillian bended towards the keyboard and began to type in a few things. "Delete?" The computer asked and she typed "yes" so hard that Ria was afraid the keyboard would break in two. She straightened herself and stroked an imaginary wrinkle out of her dress as she turned around and gave both Loker and Ria a blue, steely, determined gaze.

'There will not go a word about this out of this lab. The moment I walk out of that door, this is forgotten.'

Ria pursed her lips together. _How did she manage to say that in a normal voice and make it sound like an order all at once_? Ria nodded quickly. Gillian's gaze went to Loker who was staring at her with open mouth. He nodded too with big eyes.

'Well, then that's settled.' Gillian said as she left and Ria and Loker both stared at the closed door.

It took them both a while to get their voices back and then they stared at each other.

'Wow, I could really use what just happened for my stern and angry head mistress fantasies.' Loker said as he looked at the now closed door again.

'So do you think that's she'll stay very angry?' Ria asked as she ignored his comment. _She didn't like the idea that she had to see Gillian soon again after this._

'I don't think so. She'll probably just block it from her mind.' Loker suggested.

Ria nodded. 'She sure goes through a lot to hide her feelings for Lightman.' Ria said softly as she lowered herself on a chair.

Loker rolled his office chair back in front of the computer. He nodded. 'Yep she does.'

'Why are you smirking?'

'Because that was really hot.'

'What was hot?'

'Everything about this! Just imagine: Gillian Foster, perfect, sweet, social, neat in any way, at least, that's how she wants to be seen. And we just saw a whole other side of her and I can't say that I'm not intrigued. I mean did you notice the heavy body language and look on her face on that vid? That wasn't _just_ lust Ria, that was lust all over. The woman is in heat! Gee, I wish I was Lightman. I'd know exactly what to do with that.' Loker said.

'Ewww, that is disgusting and so way out of line! I should have never showed you this.' Ria blurted out as she regretted sharing the video with Loker instantly.

'O please, as if you never fantasise about people.' Loker dismissed her comment easily.

'It's a pity that we'll never find out what Lightman would do with this.' Ria said in an annoyed voice.

'O, he'll find out.' Loker said as he smirked.

'No you didn't!' Ria said as she saw the look on his face. 'You kept it?'

He looked at her, smiled widely and then nodded. 'Of course I did! Do you know how valuable a video like this is?'

'No Loker, you can't do that. Erase it. This is none of your business.'

'I know. But somehow, I think Lightman has a right to know about this, don't you think?' He looked at Ria. 'And also, I'm only thinking of Foster's health. Do you know what happens with humans who push away lust like that?'

'I'm sure you're going to tell me.' Ria answered unenthusiastic as she sighed heavily.

'They'll explode into a thousand tiny pieces when they can't jump the person they want.'

'Yeah sure Loker. I bet that's proven scientifically.' She uttered in a low, bored tone.

Loker shrugged. 'Hey, just thinking about my boss's health.' He said as he put up his hand towards her. 'And Lightman would have noticed it anyway if he wasn't so busy with that post man.' Loker said as he shrugged.

Ria nodded slowly.'How did you keep the video anyway? I thought that she just erased it.'

'She did, but I sent a copy to my email before that.' Loker smirked widely. 'She shouldn't have underestimated me, so that's really her own fault if you see it like that…'

000

Maybe this chapter was a bit too soft and fluffy but anyway, I already wrote a few more chapters and it still has a few twists, some long fights (Cal-Gillian of course), and the rest I can't tell you yet of course...

What did you think? Please let me know!


	32. Chapter 32

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the reviews and comments! A lot of you were very or kind of confused and that didn't feel good to me. And it would take two chapters before more things would be explained and that would maybe be more confusing so I erased the last chapter and put it back in chronological order. The first short part of this new chapter is the same, and the rest is new. Hope it's less confusing now!

**Lightman Group Lab, afternoon**

'I just put a few new things down to get a good view of the case.' Reynolds said as he pointed at the white board he had placed in the lab.

Loker and Ria sat behind two computers and Gillian leaned against the wall. She had waited for Cal to come in at any minute now but he didn't. _He had left with Emily last night when they had fought and he had admitted… That he loved her. And now he wasn't in the office all morning. And it ate at her insides. Instead of running over to his house instantly she tried to stay professional and rational. He would come in when he was ready. He would._

_He really would. Wouldn't he?_

'Let's say that there are three persons that set all this up against us. Okay, first we have Frank/ John, who got killed by Miss X. Angela Pointer who could have been the brain behind the operation, but she got killed too. John Flins attacked Gillian but got poisoned by Frank.'

Gillian stared at Loker and Ria's back. _She'd been so angry with them this morning, for watching the video of Cal and her in the hallway. It had felt like a breach of her privacy. Sometimes she really hated that Cal had video's everywhere in the building. It came very in handy for clients but it proofed to be a nuisance in situations like this. Personal situations._

'The three of them wanted the money, but Angela Pointer who's real name is Peggy Andrews-Mortimer probably was in it for the revenge. With Frank and Angela out of the way Miss X has more money for herself. We have to find out how they got to know each other, maybe then we'll find Miss X. So I was thinking-'

Gillian's thoughts wandered off again. She had read Angela Mortimer's file the whole morning._She knew everything that was known about her and her husband by heart now. But still she couldn't focus._Her thoughts went to Cal. And then her thoughts and her gaze went to Ben who was pointing at the white board now and stared at Ria and Loker who nodded at him. _Ben knew something and wasn't telling her._

**Hallway**

_Yes, Ben knew something and wasn't telling her, she wasn't into that._ So she was leaning against one of the white walls as Reynolds rounded the corner.

He stopped in his tracks the moment he saw her.

'Where's Cal?' She asked to the point as she didn't move.

'I told you, he's sick.' Reynolds stated as he tried not to swallow. _Where should he put his hands? In his pocket's? No, she would notice. He wanted to clasp them together but stopped that because she'd be able to read something in that. He wanted to swallow but her eyes were on his face, she would see it._He looked at her, her eyes and then noticed that it was no use whatever he would do, whatever position he would take in. _Gillian Foster had already read him. And he could think about how she did that, what he had done wrong this time, why he couldn't hide what he knew, but that would just get him nowhere, not with her. Maybe it had been his voice? The woman could analyze his voice and probably tell his whole character from it._He sighed defeated_. He was no match for her._Instead his gaze flicked over her long, lean body. She was wearing her grey dress today. It hugged her every curve wonderfully.

Gillian straightened herself and studied his face. He knew that determined look in her eyes by now.

'What do you want Gillian?' Reynolds asked as he widened his arms in defeat.

'You're not telling me the truth.' Gillian told him in a matter-of-fact tone.

Reynolds shook his head annoyed and sighed deep. 'You should ask him.' He answered.

'I tried his cell, several times. He isn't picking up.'

'Then he doesn't want to talk to you.' He shrugged. _The next time Lightman told him to not tell Gillian something, he would say NO. No was a simple word right? But hadn't he already said No before to Lightman? No. No, no, no! That wouldn't be too hard right?_

'Look Gillian…' His dark eyes clashed with her blue ones. _I'm going to the casino and she doesn't need to know, Lightman had said. Money, Lone sharks, gambling, that all together meant: a mess. And not just a mess, no, a big mess. Leave her out of this, Lightman's words had been. So yes, he had agreed. His no had turned into a yes. Lightman didn't want to hurt her. So he had agreed._

'Leave me out of this. This is something between the two of you.' Reynolds' voice sounded tired.

'Where is he Ben?'

_Her voice sounded like she hadn't heard him. Or maybe she just wasn't listening._Reynolds sighed as he put his hands in his pockets anyway and looked away.

'He isn't sick is he?'

_Worry, he could pick that much out of her tone. 'He probably is.' Ben admitted as he thought of the call he had had with Cal last night and he'd already been drunk then. Cal had been aggressive, pissed off and ready to attack someone. So yeah, if he was starting to drink then, then Reynolds bet that he hadn't stopped drinking anytime soon._

'Of all the moments you want to talk to him, I wouldn't pick this one if I were you.' Reynolds advised her as he thought of Lightman with a heavy hangover.

'What aren't you telling me? Where is he? And what has he done?'

'This isn't going to be on me!' Reynolds snapped annoyed.

She stepped closer to him.

'He's at home. Just like I told you.'

She studied his face and then shook her head. 'Yes, he's at home sick, you said that. But something is missing.' She narrowed her eyes at him. 'And I bet Cal told you to keep that out of your explanation.'_Like he had done before. She was no fool._

Reynolds just shrugged._What else was there to say? This was Lightman's responsibility now._

**Cal's home**

Gillian waited until Cal would open the door. She felt nervous and worried. _It wasn't like him to not come in for work, even when he was sick. She didn't hope that their argument had made him stay home. He wasn't like that. Sure, she thought he would avoid her, avoiding him had been in her mind too, but not like this_. She sighed heavily as she stared at the still closed door in front of her.

After another moment Gillian heard movement and the door finally opened. Cal looked awful. He gave her a tired and angry look.

'I warn you, I'm in a very bad mood.' He said in a grumpy voice.

_Yes, she could see that he was in a bad mood. _

'So you should come back later.' He mumbled as he turned around and walked back to his kitchen. He left the door open.

_Maybe she should, but that probably wasn't a very good idea._ _They needed to talk, and the longer they waited, the harder it would get. At least, that was how she felt about it. Gillian sighed sadly as she closed the door behind him. _

'You weren't in the office-' Gillian began as she walked towards the kitchen.

'I overslept.' Cal's short answer came as he moved around the cupboards.

Her eyes raked over his form. He was in his pyjama's, he was unshaven, his hair was pointing to all possible sides there were to point at and he looked tired. Not to mention what that he was emanating a fierce anger mixed with bitterness. Something she had seen in him more often.

'Ben said that you were sick.' Gillian mentioned.

Cal shrugged. 'O yeah, sick, overslept, almost the same right? I overslept cuz I'm sick. That okay with you?' He asked sarcastic as he gave her a short glare.

Cal put down a mug in front of him and sat at the kitchen table. He avoided making eye-contact with her.

'Are you okay?' Gillian asked worried.

'I'm very okay. Don't I look okay?' He answered in a sarcastic tone as he took the morning paper from the table and opened it.

'Cal, about yesterday…' Gillian began as she went to sit at the other side of the table.

Cal stared up at her. 'What?' He asked in an uninterested tone.

She looked away in annoyance. 'Are you going to pretend nothing happened?' She asked softly in a caring voice as she crossed her arms over her chest in a protective gesture.

He shrugged nonchalant. 'Nothing happened.' He mumbled as he shook his head confused and annoyed and got up from his chair. 'What are you talking about?' He got the milk from the fridge and sat back down again.

'You kissed me.' Gillian reminded him.

'O that.' He mumbled. 'My memory is a bit vague.' He said as he pointed towards his head and then poured the milk in his coffee.

Gillian swallowed softly. _She could have expected a reaction like that_. 'Why? Why did you do it?' She asked. _She knew that he probably did it because he thought that he loved her but why now? That was what she really wanted to know._

He looked up at her and gave her a dark gaze as he shrugged. 'Why do you have to ask that question?' He walked back to the fridge to put the milk in it's rightful place again. 'You know that I'm a horny horse, I'd jump every woman I get the chance too. I thought kissing you might get me laid.' He ruffled his hand through his hair and sat down again in a slumped position. 'Bloody hell, was I wrong!' _He sounded bitter, even to his own ears, but he just didn't give a damn at the moment. _

Gillian sighed out loud. 'You're drunk.' She stated. She could smell it metres away from him. 'Don't make this into a fight Cal. Please. Don't you agree that we have to talk about this?'

The sweet tones in her voice reached his fogged up mind. 'Why?' He shrugged. 'There's nothing to talk about.'

'Do I get a say in this?' She asked annoyed.

'You already had your say.' Cal answered impatiently as he put his now empty mug in the sink and walked towards his study.

'Surprising me like that and then running off with Emily, is that what you call a say?' Gillian called after him as she stalked towards the study too. She tried to keep the anger from her tone, but it built up from the pit of her stomach.

He ignored her, didn't look at her as he searched for a book on one of his many bookshelves.

'Cal, stop this.' _He was the only man that could make her tick like this. That could make her feel this angry. Well, apart from her parents. But Cal, he was able to touch her in places no one else ever came, or was allowed._

'What is it Foster?' Cal said annoyed as he looked at her now. She was hovering in the door way. _He really didn't have the patience right now. And f__or the first time in his life, he wanted her to go away_. He put down the book and walked towards her until he stood right in front of her and in her space. _He didn't understand what she wanted._

'Did you come up with some other stupid theory of yours? I can't wait for you to bore me with it. Especially while I'm hung-over and having a headache, that'll really help! Just go ahead.' He snapped. _His patience was running very low right now. And after all, he had warned her about his mood._

Gillian shook her head annoyed. 'I can't talk to you if you're acting like this.' _She now saw that it was a mistake to go by his home. What did she think she would get from it anyway? Now she knew that she didn't have to worry… Well at least, he wasn't in danger or something but talking to him right now? There was no use obviously… But now she was here anyway, maybe she could give it one more try. _

'I can understand that you're angry..' Gillian began in a civil tone as she put up her hands in an assuring gesture towards him. 'I hope that you understand that I'm angry too and I-'

'-O bloody hell.' Cal reacted heavily at the tone in her voice as he turned away from her and threw his arms in the air in frustration. _He hated it when she sugar laced her tone of voice towards him while she was really feeling something else underneath!_ 'Stop the crap already!' He shouted as he walked to another room. _He couldn't take it if she came up with some other explanation. He had to get away from her before he would explode from anger._

'Cal! I'm just trying to have a normal and civil conversation with you. We made a line and we went over it and now… Well it goes to show where we're standing now!'

'Where are we standing?!' Cal snapped as he suddenly stopped walking and turned towards her fiercely. _He couldn't ignore that part of her words that easily…_

'We're not on friendly terms that's for one. We can't work together like this. This is exactly why we needed the line. And it's my fault too because I… I went over the line too.'

'And when was this?' He looked at her with a questioning glare as he put his hands in his sides. 'When did _**you **_go over the line?!'

'These last days, when you helped me… I shouldn't have-' Gillian's voice failed her. _She shouldn't have touched him like that, cuddled him, she shouldn't have allowed herself to let down her walls like that, she shouldn't have wanted him, longed for him, so many things she shouldn't have done but had done anyway. _

'O bloody hell!' Cal shouted as he turned on his bare feet and gave her an angry look. 'You can better leave right now before I'll explode Foster, cuz if you use the word _**line **_one more time, that's exactly what's going to happen!'

Gillian shook her head annoyed. 'We can't work together without that line and you know it!' Gillian's snapped at his back as she pointed at him.

He stopped in his track again as his nostrils flared. 'And why is that?!' He shot at her as he turned towards her in one swift move. Cal's eyes swept over her face bluntly, taking in every detail, every micro expression.

Gillian swallowed. _She had said too much._ _He had found his bait, she was sure of it. He could smell it from there. And in his state, he wouldn't let go and she didn't know if she was ready to face the truth that she was hiding. Her heart began to beat in her ear and then she knew that she wasn't ready for something like that._ Gillian shook her head as she looked away from his intense gaze. _Maybe he hadn't noticed her slip up. He was drunk so maybe…._

Cal tilted his head to the right.

…_O, he noticed. Leave it to Cal to notice everything, even when he's in a state like this. _She swallowed again. _She could fix this. Just stay rational. 'You know as well as I do that it worked best for us. It keeps us straight. It keeps us in control. We work best at th-' She explained quickly._

'-In control?!' He interrupted hard. 'That's interesting.'

She felt the colour drain from her face. _How could she have just put herself in an even tighter spot then she already was in?!_

'In control of what?' Cal demanded with narrowed eyes as he walked towards her. 'I know what **I** need to be in control of, but what exactly do **you** need to be in control of Gillian?' He asked as he began to walk in on her.

She stopped herself from swallowing again. _And she felt so vulnerable and naked now, feeling his eyes swoop over her face, she knew he was taking in every move she would make._

She began to walk back until she was backed up against the wall_._ She smelled whiskey on his breath.

Gillian looked him straight in his eyes with a defiant look. _She wouldn't bend or break for him_. _She wouldn't be a scared mouse any longer._ 'Maybe we shouldn't have mixed business with private matters, then this wouldn't have happened and-'

'-Don't deflect. You wanted to talk, so answer my question.' Cal stated in a hard voice as his eyes didn't leave hers.

Gillian put up her chin a bit as she stared back at him defiantly, not giving up on the intensity of the situation. 'I **am **answering your question.' She countered stubbornly.

He shook his head as he didn't break eye-contact with her. 'Nah… Nah you're not.' He noticed how her pupils were dilated, his eyes stared at her intensely and she broke the contact quickly as she moved away from the wall and turned her back towards him.

'What was that?' He asked astonished as he went to stand in front of her and pointed at her face.

She didn't answer. The tension between them was palpable.

_And it was like something clicked in the right place at that exact moment. Like Cal had found the missing piece of the puzzle. 'That was the answer wasn't it?'_

Gillian looked up at him, and then away again. 'We… We can't do this.' She suddenly stammered as she turned around_. They couldn't do this. _

'Wasn't it?' He prodded. _She didn't answer and he walked towards her_. He was on a drift now.

'Do what? What are we doing then?' Cal demanded. His face was inches away from hers now.

'Cal stop this. You're reading me and standing in my space and-'

'-I need to read you cuz you're not answering me. What is it that you have to control Foster?' He persisted.

He saw how Gillian's jaw worked shortly and how she stopped herself because she knew he saw it.

'Right now?' She asked him as she gave him an angry glare. 'I really want to slap your face very hard.' She admitted between clenched teeth. _She'd never said that to anyone in her entire life._ _She was against violence, but right now, she just wanted him to stop prodding, to stop tearing her walls down. _

'Nah, I don't think so.' Cal said as he read her and shook his head. 'I think you want to be doing something else very hard to me right now.' He smirked and then pointed at her face. 'I see arousal, right there.' He pointed challengingly at one of her eyes and loved it when a flush appeared on her cheeks. _This conversation was turning out to be fun anyway. Who would have thought that?_

'So I'll just say why you have to control yourself. It's because you want me.' Cal stated bluntly after a short pause.

Gillian shook her head. 'No, Cal. Not like that.' She looked away.

Cal stepped in her personal space and looked at her eyes. 'That's the problem with light blue eyes, it shows immediately. And Foster, I have to say…. Aroused you are, it's like your eyes are black now, nothing left of the blue. So I have to come to the conclusion that you do want me like that.'

Gillian shook her head as she took a step back. 'That doesn't mean anything Cal, you know it. You know just as well as I do that I am –just like any other woman or man- aroused by the other sex more times on one day, even by people I don't know. That doesn't mean that I have to do something with that. I don't act on it.' She was telling him the truth. _She was so glad that that video was erased…_

He looked at her for a moment and then nodded. 'Okay, let me just show you something.' He grabbed her arm and took her back to the study where he opened a screen on his laptop. He flicked on a video feed and when it showed them in the hallway fear gripped at her so hard that she couldn't move momentarily. _How did he get that?!_

'I've got something I found very interesting here.' Cal explained.

'Let me just put it on the large screen, so you can see it very clearly.' He said as he motioned towards the large screen on his wall.

He noticed how she paled instantly. _But he wouldn't stop this, he just wanted to confront her with this._

'There!' Cal said as he froze the screen and zoomed in on her reaction. 'That there is my favourite part.' He told her as he pointed at her on the screen. 'Do you see that Foster?'

'How… How did you get that video?' She stammered.

'Lust.' He told her in a clear voice. He zoomed in on her face. And then turned towards her. 'Lust, as clear as it can get. Pure lust.'

'Did Loker..' Gillian began as she ignored his comment.

'Leave Loker out of this. He did nothing. And don't deflect.' Cal's stern and short answer came.

Gillian put her hair behind one ear in a nervous gesture and then looked up at the screen. Then she looked at him.

_Something had changed in her eyes. He could see it as clear as daylight._

'You have me Cal. Is that what you want? Yes Cal, it's lust on my face. Are you happy now?' Gillian said curtly. _She couldn't get out of that obviously._

'Yeah, happy and surprised.' He answered honestly.

'Don't be.' She shook her head and her nostrils flared. 'I'm a woman Cal. Lust is one of the things that a woman feels.'

He studied her, saw her lips pronounce the word 'lust'. It showed her white teeth.

'It is?' He asked as he looked towards the screen as if she had told him something new and then he looked back at her and gave her an innocent questioning look that was laced with sarcasm.

Gillian narrowed her eyes at him as she picked up on his mockery instantly. She crossed her arms in front of her chest at that.

Cal stepped closer. 'That's interesting really. Cuz, are you still holding on to your earlier theory, the one about being aroused by the other sex more time's a day? You want to tell me that you-'

'-O so what Cal!' Gillian spat impatiently at him as she uncrossed her arms. _So he had her. Well that was fine! If he wanted the truth, then he would get it!_

'Why didn't you just tell me from the start of this discussion? Why didn't you tell me that you need that line to control **your **urges to rip off **my** clothes.' Cal pushed her before she could throw the truth in his face.

'I don't want to rip off your cl-' She began in denial. _And that sounded very lame, even to her. And this was beginning to look like a scene from one of her romance novels, only this one wouldn't have a good ending. She needed to get out of this situation very quickly now._ Her eyes darted from the screen back to Cal as she swallowed.

'Sure you do.' Cal said as he paced in on her. 'You want to have me, you want to take me, own me, you want to have your way with me, with my body. And it bothers you. It bothers you a great deal. You're ashamed and embarrassed.' Cal concluded as he saw Gillian looking away and flushing.

'Thank you for that lesson in synonymous, that must have taken you a while to come up with. And no Cal, that doesn't bother me.' Gillian said as she straightened herself. _Two could play this game. She could be very bright and sharp if she wanted to be_. 'Because I know that _**I**_ can control myself. I don't act on it.' She said proudly as she eyed him defiantly.

He looked from her mouth to her eyes and she saw a micro expression of sadness.

Something in her last sentence, something in her tone hit him. And then he knew. 'That's it isn't it?' He asked angrily as he picked up her last words.

'What?'

He shook his head. 'You saying I do act on it?'

'Of course you do.' Gillian shook her head as she was the one to walk in on him now. 'You don't seem to have the same boundaries that I have, when a woman likes you and wants you, you let her. Why the hell not? Poppy… Zoe…You don't really have a track record that says-'

'A track record? I have a track record now? And what's yours? You're still a virgin or somethin' ?!" Cal snapped.

'That's not what this is about. And you know it.' She snapped at him. _She knew that she was partly out of line but she was just so angry for him trapping her like that. Confronting her in such a mean way. Again. This was the second time that he had done that._

'Then what is…? Just tell me.' Cal snapped.

'There's no future in this. We can't just have sex and then-'

'Then what?' He asked as he stepped in her personal space again.

'And then.. Just leave it at that, that's not who I am.'

He felt anger rising up in him instantly and he swallowed. 'And that's who _**I **_am in your eyes? You think I'd do that to you?!' He snapped insulted. _He would never ever do anything intentionally to break her heart. If he'd make love to her, he wouldn't leave her. It wouldn't be for one time. Never._

She took a step back.

'You think I'd use you and then drop you like you were nothing? Is that it?' He pointed an angry finger at her.

'Cal, let's stay real here.' Gillian said, trying to calm him. 'I'm not exactly your type of woman and I-'

'Ow there we are with the type thing again! It's like you don't even want me to like you!'

'O stop the crap Cal! You're an adrenaline junkie! You want someone who turns you on, who pushes you, who is dangerous and that's NOT me is it? It's NEVER me, and has never been me.' She was shouting now. He hadn't heard her shout very often. A red flush crept up her cheeks as her eyes became watery.

'I'm always the sensitive one, the one who helps when you're in a mess, the one who cleans up after you, the one who's good but probably boring because I don't take risks like that, I don't put my life and feelings on the line every time and I sure as hell don't want to hurt other people or want to manipulate them like the other woman you like so much do. I know you longer then just today Cal and-'

'-You obviously don't!' He interrupted her. _He pushed away the hurt he was feeling by her _words_. _He took one step towards her as he pointed an angry finger at the ground in front of her feet.'So let me summarize this right now, you don't want to step over your damn line cuz you already decided that it'll be a quick fuck and then I'd discard you?'

Gillian's breathing hitched at his hard and blunt words. 'If you want to describe it like that: yes. And it won't be worth it.' Gillian said to push him away. She saw a micro expression of anger on his face just before he masked it. 'You're angry Cal? Isn't that what you do with all woman?! Are you angry because I protect myself?'

'WHAT?!' He shouted at her. His nostrils flared in anger. 'I've treated every woman I've been with, with respect.' Cal snapped in a whisper as he was suddenly standing in front of her placed his hand next to her head against the wall.

She moved her head back at that, at the anger that was radiating from him. 'I didn't think you wouldn't treat them well Cal.' She said in a soft voice. _She never thought a thing like that.._

He pushed himself away from the wall angrily. 'How dare you lecturing me on who's my type and on how I treat woman in my bed? You know nothing of my sex life!' He spat at her as he turned towards her again.

Gillian looked away at that. 'And that's exactly how it should stay.' She said. 'If we already fight like this about that while we haven't even done anything.'

He shook his head. 'You're making it impossible to **do** anything Gillian!' He shouted as he put up his hands at her in defeat.

She walked away from the wall.

'Why is that?' Cal asked as he followed her and sped up to stop her.

'Is it that Mark guy? You luv him?' He caught up with her and stepped in her personal space to read her. 'No.'

She had to stop in her tracks to not collide with him and she looked away to avoid his reading gaze.

'You luv someone else? No, that's not it.'

'You appalled by me? No that's not it either.'

'Cal stop this!' Gillian said sternly as she moved past him and went for the door.

'You're afraid.' Cal said to her back.

She kept standing still. She froze.

'That's it.' He stalked towards her and turned to stand in front of her again. 'Are you afraid of me?' He asked. _And there it was. The answer he didn't want to see_. He took a step back. He swallowed. _He hated the thought that she was afraid of him, it hurt him immensely._

'Cal, it's not-' She began in a caring voice as she wanted to touch him in a soothing way.

'After all this time, after everything we've shared, you still don't trust me? You're afraid?'

'Cal..' Her nostrils widened.' Don't do this.' Her hands tried to reach his body but he stepped further away from her.

'NO, it's okay, now I know the truth.' Cal answered as he shrugged and wanted to walk away.

'Cal stop it! Don't make this into something to be angry with yourself again.' Gillian said as she tried to reach his arm to stop him but he was already heading back to the kitchen in a very fast and angry pace.

'It has nothing to do with you.' Her words came from the hallway.

_He loved that woman to death and she didn't want him because she was afraid of him! 'Stop telling me what to do!' Cal shouted as he put his arm over the counter in the kitchen and threw all the dishes hard on the ground in pure rage._

He looked up at her. She stood there, in the kitchen, staring at the broken dinner ware on the ground.

'You're afraid of me and that got nothing to do with me?! You think I'll run all over you and that got nothing to do with me?!' He shouted as he gestured towards her.

She looked up just in time to see him lower his hand in shock as he swallowed and looked over Gillian's shoulder to something behind her.

Gillian turned around to see Emily staring at her father with a pale face and wide eyes. The hands on her shoulders belonged to the tall woman standing behind her, she was not pale and her eyes weren't wide, they stood rather amused.

000

And what did you think? Hope I took away all the confusion (or most the confusion) you people were feeling! And it'll all be explained very soon...

xxx


	33. Chapter 33

Hi everyone thanks so much for letting me know what you thought! This chapter is REALLY REALLY LONG, but the last part is my favourite and I just wanted to post that already... It'll probably take me a little while to update after this enormous one... Hope you like! O and I hope it makes up a bit for the confusion I put all of you through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Cal's home**

Last time:

Gillian turned around to see Emily staring at her father with a pale face and wide eyes. The hands on her shoulders belonged to the tall woman standing behind her, she was not pale and her eyes weren't wide, they stood rather amused.

Now:

'Well..' Zoe said. 'Em just forgot her notebook.' Zoe looked down at Emily. 'Go get it honey.' She said as Emily looked from her father to Gillian and then bolted for the stairs.

Gillian looked away and swallowed before she looked up at Zoe. _Of all the people, Zoe had to be the one to witness this. _Of course the woman enjoyed this, Gillian didn't even have to look up and read her face for that.

'I'm sorry for the interruption.' Zoe said as she studied Cal, then Gillian and then her eyes went to the mess on the floor. 'I always thought those plates were hideous.'

_Even that didn't sound sincere_. Gillian sighed inwardly and decided not to let Cal's ex-wife get to her.

'That's okay Zoe. I was just leaving.' Gillian said in her usual sweet and caring voice as she passed the tall woman without giving Cal one more look.

'Bye Gillian.' Zoe said in a sugar coated voice.

Gillian could hear the contempt in her voice.

'Foster!' Cal snapped after her as he tried to catch up with her. He got to her in the hallway.

'Stop!'

Gillian did so as her hand went to her head in frustration.

'We weren't finished yet.' Cal stepped towards her. 'Please… Don't leave now.' He said as he pleaded with her.

Gillian looked him in his eyes and saw the genuineness of his words. It seemed like he had sobered up some. She nodded softly as she walked towards the living room. 'I'll wait for a short moment.' She informed him. _She wasn't planning on fighting any more. They had both said harsh things and she was done with that now. But she didn't want to leave like this. That wouldn't feel right at all._

'So what was that all about?' Zoe asked when Cal stepped into the kitchen again.

'None of your business.' Cal snapped.

'Miss Perfect couldn't take it anymore? I thought she was always so caring and social.'

'Stay out of this.' Cal warned as he gave Zoe a vicious glare.

'Well, if that's what you want.' She shrugged nonchalant. 'I kind of liked the show.' A smirk painted her features.

Cal looked up at her and couldn't understand what his ex-wife hated so much about Gillian. And why she adored seeing trouble between him and Gillian. Even now, while they were divorced.

'I'm ready.' Emily said as she walked up to her mother.

00

Cal sighed as he saw Zoe and Emily leave and he turned towards the living room. His anger had dissipated a bit, and he could think rational again. The headache was still there of course. He felt even worse then half an hour ago but he could see things clearly again. Or maybe he had just shut his feelings down. And put his whole head in charge now.

'Cal, I don't want to fight anymore, I'm sick of it and I'm tired.' Gillian said as she stood up from the couch when he walked in. _And the day wasn't even over. It was still only the afternoon._

Cal put up his hands to stop her from standing up. 'Well, there's two of us then.' He agreed. His hand went over his face. 'Just let me say a few things.' He looked up at her as he put up his hand towards her. _Yes he loved her, deeply. And if for some reason, or many reasons things that he dreamed about couldn't happen between them, he didn't want to lose what they had. He never wanted to lose that. So he had to make a decision... No, he didn't want to lose her, ever._

'I respect you. You're important to me. Very important. And I don't want to lose you as my business partner.'

Gillian nodded slowly and swallowed as she looked up at him. _She wanted the same._

His eyes raked over her body as his hand touched his scruffy chin. 'Just have to get something of my chest, now we're busy anyway. And then, we'll never have to talk about this again.' He said.

She nodded carefully. 'Okay.' She said as she straightened her dress.

'You remember when I saw you in the shower?'

She looked up at him with wide eyes and he saw a blush creep up her face_. That was enough answer for him. _

'I hate that Alec made you feel insecure about yourself.' Cal saw how she swallowed.

Gillian heaved her chin a bit. She shook her head. 'He didn't make me feel insecure. It's just that.. Because he cheated on me.. _That_ made me feel insecure.' She admitted with an angry undertone. _She had thought so many times what she had done wrong, why he wasn't interested in her anymore. She had doubted herself, her character, her body, her attractiveness, everything had passed the review_.. She grabbed her bag from the coffee table.

Cal went to stand in her space when she straightened again. 'That's exactly the same.' He snapped. He took a big step back from her, away from her. _He had to stop, right now. Or this would turn out in a heavy fight again. Think, don't act. Think, just push away my feelings… That's the way to go for now._

'There's something else I need to show you. It's very important.' Cal said as he took her arm and took her back to the study where the screen was still showing her pressed up against the wall.

Gillian froze to the ground again at the confronting image.

'Just ignore that.' Cal told her as he gestured towards their 'situation'. He rewound a bit and then stopped. 'You see that?' He asked as he pointed towards the mailman.

Gillian narrowed her eyes as she stepped closer to the screen.

'Struck me as odd to have the mailman run me over while there was so much place in the hallway.'

'It… It looks like he put something in your pocket.' Gillian said as she narrowed her eyes further and tilted her head to one side.

Cal nodded. 'Looks like that cuz he did.'

She met his eyes. 'What was it?' She was in professional mode again, and she liked it. _It gave her something to hold on to._

'Some sort of microphone.' Cal said as he bit his lips shortly and stared at the image too.

Gillian's eyes grew wide.

'Reynolds is already checking what sort of device it is and what it can do. We'll have to meet him at the office.'

She nodded as she stared at the screen again. 'So close.' She whispered as she bit her lip. 'He was so close.'

'Yeah I know.' Cal's sad reply came as he looked at the large image of the mailman's back.

She turned around towards him. 'Thank you.' She whispered.

He looked up at her in surprise. 'For what?' He asked puzzled as he met her blue, intense gaze.

'For listening to me. For respecting… The way I want things.'

The look she had on her face, so vulnerable, so sweet it made his heart crumble and he just wanted to hug her.

'I do.' Cal touched her chin. 'I really do.' He said as his thumb caressed her skin gently.

'We're okay now?' He asked as he looked straight in her eyes.

She nodded.

_He felt relieved about that. Cuz, that really meant a lot. He needed them to be okay. At least, needed her to be okay with him. Now he had to make sure that he'd be okay with her again._

'We'll do it the way you want it. With the line.' He assured her in a rough, low voice. _And bloody hell, that would give him a lot of trouble but he'd do it. It would work again, just like it had before._

She nodded as tears filled her eyes.

**Lightman Group**

'So he or she wants to know where I am and what I do?' Cal asked out loud. _He had thought about this so many times. Had come up with so many scenario's in his head._

'She didn't get the money. Maybe this man works for him. We should come up with a plan.' Gillian said. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest as she gave Cal and then Reynolds a serious look.

'He? She? What is it?' Loker asked annoyed.

'We don't know, that's the problem right?' Ria said. 'The mailman was a man, the person that hit Gillian on her head and killed Frank was a woman.' She sighed.

'You think there are still more people involved?' Loker asked as he looked at Reynolds.

'It's possible.' Reynolds answered as he sighed annoyed. 'I want to see that video.' He said as he looked at Loker. _He'd only heard from Lightman about the mailman who put the microphone tracker in his pocket._

Gillian felt unease wash through her at Reynolds words and her hands fell to her sides as she suddenly needed something to fumble with. Instead she chose to press her lips together as she watched Reynolds and Loker.

'Uh, it's erased.' Loker said with big eyes as he avoided looking at Gillian.

Gillian swallowed. _She knew it was important for Ben to see the video._

'Erased?' Ben asked surprised. He narrowed his eyes in confusion as he looked at Cal. 'You guys never erase anything, what's that about?' He asked confused.

Cal shrugged as he put his hands in his pockets and shortly looked at Gillian who was suddenly extremely busy with a candy wrapper.

'Dunno.' He said innocently as he walked to another computer. 'I must have put it somewhere else on the computer. Hold on a sec.' He began to type in a few things.

Ria looked at Gillian who still had a very professional look on her face but the candy wrapper in her hands she put away in one of her pockets now gave away a few things.

'There.' Cal said as the video came up in a file.

Loker looked up at Lightman in surprise. He had seen that Lightman hadn't opened his mail yet with the video in it. _Where did he get this version from?_

'You think someone that's involved erased this? It's evidence.' Reynolds thought out loud.

Cal glanced quickly at Gillian who stood there like a wax doll now.

'Nah.' Cal said nonchalantly. He shrugged. 'I must have made a mistake when I copied it to my computer.' He looked at Reynolds with a playful look. 'I copied it cuz I had to keep that one for my private stash yeah, you know how I love to press Foster up against the wall, got to keep a memory of that somewhere stored away safely, ey?' He said as he patted Reynolds playfully.

Reynolds smirked unconvinced and turned to focus on the video.

'There he goes.' Cal said as Loker paused and they could see how the mailman put something in his pocket.

**Hotel Room**

'Green's a good colour on Foster don't you agree?' Loker asked as he studied Gillian on the right screen. She was sitting at one of the many bars in the casino she was in. She was wearing a black silk dress, her hair was put up and she was studying the area around her.

'Green?' Ria asked surprised as she looked at Gillian too.

Loker looked up at her. 'Yes, in a few seconds the transformation will be complete and she'll turn into a little green jealous monster.' Loker said as he pointed at the left screen.

Ria smirked as she saw Cal sitting at another bar near the poker table. He was surrounded by three woman. _Green, the colour of jealousy. Poor Foster._

'You think she'll become bitchy and all snappy then?' Loker asked.

'Leave her be Loker.'

'I told you, crazy things happen when you don't listen to your body.' Loker mumbled in an all knowing tone.

'O yeah, I forgot.. You're the expert after all.' Ria said as she sat down again and focused on Lightman and the three woman around him.

'And leave her be? Why should I? I don't understand why she's hiding so hard from her feelings. She's a psychologist for crying out loud.' Loker looked up at Ria.

Ria shook her head annoyed.

'You saw it on her face, she does want him while she pretends not to. What is that really? Like some kind of annoying, frustrating thing you woman like to do? Playing hard to get? Well I hate that annoying tension between them.'

Ria looked at him and studied him shortly. 'Maybe you're just jealous.' She proposed slowly as her dark eyes were focused on him now.

'Why would I be jealous?' He asked as he looked at her side lings.

'Because you want that tension with someone but you haven't.' Ria said as if it was a very simple conclusion.

'It's not nice tension.' Loker said as he shook his head. _Yeah, he'd like some nice tension indeed. But not the kind they were having. He looked at the two screens again and then pointed at the screen that showed Foster_. 'That's the kind of tension that's eating at your insides.'

'Just do me a favour and keep your opinion to yourself when they are around.' Ria said without looking at him.

'Why would I do that?' Loker asked astonished.

Ria sighed. 'Because she's been trough enough and so has he. They don't need you to put something in the mix also.'

'Look at you being all worried suddenly.' Loker said in a sappy teasing voice.

'Suddenly? I like Gillian. And Lightman… Well… He's... A difficult man.' _To like. Somehow. In a way. She didn't know what she thought of him really, sometimes she really hated him. And sometimes she stared to like him._

'I think it's all really interesting. Do you know that on this situation alone, you could base a whole study? And do you know what makes it even more interesting? The fact that they're both so smart, and trained in human science and psychology. Goes to show that you can have as much knowledge as you want but still be a mess when it comes down to yourself.' Loker said in a fascinated voice as he watched Gillian take a swig of her drink while her blue eyes glared at the bar Cal was sitting at.

'Don't say I didn't warn you when you burn your fingers.' Ria snapped.

'Do I hear worry for me?' He prodded.

'No, you can sometimes be a selfish prick, that's what you hear.'

He shrugged. 'Okay.' He said with a deep sigh. 'I won't say anything to them, I'll just study them in silence.'

**The Bar**

_Gillian hated it here. She really did. She had hated it last time in Vegas, and she still hated it here. It almost felt like a punishment. But what felt even more like a punishment were the woman around him._ She clenched her teeth in anger as she looked at Cal. She looked away quickly. _Focus on the crowd Gillian. Just focus on that_. She saw the woman with the large cleavage that was flirting with Cal. _O, and he was flirting back. The way he looked at the woman, at her breasts. The way his eyes undressed her, roamed lazily over her curves. She couldn't take it anymore. She just needed to take a short break._ She stood up from her chair.

'Where are you going?' A voice in her ear demanded instantly.

'To the bathroom.' She mumbled as she tried to hide her annoyance. _It was really annoying to have a microphone that was in contact with Reynolds in her ear right now._

Gillian slammed the bathroom door open, harder then she had meant too. She watched herself in the mirror as she thought back to this afternoon. She was surprised that it had been the same day, it felt like so long ago that they made a plan because of the bug they found in Cal's pocket. It seemed so long ago that they had had that heavy fight in his house while Zoe and Emily had interrupted. She sighed long and hard. _Great, what a great day. _She put a stray lock back behind her ear.

O, and they came up with a plan all right. It involved Cal doing what he had planned to do all along: gambling to pay the lone shark. She understood the stakes. They needed to get the money as fast as possible, otherwise they would be in even bigger trouble. She didn't want some angry lone shark who was of the agressive type after Cal. And she understood that Ben had been positive about the bug, it meant that the person behind all of this was near them. So he/ she could get caught too. So, the whole team had packed up and headed towards one of the casino's nearest the Lightman Group. Loker, Reynolds and Ria were in one of the hotel rooms screening everything while she would be able to move around the casino because the mailman had already seen her and he would probably know (because of prior conversations he had listened in on with the microphone) that she wanted to keep an eye on Cal. What better way then to go with him? And 'enjoy' the scenery of lights and money? Gillian huffed at her own sarcastic thoughts. She was all for positive thinking, but not in a place like this, again.

So there she was, her place was at the bar to keep an eye on Cal. A very good spot she had chosen specifically because it had a good overview of the rest of the large room and many people. And while she was really there to study everyone, read everyone around him because Cal wouldn't have the time because he was busy with his poker play, she, -Gillian Foster-, was more busy with fighting her jealousy then actually doing the job she came here for. _Very professional Gillian! Very good!_ And that angered her. And she hated it. _This was a nightmare. _

She washed her face angrily. _She had to make the best of this. And she would._

**Hotel room**

'Foster's really not in her favourite place.' Ria mentioned as she looked at the video of the different angles in the casino.

'Nope.' Reynolds agreed. _He remembered the last time in Vegas. And that hadn't finished well at all…_ 'But I'm sure she'll be very happy once we catch the guy or woman or who ever.'

'You really think someone will show up?' Loker asked.

'I don't know. But I think they eventually will. You know why? Because Lightman is getting money, a lot of it. And they don't have any. So yeah, I think there's a reason the mailman is tailing Lightman now. He wants to find out what Lightman is up too.'

Loker nodded. _That sounded plausible._

They looked up as Gillian came in and sat down behind the computer screen with Ria and Loker.

'How are things here?' Gillian asked as she looked at her employees.

'Nothing new. I made a list of the people who are in there, checked their backgrounds.' Loker said as he gave a pile of papers to Gillian.

Reynolds and Ria studied Cal. A new woman was sitting next to him now, very close. Cal was taking a break from his poker game again and seemed to enjoy a drink.

'You've got something on your mind.' The woman slurred.

'Yeah? And what's that?' Cal played as he looked up at her tiredly.

She smirked as her eyes went over his face. 'Trouble. And I bet it's a woman.'

Cal took a swig of his drink. 'Nah, it's money trouble luv. Don't we all have that here?'

She shrugged. 'Yeah I guess so. But it's a woman too. I'm a good judge of character.'

'So you are.'

This made Gillian looked up from her papers. She stared at another beautiful brunette that had placed herself next to Cal.

'So if you need some advice?' The brunette asked.

Cal grinned. Then he nodded slowly as he smirked. 'Don't think that all the advice in the world can help me with this one.' He told her.

'O, it has gone that far?' She said sadly as she placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

Gillian narrowed her eyes at the contact the brunette made with Cal. _That hand on his shoulder was meant to look as a comfort giving but she could bet that the brunette had different intentions then just giving comfort. _

Cal nodded as he took another gulp of his drink. 'Yeah, that it did I guess.' He bared his teeth shortly as he stared in front of him and pouted his lip. Then he looked back at his beautiful female company. 'But what do you do about it ey?' He put his elbow on the bar and leaned his face lazily against his hand as he looked at the female beauty next to him.

'I know a thing or two.' She said in a seductive, low voice.

'You do?' He looked her up and down.

She nodded. 'I might make you forget about her.' She proposed as she bended towards him. They were very close now.

Cal smiled. _He had to admit that he secretly enjoyed the fact that Gillian was watching this. _

'Yeah? Don't know if that'll work. She's a hard one to forget that one.'

'Ow, don't you worry. I bet I can make you forget anyone you want to forget.'

She trailed a finger from his shoulder towards his chest as she bit her bottom lip. Cal's eyes went to her neckline and then to the swell of her breasts and her large cleavage. _Really pretty woman. Very attractive._

'Or… We could have some fun and play and you can imagine that I'm her.' She offered in a low, hoarse sounding voice.

Gillian swallowed at that as she raised her chin a bit. She watched Cal smirk at that.

'You'd think you'd be able to do that? I don't know, she's one of a kind really.' Cal said as he stared at the brunette's full lips.

The brunette licked her lips and studied him and then nodded slowly. 'I can be anyone you want me to be.'

_O, please! Give me a bucket to throw up in!_ Gillian thought angrily and annoyed. _This was just too cheap! She wouldn't be able to take much more of this pretty soon...._

Cal smiled lazily now.

'Why don't you tell me about her? Maybe you really need some advice.'

'I told her I loved her. She said that I just wanted to have sex with her and then I would disregard her, at least, she's afraid of that.'

Gillian felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment and anger. _That was not exactly how she had meant it._

Reynolds raised an eyebrow at the screen. _Or Lightman was a really good actor which was a very good possibility, or he was talking about a real situation that had happened_. Reynolds eyes wanted to roam over to where Gillian was standing but he stopped himself because that would probably not be appreciated so he looked at Ria and Loker instead. They seemed to have trouble to keep staring at the screen too. Ria's eyes were wide and she bit her lip as her eyes went to where Gillian was standing but her face didn't move that way either.

Reynolds cleared his throat and focused on the screen again. _He wasn't very sensitive and all but if he wasn't mistaken there was a tension as thick as pea soup hanging in this room right now. And it wasn't coming from Loker, Ria or him. _

'And you know, I love sex.' Cal looked at the beautiful woman. 'I love woman. Always have. I've had my fair share of them too. But I've never treated them bad. Ever.'

'I don't think you would.' The woman said as she fingered Cal's chest seductively.

'And that I like sex doesn't mean that I would hurt her and leave her after having her.' Cal shook his head as he stared in his drink. 'If she was my wife or my lover or whatever… I'd make damn sure that she knew how sexy and beautiful she is, cuz that prick ex of hers did a bad job at that.'

Gillian swallowed as her eyes flickered from Cal to the beautiful woman.

'O, no with her, it wouldn't just be sex. It would be different.' Cal dropped one of his arms from the bar and looked at the woman. 'Do you want to know what I'd do to a woman I love?'

Gillian could see how the beautiful woman swallowed and how arousal marred her features. She felt anger coming up as she clenched her teeth_. She didn't know who of the two persons on the screen she was most angry with._

Ria pretended to scratch her knee as she secretly glanced over to Foster.

Gillian reminded herself to keep her mask on especially when she saw Torres trying to cover her not so subtle action to read her. Gillian tilted her chin a bit to remind herself to keep her distance when his next words dried her throat instantly.

'I would make love to her, over and over again and I promise you, I'll let her beg to go on… And on.. .And on, until she can't take it anymore and collapses in my arms fully satisfied. And then I'd make damn sure that she would know how sexy and beautiful she is.' Gillian could read the desire of his face.

'Fwuuh..' Reynolds uttered. 'He sure knows how to talk the ladies up.' He finally dared a glance at Gillian when he said that and received an annoyed and pointed look at his comment.

Cal narrowed his eyes at the brunette in front of him. 'I'd touch her everywhere, every single inch of her body.' He looked her up and down on purpose and the brunette felt a flush warm her cheeks instantly.

Gillian's nostrils flared as she stood frozen to the ground. _What was he doing?! What was he trying to prove? _

'I'd find out what she likes, what makes her tick, what makes her go off, what makes her lose control, I'd be sure to satisfy her in any way I can, if you get my drift.' Cal smirked when the brunette swallowed. He saw how she flushed. _And he wondered how Gillian would look right now. He could imagine that he would see the familiar red spots form in her neckline and neck. How he would love to see that. _

Ria swallowed at his words. _Even she had a difficult time listening to this! Who wouldn't want that from a man? She carefully eyed Foster again who stood frozen to the ground and who had plastered a closed expression on her face. Her eyes and the colour of her skin betrayed her though… The things one could not hide… Not even the best artists in the world could hide that!_

'But not before I'd make her squirm under my touch and I'd make damn sure that there's no doubt in her mind that she's the most beautiful and wonderful woman on the planet yeah? So how does that sound? Do you think it adds up to her fantasy of me leaving her after sex? Cuz believe me, when she'd let me in her bed, she'd have a very, **very** hard time of getting me out of there, I promise you that.'

The brunette swallowed hard and stared at him wordlessly. Cal read the woman, his eyes skimming over her face professionally and quickly.

Gillian swallowed again. Very hard. _Her body was aching for him, her mind had stopped thinking seconds ago and she had trouble to contain herself right now._

'But who am I really?' Cal asked carelessly as he took his glass and looked right in the camera on purpose.

'What do you get off her? Do you think she's got anything to do with this?' Reynolds asked as he looked at Gillian.

'No-' Gillian's hoarse and breathless reply came and she felt embarrassed instantly at this slip up of hers. _What had happened to masking her feelings and staying professional?! Her voice hadn't agreed with that obviously,_ she thought angrily at herself.

Reynolds raised an eyebrow at the hoarse and desire full tone in Gillian's voice that left her lips. He might not be an expert, but he knew _that _tone in a woman.

Gillian quickly cleared her throat and grabbed her bottled water from the table. 'I drank too less this morning.' She excused herself as she gulped down some water and avoided making eye contact with Loker and Ria.

'Some people rather choose fear instead of taking a risk. And me…' Cal looked at the brunette. 'I'm a risk taker. You only live once right?'

Now anger was coursing through Gillian's veins as desire left to the background.

The brunette closed the gap and kissed him. 'And? How did that feel? Did that come anywhere near her?'

'What is he doing?' Ria asked surprised. _He was really pushing Foster now and she felt for the woman._

Cal pretended to taste her as he licked his lips satisfied. 'Let me try.' He said as he was the one to close the gap now and kissed the beautiful woman right on her lips as passionate as he could. He stood up and pinned her body against the bar as he deepened the kiss fiercely. He loved the feel of her soft curves that pressed against his hard chest.

Loker smirked. 'Good job! I should write down those lines and use them some night.' Loker said out loud, receiving an annoyed look from everyone, and a hard, frustrated angry look from Gillian.

'What?' Loker said as he pointed towards the screen with his flat hand. 'It works obviously, the woman is like putty in his hands now.'

'And that's not what we're here for.' Gillian bit at him. _She wasn't here to study all those screens hours after hour to look at one of Cal's flings! _She saw how Cal finally broke contact with the brunette who was panting heavily now, her chest heaving wildly and she hated that smug grin that formed on his face now too.

'He knows what he's doing.' Reynolds assured her.

Gillian gave Reynolds a look and then she had a déjà vu. _She remembered how she had told Reynolds that Cal knew what he was doing when he was in jail with Jenkins the rapist. She had never guessed that the roles would ever be turned around. She didn't understand what he was doing now!_

'You do look a bit like her.' Cal said as he touched the woman's cheek and studied her blue eyes. _Gillian would probably be boiling with anger right now, but he really didn't care. It served her right. And on the other hand, she had no right to be boiling with anger, she had rejected him. She was still rejecting him. So she wasn't his problem anymore. He could do whatever he wanted. _He took a step closer towards the brunette and pulled her flush against his body.

'I didn't know Cal had a new love interest.' Reynolds said as he feigned surprise about the woman Cal had been talking about to the brunette as he looked at the three others.

Ria slapped Loker so he wouldn't say anything. 'No, we didn't either.' Ria said as she swallowed. 'Maybe he's just playing her.'

'She obviously isn't the one we're looking for.' Gillian's impatient voice came from behind him. Ria heard how she tried to sound professional. And how she was obviously changing the subject very fast. But the short tremble in Gillian's voice didn't go unnoticed.

'And how do you know that?' Reynolds asked as he turned around towards her.

'Look at her body language. She just wants him in her bed.' Gillian said in a harsh voice as she pointed angrily at the screen with her hand.

'Who wouldn't?' Lokers voice came.

'What?' Reynolds snapped at him in shock.

'Well, if I were a woman… With words like that.' Loker explained at everyone that was staring at him now.

Gillian felt angry. _Part of her wanted to drag Cal away from there, from that woman. Another part just wanted to leave, away from here, away from him. If he wanted to sleep with that woman, then he should. It was his choice wasn't it? _

'So did you ever sleep with her?' The female's voice came from the screen.

'Nah, she doesn't want me.'

'What? You?' The brunette's surprised voice came as Cal bended towards her neck.

Gillian swallowed the sarcastic reply that threatened to leave her lips quickly as she tried to hold the anger that had turned into fury down. _She could control this. She could control herself. Just distance yourself. His hands were all over that woman! She didn't want his hands there! She wanted his hands on her body! Not on someone else's body! This was exactly what she'd been afraid of all along! Distance yourself. Distance! She was even forming abusive words in the back of her mind for the last ten minutes, she wasn't like that!_

Cal shrugged. 'Can't blame her really. I'm a difficult person, can be a big bastard too. Hurt her many times. She's afraid now.'

Gillian looked at the screen and shook her head. _He was playing her. He knew very well that she was watching this. And he probably even enjoyed it. That's what angered her even more! __He knew exactly what she was feeling, because she couldn't hide it on that stupid __hallway video! She cursed herself._

'Maybe you should try harder.' The brunette proposed in a sulky voice.

'Nah, the ball's in her court now.' Cal said as he put down his drink.

'But in the meantime…' The woman said suggestively.

'In the meantime honey, you're coming back with me.' A loud voice came from behind the luscious woman.

0000

Well...... And what did you think?? Please please let me know!


	34. Chapter 34

Hi! Thanks so much for all your reviews!!I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Hope this one will be fun too! It may take a while for my next update because I've got exams next week (while I thought I still had eight weeks to study, so that's a bit of a problem at the moment...) anyway, enjoy!!

Hope this isn't too much out of character, but I could imagine Gillian losing her control after what Cal said and did and is still doing now! (I know I WOULD!) And she can't always stay sweet I thought...

**Last time:**

'Maybe you should try harder.' The brunette proposed in a sulky voice.

'Nah, the ball's in her court now.' Cal said as he put down his drink.

'But in the meantime…' The woman said suggestively.

'In the meantime honey, you're coming back with me.' A loud voice came from behind the luscious woman.

**Now:**

**Hotel Room**

Ria's eyes widened in surprise as she heard the familiar voice behind Cal and put two and two together when she saw the familiar figure stepped into the camera's range. Gillian Foster was standing behind the beautiful woman Cal was with.

Loker and Ria both looked from Gillian on the screen in surprise at their left, where Gillian had been standing moments ago. Then they looked at Reynolds who looked at the empty spot now too. It was just like a moment from a cartoon; suddenly she had appeared on the screen and it seemed out of nowhere. _They hadn't even heard her leave. _

'I think she doesn't agree with Lightman's way of interrogating.' Ria said with a smirk as her big dark eyes focused on the screen in front of her again.

'She's fast.' Loker mumbled astonished as his eyes were glued on the screen again.

**Casino**

'Who are you?' The brunette asked annoyed as she looked up at this new player and competitor in her game.

Gillian put her hands in her sides as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette. She saw Cal leaning casually and nonchalantly over the bar while his eyes lazily followed the exchange between the two woman.

_Did she just make a complete and utter fool of herself?__ What was she going to say? He's mine? Keep your hands off of him? No, she wasn't some teenager._

'I need to speak with you.' Gillian said as she looked from the brunette to Cal. _She tried to sound as neutral as possible and even managed to keep the anger from her voice._

Cal smirked. 'Don't have time right now. Like you might have noticed.' He said as he gestured towards the brunette with his drink.

She inhaled a short breath at that as she looked away and then back at him as she pushed her lips together in a grim line. _Stay calm. Just stay calm_. 'Just a moment Cal. Nothing more.'

The brunette looked her up and down and raised an eyebrow in disgust.

'Sorry luv. I'm busy.' Cal said as he put down his drink and moved more towards the brunette.

_He couldn't be serious!_

'Cal-' Gillian began in a calm voice as she tried to keep her anger inside of her.

'Look lady.' The brunette began as she put her arm on Gillian's upper arm. 'Didn't you hear the man? You should learn when to let go yeah? He's busy! With **me**. You're chance is gone.'

**Hotel Room**

Reynolds couldn't believe what he was happening on the screen in front of him.

'What is **he** doing?! No….' Reynolds put up his hands in utter astonishment as he looked at both Loker and Ria and then gestured towards the screen. 'What is **she** doing?! What are **they** doing? Did they loose their minds?!'

Ria and Loker both shrugged.

Reynolds shook his head as he bared his teeth in annoyance.

'Please tell me this is one of their plans, one of their schemes you know, like they do when they pretend to fight. This is one of Lightman's plans right?' He looked at the two others again.

**Casino**

Gillian's nostrils flared as she stared at the brunette now.

'What did you say?' She asked in a controlled sweet voice. _She had heard the words, but she needed the time to think._

The brunette got off of the bar crutch.

'You heard me, go try your luck somewhere else yeah? And that's me still being nice.' She threatened.

Gillian stared at the woman in disbelief with burning eyes and then at Cal who was studying her still lazily. _She couldn't believe that she was being threatened by this woman, and that Cal just sat there and seemed to enjoy it!_ She saw how he raised one eyebrow at her and made no move to take action in any of this.

_Let's try logic reasoning._ Gillian thought angrily as she looked at the brunette again. _And when she's out of the way she was going to have a really hard word with Cal about this._

'I just need to talk to him and I don't think that I need your consent for that.' Gillian told her in a tone that she used for difficult patients.

The brunette looked at Cal and smiled when she looked back at Gillian. 'But I think you need his don't you?' She said in a wise ass tone.

'Cal stop this.' Gillian said, _this was really the final straw. She had held on long enough now_.

'What?' He asked innocently.

'Girly, I'm really sick of this. Go scoot!' The brunette said as she made a gesture that told her that she wanted Gillian removed from here as fast as possible.

Gillian finally lost her patience. _And that didn't happen fast. But if it did happen she got in a mood that she didn't like and it usually took her quite long to get out of._

**Hotel Room**

'Oh ooooo…' Loker said. 'Heavy! She dares.' He commented as he enjoyed every minute of this. 'Will she pull her hair? Or will she use her nails? Or maybe she'll hit with her flat hand? Or her fist?' He smiled wide as he looked at Ria with raised eyebrows.

'It's Foster. She'll stay calm.' Reynolds said.

Ria looked up at Reynolds. 'There's only so much a human being can take. I bet that goes for her too.' Ria mentioned.

**Casino**

Gillian took a step closer to the brunette. 'If I were you girlie, I would stop talking like that to me right now. And you'd better get out of my breathing space right now.' Gillian said in a menacing tone. 'I'm his wife and who are you?' Gillian ordered as she glared the brunette down.

'What?' The brunette uttered shocked as she looked at Cal with wide eyes. 'Your wife?'

Cal sat up straight at that instantly. _His wife?! What was she doing?!_

**Hotel Room**

'What is she doing?' Reynolds asked annoyed. 'The woman could be who we're looking for. Or she could have information that we could use!'

**Casino**

'Yes, his wife.' Gillian said in a sugar coated voice as she put her hand on the woman's upper arm now. 'I didn't catch your name?'

The brunette looked from Gillian's hand up to her. 'Gigly.' The woman said in a weaker tone as she eyed an angry Gillian.

'Well, Gigly. It's always nice to know who's seducing **my **husband.' Gillian gave her the vilest glare she could muster. 'I'm a jealous person.' She told her. 'I don't like other hands on what's mine if you get my drift.' Her eyes swooped over the brunette's face. 'So, Gigly, what exactly is your business with my husband?' Gillian demanded as she put her hands in her sides and stared at Gigly with hard eyes.

Gigly looked from Gillian to Cal with wide eyes.

**Hotel Room**

Ria smiled widely. _She had just gotten even more respect for Gillian. Gillian had kept her calm and she managed to turn the situation around so Gigly even began to feel afraid of her. _

**Casino**

Cal studied Gillian's eyes for a moment. He then looked towards Gigly and sent her a comforting look. His cold gaze travelled back to Gillian and he put a warning in there.

'Just leave and don't interrupt again.' He ordered bluntly.

His order fuelled Gillian's anger even more and she inhaled sharply.

'I can't now, can I?' She snapped as she walked the few paces towards him and stepped in his space. She ignored Gigly totally as she made fierce eye-contact with Cal. 'I'm your wife remember?'

'You want to be my wife Foster?' Cal snapped as he straightened himself on his bar stool.

'O dearest, I think you know what I want.' She said in a seductive, strong voice but Cal could clearly hear the sarcastic undertone she'd put in there.

She closed the distance between them and began to button his shirt up with angry short moves.

'You know how I hate it when you show so much skin.' Gillian told him as she gave a sideling's look at Gigly who sat frozen next to them, watching them. Gillian's blue gaze went back to Cal who was leaning with his back against the bar now.

'You're stuck with me for the rest of your life, you knew that the moment you said 'yes, I do' How does that feel honey?' Gillian shot as she closed the last button hard. It pressed in his skin.

Cal swallowed hard_. He hadn't seen Foster like this many times. She was angry._

He hated those last buttons, they made him feel like he was suffocating and she knew it.

'Does it feel like you're suffocating honey? Like I'm smothering you?' Gillian pushed.

Cal's lip twitched shortly as his brain became ready to think again. He loosened himself from the push against the bar as he closed the gap between them fast so their bodies were pressed against each other hard. He loved the sharp, surprised intake of breath that erupted from her throat. She didn't succeed to hide it.

'If I can't get the real thing then that leaves me frustrated. I have to come up with something else now don't I?' Cal said right in her face. His voice raw with emotion.

Gigly's mouth fell open as she looked from the woman to the man in front of her. She got an angry scowl on her face.

Gillian felt Cal's warm breath on her cheeks and lips and not to mention the push of his hard body against hers but she refused to move and step away. Cal was still staring at her and she tried to glare him down. It seemed like they were communicating with each other without spoken words leaving their lips.

After agonisingly long seconds she took a step back and still glared at him as she broke the contact and moved back to Gigly.

'I'm so sorry Gigly, but you have to look for someone else to-'

'-This is a misunderstanding, she's my ex-wi-' Cal began.

The moment his voice interrupted her, Gillian's anger finally exploded and her hand went to his glass on the bar and she turned around and threw it right in his face.

'Don't forget why we're here.' She reminded him heatedly.

'You crazy-' Cal began as his hand went to the sticky liquid on his face.

'Don't talk like that to your wife Lightman!' Gillian snapped awfully wily as she used distancing language on purpose like he was doing too. _O, she'd gone way over her border now and she seemed to lose control by the second. Anger began to crack her professional mask._

'You're really helping here Foster, good job!' Cal snapped as he dried his face with a handkerchief and licked his lips. The whiskey on his face still tasted quite good to his surprise.

'O, I'm so sorry. Another one please.' Gillian said to the waiter as she ordered another whiskey.

_He couldn't believe it. Foster was really on a roll now. Did she lose her mind?_

'What? You're going to throw another drink in my face? Does that make you feel better?' _Yes,. It did, he could read it from her face._ 'Really? Well, why don't you. I'll just keep standing here very still so you can do your childish thing, yeah?' Cal snapped.

'I'm sorry Cal. You know what Vegas and other casino's bring up in me. They make me aggressive, especially after my last experience in the town of lights and happiness..' Gillian answered sarcastic. 'And you're right. You know what? You should just go on which ever way you want and I'll go on which ever way I want.' She said as she thanked the waiter sweetly for the new whiskey.

Cal looked from the whiskey to her. _It was almost unbelievable how she could give that waiter such a warm and sweet gaze and thank you like she was Mary Poppins herself and then glare at him hard half a second later._

'What are you rambling about now?' He snapped at her.

_Ow, how she hated it when he told her that she was rambling!_ She threw the new liquid in his face and he closed his eyes.

Cal felt the sticky fluid roll down his cheeks again as he opened his eyes carefully. _He had to admit that he hadn't expected that anymore, she was becoming brutal. And he couldn't figure out __whether he thought that as a good point or not._

'Is there anything more you want to get off your chest Cal?' She asked sweetly as she motioned towards the waiter again.

He just shook his head and marvelled at the thought that she had gone completely utterly crazy. 'You've just completely, utterly gone crazy haven't you? The tension was too much wasn't it? Something finally snapped up there?' He asked as his hands gestured wildly between them.

Gillian looked at the honey coloured substance on his face. 'Did I ever tell you how healthy it is to embrace your inner child Cal?' She bit at him for his earlier comment of her doing a childish thing. 'I just discovered that I find it a great reliever of angry feelings.' She said as she took the new whiskey from the waiter.

'Shall I tell you what _**I**_ find a great reliever of my feelings?!' Cal snapped angrily as he was fed up with her bold actions now and stepped in her space until he was inches away from her face. He looked at her lips and then in her eyes and he got the reaction that he wanted from her: Her breathing stopped as her eyes flicked to his lips too and her pupils dilated instantly.

'Why don't you tell me...' She had meant to snap it at him but breathless words in a hard whisper was all she could muster with him standing so close after everything that he had said minutes ago.

'Look, this is too much right?' Gigly said as she stood up and left hurriedly.

'Great job Foster, great.' Cal snapped as his eyes followed Gigly's retreating form. 'What are you doing?!'

Gillian studied him. _He actually managed to sound angry. He, angry. While she was the one who had the right to be angry at this moment!_

'I just got you out of this, what did it look like?' Gillian answered harshly.

'She could be a suspect, you know that.' Cal reminded her annoyed.

_O that was priceless!_She shook her head as she gave him an impatient blue glare. 'She's not a suspect, you know that too. You've seen her body language. You're just playing and enjoying this far too much.'

'Really?'

'That's not what we're here for remember? Or has your blood already gone so far south that you can't think anymore?!' Gillian shot at him.

'You're being irrational. If I get close to her I can get information about her.'

'Close?' She asked in a sugar sweet voice as her eyes went from his buttons to his eyes. 'So you can imagine that she's someone else? Just like you said moments ago?'

She stared at him as he stared back and didn't make an attempt to answer that anymore. She sighed as she shook her head and began to leave.

'Jealousy doesn't become you very much Foster.' She heard his voice say to her back.

She froze in her steps. That was the final drop. Her eyes went up to the camera she knew Loker, Ria and Reynolds were looking at. She turned around quickly and paced towards Cal as she grabbed fists full of his dress shirt. Before Cal knew what was happening he was dragged away from the bar towards the hallway. She looked around to make sure there was no one else there.

Gillian loosened him hard as she pressed an angry finger in his chest. 'I can't believe you. You said that you'd respect the line. That you'd understand and then you pull something like this?!'

'Like what?' Cal asked flabbergasted as he stared at her with open mouth.

Gillian groaned in anger as she gave him a hard push. His back collided with the wall. 'You know exactly what!' She snapped hoarsely.

Cal shrugged innocently.

'The way you talked to that woman. She was trembling with need for you and you know it.' _And so was I._

'So? I used some truth and mixed it with something else. Needy woman tell me whatever I want to know, so I was doing a good job Foster. Wanne tell me why you broke it off?!'

'You were playing me.'

He just shrugged._ It was no use lying to her. She'd see it immediately. '_Yeah, maybe I was partly. Have to find a release somewhere.'

Gillian shook her head as her eyes filled with unshed tears. 'You know that I love you! You know it!' She shouted hoarsely as her face became red. She took the last step towards him and faced him. He noticed how her nostrils flared. 'I love you extremely much and you just played me out there.' She pointed towards the bar. 'You know what effect your words had on me.' She studied him and then shook her head again as she took a step back. He saw pain in her eyes.

'Nah.' Cal said as he shook his head and looked her up and down. 'What effect did they have?'

She read the satisfied look on his face instantly. A slight smile appeared on his lips. Her brows frowned as she looked at his smiling lips.

'We're business partners. I don't want to jeopardize the bus-' Her breathing hitched the moment Cal stepped towards her and placed his warm hands against both of her cheeks as he looked her deep in her eyes. She opened her lips a bit, and she told herself that that wasn't in anticipation of anything; it was because she had trouble breathing. And that was because she was angry not because of the intense desire that flew through her whole body right now.

Cal looked Gillian in her eyes again. Maybe he was looking for approval of her part, because he really didn't want to hurt her.

It felt like this moment was magic, that no one was around, no one was looking, no one was watching them, they were alone, in a field of heated electricity.

Cal parted his lips, he longed so much to feel her lips against his. To feel how soft they would be, to feel how perfectly well they would fit against his, to taste her, to feel her warmth, to feel her against him. Even the thought of kissing her made him go crazy like hell, and there weren't a lot of woman who had pulled that off before. Maybe none. She was the one. She was the one that could do that to him. Like she could put a spell on him. His eyes went to her lips again, so pink and rosy, so inviting.

He held his breath as he slowly moved towards her, his lips aching for the contact, and finally the last inch was almost reached, finally the frustrated feelings that ran through him like wild horses would settle down a bit, finally….

They both jumped apart hard and in shock.

Cal looked with big eyes at Gillian's blazer pocket and the offending sound that had pushed them apart so roughly as Gillian fumbled in her pocket to get the phone that wanted her attention so badly. He hated that phone. He wanted to rip it away from her hands and throw it out of the window. No, rephrase that. He wanted to rip it out of her hands and throw it on the ground with a swift move, and then he would jump on it several times until it would die down! His lips twitched as he watched her place the offending thing against her ear. He never thought he could be so angry with a thing. With a lifeless thing!

If it was Loker, or Ria or Reynolds… They would PAY. He would make them, that was a promise. He looked at her lips, that were so far away now... Again.

Gillian swallowed as she tried to steady her breathing quickly. 'Gillian Foster.' She said professionally but Cal could pick out a hoarse undertone in there. She looked at him as she listened to the person on the other side.

He felt frustration ran through him. A frustration he was familiar with all too much. He remembered the whiskey on his face and began to clean it with a new handkerchief as he sighed to let some of the tension he was feeling out.

'I didn't know you were coming back today.' Gillian's voice came and Cal heard how it sounded different. She was talking to someone she knew intimately. That didn't sound like Loker, Ria or Reynolds. He looked up from his handkerchief and studied her now.

'Mom, no that wasn't my meaning at all-' Gillian said exasperated in the phone.

'I need to take this.' She said as she held the phone to her chest for a moment and looked at him.

His lip twitched and he nodded.

'I didn't have time sooner, it's not like-' He heard her say as she walked away.

Cal clenched his teeth. _Bloody hell was he angry and frustrated right now! _But then he smiled_. She loved him. She loved him extremely much. She had admitted it. And his words had an effect on her_. He smiled even wider.

_Maybe there was hope after all… He wouldn't give up that easily._

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And what did you think?????????


	35. Chapter 35

Thanks so much to all the reviewers! I still have my exams and it's always so much nicer to write instead of study... So here's the next chapter!!! Hope you like it!

**Gillian's Hotel room**

Gillian sighed when she entered her hotel room. She went to stand in front of her window and stared outside in the dark night. Her thoughts went to Mark. The evening he had come to her door unannounced with a bottle of wine.

The conversation she had had with him flashed through her mind.

'Mark, I have to tell you something.'

She remembered how she was standing in her living room. Dreading to let this very nice and attractive man down.

'Oh, O..' He had said.

She had heard the slight fear in his voice. His eyes stood so soft and vulnerable.

Gillian had smiled warmly at him in an effort to set him at ease. 'I really like you-' She began.

'O, there's a but coming, I can hear it.' He interrupted.

Gillian's eyes softened as she pressed her lips together. 'Yes… There is.' She admitted softly as she looked at her lap shortly. 'I'm sorry but I can't..

'I know.' Mark said.

'What? You do?' Gillian looked up at him, surprised.

Mark sighed and nodded defeated. 'Well… It was obvious.'

'What was obvious?' She asked flabbergasted. _What was he talking about?_

'Your heart is already taken.' Mark told her as his gaze flicked over her face.

Gillian shook her head quickly as her eyes didn't leave his face. 'No it isn't. I am divorced, you know that.' Gillian explained astonished.

'No, that's not what I mean Gillian. It isn't taken by Alec.' He shook his head. 'I so hoped that I was wrong but I'm not, am I?' There was a pleading look in his eyes.

'What are you talking about?' Gillian asked puzzled.

Mark smiled widely. 'Even clueless is a good look on you.' He said warmly as he smirked.

Gillian's cheeks flushed as she looked away shyly for just a second.

'Cal Lightman. I never was a match against him was I? I don't understand how Alec was but…' He studied her as he narrowed his eyes in an attempt to read her. 'Maybe Alec wasn't either….'

Gillian shook her head in denial as her mouth opened.

'Either way, it's not something I can go up against sadly enough.'

'It isn't like that. Cal and I we are…. Just friends.'

'I know, so you said before. And Gillian, I think that is a mistake. I would be the last person to tell you this because obviously, I would enjoy having you around like that, but maybe that isn't meant to be.. And maybe I don't have to tell you this, because you're the expert here, the psychologist, but I have seen how you react to each other and how you both look at each other when you think the other one isn't watching. You should be more then 'just friends'.'

Gillian shook her head in denial as she stood up. 'No. You don't understand. We're just friends. I can't begin something new now.'

'I'm afraid to get hurt too. My wife left me for another man. Just like your husband did with you. But do you really want to miss a chance like this? Someone that you're so in sync with?' Mark told her.

_O god, why couldn't she just love Mark? __That would make things so much easier._

Gillian sighed out loud as her finger traced a pattern on the cold glass of the hotel window. _Yes, it would have made things easier. But she knew, that you shouldn't ignore your feelings. That what she wanted in her head didn't have to be the same in her heart. You could try to push it away in the beginning, but it would come back to haunt you if you did so. Ow, how many times she had told her patients that when they were feeling things they didn't want to._ She straightened her skirt when there was a short, impatient knock at her door.

'Yes?' _Was it Cal?_ She braced herself as she watched the door open to reveal Ben.

'What was that about?' He demanded as he pointed towards the other room where Loker and Ria were still monitoring Cal in the casino.

'What?' Gillian asked confused. She still was with her mind with Mark and Cal. She shook her head as big eyes swooped over his dark face.

'The marriage scene between the two of you.' Reynolds explained in an annoyed tone.

_O, that._ She sighed annoyed as her shoulders slumped a bit. 'She isn't the one we're looking for Ben.' Gillian's short reply came as if that was the simplest thing in the world to her as she walked towards her suitcase.

'And you know that how?' Reynolds asked surprised as he put his hands in his sides and stared at her.

'I told you before.'

'Are you making this personal?' He asked.

'Personal?' Gillian asked astonished as her blue eyes looked up at him from her suitcase.

'Yeah, Lightman and you.' He explained as if that was clear as day.

'No, Ben. This is purely business.' _Was she lying? She didn't even know that anymore._

'So he wasn't talking about you moments ago?' Reynolds answered in a low impatient voice.

'He was talking about his new love interest, how should I know about that?' Gillian replied easily as she focused on getting the last of her clothes in the suitcase so she could close it properly. Somehow her bags always seemed smaller when she came back from a trip.

_O yeah, she was good. He was glad he didn't have to pick a fight with her, well not many times at least. 'So the throwing drinks in his face was purely business?'_

'Yes it was. I played his wife there, she wouldn't be happy with him seducing another woman would she?' Gillian said as she walked towards the small bathroom to get her toothbrush.

Ben shook his head confused. 'So now we've got nothing.'

'If I hadn't interrupted he would have been in bed with her and then we still would have had nothing.' Gillian snapped from the bathroom.

'Or _**you**_ would have had nothing.' Ben's reply came from the bedroom which made her freeze and stare at her own mirror image in shock. She could actually read herself in the mirror and she hated that because she didn't like what she was seeing on her face right now.

'What did you say?' Gillian asked in a high pitched and careful tone as she walked back to the bedroom.

Ben made a sound between his lips and seemed to strengthen himself before he looked at her again. 'You heard me.'

'You think I am compromising this? You think I compromised finding the person who almost killed me? Who put me through horror?' Gillian asked as she tried to keep her anger inside. _She shouldn't lash out at him._

Reynolds straightened himself and went to stand from his left foot on his right and then on both again. He swallowed. _He hadn't meant it like that._

'No, not if you put it like that.' He came with a softer reply.

'Good.' And she didn't want to know how he did want to put his comment.

'You don't know if Gigly could be useful, that's what I'm trying to say.' _Or at least, that's what's safe to say obviously._

'I know Cal.'

'Yeah, she knows me so well.' Cal said as he stormed in her room now too.

'I'm outte here.' Reynolds said as he put up his hands and left surprisingly fast.

Cal watched Reynolds leave and then stuffed his hands in his pockets as he looked at her. 'So how were things with your mother?' He asked as he looked up at her.

Gillian swallowed. 'Not very well.' She shook her head. 'She was very angry that I hadn't called to tell her about the gun that I borrowed from them. Apparently they got a letter from the FBI that the gun is being held their because it was used in a murder. She was very shocked and found out from the neighbour that I was the only one that had been in the house. She's very angry with me for not telling them.'

'Sorry luv.' Cal said gently as he suddenly stood in front of her when she looked up.

She nodded sadly as she felt his hand comfortingly against her cheek.

'And I'm sorry if I-' He made a few gestures with his hands. 'You know, pushed you and hurt you.'

She nodded and he bended towards her and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. _Just like they always did._

Gillian put her hand on his warm and rough cheek.

Cal studied her face as he held his breath. _He didn't dare to move, as if he was afraid the moment would pass too soon, and that she would flee again.._

Gillian was looked at his mouth. 'Cal.' She whispered breathlessly as her thumb caressed the stubble on his skin.

Her soft finger traced the lines of the corner of his mouth. He could hear the shaky breath leaving her mouth as she bended forward and softly placed her lips against his while she stepped closer to him. The moment their lips locked his brain seemed to shut down immediately. All that he could feel were her soft, warm lips pressing against his. He felt how she pressed her soft, curved body up against his and how her kiss became heated. Cal obliged willingly as his hands went around her waist to pull her even closer. It was wonderful kissing her, it was like how he imagined heaven would be.

Their embrace and kisses suddenly became very passionate and heated as Cal pushed a panting Gillian against the wall and pressed his body hard against hers. He loved the moan that erupted from her throat instantly.

'Cal..' Gillian uttered breathlessly as his mouth devoured the sensitive skin in her neck. The places he had studied so often but was never allowed to touch.

'I want you.' She whispered in a desire filled voice that made him even more aroused then he already was.

Cal looked up from her neck into her darkened eyes and swallowed deep as he gave her a wicked grin. 'What did you say?' He asked teasingly as he eyed her response. _He so wanted to hear that again from her. She'd only said those words in his dreams and fantasies, never in real life. _His eyes went to her lips as he waited for her reply in anticipation.

Her long fingers grabbed his shirt and pushed him against the wall this time. She placed her lips against his and kissed him passionately while her hands roamed heatedly over his chest. 'I…. Want….You..' Gillian uttered between kisses as she put her hands under his shirt. His breathing hitched at the feel of her warm hands that were roaming all over his naked stomach, sides and back.

Cal had always thought Gillian to be a passionate woman, but this passionate, it made his heart swell with love that she wanted him so much. She put her hands against his cheeks and kissed him long and hot as her tongue roamed through his mouth, battling with his tongue for dominance. His rough hands felt the bare skin on her back until it reached the back of her bra. He put his fingers under the bands and went agonisingly slow to the front until his fingers pushed against the side of the very soft flesh of her breasts. She trembled instantly at that contact and he bended forward to kiss her cleavage. His tongue went over the swell of her full breasts. Gillian grabbed him and took him away from the wall and they both stumbled onto the bed.

Cal loved the feel of her body underneath him. _This was exactly one of the fantasies that had kept him awake at night. And now finally he was able to do this, she allowed him to_. He began to undo her blouse to reveal more and more of her cleavage. She moaned in pleasure. He looked at her black lacy bra and put his hand against her left breast to lick the exposed flesh.

'Cal.' She uttered as he gently put his knee between her long legs to part them but she had already done so and wrapped them both around his waist. A groan left his mouth at the tight grip her slender, strong legs had around his waist instantly. He almost went through the roof the moment she pushed her hips up against his.

'Gillian.' Cal groaned in a warning.

She just smirked as her fingers feverishly explored the rippling muscles on his back, sending goose bumps all over his body.

He tried to calm himself down to take the time but he almost couldn't. He was so aroused that he had trouble waiting. Instead he flicked his gaze towards her freckles and studied them. He loved the freckles that were displayed on the swell of her breast and in her neckline. He wondered where else on her body he would find these same freckles.

Cal's hand caressed her cheek lovingly as he lowered himself further on top of her and made sure to close any distance their still had been between their bodies. They both moaned at the intimate contact.

'You're-' Cal began but he couldn't talk anymore when Gillian moved her hips against his straining erection. 'God in heaven.' Cal uttered in a hoarse tone. 'You want me dead?' He asked astonished at her rough teasing.

'I don't want…' She panted heavily as his hands went over her bare stomach. 'To wait any longer.' She managed to tell him between gasps.

Cal smiled and loved the way her body reacted to the simplest touch of his hands.

'I want to make love to you Gill.' He said as he looked her in her eyes. He felt that there was no woman in his whole life he ever wanted more then her.

She bit her lip as she gave him a frustrated look.

'Are you sure about this?' Cal uttered as his finger caressed her cheek lovingly. _He needed to know for sure. _

Gillian groaned in frustration and put her hands on his buttocks and pulled him hard against her body. 'Is that enough answer?' She asked out of breath and it was the most beautiful question he had ever heard her ask.

He decided that the teasing had to be over now. The longing burned so hard in him that he kissed her hard and passionate.

Gillian put her arms above her head and his hands followed the soft skin on her arms and to his delight he noticed the freckles there too. _They made her seem so innocent, so sweet._ His chest pressed harder against her soft breasts and his arousal was pressing against belly.  
_She was so soft, so sweet-_ He suddenly looked up in her eyes and froze.

Gillian instantly felt that there was something wrong and she stopped moving against him and tried to read his face. Her blue deep gaze made him realize something that he had somehow pressed to the back of his head weeks ago.

'Cal?' She asked in ecstasy, but the feeling quickly got pushed away and was replaced by instant worry when she read fear and anger off his face.

_That was what she was, so pure, so sweet and innocent. She was heaven_. Cal pushed himself up. He needed to get away from her before he wouldn't be able to anymore. 'We need to stop luv.' He uttered hoarsely. _He wished that she would unwrap her long, slender legs from his body, because if she wouldn't, he wouldn't be able to stop anymore._

'What?' Gillian asked hoarsely as she swallowed hard and sat up straighter as she let go of his hips. She gave him a confused look.

They were both panting hard, their chests heaving up and down from the arousal they both had felt and were still feeling.

'We shouldn't be doing this.' Cal said as he climbed off the bed and gave her a shocked look. His eyes went to her blouse that revealed her black bra and the exposed flesh of her breasts. The otherwise milky, marble coloured skin had become red now because of the kisses he had assaulted it with.

'What?' Gillian asked again as she sat up straight now. Her hair was tousled, her lips were swollen and red, her cheeks were flushed… _She looked so beautiful and attractive._

Cal swallowed hard and deep as he read utter astonishment of her face, confusion, hurt… So many things. 'You were right. You were right all along. I should have listened to you.' He said as he began to put his shirt back in his trousers_. If only his arousal wouldn't press that hard against his trousers!_ He took a deep breath to calm down.

'What are you talking about?' Gillian asked confused as she got up from the bed too. Her brows were knitted together in a frown. _She was annoyed._

'This.' Cal said as he gestured between them. 'It can't be. You're right.'

'But-' Gillian began with a dry throat. Her eyes grew wide in shock. _She didn't understand it. She was extremely confused._

She watched as he walked towards the door. _Was he planning on leaving? Just like this?!_

'Cal don't you leave right now!' Gillian ordered towards his back as she walked towards him. 'I thought that this was what you wanted?' She asked with hurt in her voice.

Cal turned around and swallowed as his eyes raked over her form. 'It is.' _O god, it really is!_

'Then what?' Gillian asked with big eyes.

His lips twitched.

She stepped further towards him. 'You're angry.' She read off his face. 'Did I do something wrong?' Her voice sounded insecure at this last question.

'No.' Cal bit his lower lip as he looked away. 'I was a fool to think something could be between us.'

'Cal…' Gillian began. 'Something **is** happening between us. Something **was** happening between us…' She said as she pointed at the bed heatedly. 'I hope you noticed.' She panted as her eyes went to his trousers where she could still see his apparent arousal.

Cal shook his head and swallowed hard. 'I noticed, believe me, I did.' _How could he not have?_ He took a step away from her. _If he'd stand close to her he'd probably jump her. He had to leave, right now._

'Then what's going on in there?' Gillian asked as her eyes went to his forehead and she took another careful step towards him with narrowed eyes.

Cal looked from the wall at her, right in her blue eyes. 'The case is going on in there Gill, I have to get the rest of the money.' He lied as he wanted to turn away from her.

She put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him back to face her. 'Don't.' She shook her head as she looked him straight in his eyes. 'Please don't.' Her eyes pleaded with him.

Cal knew instantly what she was asking: _don't lie to me_.

'The truth please.' Gillian asked as she bit her lip. _She felt so vulnerable right now_. Her eyes became watery.

He just looked at her, his mouth half open, his eyes on her face. So many emotions on her face right now, and so many things he was feeling inside of himself right now. He was having a big inner battle with himself.

'I swear to you Cal, you're not going to walk away from this without telling me exactly what's wrong.' Gillian told him when he didn't react to her question. _She wouldn't be able to take it if he would just leave like this._

Cal heaved his chin as he made eye contact with her. His breathing hitched when he saw the vulnerable look on her face. And the determination. He licked his lips. 'I'll destroy you. Pollute you.' _She wanted the truth, then she'll have it._

Gillian was taking aback by his words and took a step back. Her eyes didn't leave his face and she noticed how his gaze turned cold. 'What?' She whispered astonished. _What was he talking about?_

Cal took a step back too, away from her. 'Just like I'm saying. You were right, I would only hurt you. You're too sweet, too lovely, too everything…' He shook his head as he took another step away from her.

She braced herself as her mouth fell open and she felt the muscles in her neck work. _Too sweet? Too lovely, too everything? Weren't that positive things? How could she be 'too' of everything?_

_H__e'd already done it. He'd already hurt her, he could see it in her face_. Her eyes were glistering with unshed tears.

'Cal..' She said as she stepped towards him and her hand reached for his cheek. _The psychologist in her knew that he was distancing himself from her, pushing her away._

'Don't.' Cal said. _She couldn't touch him right now. He didn't want her comfort. He just wanted to leave. He was angry with himself. Very angry. _He clenched his teeth.

Gillian frowned her brows as her big blue eyes took his facial features and posture in. 'Don't do this.' She pleaded with him in a shaky voice as she slowly shook her head.

He swallowed when he saw a single tear leave her left eye. He didn't budge. His eyes kept standing cold. The tear made it's way down her cheeks, making a blunt trail right through her freckles to stop for a moment on her jawline.

'How can you turn from hot into cold just like that? Talk to me.' He heard her say somewhere in the distance. He was already gone in his head.

He had put up too many walls, she was too far away already. 'I just did.' Cal said with a bitter undertone. 'I'd destroy you.'

'I'll be there myself Cal. I won't let you.' She said defiantly as she lifted her chin. _But it was no use, she could see it in his eyes. She couldn't reach him anymore. He had shut himself down. _

'I already had a bad influence on you. It's better that I hurt you now, then later when we're in this too deep. I'm sorry luv, I really am. You were right all along. It just took me too long to see that I should have listened to you.' He said the words but it was like someone else was saying them. _They sounded mechanical to his own ears._

'No, Cal. You shouldn't have listened. You were the one that was right. I was afraid. But now I admitted to myself how I feel about you and I want to give this a try. No matter the consequences. Because I don't want to live with the idea that I never tried. And as for you hurting me, I'm a grown woman Cal. I think I can take it. And I'm the one to decide about that.' Gillian said in a strong determined voice.

He shook his head dismissively. 'Nah, not about this luv.' _He'd ruin her. How could he have forgetten that? How could he think for even a moment he could be the man for her? How could he have been so selfish?! Her fears had been right. He would hurt her. Not because he wanted to, but because that was what he did. He wasn't good with people. At least, not very good. And she, she was an expert, she was the preliminary design of sweetness and caring. He didn't deserve that. And he sure as hell wasn't allowed to blemish that._

'You were the one who wanted to try this remember?' She tried in an astonished tone.

'I can't, I changed my mind.' He said roughly. _This conversation had gone on too long already for his liking._

He watched how her eyes filled up with pain and he couldn't take that anymore so he turned to leave as quickly as possible.

When Cal opened the door Reynolds was standing right there with his fist in the air ready to knock. He gave them a suprised look. 'Hey, you two need to come to our room. I just got some important info.' He told them as his eyes flicked from Cal to Gillian and then back.

Reynolds saw the state of her blouse and tried to not let his gaze linger. He focused on her eyes and then looked back to Cal again. The skin on her breasts was red, something had happened between them. And it hadn't ended well by the looks of it.

Gillian swallowed and masked her hurt feelings instantly. She nodded at Ben. He nodded back and left.

Cal left too without looking back.

00000

Please let me know what you thought because I found it difficult to write some scenes... Was the 'heated' scene convincing? (I hope so!) I promise you the story will be about the case very soon again!


	36. Chapter 36

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for the long wait! I have the last chapters written but I wasn't happy with them. So I lost inspiration for a bit and didn't have time to write for a few weeks, but here's the next chapter. Thanks so much to all the reviewers for letting me know what you thought! That's a really big help and motivator!

**Chapter 36**

Cal left the room as fast as he could walk. He sped back to his own hotel room where he hurried towards the window. He sighed deep as he leaned his hands on the window sill. He needed to feel supported by something, he felt that he couldn't hold his body upright anymore without any help so for now the window sill had to do that for him. His heart was beating wildly and he felt awful. He couldn't get the look on Gillian's face out of his mind, the hurt on her face, in her eyes. He sat down on the bed and rubbed his face hard with his hand. _What a mess. What a bloody mess._ _How could he ever get out of this? How could he ever face her again? Have a normal relationship? That seemed impossible after what he'd pulled now. She'd never forgive him. And who could blame her? He'd practically used her, left at the most intimate moment they could ever have. He had run away. While he had promised not to hurt her, he had done just that. _Cal stood up as his eyes fell on the black suitcase that would have a lot of money in it very soon. _He couldn't face her. He didn't deserve anything from her anymore. He had ruined it. And maybe that was for the best. Cuz he was good in ruining things. Better show her now, then have it happen later. He felt like such a loser too, he had pushed her into giving in to him. And the moment she did, he had been the one pushing her away. It only added to the hurt he'd caused her. And he hated himself for that. He hated himself unimaginably at the moment._

**Gillian's hotel room**

Gillian took a few steps back until she felt the bed pressing against her legs. She let herself drop down on the soft mattress. She sighed deep. Her whole body trembled. She didn't know what to do. _He doesn't want you. No, that wasn't true. He did want her. She had felt it. She had felt the desire that had coursed through him, the arousal Cal had felt._

_Hurt, she felt hurt. She felt rejected. And it was like a stab to her heart that made her body flinch in agony. _She inhaled a shaky breath. Gillian tried to get some air in her lungs but it seemed impossible. She had trouble breathing as her eyes became watery. It was like a hand clenched around her heart. She put her hand against her throat in a futile attempt to stop her throat from constricting any further, it felt as if she was going to choke. Tears began to pool in her eyes.

Gillian walked towards the bathroom and stared in the mirror at herself. She breathed in deeply and tried to calm herself. She needed to go to the others. She needed to be professional. Even if she felt like breaking down. They were waiting for her. She couldn't let them wait any longer. She inhaled breath again, but still it felt like the grip on her throat wouldn't become less. Like the oxygen wouldn't reach her lungs.

She bended and washed her face with cold water. Hoping it would make her feel a bit refreshed. _He only did this because he thought she couldn't take it. He was afraid. Cal was afraid, that's why he did this. You know that. You know how it works with him. You know his mechanisms. _

_Then why couldn't she just see it that way?_ Anger flashed through her like a burning fire that swooped around itself, beginning at the pit of her stomach. She clenched her fists and stared at them. _She was angry. Angry because Cal had rejected her. Like that. In the middle of sex._ _She had let him that close and he had just…_ The tear leaked from her eye now. She wiped it away quickly with an angry gesture.

Gillian moved back to the bed to get her blazer_. She was angry because she had made herself vulnerable, she had opened up to him and he had pushed her away_. _She felt the need to protect herself. She felt the need to shrink into a little figure somewhere far away where no one would find her._ But instead of shrinking she straightened her back and tried to even her breathing. She then noticed the state of her blouse and began buttoning it up.

_How should she act? She had no idea. No idea how to go further from here. But it was too confusing for her that Cal had been the one to push her, and when she finally gave in, finally made a choice, he had pushed her away. Maybe she should stay with feeling angry._

_ She could come up with different reasons for Cal's behaviour. She could understand his behaviour as always, but that didn't take the fact that he had hurt her away. He didn't believe she could decide for herself, he had made that decision without asking her. That made her angry too._ The last button closed over the red spots on her skin. She straightened her skirt and breathed in again while she encouraged herself with positive and comforting words_. Now she had work to do_. _She could collapse later on, when she was alone. _Gillian put on her blazer and tried to ignore the dull pain that ran through her whole body and felt like torture. It was pulling her down, back on the bed or on the ground even. Forcing her to not move anymore, to sit there, passively and hurt.

_But she wouldn't listen to that. She wouldn't become passive. She would get through this. They were waiting for her. Ben, Loker and Ria. _

Gillian walked towards the door and had a professional mask plastered on her face in less then one second.

**Central hotel room**

'Where's Cal?' Reynolds asked. _They had waited for them for what seemed like ages. _

'I don't know.' Gillian said surprised. 'He isn't here?' She asked as she looked at Loker and Ria. She looked away quickly when she saw how Ria's big brown eyes took in her form. She knew instantly that Ria saw immediately that she wasn't feeling well.

Loker got a surprised look on his face as he too studied Gillian and then looked back at Reynolds.

Reynolds sighed irritated.

'Loker, would you please go and see if Cal's in his hotel room?' Gillian asked.

Ria looked up in surprise. _Usually Gillian would go by herself, why this sudden change in her behaviour? What had happened? _

Loker straightened himself and nodded at Gillian as he left.

'What did you find?' Gillian asked softly as she walked towards Ben.

'I wanted to wait and tell all of you.' Ben answered.

'That's good, but I'm curious.' Gillian said as her eyes swooped to a file on the table. _She couldn't wait to bury herself in work to think of anything BUT Cal._

'Okay.' Reynolds said as he looked at the file and put his hand in his pocket. 'First off they couldn't find out where the microphone that they put in your pocket came from. So we got nowhere with that. But I also got some good news: the police found a valuable witness. I thought one of you might want to talk to her. They found her while she was doing Angela's garden. She's a friend of hers and she also knows John. She claims to have worked together with them.'

Gillian's interest was sparked immediately and she straightened her back instantly at this interesting information.

'A witness?' Ria said surprised and enthusiastic.

'Yeah, and she knows quite a lot.' Reynolds said gladly.

Gillian smiled._ That was a good think. That meant that they could finally get somewhere and that she could get away from here._ 'I will talk to her.' Gillian decided quickly. 'I will leave immediately. I think my presence here isn't of as much use as it could be at the Group. I was planning to go back anyway to go through every evidence and video we have again. I'm going to look at this from another point of view.' Gillian informed everyone while she looked at Ria, Loker and Reynolds with a serious and determined look.

Ria noticed how Gillian's face stood somewhat harder then usual, as if she was hiding something, and was trying to control it which was taking her a lot of effort.

**Bar**

**Well wasn't that interesting? Lightman and the woman go together to a room and just when her patience is out and the tall black guy comes to call them away, Lightman comes storming out and he doesn't look happy at all. He doesn't even see her when he passes her. **

**That's a big mistake Lightman. A very big mistake. She smiles.**

** He's losing his touch. And so is the Foster woman. It won't be long now, she's sure of that.**** He probably isn't aware of one of the oldest rules in the game: that you don't do your job very well when you're emotionally involved. And that's exaclty why she NEVER get's involved with anyone. And as for the emotional part? **

**She doesn't do emotional.**

**The only emotions she has or feels are disgust and hatred. And that's a good thing, because it drives you. It gives you power and strength. **

**Central Hotel Room**

'Loker, I want you to come with me.' Gillian's even voice came when Loker entered the room again.

'With you? Where?' He asked astonished. _How was he supposed to know what she was talking about? She was behaving weird._

'We're going back to the group.' She said decidedly as she looked behind Loker, expecting Cal to come up behind him and begin to yell at her.

_O, he would probably tell her 'no' immediately, or he'd ask what was going on._ She waited for that moment with trembling hands but the spot behind Loker stayed empty.

'He wasn't there.' Loker told them.

'Where is he? I said it was important didn't I?' Ben said confused as he looked at Gillian. He frowned his brows in irritation and looked at his watch impatiently.

Gillian nodded.

'He's there.' Ria's voice came as she pointed at one of the monitor's where they saw Cal walking through one of the hallways.

'What's he doing?' Reynolds asked surprised.

They all followed Cal to the next monitor, the one of the bar where he went by.

Gillian inhaled in shock when she noticed the black suitcase in Cal's right hand. Her mouth opened and she couldn't talk for a few seconds.

'Is that the suitcase that's meant for the money?' Loker asked as he pointed at the suitcase. He took the words right out of Gillian's mouth.

'Stop Lightman right now! He's nearing the entrance.' Reynolds barked in his phone at the security downstairs.

'What is he doing? He doesn't have all the money yet does he?' Gillian heard Loker said behind her. It was like everything became a big blur to her and she could only see Cal leaving the casino with that suitcase. And she dreaded what he was planning to do with it.

'No, but they don't know that.' Ria said in a monotone voice as her eyes were glued to the screen.

Gillian felt anger building up inside of her again, _how could he do this? He couldn't just leave!_

'We have to stop him.' Gillian said urgently as she left and hurried down the hallway as fast as she could in her high heels. She knew she'd be later then security to get to him but she couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Her nostrils flared as she sped down the stairs to the first floor. He was making this one of his solo-actions. He had pushed her away and now he was pushing everyone away. She should have seen this. Should have anticipated to this.

Gillian ran towards the doors out on the parking lot and saw that his car had disappeared.

_Too late._

_She was too late._

She stared at the empty spot in front of her.

'Sorry mam, we couldn't get to him in time.' A voice behind her said.

Gillian turned around and nodded at the security guard.

_Damn it Cal!_ She clenched her fists in anger as she narrowed her eyes.

00000000

Well, I hope you liked it. Please let me know! I'll try to update as soon as possible, when I'm happy with the chapter I'll post it!


	37. Chapter 37

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for the long wait but my life was really busy and I had a bit of a writer's block. I wasn't happy with the ending I had written first. But I'm getting there... This isn't the last chapter of the story. There'll still be a few but it's a work towards the ending pretty soon!

Please let me know what you thought! xxx

**Chapter 37**

**Her eyes took in the entire scene before her like a hawk. She was trained to take in her environment, to scan for danger. She had been one of the best in the army. She smirked. Her smirk quickly left her face when she saw the subject of her current job leaving the front of the casino in a hurry. She wasn't very good at reading people but she could see that he was up to something. She looked down at her PDA which she had linked to the camera's of the casino. He and doctor Foster were in some sort of fight again. She concluded that from the way he had stormed out of the hotel room only minutes ago. What was weird was that the rest of the team didn't seem aware of him leaving, WITH the dark suitcase.**

**_This had to be a trick. He wouldn't go out on the streets alone with that much money._ She put out her cigarette as she looked at the car that she was leaning against. _It wouldn't be hard to steal this one._**

**One moment later she slit in the drivers seat with ease and bended to do something with the wiring. All the while her eyes were kept on Lightman who took his own car. Again she looked at the entrance of the casino, but there was no one there. She knew Lightman was a man who did a lot of solo actions. Maybe this was one of them.**

**He drove by her and she waited before she began to follow.**

**_But could he really be this stupid? By making himself such an easy mark?_**

**_No, something was wrong. There had to be._**

**She drove off when she saw the Foster woman running out of the casino. Her eyes went to the back mirror to see the woman in her neat black dress staring after her and shaking her head disappointed.**

**'What crap did you get yourself into Lightman?' She said out loud as she smiled. _What a soap opera this man had going in his life!_**

**The smile left her face as determination marred her features again.**

Gillian shook her head as she looked at the road in front of her and didn't see Cal's car leaving. Of course that would have been something just to hope for, that she could see him leave so she could catch up with him. But somewhere deep inside of herself, she knew he was long gone already. And if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't. The fear that had already settled in the pit of her stomach minutes ago was now replaced by a tornado of sickening nausea that ran from her organs towards her throat. She breathed in deeply in an effort to calm herself and her raging nerves. She put her hand against her stomach. _This wasn't good, this wasn't good at all._ Her eyes watered as she shook her head in anger.

Gillian walked towards the parking lot. _Maybe he hadn't taken his car? Maybe he had gone by foot. _But that idle thought quickly left when she found his former parking space empty. She stared at the empty concrete space in front of her. Her mind was racing about what to do.

She heard footsteps behind her but didn't take the time to look up.

'I can't get a hold of McPhea the loan shark Cal borrowed the money from.' Ben said as he closed his phone. He let his hand roam frustrated over his face.

Gillian finally looked up at the tall man.

And what she saw there, she didn't like. _There was something else he hadn't tol her yet. And he didn't seem happy about sharing it._

'There's something else.' Gillian said as she read Ben.

Ben's eyes looked up at her and his hand froze in his face.

'What is it?' Gillian prodded_. It couldn't get even worse then it already was could it?_

Ben sighed annoyed as he looked away. 'We found the nine million that Cal has gambled together. It had been sent to a special account in Switzerland first, and then it has been transferred to an account on the Cayman Islands. Our experts have been busy for weeks to get it back. When you want to get to the money you need a special code. John had arranged it that if a wrong code was given out the money would be transferred to the second bank: in the Cayman Islands. Now we've got it back.'

'And what has that got to do with Cal now?' Gillian asked confused as her brows knitted together. _She didn't care one bit that they the money back. It all didn't matter. Not if Cal was in danger. Not if that lunatic who was doing this all was still out there._

'Cal only won about one and a half million these past days. He owes the loan shark four million. We can pay that now but he doesn't know that.' Cal had left before he could give the news to him too. 'And that made me wonder: Why would he leave with the suitcase without enough money? He must have had something planned all along, without letting us know.' Ben told her.

'No…' Gillian shook her head as her eyes studied his dark ones. She pursed her lips together and she suddenly felt the need for chocolate, very much chocolate. _Chocolate to comfort her, to support her. _'It's possible that he didn't plan anything.'

'What do you mean?' Ben asked as his brows knitted together in astonishment but also in irritation.

Gillian looked away as she sighed. _She knew Cal. She knew him very well. Maybe, she was one of the persons that knew him best. _

'When you came to my hotel room half an hour ago, we were having…' _How could she call it?_ 'An argument… and it was pretty heavy this time.' She shook her head angry. 'I think he did this in an impulsive reaction.' _And that was exactly why she was so very afraid. Her hand went to her nose bridge to pinch it in frustration. If she thought she had reached the utter low point that was possible with feeling frustrated, hurt, angry and sad about half an hour ago when he had left, she had been wrong. It seemed like nothing compared to how she was feeling now. Compared to not knowing and feeling powerless. And having to fear for his life. Again. And the worst of all was that she didn't instantly know how to get him out of this mess. How to be there for him, and how to protect him. And it seemed that Ben was just as clueless on that subject as she was. And that wasn't a good sign. Not a good sign at all._

Ben shook his head. _Of all the stupid things Lightman had ever done, this had to top all of them._

He studied Gillian quickly and saw that she looked as if she was on the verge of breaking down. Worry seemed to spill out of her every pore and she didn't know how to handle it. Neither did he.

'He's there with no protection what so ever! How could he do this!' Gillian snapped in a panicked tone as she pointed towards Cal's empty parking spot. 'We don't know where he is, how will we ever find him?' Her blue watery eyes looked at him. 'If he's not somewhere in a gutter already.' She bit her lip as she looked away and tried to steady herself.

'I don't know what to do. I can't do anything.' She said as she put up her hands towards Ben and shook her head again. 'I can go and drive around the city aimlessly but there is no chance that I'll find him is there? I could go and question the witness but I can't bear to be even further away from him while he might be in so much danger.' _How could he do this?_

'There are four cars out there looking for him and the police is informed. There's nothing more you can do if you'd search for him.' Ben said. He had ordered half of his team to go and find Cal the moment he had disappeared. He knew that wouldn't reassure Gillian. Nothing would right now.

When Ben looked at Gillian again he was witness of a true transformation. She had turned into the professional psychologist he had gotten to know this last year. Her face didn't show any feelings anymore but determination. Once again he noticed how strong this woman was.

'Then I want to talk to the witness, you said she had valuable information.' Gillian said.

Ben nodded.

**Somewhere on the road..**

Cal looked in the back mirror of his car. Nothing, he wasn't being followed. His eyes went to the black suitcase. He smirked. The mailman would come after him soon enough. He was an easy target now. All alone. What better opportunity would there be? It was probably just a matter of time.

Cal sighed as he thought of Gillian's reaction. She would probably be very angry. Not to mention Reynolds' reaction. _Well, it just had to do_. He thought as he rounded a corner and sped the car up.

**Police Station**

Loker narrowed his eyes as he studied the witness that was sitting in front of him and Gillian. He wondered how Foster managed to stay so calm, he himself had to keep himself calm with a lot of effort. He wanted to grab the witness and have all the information that could somehow lead them to Lightman instantly. But he knew that wasn't an option right now, sadly enough. He looked at Gillian and wondered again where she got the talent from to radiate calm en easiness at this moment.

'I have no idea what could have happened to her.' Cecile Gravely said. 'It's so horrible.' Tears left her eyes as she shook her head.

Gillian nodded as she studied the woman in front of her. She was in her mid thirties and had dark brown hair. Her eyes were an odd colour, they almost looked grey. Cecile Gravely had been doing Angela's garden. When a cop had noticed her and asked her a few question she didn't seem aware of John's dead but she did seem aware of many other things that could be very valuable to them.

Cecile had a tight frown in her brows right now as she looked from Loker back to Gillian.

'First John and now Angela.' Cecile mumbled sadly as she put the handkerchief against her nose.

'John?' Loker asked.

'Angela?' Gillian asked simultaneously.

The police had asked Cecile a few questions but they hadn't been going on that long before Ben was informed. Ben told them to wait until the Lightman Group was there to question the witness themselves.

Cecile nodded as she looked up from her handkerchief.

'Yes, we all knew each other. O, yes Peggy. That was her name before she changed it. I have to admit that I liked her new name better: Angela. It sounds so much nicer and sweeter doesn't it?'

Loker gave Gillian a look. Gillian nodded at Cecile Gravely.

'What do you mean with: before she changed it?' Gillian asked as she bended further towards Cecile. She felt the white table they were sitting behind push hard against her abdomen.

_Gillian knew that Angela Pointer had changed her name but she wanted to hear it all from this woman. She wanted to understand, she wanted to know Angela's motivations. She couldn't wait to get all the information Cecile had out of her. She wanted to pull it out of her instantly but she knew that wasn't possible. So she had to keep as calm as possible._

Cecile sighed heavily as she fumbled with the handkerchief and finally put it away in her pocket. She reached for a tissue.

'Angela had been through so much.' Cecile shook her head sadly. 'Her husband had committed suicide only one year ago.' Cecile looked up at Loker and Gillian.

'She wanted to start a whole new life.' Cecile told them as she stared at the farthest wall deep in thought. 'She felt so guilty, their relationship was bad for a while there. But he found out that she had betrayed him with another man. It was such a horrible time for her. And then he committed suicide. It was awful. She couldn't stop thinking about it. And who could blame her? How do you get over a thing like that?' Cecile shrugged as she looked at Gillian questioningly. She then shook her head. 'I think you don't…. You can't.' She put the tissue against her eyes again. 'She really loved her husband. And it was wrong of her to cheat… But that didn't mean that she didn't love him.' Cecile stared at her feet.

Loker looked at Gillian and nodded. _Gillian remembered that they had found out that_ _Angela Pointer's husband had come to the Lightman Group to find out if she was cheating. And the answer had been yes. Was this what it was all about? How it had all begun? Angela had wanted to take revenge on Cal for telling her husband about her other lover? Had she blamed Cal for her husbands suicide? It were all possibilities. _A lot of thoughts flew through Gillian's head.

'What happened then?' Gillian prodded gently.

'She was depressed for a very long time. Nothing helped. She didn't want to get out of bed. She blamed herself, stopped eating, stopped caring. Until months later, suddenly she began to change. All this time I helped her. I helped her with her house, with her garden and made sure she ate enough. One day she came out while I was working in her garden and she told me that

She had sold her house and was going to move to another neighbourhood. She had found a new job and had changed her name.' Cecile coughed slightly and then sighed deeply. 'Ow…. I can still remember her face so well that exact moment. She was so glad. It sounded like a fresh start for her, and I believed that it really was.' Cecile bit her lip as she looked at Gillian. 'I thought it really was.' Her eyes began to water again.

Gillian softly put her hand on Cecile's hand. 'I'm sorry.' She whispered soothingly.

Cecile nodded as she gave Gillian a grateful look.

'And where did you know John from?' Loker asked.

'We all worked together for the Kaleidos firm. Nothing special, at least, I only did administrative work, so did Angela. John was accountant there and Jane was accountant too. On Friday's we used to go and have drinks together and we somehow got befriended. It was nice while it lasted. With the four of us. I enjoyed it very much. Angela, John, Jane and me.'

She took a deep trembling intake of breath as she shook her head in confusion. 'I just don't see how this could have happened. First John get's shot and now… Now Angela, just like that.'

'And where is this woman called Jane?' Loker asked. His fast question deserved him an annoyed and pointed look from Gillian. _He knew that she had wanted to show empathy first. But he just wanted to have answers from this woman._

Cecile shrugged. 'I don't know. She just seemed to have disappeared from the earth… I haven't been able to reach her. I wanted to tell her about what had happened to John, but she never reacted to my voicemails.'

Loker's eyes twinkled with hope as he looked at Gillian. _Could it be? Could this be the woman that had put them through all of this? Or was it just an idle hope?_

'What is her full name?' Gillian asked as she took her notebook and a pen.

'I already told the police that it's Jane Morrow. I don't think she has anything to do with this.' Cecile said as she shook her head.

'Why do you think that?' Loker asked as his eyes swooped over her face.

Cecile gave him a hard look. 'Because she was a friend of mine. A friend of Angela and John. That's why.'

'John was also a friend of you.' Loker said.

'Yeah so?' Cecile said with a hint of anger in her voice.

'He tried to poison Gillian and-'

'-Loker!' Gillian snapped as she put her hand in front of him to stop him. _Confronting her like this might make her shut down and then they would have nothing at all._

Loker gave Gillian an annoyed look as his mouth snapped shut angrily.

'Would you get something to drink please?' Gillian asked.

Loker's nostrils flared as he reluctantly stood up and left.

'I'm sorry. We all have a lot to take these last weeks. Could you please go on. Anything you know could help us.' Gillian said in a sweet comforting tone.

Cecile nodded and smiled slightly at her. 'Yes of course.' She studied Gillian's face shortly. 'Is it true? Did John really try to poison you?'

'Yes.' Gillian nodded.

Cecile looked away. 'I'm so sorry that he did that to you. The police told me but I- ' She looked up at Gillian again and shook her head. 'I just couldn't believe it. Or maybe I refused to believe it. It's just too much to understand. I never thought he could do a thing like that.' Cecile began to cry again.

**Room next to interrogation room**

'I think we got something.' Reynolds said as Loker walked in. He was staring through the mirror at Gillian and Cecile.

'Jane Morrow. Wanted felon, has been in the army where she was a good fighter and soldier.

But after the many traumatic experiences she had had while being in the war she had changed. She had been fired because of misconduct. After that they suspect her of killing numerous people. But they could never get her.'

'It could be her.' Loker said as he looked at Gillian and Cecile.

'I already sent a search out for her. But it'll be difficult to find her. She hasn't been in one place since ten years now. She moves around a lot.'

_Yeah sure, things never could be just easy. They just had to be difficult!_

'Let's hope Gravely here comes up with some more information about her.' Loker said as he took a sip of his coffee.

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What did you think?


	38. Chapter 38

Hi everyone, I'm SO SORRY for the long wait! I lost my inspiration for a bit because I wasn't happy with the way I had written these last chapters. But now I've changed them and finished the story, so I'm going to post the last chapters! I promise to post them regularly and won't make you wait too long for the ending. Hope I haven't lost my readers and that you'll still want to read until the ending (which is very soon now!) and please let me know your thoughts/ opinion?

**Chapter 38**

Cal looked through the alley and sighed as he nonchalantly put his hands in his pockets. _They sure were taking their time._ Before he could even feel the hand on the back of his head and neck his face collided with the hard stone of the building in front of him. _It had started._

**Lightman Group**

'Doctor Foster? It's your mother on line five.' Heidi said as she leaned around the door to Gillian's office.

_O, no! Not now_. Gillian pinched her nose as she sighed long. 'Please tell her I'll call her back tomorrow. Tell her that I'm in the middle of something.'

'I will. O, and Miss Gravely is waiting for you.'

'Sent her through please Heidi.' She wanted to talk to Cecile as many times as possible. She had to know every single detail, every part of information the woman could have on this case. It might help with finding Cal back. And it also was the only thing she could do, the only thing to not feel this powerless. It had been a day since Cal had left. Gillian sighed as she pushed that thought and the cold worry that spread like ice water through her stomach away.

Heidi nodded and left.

'Doctor Foster.' Cecile said as she walked into the office. Gillian stood up and gave her a hand. Cecile looked tired.

'I feel so bad about all of this.' Cecile said as she was pointed to a chair by Gillian.

'Why?' Gillian asked in a sweet voice as her eyes swooped concerned over Cecile's face. 'You haven't done anything wrong.' Gillian told her as she closed the file in front of her and put her full attention on Morrow's old friend.

Cecile sighed as she sat down in one of the chairs in front of Gillian's desk.

'Don't you think I should have… Noticed something?' Cecile's big eyes looked up at Gillian. 'I knew them for years. That they would do such a thing…' Cecile's features were painted in regret. 'To you and your colleagues. It makes me feel ashamed.'

Gillian stood up and went to sit next to her as she put her hand on Cecile's knee comfortingly. 'That wasn't your fault.' She said in a sweet, comforting tone.

'I know, but why does it feel like it is?' Cecile looked at Gillian and then shook her head angrily as she looked away. She clenched her teeth angrily. 'If I was able to see through people like you can, I might have seen this sooner. And I might have stopped all of this. Now John and Angela are dead. And Jane… She's on the loose.'

'It must be very difficult for you.' Gillian said softly. _Jane. She wanted to know who Jane Morrow was, she wanted to see her in front of her. She wanted her behind bars, in jail and maybe even in pain. Just a bit pain. She wasn't the vengeful person, but now she was coming close after all that this woman had done to them. Jane Morrow._

'I can't believe…. Do you think she killed them?' Cecile asked as she looked up at Gillian with big eyes.

Gillian shook her head. 'I don't know. But it's weird that she can't be reached anywhere.' She said as she walked towards the window and stared at the dark clouds that were coming in and were bringing nightfall with them.

'Do you miss him?'

'What?' Gillian asked confused as she turned towards Cecile. 'Who?'

'Your husband.'

'My husband?' Gillian asked confused as she shook her head and her frowned her brows. _How did Cecile know that she had been married?_

Cecile nodded astonished at Gillian's surprise. 'Your partner? You told me that he is working alone right now?' She remembered Gillian.

'O..' Gillian said quickly as she smiled lightly. 'He's not my husband.' _She had to swallow something thick in her throat away and tried to stop thinking before her brain would pick up on those words any further then they already had. She felt how she suddenly could count her own heart beat and how the cold, clenching feeling in the pit of her stomach came rushing back upwards. _

'No? O, I'm sorry… I just assumed…'

Gillian's eyebrows rose at that. Her hand sought the window sill for support.

'The way you talked about him, I thought…' Cecile studied Gillian shortly. 'Well, sorry, that's my mistake.'

'He's a very close friend.' Gillian explained with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She put her hand on her stomach as she looked outside again.

'Well, you can't have enough of those.' Cecile said as she stared at her handbag.

Gillian smiled warmly. _That was so true_. _She worried about Cal. She missed him. She missed him very much. Even though she was so angry with him. That was nothing new though, being angry with him AND missing him. He still had so much power over her, even if she didn't want him to. Even when he wasn't around. Even when he pulled something like this…_ Gillian pursed her lips together and fought the tears that welled up in her eyes_. She couldn't cry. Not right now. _

'I hope you're partner will be all right and that he'll be back soon.' Cecile offered friendly.

Gillian sighed and went to sit behind her desk again as she nodded. 'I hope this will all be over soon. And now, thanks to you, we do have a name now. Maybe if we find Jane Morrow that we will know more.'

**An alley..**

'Oy, just go a bit easy on the bones yeah?' Cal snapped against the wall. His lip had cracked and blood was seeping in his mouth_. He hated that taste. That copper taste._

**Lightman Group**

Cecile stared at her lap. 'I'd be so afraid. That's probably the difference between me and you.' Cecile looked up at Gillian with sweet eyes. 'You're such a strong woman.'

'Not always.' Gillian admitted with a slight smile. 'And it doesn't feel like that a lot of times.' She trusted in Cecile.

'No?' Cecile questioned softly.

Gillian smiled and shook her head as she looked at Cecile. They had talked so much the last hours that they had formed some sort of bond.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry in your business like this.' Cecile apologised quickly as she looked away in shame.

'O, no. I don't see it like that.' Gillian began quickly and friendly as she shook her head in denial at the other woman.

'I just see how you keep yourself standing and well… I admire that.' Cecile said honestly.

'Thank you Cecile.' Gillian said as she smiled at her.

**Alley**

Cal dared to look behind him and saw that a gun was being held very close to him. _Just like he had thought. And a masked person. A woman judged by the voice._

'Is this your plan? I thought you had expected me to try and steal the money.' The woman said.

'I did.' Cal said as his eyebrows rose casually at her.

She laughed at that. 'And this is all you come up with?' She said with disdain in her voice as she held the gun aimed at him.

'Yeah. Kind of is. You think it's a bad plan?' He asked as he looked at her sideling's.

**Lightman Group**

'I had a colleague in my workplace once. After years I found out that I loved him. I kept it to myself. And watched him go off with someone else. I regret that every day. It's hard, relationships between men and woman.'

Gillian nodded. 'Yes, it is.'

'I can't help but wonder how it'll be as his wife. When he would have my kids. But sometimes life doesn't go as in the movies. They say everything will be okay, but for a lot of people it isn't. That's sad isn't it?'

Gillian nodded. 'Very sad. The world would be a nicer place if things could go like you wanted them too.' She said as she tried to put a wall between this conversation and her own thoughts about Cal and her. And she succeeded, because she was an expert at putting walls down.

'Do you look different at life now? Now that you nearly died? It makes you see things in another perspective doesn't it?' Cecile asked.

Gillian's light eyes looked up at the woman. _Cecile was trying to bond. Was trying to get to know her._ Gillian smiled at her.

**Alley**

'I followed you since yesterday, I bet you didn't even notice me. You've got no back-up what so ever. There's no one around, no cops. Is that a plan Lightman?' The woman bended towards his ear and he felt her black mask tickling against his skin. 'Or do you just have a death wish? You had a bit of a fight with the old lady maybe?'

'Actually, I kind of did yeah.' Cal answered nonchalantly.

The woman sighed. Her warm breath tickled his neck. 'Sad…' She shook her head in disgust. 'Really sad. I knew that you were impulsive, but this must top it. I expected more from you. From the great doctor Lightman. I thought you were smart and dangerous. I'm very disappointed. You're just too easy.'

'Sorry to disappoint you then, wouldn't want to have that ey?'

**Lightman Group**

Gillian looked away in thought. 'I still have to get used to the idea that I almost died I think. I felt so horrible at that time that I didn't have time to cope with it. Afterwards my body was so sick that I only slept for days and days.' She thought of Cal, how he had helped her. How he had been there for her.

'I was in a car accident years ago. The car ran into me, I was on my bike. And that moment I felt like a rag doll. It's unimaginable how fast a car can come up and rip your life away from you.' Cecile began as she looked at Gillian. 'Of course you know that it can, but knowing and experiencing it is something entirely different. When my body fell on the pavement there were a few things that shot through my mind. I thought I was going to die. You know, those things you wish you'd done differently. That you would do differently if you had a second chance.'

'Like what?' Gillian asked curiously.

Cecile shrugged. 'My whole life I've lived for others. Always putting them first. Not looking at what **I** wanted. I'd change that. I had a husband that hit me, I filed for divorce after my accident. It's like going through worse things like that gives you perspective.'

**Alley**

'So we finally get to meet.' Cal said as the woman turned him so his back was against the wall now and she was facing him.

'Yeah.' The woman said as her eyes darted through the alley.

'You're going to take my money away again.' Cal concluded dryly as he tried to study her face and reaction which was hard with the black mask she was wearing.

'Yep.' The woman said again as she looked right at him.

_Her eyes were brown. _

'You let me work, hurt my partner, hurt me, let me work again and then take my money away.' Cal summarized.

'Yep, that's about it, it's a really good summary. And I think that's nice.'

**Lightman Group**

'You almost wish that there are easier ways to make you see things from another perspective.' Gillian said as she smiled softly and thought about what had changed for her. 'For me, there didn't change a lot.'

'Maybe you already were doing what you liked.'

'Yes I guess I was. I already divorced. And I knew what I wanted. I love my job. I love working with people. That didn't change.' Gillian's eyes lowered to the desk.

'What?' Cecile asked as she saw something on Gillian's face.

Gillian shook her head. 'No, nothing.' _Cal._ She remembered when she was sick with the poison. _He had said that he had loved her. She loved him too. Extremely much. She remembered how her hand had grabbed in the still air, how her frightened heart settled down the moment his hand grabbed hers. Support. And then she remembered him and Emily, taking care of her. He was there for her. Always was. Shouldn't her almost dying experience have taken away her fear of making the wrong decision? Of losing him? Of being hurt by him or rejected? What if she had died? And suddenly her heart felt heavy. It ached for him. Cal. Yes, she missed him. She loved him._

**Alley**

'What is nice?' Cal asked.

'Letting other people work for you, that's nice don't you agree? And really really smart because not everyone can get away with that.' She said cockily.

Cal shrugged. 'I like doing my own work.' He told her.

'Guess you do. You're some sort of Saint I guess. You know how the saying goes: the good get a bit of fun, but the wicked have all the fun.'

'You calling me good?' Cal asked.

'Yeah.'

'That's a mistake really.' Cal said as he looked right in her eyes. 'I'm everything but good.'

**Lightman Group**

'I think that's nice.'

'What is nice?' Gillian asked as she snapped out of her thoughts.

'It's nice if you have what you want already.'

**Alley**

'So tell me, did you enjoy poisoning Foster?'

'I'll tell you something else, you're gonna show me the money right now or I'll pull the trigger of this very nice gun. Is that clear?' She threatened impatiently.

Cal nodded. 'Yeah, yeah sure. Whatever you want.'

She pulled him away from the wall as she still had the gun against his head. Her eyes flicked through the alley to make sure that there was no one else around.

**Lightman Group**

'There are more things that I want, but for the moment, I'm satisfied.' Gillian admitted. _Minus one thing. _

**Alley**

The woman closed the black suitcase and laughed as she looked at him.

'Well, it's less then I expected but it's still a lot. Our ways part here Lightman.' She said as she pointed the gun at him.

'Can I give you a bit of advice maybe?' Cal asked as he put up his hands questioningly at her.

'Sure you can.' She said casually and feeling completely at ease.

'Just calling me not smart and all…' Cal began as he fiddled with his hands. 'Well, that's a bit here and there, but you shouldn't underestimate someone that quickly. I do have plan a you know.' He said as he bended to see the side of her face.

'That's nice.' She said in a bored tone. 'I think you can conclude that your plan wasn't working. Goodbye Lightman.' She pointed the gun at his head.

00

What did you think? Please let me know! Thanks xxxx


	39. Chapter 39

Hi! Thanks so much for your reviews! It's really nice to know what you think. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 39**

'Just before you shoot…. Maybe, I dunno, you could look behind you an' all..' Cal offered nonchalantly as if his life wasn't on the line. He narrowed his eyes when a tall man behind the masked woman in front of her that had the gun trained at his face hit her in the head. She fell on the ground in front of him.

'Ouch.' Cal said as he looked down at the moaning woman that was lying near his feet. 'That must have really hurt.'

He studied the tall man in front of him and his eyes went from his broad shoulders to the wrench he was holding in his hand. He shrugged as he smirked at the man and then squatted near his attacker.

'You see. This was my plan.' Cal said as he pointed towards the man. 'The money wasn't mine anymore for a while. It's theirs. And they don't like it when someone tries to steal it. They're really dangerous those guys. Loan Sharks and all.' Cal looked up at the strong, big man that was standing on the other side now. He smirked. 'Trust me, I should know.' He said as he saw a group of five big men walking towards them now.

The woman gave an angry moan as her hand caressed the back of her head. She didn't seem able move around more then that.

Cal studied her and narrowed his eyes as he put up his lip and brought his hand to the mask that was still covering her face.

'Let me help you there.' He said in a chivalrous tone.

'The money Cal.' The man in front of him said.

'Sure, sure, it's all yours and the rest is coming.' Cal said as he pointed towards the suitcase that had fallen down next to his car. 'A bit impatient there.' He mumbled as he pulled off her mask and the man walked towards the money.

Cal just stared blankly at her. He had never seen her in his life.

'So, that's the one who poisoned your woman?' One of the group asked as they had reached them.

Cal pushed the blonde hair out of the woman's face and put up his lip shortly. He looked up at Jake, one of his old friends. Or enemy's, which ever way you wanted to see it. At the moment friend obviously.

**Lightman Group**

Cal walked through the hallway and saw Reynolds standing still in the middle of it with his hands in his pockets.

'Oy, don't you got work to do?' Cal asked.

'I just got off the phone with a colleague.' He said in a matter of fact tone. 'You could have gotten yourself killed.' He snapped after that.

Cal sighed and passed him on the way.

'Why did you hire me Lightman?' Reynolds barked as he turned around to face him and began to follow the smaller man.

'Cuz you're a good cop.' Cal answered casually over his shoulder.

'Then why did you shove me aside?' Reynolds snapped impatiently behind him.

_He was fed up with this._

Cal suddenly stopped and put his hands in his pockets as he turned towards Reynolds and shrugged. 'It was nothing personal.'

Reynolds stopped just in time so he wouldn't bump into Cal.

'It is to me.' Reynolds told him heatedly as he shook his head. 'There's just no working with you.'

'Yeah yeah, I know.' _As if he hadn't heard that before._ He looked further down the hallway as if he could see Gillian's office from here. 'Did you tell her?' Cal asked as if the other subject they were talking about was over now.

'Are you even listening to me?' Reynolds said in a low tone as he bended angrily towards Cal and narrowed his dark eyes.

Cal studied Reynolds face for a second and noticed how the man's nostrils flared and how tense his eyes stood.

'Yeah Reynolds I was. I heard ya. Now did you tell her that I'm back and what happened?'

Reynolds shook his head tiredly as he straightened himself again. 'I'm not cleaning your mess. You can tell her yourself whatever it is that you want.' He made a tired and sarcastic sounding noise as he put his hands out of his pockets and gestured around him wildly. 'Man, I can't wait how you'll explain this to her. You even know how worried she was?' Reynolds asked angrily as he took a few steps towards him.

Cal looked down at the ground at that. 'Yeah.' He said softly. 'Yeah I can imagine.' _He could fill that one in all by himself. He didn't even need to be anywhere near her to know that. And that atop of what he had done in the hotel room, yeah, this was a really crappy situation he had gotten himself in. It felt much more crappier then having a gun pushed in his face. _

'Fix it.' Reynolds ordered as he kept staring sternly at Cal's face.

Cal looked up again and put a nonchalant mask on his face. 'I'm planning to. Was just my plan..' He mumbled as he turned around, away from Reynolds and began walking again.

**Reception, Lightman Group**

'I think it would be fine if you take that file and put the numbers in there, that way it's most efficient.' Gillian explained Heidi as she pointed at the two pages that Heidi had in her arms.

Heidi nodded.

'Gillian.' A voice said.

Gillian and Heidi looked up.

'Mum.' Gillian said in a surprised tone as she felt the colour drain from her face. _She had expected to have to face her mother, but not so soon. She felt flabbergasted and unprepared for this visit her mum had decided to give her. She had shoved facing her mum away for as long as possible and now she was too late. She could see in her mother's eyes and posture that it had made her even angrier then she'd already been days ago. _Gillian sighed inwardly.

'I just went to the FBI to get our gun back.' Her mother said as she heaved her chin angrily at Gillian.

_Great, her mother would barge right in with everything. _'Mum, I don't have a lot of time right now.' Gillian said as she nodded friendly at Heidi and took her mothers arm to guide her towards her office.

'Time?' Her mother snapped as she took her arm roughly away from Gillian. 'Just like you didn't have time to tell us that your life was in danger and that you almost died?'

Gillian was shocked. _How did her mother find out? She hadn't told her that when she had spoken to her mother last time. Her mother had called her angry to know why she had borrowed the gun._

'You didn't think I would find out?' Her mother snapped as she read her daughters face.

Gillian felt ashamed. 'Mum please, in my office.' She pleaded in a whispering tone as she opened the glass door to her office. Her mother passed her and marched in. She dropped her handbag on the ground and twirled angrily around to face her daughter.

'I have to find out from some guy down below in the cellar of that FBI building who put my gun in with other evidence found in some case. He asks me worried how Doctor Foster is doing? And tells me that she got away with it pretty luckily. I ask why. He says your life was threatened for about a week, that you were poisoned, that you almost died and if I didn't know?'

Gillian managed to walk towards her desk.

'Do you know what I had to say Gillian?' Her mother barked as she stepped towards her. 'I had to say: NO, I didn't know that my daughter was poisoned and that her life was in danger.' Her mother gave her a long and cold stare. She shook her head as she took a step back from Gillian. 'My own daughter. Is that where we got to Gillian? I know I'm not important to you but this? HOW COULD YOU!' Her mother shouted.

Gillian put her hand on her desk for support.

'I-' She began in a trembling voice.

'You would just let us find out when you were in a coffin? And we could come to your funeral?' Her mother shouted angrily.

'Doctor Foster?' A voice came from the door. Gillian looked up at Heidi. 'I'm sorry to disturb you but miss Gravely is back.' Gillian had told Cecile to go walking for a bit and have a break before they would go further with any questioning.

'Could you ask if she can wait ten minutes please? Offer her some coffee?' Gillian asked in a soft voice as her brain was working and working of how to explain this to her mother. _She'd never been able to have a good relationship with her mother. That's why she had always tried to keep her distance. But she had to admit that her mother was right this time, she should have told them that she was dying. Because if she had died, it would have been awful for them to find out like that._

'Of course.' Heidi said as she gave Gillian a comforting look.

'Ten minutes?' Her mother barked insulted the moment Heidi had left.

'Mum, I have to work.' Gillian explained as she put up her hands towards her mother. 'I can understand that you're angry and I want to explain but you can't just barge into my office and expect me to push away my clients and drop everything.'

'And maybe that's the problem! You're always working. Isn't that why Alec left you?'

Gillian's eyes grew wide in surprise and hurt and she straightened her back instantly. She opened her mouth to say something but her mother was quicker.

'Do you think he went to seek comfort in another woman's arms just for nothing?'

'Mum!' Gillian warned in a hoarse voice.

'It's time that someone told you the truth.' Her mother snapped as her blue eyes swooped like a hawks over her daugthers face.

'No.' Gillian said as she shook her head as she pointed at her mother. 'You're blaming me for things that are none of your business, you're venting your anger and it's not in the right way.' She put her hand against her chest.

'Don't pull that psycho crap on me Gillian!' Her mother barked as her blue eyes narrowed angrily.

Suddenly Cal walked in.

Gillian's eyes grew wide as she looked at Cal, her mouth fell open. She looked from him back to the door he had just walked through. It was like her body turned from shock into numb all in a few seconds. The shock of this was just too big. Her mind couldn't think logical anymore. _Was she hallucinating? _

'Well, well, if it isn't doctor Lightman.' Her mother said bitterly.

'Miss Alexander.' Cal greeted as he nodded at Gillian's mother. 'I just came to visit Gillian.' He said casually with a smirk on his face as he looked at Gillian.

Gillian swallowed and closed her mouth quickly. The cold feeling she had been experiencing earlier came back but it turned in a heated mass of fire in her stomach that shot up to her chest quickly wanting to be released. _O, the nerve to just walk in there like nothing had happened, and then that casual and nonchalant behaviour of him only put oil on the burning angry fire in her chest._

'We were just chatting about Gillian's wellbeing. I bet you knew that her life was in danger too?' Miss Alexander's eyes swept over Cal's from quickly.

'Mum stop this!' Gillian said as her eyes grew even wider in horror. _How could her mother act out like this? And this was so badly timed!_

'Come to think of it, she's becoming more and more like you.' Her mother snapped at Cal.

Gillian's mouth fell open again.

Cal lifted his chin up to meet Gillian's seething mother. 'And why's that?' He asked nonchalantly and curiously as if this whole situation was some light-hearted joke.

'Ever since she met you you're the one that's always on her mind. She's becoming just like you, not caring about other's anymore. Not even about her own mother!' Her mother snapped as she gave Gillian a cold look. 'She should have stayed a psychologist and started an own practice, then she would still be with Alec and-'

'Mom stop this!' Gillian suddenly shouted. She had lost her control now. 'How dare you? How dare you barge in here and insult me like this and insult Cal?' She walked towards her mother and pointed heatedly at her. 'And you know nothing about Alec and me!'

Cal saw how Gillian's face turned red. _She didn't need this. He felt for her._

'That's true Gillian, I can only guess!' Her mother barked heatedly. 'Because you never come around, not even when you're dying. I have to lose my only daughter to one of your stupid cases!' Her mother shouted at Cal.

'Mother stop this!' Gillian ordered angrily.

'O, I will.' Her mother gave a vile look at Cal and then left.

Gillian leaned against her desk now and bit her lip to keep her tears away. _She didn't want to cry. She would not cry. There was always time for that later, when she was alone. At home._

'She didn't mean what she just said.' Gillian apologized for her mother as she avoided making eye-contact with him.

'It's okay.' Cal said as he walked towards her and put his hand comfortingly on her back.

'No, it's not okay.' Gillian snapped curt as she straightened herself and stepped away from him. 'And don't touch me.' She looked him straight in his face. 'You don't get to do that, you don't get to push me around Cal.' Gillian snapped.

He put his hands in his pockets as he looked at his feet. 'I know what I did was wr-'

His words were interrupted by the shrill ringing of her phone.

'Gillian Foster.' Gillian said. She nodded as she listened to the person on the other side. 'Yes. Thankyou.' She looked up at him. He could see the hurt in her eyes, on her whole face.

'The lab just called. The woman you caught by your solo-action is confirmed to be Jane Morrow.' She grabbed her coat from her chair.

Cal's mouth fell open. _How had she known that fast? Of course, Reynolds.._

'Oy, where are you going?' Cal asked astonished as he saw her moving fast.

'I have work to do.'

'But I wasn't finished yet.' Cal said as he felt a stab of hurt in his chest.

She turned towards him with an angry look. 'I wasn't finished with you either in that hotel room and you made your choice. These are the consequences.' She bit at him.

'What? You're learning me a lesson now Foster? I was wrong I was-'

She sighed irritated as she turned back towards him shortly. 'I'm not learning you anything. I'm watching out for myself right now. I'm so far away from my feelings right now that I don't even know what I'm feeling or thinking any more besides indifference towards you.' She told him in a flat tone before she left.

**Cal's office**

Cal sighed as he dropped himself lazily in his desk chair. He put on his computer annoyed. It was clear to him that Gillian was working on something and was leaving him out of the loop. She had seemed way too preoccupied, especially given the fact that she was worried about him. He knew her, she would have been worried sick and she wouldn't have been so engrossed with something else, unless it was very important.

Cal typed a few codes and brought up the video's of the last few days. He smirked. _Oww, how he loved his camera's!_

He played with his pencil as he watched Loker walking through the hallway with Torres on his screen. He pushed the video forward until he saw Gillian. His mouth fell open as he bended towards the screen. He narrowed his eyes. _What was she doing? _He narrowed his eyes even further. He didn't understand. He forwarded and watched how Gillian gave Torres and Loker instructions. He watched a video from an hour later on that day, that was yesterday to be exact. His lip pulled up and he almost had his nose against the screen of his computer.

_What in the bloody hell?_

000

Well... I'll post the next chapter VERY soon! Hope it wasn't too confusing or that it didn't went too quickly but it's all linked with each other, you'll see that in the next few chapters.

Please let me know what you think? Thanks! xxx


	40. Chapter 40

Thanks so much for all your reviews! They really make me happy!

O did anyone already saw s02e16? The last minutes made me SO HAPPY! I loved that scene! So sweet and funny!

Anyway here's one of the last chapters. After this might still be two chapters.

**Hallway**

'Ben.' Gillian said as she ran into Ben in the hallway.

'I've got good news.' Reynolds said as he smiled at her.

_Good, she could use some good news._ She looked at the file in his hands. _She didn't think she could take anything more today… She had put herself on automatic pilot since this morning._

'The money is transferred back to your account. All of it.' Reynolds announced happily.

Gillian's mouth fell open. 'All of it?' She asked astonished as she moved her hand towards him. 'You mean ALL the money that Cal won in the casino?'

Reynolds nodded.

'But… That's a lot..' She stammered, _she couldn't believe it. That was good news indeed._

'Yeah, a big lot yeah.' He grinned at her. 'So, is it safe to say that all the problems are over now?' Ben asked carefully.

He saw the sorrow in her eyes when she looked up. 'I mean, with the... Not with Cal and you but-' He stammered quickly when he saw the look on Gillian's face.

Gillian put her hand on his arm to stop him. '-Yes, it's safe to say.' She breathed in deeply. 'I almost can't believe it. We've done it. Jane Morrow is behind bars. She was the last one of them. We can all go on now.'

'And in a very good way.' Ben said as he smiled widely. 'It'll be a while before you're in money trouble ever again.'

She smiled. 'Yes. Thank you Ben. That's just what I needed.'

'I think we all need a very long rest now.'

Gillian smiled. 'Yes, I think so to. Maybe a small vacation. I'm just going to Cecile to tell her.' She said as she pointed through the window where Cecile was standing in her office.

'O, wait.' She stopped herself from moving and took Ben's arm to pull him in for a hug.

Ben smiled as he hugged her back.

'Finally it's all over. I almost can't believe it.' She said near his ear.

'Yeah, it's a lot to take in after everything that happened.' Reynolds said with a sad undertone.

Gillian straightened herself again and gave him a dazzling smile.

'Yes, but we pulled through. On to new times now.'

Reynolds looked at her face and hoped that everything would turn out fine again very soon.

**Gillian's office**

'Cecile, I've got good news.' Gillian said happily as Reynolds saw her enter her office.

'Really?' Cecile asked as she stood up.

Gillian nodded cheerily.

Ben smiled as he left.

**Reception**

'Oy.' Cal said as he walked towards Heidi. 'Foster, where is she?'

'She went home doctor Lightman.'

Cal looked at the clock on the wall. It was only four o'clock. 'Already?' _That was nothing for her. That wasn't a good sign. He wanted to catch up with her and ask what she had been doing these last days. And he needed to talk to her about some other things too._

'She went home early, to rest she said.' Heidi explained.

Cal had his mouth open as he studied Heidi shortly and then nodded.

'Yeah, we could all use that.' _Good on her. But not on him. Rest, she went to rest. She needed it, especially after the clash with her mother this afternoon. She'd already been drained and that had probably taken it's toll._ He sighed as he pondered about what to do. _Maybe he should let her have the rest and see her in the morning. He could get an explanation from her then as to what the hell she'd been doing and thinking these last days. Or maybe he should go to her now? _

**Gillian's home**

Gillian sighed as she looked with weary eyes out of the window in front of her kitchen sink. She felt extremely tired. The kind of tired that made her feel like her legs and arms were made of led. The kind of tired that wouldn't go away if she would close her eyes. She was tired in her mind. That was the worst kind she knew. Because if her body had just been tired then she could have taken a bath or could have gone to bed early. She knew that if she'd sleep now she'd only feel worse when she'd wake up again. She felt that her eyes were moist but she seemed too tired to cry. She smiled humorously. _That sure was a very bad sign_, she thought as she put her tea mug in the sink. If it took too much of her to let her feelings flow freely when she was alone, that meant that she had gone way over her own borders.

She rubbed her face as the doorbell rung. _If that was Cal_… Fear gripped her heart. _She couldn't face him. Not now. She couldn't… She was too tired to fight him.. Too tired to discuss anything with him. And she didn't want him near right now, not after what had happened. _The bell rang again and she reluctantly made her way over to the door.

'Cecile?' Gillian greeted surprised when she saw the young woman standing there.

'Gillian, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to disturb you but I was feeling so awful and-'

'-No, please come in.' Gillian instantly said as she opened her door further so Cecile could step through. 'I gave you my home address not for nothing. Come, I was just having coffee.' _At least now she could put her mind on something else which might help her through this evening._

'This is so nice of you.' Cecile said as she sat down on the sofa while Gillian made her way to the kitchen.

'I told you that you could always come if there was something wrong or if you were feeling bad. Do you want sugar in your coffee?' Gillian asked from the kitchen.

'Yes please.' Cecile answered with a tired voice.

'What's wrong Cecile?' Gillian asked worried as she put the coffee in front of her on the table and sat next to her.

'Well…' Cecile began as she looked up with big eyes at Gillian. 'Thank you.' Cecile said as she took the mug with coffee and took a sip.

'I need to show you something.' Cecile began as she took a laptop from her bag and opened it on her lap.

Cecile sighed as the computer started itself up. 'I was just working on something this afternoon.' Cecile began sadly as she looked up at Gillian.

Gillian nodded as she looked at the computer and tried to think of where this might be going.

**Cal's Car**

Cal stopped his car and looked at Gillian's front door. He sighed._ He still didn't know what the best action for him to take would be. _He got out of his car and leaned against it with doubt in his mind_. He was going. He was going_. He moved his feet and began to walk towards her door.

**Gillian's home**

'I need help with this.' Cecile said.

Gillian looked up at her with surprise in her eyes. _Cecile needed help with a computer program? _Gillian frowned confused.

**Outside Gillian's home**

Cal still stood there, staring at the front door._ Pondering his options. Thinking about her reaction. Weighing how she had acted this afternoon towards him and if he could somehow predict how she would act now._

**Gillian's home**

'I couldn't open this account.' Cecile explained as her warm eyes suddenly got a cold gleam in them. She smiled but Gillian could see that the smile was fake.

'And I've been having trouble with this account _before _to be honest.'

Cecile put her hand on Gillian's arm and Gillian looked down at that hand on her skin.

**Outside**

_Maybe he should just ring the doorbell and see what would happen. That was usually his way to do things, he wasn't really a thinker. He was impulsive. But not now.. Not now he'd ruined so much between them already. He was afraid that he'd only make it worse. But the awful part was that he felt like every thing he would do or choose would make it worse__ between them._

**Inside**

Gillian's eyes widened as she saw the threatening look on Cecile's face. Her eyes quickly swooped over every micro-expression and facial expression on the other woman's face.

'A lot of trouble.' Cecile said coldly with wide eyes as she stared daggers at Gillian.

**Outside **

_He should, no maybe she was relaxing in the bath, then she would even be angrier. Was he being honest to her by doing this? But maybe if they got through th__ese problems and they had a good talk then she would be able to relax and that would be good for her. And for him._ _He smirked, he was sure that he knew many ways to make her feel comfortable and very relaxed. She'd be as relaxed as she could ever get in his hands. He could read everything off her face instantly; he would know instantly what she liked and what made her tick. _Cal's hand reached for the doorbell.

**Inside**

Gillian swallowed as she instinctively moved away from Cecile on the couch. Her hand sought support against a cushion as her eyes grew wide in shock. Cecile's hand didn't leave her arm. The dark red painted nails dug itself in Gillian's skin.

**Outside **

_He was going to do it._ His finger reached for the doorbell as he moved his arm up. Suddenly

he felt something on his face and his arm got pulled away roughly.

**Inside**

The nails dug in her skin forcefully and drew blood.

'Don't go sweet Gillian. Not now. Not now we're going to have so much fun!' Cecile said in a psychotic tone.

00000

Please let me know if you expected this from Cecile? I am really curious because I was planning on it being a total surprise! (hope it worked?)

O and another question, in the end, do you guys want to read a bit more about Cal and Gillian being together, or just the end and then no chapter after that?


	41. Chapter 41

**Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! O, by the way, I meant the ending of episode 18 of season 2 that I really liked... I'm trying to sent all of you a message back but haven't come to that yet! Thanks again, hope you like this chapter!**

**Chapter 41**

**Gillian's home**

'Stay right there Gillian sweety, right next to me. Otherwise I will really have to hurt you. Do you understand?'

Gillian just stared at Cecile with a dry throat.

'Gillian?' Cecile asked impatiently as if she was talking to a little child when Gillian gave no reaction.

Gillian nodded quickly.

'Good. Good girl.' Cecile said with disdain in her voice. 'Now… The account.' She tightened her grip on Gillian's arm and dragged her towards her again. 'Sit close and still. And listen and then… Talk.' She ordered.

**Outside Gillian's home**

Cal tried to fight but his attacker was too strong and had him in a too tight grip. He got dragged away from the house. He tried to kick his attacker but nothing seemed to work when a second attacker took his legs he was fully powerless.

**Gillian's home**

'I was leaving you know, everything was all right. But then I couldn't get into the account. And I went to this very nice man at the bank.' Cecile began as she looked from her laptop at Gillian. Her voice sounded light hearted, as if she was telling something funny and nice.

Gillian swallowed.

'But he wasn't nice at all. He irritated and annoyed me. He said that he needed some sort of code. Stupid no? So I had to come back ALL THIS WAY and really, my patience is all gone now.' Cecile explained as her eyes were on the screen and she typed some things quickly to open webpage after webpage.

'What… What are you talking about?' Gillian asked carefully as dread spread through her veins. _She couldn't believe that this was really happening._

Cecile smiled. 'Silly Gillian. Dumb silly Gillian.' She shook her head. 'Just type the code of the money and I'll transfer it to my account.'

'Cecile… What are you doing?' Gillian asked as she looked up at her with big eyes and made a move to stand up.

'O, I wouldn't move away if I were you. That makes me very angry.' Cecile warned in the coldest tone Gillian had ever heard as a strong hand dug in her skin and muscle and forced her down on the couch again.

'But… I don't understand.' Gillian began in a helpless tone.

'What's there to understand? I should have eliminated you earlier. When you wanted to shoot Frank in his attic, I should have hit you harder. I should have killed you then. But I liked you. In the beginning that was. Then you just became a nuisance, just like the rest.' She gave Gillian a disgusted look.

'That was you?' _The woman that had hit her unconscious_. _She'd almost been framed for Frank's murder._ 'But… We caught the person that's behind all of this. It was Jane Morrow. She attacked Cal.' Gillian said in a high tone.

Cecile sighed annoyed as she shook her head. 'Really Gillian? You're so stupid! That's really boring me. I hired Jane much later to get the money from Cal while I could influence you to get the bigger amount of money. I don't care about Jane. I just want my money.' She laughed shortly. 'Do you really think that it was a coincidence that you met me? You think I was really doing Angela's garden? I planned it all. I planned to meet you. YOU. Not Lightman. I was sure that I had a harder time to fool him. But you….' She laughed again. 'You are so gullible and naïve!'

'You…. You were behind this all along? You poisoned me?' Gillian asked in a small hurt voice.

'No. Frank poisoned you, but yes, I planned it with him. Together with Angela. Angela became weak so we had to get rid of her. And then Frank became such a nagger so I had to get rid of him.' She shrugged. 'And then everything was as planned until you ruined everything!' Cecile snapped as she stood up and towered over Gillian.

Gillian bended backwards to have as much space between her and Cecile.

Cecile's lips twitched with disgust as she looked down at Gillian.

'I was already on the run, I had planned everything very well. I would have disappeared but you forced me to come back for the money because I had nothing left!' Cecile screamed at the end.

Gillian's lip shivered as she swallowed.

Cecile shook her head disgusted. 'Of all the people I ever met, you have to be the most naïve one. How did you even get to work in your profession? Lie detector?' Cecile straightened her back as her eyes never left Gillian. She put her hands in her sides. 'Pfft! Give me a break. I lied all along to you and you didn't even catch it.' She smiled widely. 'Instead you trusted me instantly. I have to say I'm a really good actress.' She sighed heavily as if this was taking a toll from her as she lowered herself on the couch again.

'Now talking is over. You're going to transfer that money to my account, that's what happening.'

'So you killed Angela, Frank and Flint?' Gillian informed softly.

'Not Flint, that was Frank's doing. He liked to experiment some with his poison, as you might know…' She gave Gillian an evil and satisfied smile. 'I don't feel like talking anymore Gillian, move your fingers and type the code. Or I'll break them one by one.' Cecile said as her eyes went longingly to Gillian's fingers.

It gave Gillian the shivers, she had the feeling that Cecile would enjoy hurting her. Instead of giving in she gave Cecile a defiant look. 'I don't remember it.' She said flatly.

Cecile took something out of her purse slowly and then suddenly slapped Gillian with it in her face. Gillian moaned in pain when her head slapped to the left side and she almost fell off the couch. She could steady herself and prevent herself from falling just in time by leaning on the coffee table with her hand. She looked up at Cecile at that and at the thing in Cecile's hand that she had hit her with. She felt something sticky and warm spreading on her skin quickly as her eyes grew wide when she recognised the item in Cecile's hands as a gun.

'Sweety….' Cecile said as she began to smile widely. 'I will help you remember.'

Gillian touched the side of her mouth and looked at the sticky fluid that she recognised as her own blood. Her hands trembled as she looked back in Cecile's cold eyes.

'The man at the bank gave me a hard time too.' Cecile explained slowly. 'I bet you he was sorry for that! His blood was painted all over the white walls in less then one second.' Cecile bended towards her. 'Is that what you want too Gillian sweety?'

'No, I'll give it.' Gillian said quickly.

'There you go.' Cecile said as she smiled widely. 'I knew you'd remember very quickly.' She said as she put the laptop on Gillian's lap.

Gillian typed a combination and Cecile saw that it went to the next screen.

'You're so weak.' Cecile told her. 'Truly Gillian, what DO you do at the Lightman Group? I mean Lightman, he seems to be good at his job. But you?' Cecile looked her up and down. She suddenly smiled. 'I bet he just took you on to do you, didn't he?' Cecile frowned as she studied Gillian's face. She tilted her head to one side. 'But that's not it is it? Jane kept an eye on you in the casino. You two didn't get together.' Cecile smiled evilly again.

It made Gillian feel cold to the bone.

'Why did he hire you Gillian?' Cecile snapped as she put the gun against Gillian's cheek.

'I… He… We are old friends…He-' Gillian stammered as she closed her eyes to block the image of the deadly weapon that was pressing against her face out of her mind. She still felt the cold metal pushing against her skin.

'-Pity's you?' Cecile filled in for her.

Gillian fluttered her eye lids. Tears filled her eyes up.

Cecile began to laugh again. 'I could see how he would pity a woman like you. You're like a pathetic stray dog. With two droopy eyes. You look so sweet and naïve.' Cecile stood up and walked around the coffee table as Gillian kept sitting on her couch.

Cecile turned towards her again.

'I'd love to rough you up.' She looked Gillian up and down. 'Although you're not really a match for me.' Cecile said as she eyed Gillian.

'Everything… Everything that you told me, was it all a ly?' Gillian asked in a small voice.

Cecile smiled.

'About your divorce, about your car accident? About… Being hit by your husband?' Gillian summed up carefully as she studied Cecile.

'You're pathetic.' Cecile said as she stared down at Gillian.

Gillian stared at her lap with big eyes as she wiped a tear away.

'You're too neat and uptight for me. I'd love to wipe that sweet innocent look off your face though.'

'Why?' Gillian asked as her blue eyes looked up at Cecile with strength in them. 'Can't you handle sweetness and innocence?' She asked as she heaved her chin up.

'O my god.' Cecile said as she shook her head annoyed. 'The psychologist is talking now? Still trying to analyse me Gillian?'

'No.' Gillian said softly as she shook her head. Her eyes didn't leave Cecile's. 'I don't have to. You already told me enough for me to know that you grew up alone. You probably were rejected many times as a kid, I think by both of your parents. You don't have other siblings, and somewhere along the way you shut your heart off for others.' Gillian's eyes studied Cecile's face all the time, missing nothing. 'And after years you grew colder and harder until all you cared about was money and power. Because if you feel power over others, you feel alive. If you do dangerous things, then you feel alive too. Killing someone makes you feel even more alive. As if you are above other people. You killed Frank, your partner. Why? Nine million shared by two is still a lot of millions.'

'He annoyed me, just like you do.' _She was losing her patience now._

Gillian shook her head in pity. 'Someone must have really disappointed you when you were a child. They probably didn't give you enough love. Maybe they left you. Were you alone?' She asked in a sweet tone.

Cecile didn't answer. But her nostrils flared and she clenched her jaw together. She looked away from Gillian.

Gillian straightened her back. 'I bet you were. I bet that you were so alone that you still feel alone today. When you aren't busy with something it hits you, that feeling. You probably just use people, use men to not feel it.'

Cecile's head shot back to face Gillian angrily. She gave Gillian a mean and cold look.

'You mean I'm by having sex, killing, and doing dangerous things I don't have to feel alone?'

'Yes.'

Cecile smiled. 'At least **I** have sex. What about you Doctor Foster? Didn't quite manage it with Lightman did you? He had trouble finding the right place on your body? Or what was it? Was he appalled by you? Couldn't get it up for you? Sick with your innocent attitude? Annoyed by your neatness? I bet you're one control freak.' Cecile looked Gillian up and down again. 'Everything always has to be in place. He's probably sick of you. I would be. Who wouldn't?'

'You can still make this right. It's never too late to give yourself up.' Gillian tried to bargain as she stood up carefully.

'Do you know what this is Gillian?' Cecile asked as she got something out of her handbag.

Gillian swallowed as she saw that she put a silencer on her gun. 'Of course you do. I heard your mother shout at you, you took her gun? Bad girl!' Cecile smirked. 'It was so dumb of you to talk about the money and about everything being over just in front of your office. I could overhear everything.'

Cecile smiled. 'You're mother was angry because you didn't tell her that you were dying. How awful of you! She'd have to go to your funeral without being able to say goodbye anymore. That's just too bad. I love it when people get separated in anger, when they can't say goodbye. It will eat at your mum's heart. She'll feel awful about her last words to you being words of anger and insults.' Cecile smiled again as she pointed the gun at Gillian's face.

'Will there be a lot of people at your funeral Gillian? Will they cry? How about Lightman? His heart will probably break in tiny little pieces, if he has one.' Cecile walked closer to Gillian. 'Don't you regret not having him Gillian? Don't you regret being the good girl all the time? Are you blind? Lightman would go through fire for you, and still you were too daft. I've never seen something so awful, boring and tedious. You and him broke up with a row too didn't you? Anyway, that makes it easier for me, I won't have to go and kill him because he'll probably drink himself to death after this. I can't wait for that! You know what I thought all along when I looked at your face Gillian? I thought; get a life!' Cecile narrowed her eyes and sighed heavily. 'Now you've got nothing left. Being good doesn't pay Gillian, that's something I learned a very long time ago.'

'You're wrong.' Gillian began as she couldn't take her eyes of the deadly weapon that was pointed at her face.

'Really?' Cecile asked as she raised one eyebrow.

Gillian swallowed as she tried to come up with a plan. 'It doesn't have to end like this.' She said as she put her hand out to Cecile. 'I can help you.'

'To become just like you?' Cecile began to laugh hard. 'No thanks.' She looked at her watch. 'Well, party-time is over now, I have to go.'

Cecile pointed the gun at Gillian's face. 'Where do you like to have it doctor Gillian Foster? I'll grant you that last wish.'

'I…' Gillian stammered. She looked cross eyed at the gun that was pointed at her face. She wanted to step back but her leg was already pushing against the couch and she fell backwards into the couch.

'Where Gillian? Choose!' Cecile urged annoyed as she took a step towards her.

'You don't have to do this.' Gillian pleaded wide eyed as she put her hands up in a defensive gesture.

'No.' Cecile said. 'I don't.' Cecile said in a very sad tone. Then her face changed from fake sadness into happiness. 'But I really love too.' Cecile whispered hard. She raised her brows mockingly. 'You can't even make this choice.' She said as she smirked. 'Between the eyes it'll be.'

'No!' Gillian uttered in shock.

Cecile pulled the trigger.

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Poor Gillian, I do feel for her, really I do.

I had to end it here for now because otherwise the chapter would be REALLY long! Just believe me (hihi)

AND AND AND? Please let me know your thoughts!

xxx


	42. Chapter 42

Hi all! Thanks for your reviews! Here's a short chapter but it will explain a lot...

**Chapter 42**

Cecile shot the gun.

Gillian closed her eyes and turned her face away instantly. Fear shot through her tired body closely followed by a big search of adrenaline.

Cecile gave a surprised and confused look when all she heard was a soft click. She angrily pursed her lips together as she pointed the gun at Gillian's face again and pulled the trigger for the second time.

Nothing.

And again.

Still nothing.

Gillian flinched every time that Cecile pulled the trigger.

_How was this possible?_Cecile thought angrily as her nostrils flared in rage as she looked with big eyes at the gun that had never let her down.

'How's that possible?' Gillian asked with big eyes from the couch when she dared to look up.

Cecile swallowed as she gave Gillian an aggressive look. _She was sure that she had loaded the gun just an hour ago._

'Did you.. Did you forget to load it?' Gillian offered slyly.

Cecile ignored Gillian as several thoughts went through her head.

'And you planned everything so well.' Gillian said in a mocking tone. 'I don't know-' Gillian began as she stood up.

'-Stay there!' Cecile shouted as she pointed the gun at Gillian again.

Gillian put her hands up slowly as she looked mockingly at Cecile. She raised an eyebrow at her.

'Given the fact that I'm so dumb, naïve and have failed so miserably in reading a perfect psychotic actress like you, could it be this that you should have put in your gun?' Gillian asked as she held up a pattern of bullets in her hand casually.

Cecile's eyes went to the item in her hands. Then her wide eyes went to Gillian's determined look and the smirk she had around her lips.

'You bitch!' Cecile snarled as she saw the knowing gleam in Gillian's eyes.

Gillian quickly dropped the bullets behind between the couch and the wall where Cecile wouldn't be able to reach it. 'There.' She said as she turned towards Cecile again. Her nostrils flared. The only thing that was holding the two women apart was the coffee table.

'Well, well I might have underestimated you a bit.' Cecile said as she lowered the gun to rest against the side of her right leg.

Gillian nodded. 'Yes.' She said as she looked at the woman. 'You wanted to know how I got this job? I lied to you earlier. It isn't because Cal pity's me, it's because I'm an expert in psychology, I can read people very well Cecile. Or should I call you Joyce?'

'Well, well you figured it out!' Cecile said in a low, dangerous tone.

Gillian had taken Cecile's finger prints only yesterday to find out that her real name was Joyce Drakefield. She had been in the army just like Jane Morrow. She had been fired and had turned into a criminal after that.

'How long have you known?' Joyce snapped as she gave Gillian a disgusted and hostile glare. She walked away from the coffee table towards the window. She pushed the curtain aside to watch the silent street.

'All along.' Gillian answered.

Joyce let the curtain fall shut again as she turned towards Gillian.

'Surprised? I can see that you are.' Gillian said as she read Joyce.

Gillian tilted her head to one side as she looked at the woman. 'Did you really think that I trusted you?' Gillian gave her a mean smile. 'Everything I told you was a lie. I used it to read you. I saw through you all along. The moment you stepped in my office I could read the lies and fake emotions you displayed right off your face.' Gillian explained as she showed her teeth at Joyce. 'I pretended to let you close, I pretended to share things with you because I knew something was really wrong. I let you think that I fell for it. I let you believe. I gave you my home address on purpose; I knew you would come some time. I let agent Reynolds tell me in front of my office so you would overhear. Jane Morrow was just one of your puns. Wasn't she?' Gillian read Joyce's response.

Gillian shook her head and smiled sadly. 'I knew it. And all your sweet talk about your husband hitting you, about your divorce. I bet you thought you could get close to me with that stuff, because I would sympathise because I knew how you felt. So easy.' Gillian shook her head again as she stared coldly at Joyce.

'If you knew all along, why the charade?' Joyce snapped as she walked to the other window and looked outside in the dark night.

Gillian laughed. 'The charade Joyce?' Gillian asked. 'That's why Cal hired me. Because I love playing charade. And you know what that got me?'

Joyce clenched her teeth angrily as she faced Gillian again.

'It got me a full testimony.' Gillian said as she opened her blouse and showed a microphone to Joyce.

Joyce sighed with annoyance as her hand left the curtain. _The streets were empty. At least, the seemed to be._ She looked Gillian up and down_. The woman wouldn't be so stupid to do this alone. _All sort of options went through Joyce's head, a plan was forming.

'You're going to jail for a very long time. And I just had to make sure that they were able to put you away with rock hard solid evidence. You're game is over Joyce. You failed.'

'Reynolds.' Gillian called as she watched Joyce.

Joyce smirked. 'Well, well, you got help.'

'When did you get the bullets out of my gun?' Joyce questioned as she slowly made her way towards Gillian.

'In the hallway I got the gun from your purse, and changed it in the kitchen. Then I put it back in your bag. I didn't feign my shock the whole time you were here. I really was shocked.' Gillian paused to study the threatening look on Joyce's face. 'I wanted to look the woman in the eyes who did this to us all.' Gillian's eyes turned cold as she said that.

'The woman who would go through such a lengths for money. The woman who would kill everyone. And most of all, I want to see that look of loss on your psychotic face. Because that is a sight I'll never forget. I'll treasure it.' Gillian gave Joyce a disgusted glare.

'I'll give you something else to treasure you bitch!' Joyce snapped as she attacked Gillian.

Gillian's breath caught in her throat when Joyce lunged for her. Before the woman could even touch her she got thrown back and was pushed hard against the wall by Reynolds. Gillian exhaled loudly as she tried to calm herself down. She was shaking all over. She heard a lot of noises around her, people storming in her living room, but somehow she seemed to be far away. She stood frozen to the ground. She didn't even feel pain. She felt nothing.

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What did you think?


	43. Chapter 43

Hi everyone! So sorry for the long wait but I lost my inspiration for a while... This isn't the last chapter, the next will be the last one!

Okay what do you guys think of the new episodes of season 3? I'm a bit annoyed I have to say, the way Gillian is acting, or should I say not acting or reacting, they've made her so passive she almost seems like a piece of furniture or something? Not being assertive against Cal and the way he treats her UGH! IT JUST MAKES ME ANGRY! I just wish they gave her some guts!

**Chapter 43**

Cal ran inside just behind Reynolds who was arresting Joyce or whatever the hell her name was. His attention quickly went to Gillian who stood there in the middle of the room like a frozen statue.

'Are you okay?' Cal asked as he studied her. His eyes went to the blood on her face. He felt sick with worry he just wanted to feel her against him. He closed the small gap between them and pulled her flush against him.

'You okay?' He asked again. She hadn't answered. She stood frozen in his embrace.

Cal let go of her reluctantly and took one step back to study her again.

'Gillian are you okay?' Reynolds asked as he walked up to the two.

Cal swirled around to face Reynolds instantly. 'What THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?' He shouted at the tall man. _He needed someone to act out on, all these pent up emotions that had been bottled up these last hours they ate at him until almost nothing was left of him._

Reynolds opened his mouth to answer but Gillian was quicker.

'Cal, it wasn't Ben's idea. It was mine.' She explained quickly, she didn't want that Reynolds had to suffer Cal's wrath.

Cal swirled around towards her as he stared at her long. He looked at her lips, as if to make sure that those words had really come from her mouth. That she was still able to talk after her silence only one minute ago. Then he looked up at her eyes. He tried to read her, but he saw nothing but sadness and tiredness. 'Your idea?' He spat as he tilted his head and watched her every micro expression.

Gillian's head moved back a bit. 'Yes.' _And she didn't want to go into that right now. She felt broken and extremely tired._

'YOU LOST YOUR MIND WOMAN!' Cal blurted out impulsively as his eyes seemed to take in every inch of her body in seconds.

Gillian sighed. Her tiredness got replaced by a flare of anger momentarily.

'Are you talking about my **not** solo-action?' Gillian asked angrily as she straightened her back and pointed at herself. Her nostrils flared as she took one small step towards Cal. _Who did he think he was to shout at Reynolds and at her like that after all he had done? _'Where **I** made sure that I had backup and where I informed my colleagues the way it's supposed to be?'

Cal's lips twitched as he stared at her with his mouth open. He took a step back as his tongue licked his teeth quickly.

His nostrils flared. 'That was different.'

Her blue eyes took his posture in. 'Are you angry Cal? Are you angry with me?' Gillian asked in a calm voice.

Cal could easily pick out the angry tremble that shone through and the way she showed her teeth just an inch more then was necessary for pronouncing these words.

'Here you go.' One of the police officers said who gave Gillian an ice pack. She nodded at him and thanked him.

'Yeah I bloody hell are yeah!' Cal snapped as he looked from her eyes to the ice pack she was holding against her jaw now.

'Well that's good Cal.' She said in a dismissive tone.

He raised an eyebrow at her emotionless answer.

'Because now you know exactly how **I** feel all the time.' She snapped at him.

_Touché._ He thought. He stood there unable to react instantly. When he opened his mouth to speak they got interrupted.

'Mam, I'd like to look at that.' A woman doctor said as she took the ice pack from Gillian.

'If you'd please come with me.'

Cal watched how the woman doctor put a blanket around Gillian and leaded her towards one of Gillian's kitchen chairs.

'She was safe all the time. We were right outside, if she called my name we would barge in. You know that, you were there.' Reynolds said behind him in a dark voice.

_O, yes it had been hell keeping Cal outside Gillian's house. They had needed three men for that job. Getting him away from that door before he would ring the bell was already an unwanted distraction. But keeping him here when he could hear over the microphone everything Cecile and Gillian were talking about, that had been hell._

_Cal had changed into a raging bull wanting to protect Gillian at any cost, even if it meant giving up on Gillian's wishes. Gillian had specifically told Ben to barge into her house when she would call his name, not sooner, not later. So that's why had trusted on that when Cecile had put a gun in her face. O yes, he had been frightened, very much. But he had gotten to know her this last year. _

'Safe? Have you seen the blood on her face?' Cal snapped at Reynolds.

'She didn't call for help yet, it was her own choice.' Reynolds answered in his dark low voice. _He didn't like Gillian hurt or wounded either. But she had made her own choice._

'Own choice!' Cal snapped disgruntled as he pointed at the trembling form in the kitchen.

'She needed closure. I think that she needed this Lightman.' Reynolds said as he grabbed Cal's arm.

Cal pulled away.

Gillian stared at the table in front of her as the woman doctor studied the wound on her face. The adrenaline had left her body now and she felt so tired that she was glad that she was sitting in a chair. She didn't think she could hold herself upright. Her hands shook slightly. She looked up at Cal who had been shouting at Ben and was now eyeing him angrily. She sighed wearily as she pushed the upcoming tears in her eyes away. She really didn't need this right now. She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone. Everything, it had been too much. First Cal leaving her like that in the hotel room, then his disappearance she had to worry for his life again, as usual. Then her mother and him marching in her office casually as if nothing had happened. Yes, she was angry with him, very angry. What she needed now was a warm bath and nothing else then a sleep after that. Her body needed rest. She couldn't think clearly anymore.

'Is she okay?' Cal asked as the woman doctor wanted to pass him. He grabbed her arm to stop her.

'Yes sir she is. Just some bruises in her face and her lip burst on her teeth, I just stitched that up.'

He sighed. _As if Gillian hadn't seen enough stitches yet_. He nodded as he let the woman go. He directed his attention at Gillian. She looked so lost with her hands trembling around a mug, and that blanket around her. He made his way over to her quickly and sighed deep. He scratched his forehead as he sat down next to her.

'Ya know. I freaked when I saw your video's of these last days.' He looked in the distance. 'I thought you had lost your mind.' He looked at her. 'But now I see you've been planning this all along.' He looked at her.

She shook her head tiredly. 'I knew that she was lying and withholding something. I thought she might know something about your whereabouts. I didn't expect her to be the brain behind the whole operation.'

'Yeah, sorry about that.' He said in a muffled tone as he focused on her fingers.

'Cal…' Gillian said as she stared at the mug in front of her. 'I'm too tired to argue right now.' She said in a soft and weak tone.

His eyes studied her quickly. 'Yeah I know. I trust you to keep that for a later day yeah?'

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes, they were watery and he sighed. _He hated seeing her like that_. His finger touched the soft skin around the bruise.

He suddenly pulled his hand away as if he had burned himself. 'I'm sorry.'

She had surprise in her eyes shortly and that got replaced by tiredness. 'I really need to be alone right now.'

Cal nodded. He stood up. 'Are you sure? Cuz if you need help…' His eyes studied her face quickly. 'You know, with anything, doesn't matter what…. I'm here for you.' He offered.

She smiled slightly at his sweet offer. She bit her lip to keep her tears at bay. She nodded mechanically. 'I'm sure.' She uttered as she looked up at him and then quickly looked in her tea again. She couldn't have him next to her with everything that had happened. Not now.

Cal put his hands in his pockets and looked away. He stepped a few paces away from her and then back. 'I know I messed up. I'm a dumb ass really.'

He tilted his head and looked at her. He shook his head. 'Really stupidly dumb.' He told her. He looked away from her and put his hands deeper in his pockets as he stared at her wall.

'I came to tell you that really. Well and..' He said as he gestured towards her vaguely. 'Came to ask what the bloody hell you'd been doing these last days having a woman lie right in your face.' He scratched his head. 'Guess that that's cleared up now.'

She looked up at him, too tired to say anything. Her eyes were watery now. 'You're too late Cal.' She spoke in a weak, powerless sounding voice.

Those words felt like a bomb go off in his chest. His throat got dry instantly. 'Too late?' He asked confused.

Gillian nodded slowly as she looked up at him again. 'You said that you're here for me, if I need help.'

He pointed at the door with his hand. 'I was right here, I wanted to come in but-'

'-No.' Gillian said as she shook her head sadly. 'That's not what I mean.' She looked up at him again. 'I needed help earlier, I needed you earlier, you just left. Again.' She gave him a teary eyed look. She swallowed as she licked her lip. 'That's how it'll always stay Cal. You'll be there for me and help me sometimes. But not when it really comes down to it. Then you'll run away. Then you'll only listen to yourself.' She shook her head. 'Not when it really matters Cal. Then you're just all alone.' She closed her eyes again as if to shut everything out. To shut him out.

Cal just stood there with his mouth open. Not able to say anything. Feeling hurt from the inside. And partly, agreeing with her words. _That was true, when he was angry he did whatever he wanted to do, didn't take notice of her._

Gillian put her hand flat on the table and got up slowly. 'But that's okay Cal.' She said softly in a sad and tired voice. 'That's who you are.' _She shouldn't try to change him anymore. She wouldn't. _'Good night.' She mumbled as she made her way over to the stairs to go and sleep. _Cal Lightman would never change. He'd keep doing the things that she had trouble with. _She had to face that. However much that hurt her.

Gillian looked down at her mug as she climbed the stairs as a warm tear made a trail over her cheek.

oooo

I know, kind of a depressing ending to this chapter, but it's not the end yet...

What did you think? Please let me know?

xxx


	44. Chapter 44

Hi everyone, thanks so much for letting me know what you thought! I'm trying to sent you back a message but I'm not ready with that yet. This is the one last chapter... I promise

haha Hope you like!

**Next morning**

Gillian opened her eyes slowly. She needed to get adjusted to the morning light in her room. She took in her room slowly as her eyes flashed back at the chair next to her bed. Cal was sitting in it, staring at her. He seemed to be wide awake.

'Cal?' Gillian asked shocked as she blinked some more to be sure she wasn't hallucinating.

She propped herself up on her elbows to look at him more clearly.

'Morning luv.' He said.

'What are you doing here?' She asked surprised.

Cal shrugged as he let himself drop back in the chair casually. 'I got a problem. And I would usually drink until the bottle was empty but then I would be in no good mood the next day and I tried not to go to the casino or put myself in any danger and you know the funny thing..' He said as he bended forward and rested his underarms on his knees as he looked at her. 'The only other option for me was to come here. So..' He shrugged again as if that was a normal explanation as he leaned his back against the chair casually again.

'You're in my bedroom..' Gillian said baffled.

Cal looked around the room as if it was the first time he saw it, then looked back at her with big eyes and shrugged. 'I tried to couch downstairs but that wasn't so comfy as this chair.' _Not to mention the view he had had all night long._

Gillian looked down her chest to make sure that she was properly dressed. 'How long have you been here?' She asked as she looked back at him with a pair of wide blue sleepy eyes.

'Let's say about…' Cal looked at his watch. 'Dunno. Pretty long time though.' He leaned back again. 'Oy.' He said as he leaned forward. 'You do know that you snore sometimes yeah? Anyone ever tell you that? Cuz that's a surprise to me really.' He shrugged casually. 'But it's a soft snore though.' Cal said as he made a small gesture with his fingers to reassure her. 'Very female-like.'

Gillian pulled her blanket further towards her chest and looked at him with a horrified look in her eyes.

'The blue's a pretty good look on you you know.' Cal said as he pointed at the blue spot on her jaw.

'Cal..' Gillian began. _She didn't know what to think of this. She wasn't fully awake yet. She couldn't think yet..._

'Matches you're eyes an' all.'

Gillian put the blanket around her and made her way over to the other side of the bed to stand up.

'You can't just sit in my bedroom and watch me sleep and-'

'-Why not?' Cal asked as he stood up.

_To her own surprise she wanted to say-_

'That's over the line yeah?' He filled in for her with a smirk as he read her like an open book.

Her mouth fell open at that.

'Cuz we didn't go over the line before.' Cal said in a mild sarcastic tone as he gestured between them.

Gillian still sat baffled with her mouth open. _Baffled because she had thought about 'the line' after everything that had happened, maybe it was some sort of protective mechanism she had began to use, and baffled because he read it off her before she herself could fathom what she was thinking really._

'We were having sex, I broke it off.' Cal told her. 'No, let me rephrase that...' He put a finger up in the air. 'We were going to make love and I was such a stupid ass to break it off.'

She looked away and her neck began to colour red.

'I chickened out I did.' He said as he stood up and put his hands deep in his jeans pockets.

Gillian pulled the blanket even closer and he noticed how her cheeks began to redden even further now if that was even possible.

'I had my reasons.' Cal said as he walked around the bed towards the other side. 'Reasons you're probably well aware of already with you being the shrink here and all. And a good one too. I think you know more then you pretend too.' He tilted his head to one side as he stopped in front of the side of the bed. 'I even think I underestimate you from time to time.'

She suddenly looked at him with a powerful glance in her blue eyes. 'Yes you do.'

He almost took a step back but he forced himself to keep standing. Cal stared at his feet.

'It always comes down to the same thing yeah?' He said as he sat on the bed and looked at her

'I need my space Cal.' Gillian said as she looked at him.

Cal looked down at the small space between them. He sighed softly and felt sad.

'If that's what you want.' He said as he took a small step back without looking at her.

Cal looked up at her with so much sorrow in his eyes that it touched her heart deeply. 'I really messed up this time didn't I?'

She looked at him and then closed her eyes as she sighed deep. _Yes you did._

He could read it in her eyes immediately.

'You hurt me deeply.' Gillian said softly.

Cal nodded as he took a big step back.

'Can't you see what you are doing all the time?' Gillian asked as she shook her head. _Maybe she couldn't think he would or could ever change that._

'Yeah, I can see that now.' Cal answered. _He had thought about it all night long, if not longer. Sometimes he didn't understand himself, or maybe all the time he didn't understand himself. How could he understand her if he couldn't understand his own feelings and actins? She was the expert on that terrain. _

Cal stared at her fluffy slippers that were lying partly under the bed. 'It's confusing. I'm afraid to hurt you and I do it anyway.' He looked up at her. 'Got some theory about that one in your shrink books?' Cal asked as he looked at her with a miserable look.

Gillian shook her head again in defeat and then smirked. 'Yes I do.' She looked at the ground. _She should cut him __**some**__ slack. _

'Is there a cure for it?'

She heard him ask in a vulnerable tone. 'Yes. You just have to face your fears.' Gillian said as she looked up at him and began to let go of her blanket. She stood up and looked on her nightstand for her watch.

'Just?' Cal asked as she heard him step closer. 'So I just have to face that I hurt you while I don't want that?'

She nodded slightly as she faced him. _That didn't sound very right…_

'Do you still want me?' Cal asked as he was standing in her space and tried to read her. He felt utterly vulnerable right now. _As if she could break him into little pieces with one look, one micro expression, that one word, that one answer.._

She looked away intentionally.

'-Cal..' She began as she tried to pass him but he grabbed her wrist.

'You do.' He said surprised as he read her.

Her breathing hitched. 'You want me.' He repeated as if he didn't believe it. 'You still do.' He whispered, more to himself. Hope filled his heart.

'I want…' She began. 'A shower now.' She deflected.

'Sure.' Cal said as he didn't free her wrist from his grip. 'You'll have a very nice shower, I'll even move out of your way if you'll just tell me what to do.'

Gillian looked at him. 'The moving away so I could have my shower sounds like a really good plan.' She stated in a hard tone.

He let go of her wrist as he raised an eyebrow at her. 'And after you had your shower?' He inquired.

She sighed. 'Cal, a lot has happened yesterday. I need to think, I need space.' She sighed.

He looked at her and nodded. Fear gripped his heart as he took a few steps back. Maybe she'd think about it being better that he wasn't around for her anymore.

Gillian sighed. 'I still care about you very much, but I don't know..' She inhaled a shaky breath. 'If we are meant to be together. If we only hurt each other..' She said as she gave him a wearily look.

Cal closed his mouth, he hadn't even noticed that it had slipped open and then nodded. He put his hands back in his pockets again. He nodded again. 'You just let me know yeah, when you're ready to talk or anything 'bout that. Yeah?'

'Yes.' Gillian said in a warm tone as she nodded softly at him.

He turned around and left her room. He made his way down the stairs as thoughts of flooded through his brain. Telling him how he could ever have thought that he was good enough for her. This was for the best. He swallowed. He wished that she didn't have to go trough last night. She'd been hurt again.

'Cal.' Her voice came from the top of the stairs. He had just reached the ground as he turned around to look at her.

'Don't do that.'

He opened his mouth to ask what she meant, but it wasn't necessary. He swallowed because he realised how well she knew him. How she could look right through him, how she had always been there, even now, even now that she needed space herself, even when he had hurt her. She was always there for him.

He looked away shortly as he tried to control all the feelings and thoughts that shot through him.

'What?' He asked after a short pause.

She leaned herself on one leg tiredly.

'Stop the thing you are going to do in your head. This wasn't your fault.'

He swallowed again, his throat was so dry.

'You aren't responsible for me. I'm a grown woman Cal.'

_Yeah, he knew about that. He was very aware of how much woman she was._

'Yeah you're right about that one.' He said as he nodded. 'Good day luv.' He turned around and made his way towards the door.

'That's what made you run in the first place right, you said so moments ago.' He stopped in his tracks as he heard her take one step down the stairs.

'Will you always run?' He couldn't move. It was like he had frozen to the ground.

'I have to know Cal. Will it always be like this or will you…' Her breathing hitched, he could here the emotions in her voice.

'Will you try to…' _Could she ask him this? _'Change that part?' She swallowed. _Could she ask him to change? For her? For anyone? _'Or maybe… If you'd talk to me about it I-'

Cal turned around in one swift move and faced her. 'I did remember correctly that you said something about discussing this another time.' He deflected.

'Yes.' She nodded. 'I said tomorrow, but now we're at it anyway.' She studied his face.

'I'm tired too you know. Reynolds dragged me away from your door, he's a strong man he is.' He deflected again.

Cal sighed wearily as he turned around and walked towards the door. Her heart filled with regret, sorrow and fear and an immense loneliness but to her surprise he flopped himself down on the ground and leaned his back to the door as he looked up at her again. She swallowed as she sat herself down too on the stairs. She straightened her nightdress.

She didn't say anything. They were both silent. It was a heavy silence and he knew that she was waiting for him to say something.

'She was right you know.' Cal softly said.

'Who?' Gillian asked as she turned on her side to face him.

'Cecile, Joyce, whatever. About the part of me drinking myself to death.' He looked at her. 'If anything would ever happen to Em or to you I'd…' He shook his head as he looked away from her. 'Something would snap, I'd lose it. I'd go crazy.'

She sighed softly as her eyes played over his features. Taking in everything she saw on his face.

She stood up. 'Cal, if you want this to work.' She pointed between them. 'If you want anything to work between us. You have to give the idea that you don't deserve me up.' She straightened herself.

He just looked at her.

She began to come down the stairs. He kept sitting. She sighed as she reached the floor and sat herself down opposite him. 'What do you think about that?' She asked carefully.

He looked up at her wearily. 'It's the psychologist talking now yeah?' He asked.

She was afraid he would pick a fight, or deflect again so she looked away. To brace herself for what was to come now.

'I think you're right.' He said.

She looked up at him in surprise.

'Don't look so surprised. It's not like I never think you're right about something yeah?'

She smirked carefully.

'So if I work on that, with a little help from you maybe, are we good again then, just a bit yeah?' He asked as he pointed from her to him.

She nodded slightly.

He jumped up and dusted off his trousers. 'Well that just peachy then. I'm happy I am.' He smiled brightly at her, it made her laugh. 'See you in the office then yeah?' His eyes raked up her entire body. He pointed at her with his hand. 'Cuz you still need space and all yeah? I'd understood that correctly?'

She felt an intense desire course up her body. She had to look away when he looked at her again, took her all in.

'Cuz I can think of a few things we could-' He stopped mid sentence as he gave her a cheeky boyish grin. 'But you've got your space. How ever much space you want. It's all yours. Yeah?' He said.

She laughed. He really loved the sound of her laughs.

'Okay. Okay, I'm leaving then.' He swallowed, leaving was really hard, he wanted to kiss her so hard, hold her so firmly but he would respect her space. He'd try to anyway…

'Yes.' She said breathlessly.

He playfully raised an eyebrow at that because he could pick out the arousal and desire she tried to push away immediately. Her cheeks coloured a deep red instantly.

'Okay then, see you in about an hour yeah? Bye luv.'

She needed a very cold shower now...

000

Well I hope that was less depressing then last chapter! What did you think? Next chapter will REALLY be the last one!

xxxx


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